Chapter Seven
All For the Sake of the PrankDisclaimer: Same old, same old. We not own. Except for Bria. She is ours. And Rose. And Justin. Hannah: Oh blast! Get on with it! Me: Fine! Be that way! I see how it is! Okay, not ours, J.K. Rowling's.
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I truly wish that Lily and James would stop being so sodding stubborn! Bria thought while glaring at her toast. It would make my life so much easier! And I could spend more time with Lils! Yay! I should go flirt with Snivellus! That amuses me so! And it makes Sirius purple! That is always a plus. Purple is a good color on Sirius. So is blue. I can do that to him too! I should do that right now!
"My boobs have grown so much this month! Have you noticed Sirius?" Bria asked, pushing her boobs up with her hands.
Sirius started to choke on his toast, turning slightly blue. "Have I done what to you?" he asked, turning bluer by the second.
"Bria," Remus said looking up from his breakfast. "Please refrain from fondling yourself at the breakfast table."
"Sirius, mate, it's okay. Her boobs have grown that much." Peter put in helpfully.
"And how, dare I ask, do you know this, Wormy?" James inquired. Actually, it might be safe to say that he was actually interested in the answer.
"Um…I dunno?"
"Blue really is such a nice color on you!" Bria said with a smile.
"Air!" Sirius gasped.
"Oh no!" Rose exclaimed, trying to squish her arse into the space between Bria and Sirius. "What did you do to him? Is he dying? Does he need mouth to mouth? I know mouth to mouth! I could perform it on him."
"I know mouth to mouth too!" Bria said unhelpfully. "I could perform it on him too!"
"Oh no! He's turning even bluer! What are we to do? Will he die?" Rose asked anxiously.
"No." Remus said, not bothering to look up. "He'll be fine as soon as Bria lets go of her boobs."
Bria did so, and like magic Sirius returned to his normal color.
"Ah well, the little joys in life are often the most fulfilling." Bria said profoundly
"We are going to be late to our classes." Remus said.
"We will bare that in mind." James said, looking for more pancakes.
"I think we should go to our classes." Lily said.
"Okay." James said, ceasing his search for pancakes instantaneously.
"He is so pathetic." Sirius mumbled. "Cheese, remind me never to fall in love."
"Yes, well." Bria said, stealing the last pancake. "Ha! I got it!"
They all walked out into the hall, only to be greeted by two separate fan clubs.
"James! We should go out!" Jennifer said, flinging herself upon him.
"Sirius! We should go out!" Rose said, seizing the chance to fling herself on Sirius.
"Um… No" Bria said trying to pull her off of Sirius, but to no avail, because Rose was still attached to her would be lover.
"Ah, ah! Cheese! You're supposed to get her off of me! Not drag us both down the corridors!" Sirius said, as he was dragged along by Rose and Bria.
"Er…Bria?" Snape asked, coming out of nowhere. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure." Bria said without letting go of Rose.
"Um…without your entourage?"
"I dunno? Will you let go of Padbutt now?" She asked Rose, tightening her hold on the blonde's hair.
"No."
"Oh well, I tried."
As Sirius watched Bria walk off with Snape, Rose decided to grab his bum, causing him to shriek very loudly. And like a girl.
"That was very lady like of you, Sirius." James informed him.
"Yes. Why is Cheese walking off with that slimy git?" He asked glaring in Bria's direction, while simultaneously removing Rose's hand from his bum.
"I dunno?" James said helpfully. "Maybe she thinks him sexy."
"EW!" Emma said coming up behind them.
"Thank you, for the appropriate response." Sirius said, removing Rose's hand from his bum a second time.
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"Um…Bria?" Snape asked, sweating profusely.
Ugh! Why is he such a slimy? He makes me want to puke. Or throw up. I dunno which one.
"Yes?"
"Er…youwangoutwitme?" He asked, all in a rush, and nearly making Bria wince with the confusingosity.
"Er…huh?"
"You wan go ut wit me?" He asked more slowly, but not the least bit more articulately.
"Um…Sure?" Bria asked, still not sure what he wanted.
"You will?" Snape asked, getting all excited.
"Meh. Why not?" Bria answered with a shrug.
Just then Sirius rounded the corner.
"Well, Black, your groupie has agreed to go out with me." Snape sneered.
