A/N: Here it is, chapter 4. I just finished it, even though I am dragging from Family Values Tour yesterday. 9 hours of being in the heat hehe. I never felt more grimy in my life. Anyway, I am working on chapter 5 right now, so expect it soon. By the way, Eclipse was AMAZING in my opinion.
Disclaimer: If I did actually own the Twilight series, I would be in Hawaii right now from the profits of the amazing books. But where am I? My boring room. SOn't own. yada yada ya.
After my rather eventful day, I was barely active. I went through the motions of what I normally did. I finished all of my homework, I played with Cynthia when she asked, I vaguely described my day to my parents, and I threw in a smile and giggle here or there. My mind was somewhere else entirely.
I was constantly reflecting on my visions that I had today. I was trying my hardest to comprehend them. Both were very…morbid in a sense. I know that I was the star in both visions. They were not as comforting as the ones with Jasper, the angel of my visions I have become infatuated with. Those visions were filled with hope, love, and comfort, even if they were of him angry or upset. I felt like when I had those visions, I was giving part of myself to him, as I have a part of him as well.
These visions caused me to scream in agony. They were pain, suffering, and unhappiness. They showed that I was alone and that I was in darkness.
It was pathetic how those episodes caused my once present smile to be vacant from my face for days at a time.
After my nightly routine was complete, I settled into my comfortable bed. I pulled the covers up to around my neck and my arm was slung around my Jasper bear. After a few soothing breaths, I let the darkness wash over me and drifted into my dream land.
There we were. It was me and Jasper, finally united. We were in the wilderness somewhere. The night time sky gleamed with stars, almost more lovely than Jasper's bare skin when exposed to sunlight that I have seen in a previous vision. His eyes lost their startling shade of burgundy and were now a brilliant topaz. His eyes put the finest jewelry made to shame.
He walked over to where I was, sitting on a log in front of the light of a fire. He rested a marble hand on my shoulder. It was supposed to be hard, but for some reason it felt normal to me. I turned my head, breathing in the glorious scent of Jasper's skin. I pressed my lips lightly to his hand and he dropped down beside me.
Our eyes locked and I felt like I was looking into him, knowing his deepest secrets, his personal struggled, and his love. With him I was complete, whole. We did not speak at all, rather conversing with our eyes.
In the topaz irises, I saw myself. I was pale, light purple circles formed under my dazzling gold eyes. My hair was short and untamable. It was sticking out in every which way. Jasper's hair was longer than mine was.
He entangled his fingers in my cropped, black hair and pulled me closer to him so I can feel his icy breath on my face. Our lips crashed together with impeccable force. This was what I was waiting for my entire life.
Jasper placed on hand on the small of my back and his other large hand cupped my face. Our love was unexplainable. Our love was mystical. Our love kept me bright through this time of darkness, even though we have not met so far.
We broke apart and instantaneously a wave of calm rushed over my body. I sighed to myself.
"Jasper," I said, no louder than a whisper.
Out of the forest, a pair of red eyes loomed over Jasper and I, a figure emerging, with the movements of a feral cat. Jasper jumped and let out a grizzly snarl, as I back away from the figure. The figure lunged towards me but I moved out of the way with impeccable speed. However, that did not stop my screaming.
"Jasper," I screamed, "Jasper, help! I can not do this by myself" I emitted a deep growl, a trait that I did not think I was capable of possessing.
"Mary, Mary! Wake up," a voice screamed. I was being shaken vigorously by the large arms of my father. I continued to snarl, not realizing that they could hear.
My eyes popped open and I screamed some more.
"Jasper!" I screamed, letting out a throaty roar.
"Mary, calm yourself down!" my mother shouted, her voice shaken.
I collapsed onto the floor and started to breathe heavily.
"What were you dreaming about?" My father asked, looking me square in the eye. I clenched my jaw and breathed in. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what exactly I had been dreaming about. Nothing came to mind. As far as I was concerned, I was incapable of having dreams due to my trouble of recalling those moments after I wake.
"I can't recall what I was dreaming," I said out loud, to no one in particular.
"Surely, you do. Just think harder." My mother urged. My bottom lip began to tremble.
"I can never remember. What do you think is different this time," I shouted, losing my temper. It was rare for me to be enraged and raise my voice to my parents. I fell back onto my bed, curling myself into a ball as my parents left my room. I could still hear their voices murmuring outside.
"We should take her to a hospital," my mother suggested.
"What can they do for her there?" my father retorted.
"We can not leave her to suffer like this. What if she is ill?"
"She does not look ill to me."
"You know what ill I was speaking of."
I could not listen in on their conversation any longer. I buried my tear stained face into my pillow, breathing in the scent of detergent. I screamed, the pillow muffling the sound I made so my parents could barely hear it.
Everything made no sense anymore. I was a perfectly healthy girl at one time.
My parents re entered my room. I was less then thrilled at what they might have to say to me.
I sat up and tugged at my nightdress. My stomach did a flip inside me. I pushed myself up against the backboard of my bed, leaning against my overstuffed pillow. My mother reached over to me to tuck my hair behind my ear, but I jerked my head away, I hugged my legs to me chest and rested my chin on my knees.
"Mary, your behavior is beginning to scare us," my father said flatly. My large, blue eyes gazed up at him. His forehead was creased in worry.
"I apologize. I do not know what as come over me," I near whispered.
My mother wrapped her satin robe around herself tighter. Her lips were pursed and her expression was as if she just ate something sour.
I heard the creak of a door open down the hall. My mother placed her hand to her forehead and paced back and forth.
Cynthia shuffle into my room, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She took a place next to my mother.
"What's going on?" she asked, letting a large yawn escape.
"Nothing," my mother, father, and I replied in unison. She looked frightened – poor girl.
My mother leaded Cynthia back into her room. She did not return for a few minutes. Cynthia was obviously bothering my mother to tell her what was going on.
My father did not say a word when he was alone in here with me. The silence was occasionally broken by a cough or my heavy breathing from my recent outburst. As I waited for my mother, I began to notice every miniscule detail. I could hear the crickets chirp somewhere in the room, creating their own special melody. I noticed the intensity of the stars and the way that the moon shone through the window. The lightly falling rain was soothing. I wanted to imprint these simple things into my memory. If I was indeed becoming mentally ill, I would want something pleasant to remember.
When my mother came back into the room, she let out an exasperate sigh. She took her place next to my father and he wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder.
I bit my lower lip out of nervousness. I waited patiently to the rhythm of the ticking second hand of the clock while my parents thought of the right words to say to me. The words that would make everything seem acceptable. Deep down, I knew that no amount of words could describe it.
"Mary, we will find a way to help you," my mother said, the strain in her voice indicating that she was attempting to hold back tears.
I needed to believe what my parents told me.
They left my room and flicked out my