"Listen bastard, you can have Rose, I really don't want her."
"No! Your other groupie."
"Mariah?"
"No."
"Hannah?"
"No."
"Kelsey?"
"No."
"Chloe?"
"No."
"Shannon?"
"No."
"Camille?"
"No."
"Clair?"
"No."
"Emmylu?"
"No."
"Maggie?"
"No."
"Sarah?"
"It's—"
No, no. Don't tell me. I can get it!"
"Emily?"
"No."
"Bethany?"
"No."
"Well, I'm out of groupies. Who the hell is it?" Sirius demanded, poking Bria absentmindedly.
"'Tis none other than your precious Bria!" Snape said triumphantly. He put a protective arm around Bria's waist.
"Cheese!" Sirius exclaimed, the hurt showing plainly in his eyes. "How could you?"
"Um…I dunno?" Bria said. She was far too preoccupied trying to escape Snape's death grip.
"I was going to give you joint custody of the cheesepuff."
"It's too late for you Black. She already chose me."
"Oh no!" Rose put in, grabbing Sirius' bum for the third time that morning. "Let's make them jealous by making out, shall we?"
"Snivellus Snape! I challenge you to a duel!"
"I decline!" Snape attempted to drag Bria away but to no avail. "Come, Bria. Let us leave Mr. Black to his tart."
"Snivellus, I don't think I could ever go out with someone who would avoid a duel. In fact, I would rather think them a coward."
The word rang sharply in Snape's ears. "Fine." He spat, "Continue to piss around with this wanker if that's what you choose." Shaking with rage and embarrassment he leaned close to Bria's face, "But don't call me a coward!" He hissed. With that he spun around and stalked off toward the dungeons.
The first to speak was Rose. Sirius had nearly forgotten that she was there, but a small hand on his bum reminded him of her presence. "You know what I like?" she drawled, "a man who isn't afraid of dueling. Let's make out, Siri, what do you say?" She fluttered her eyelashes.
Sirius ignored her and put a hand on Bria's shoulder. "Never scare me like that again."
"What?"
"How could you even pretend to agree to a date with Tall, Dark, and Greasy?"
"All for the sake of the prank, Sirius, all for the prank."
Sirius laughed, part of him was still horrified at the thought of Bria with the snarky tosser. But, as she had said, all for the sake of the prank…right?
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"James, this is the most absurd idea you've ever had." Remus said.
"No! Really. It will work. I swear."
"I dunno." Peter piped up. "Aren't those things supposed to be really big and scary?"
"No. I heard they were cute and cuddly. Like a rat! Or maybe it's that they eat rats?"
"They do?"
"No Peter." Remus reassured the smallest Marauder. "They don't eat rats."
"I mean" Sirius complained, keeping up his own conversation. "Why would she even fake it? He is so slimy!"
"No." James agreed. "They only eat humans! Small humans with blonde hair and blue eyes!"
"Oh brilliant!" Sirius said, giving all a brief interlude from his constant complaints of Bria's dating Snape. "Let's feed them Rose!"
James and Peter chuckled, while Remus stood up and walked to his trunk.
"What're you up to Moony?" James craned his neck to see with the werewolf was doing.
"I'm looking for a book," Remus muttered, "Ah – here." He returned to the others and placed a dusty tome between them all. He flipped through the pages before stopping. "Acromantula, yes, their webs are on the ground. Hum… but it says here that they prefer large prey and that they're known wizard killers." He carefully closed the book, "James, if you would like to go into the dark forest and take on a colony of gigantic spiders then be my guest. But frankly, I'm not very enthralled by the idea."
"He is such a wanker!" Sirius said, with no regard for the conversation, taking place around him.
"Sirius!" Peter said, obviously appalled. "That is not a very nice thing to say about Moony!"
"Not Rem!" Sirius said, exasperatedly. "Snivellus! Have none of you been listening to me for the past day? He asked Cheese out! MY cheese! Nobody is allowed to ask my Cheese out. But this counts doubly for Snivellus!"
"Actually, out of the four of us, I think Rem is the least like a wanker." James said pleasantly.
"Thank you James." Remus said.
"Nobody is allowed to ask her out! She must forever be single!" Sirius cried passionately leaping to his feet.
"Sirius?" Remus inquired quizzically. "Why are you so hung up on Bria? She's not your sister, she's not your girlfriend, and she is not related to any of us. So what has got your knickers in a bunch?"
After a moment in which everyone waited to hear his answer, Sirius exploded.
"BRIA IS NOT FAIR!"
"Yes she is!" Justin said, having been drawn to the dorm by all the commotion. "She is the fairest in the land!"
"No. Lily is."
"Alice." Frank voiced.
"I think I'm going to have to agree with Justin on this one James." Said Peter.
"Traitor."
Just then Bria's head came around the corner.
"Bria!" James exclaimed, as the rest of Bria followed her head. "You're not supposed to be in here. Peter hasn't got a shirt on!"
"I haven't? Ah!"
"Bria. Why are you in here?" Remus asked, rubbing his temples.
"Because, I you guys screaming, I decided to investigate."
"But this is the boys dorm." He pointed out.
"Yeah." Sirius added. "Read the sign."
Remus patted Sirius' shoulder. "There is no sign."
"Well, there should be."
"What are you doing in here, Bria?" Remus asked, putting aside Sirius' childish demand.
"I was punted out of the common room by Samantha. She just punted me up the wrong staircase. Won't that shock her when she finds out? 'The BOYS' dormitories? Shock! Horror!'"
"Breathe, Justin!" Remus commanded, noticing the hyperventilating boy in the corner.
"It's okay." Sirius said. He walked over to the slightly blue Justin. "She is in here ALL the time!"
"Not—While—I'm—in—here!" Justin gasped.
"Who?" Bria asked, plopping down on Sirius' bed.
"MY BED!"
"Whoa!" James said. "They are the same! They both hate people on their beds! How that's going to work out later in life, I haven't the slightest clue."
"Floor?" Peter asked.
"That would be uncomfortable." Remus said absentmindedly.
Before anyone could respond to this a voice, er, floated up the stairs.
"Shock! Horror! I threw Bria up the BOYS staircase!"
"Hey!" Bria said happily. "I was right! Ten points for me!"
"No," Sirius disagreed, "That wasn't the exact phrase you guessed"
"But it was close enough to count!"
"No. It does not count." Sirius said, trying once again to push Bria off the edge of his bed. "This is my side of the Gryffindor tower, I get to decide who gets points."
"Oh, just give her the ten points, Padfoot." James said with a sigh.
"Have you no pride, James? Ha! Take that!" Sirius said, as he finally managed to shove Bria off his bed.
Suddenly, they were distracted by a hollow 'thwump' as Justin's body hit the floor.
"What's happened to him?" Bria asked, after a long pause.
"He's fainted." Remus stated, matter-of-factly.
"Yes, thank you Remus. I can see that. Why has he fainted, though?"
"Because there's a girl in the dorm." Sirius said.
"Really? Where are you hiding her?" Bria looked around the small space.
"Um, Bria, you're the girl." Sirius patted her on the shoulder sympathetically.
"Really? But I'm in here all the time!"
"That's what I said. But he fainted anyway."
"That wasn't very intelligent of him."
"Bria, he's still not breathing. Maybe it would be best if you left." Remus said, checking to see if Justin was still alive.
"Fine. Be that way. I see how it is." She stormed out of their dorm.
"Oh, good. He's breathing again." Remus said, standing up. "Imagine trying to explain to McGonagall what had happened."
"That's kind of strange, how he woke up as soon as she left." Peter said, still not understanding what had happened.
"Pete, you're hopeless." James said, plunking himself down—Much to Sirius's distress—right on Sirius's bed. "Anyway, getting back on track, are we going after the spiders, for the best prank in Hogwarts history?"
"I think we are." Sirius rubbed his hands together gleefully.
"Tomorrow night then?" James asked.
"Yes. Tomorrow night." Sirius agreed.
"I was afraid of this." Remus mumbled.
A/N. We're so sorry it has been so long since we last posted. It's really all Hannah's fault for going to school though. So if you wish to get angry, be angry with her, and not me. Hannah: Nuh ah! It is so not my fault! At least, not entirely. We're coauthors. Mobs can't come after just one of us. Mariah: No, but Maggie can! So she should just come after you. I am sure you see my point.
Hannah: Ah, but she sees you more.
Mariah: Precisely why I'm telling her to come after. Anyway, we will try and post again soon. I promise.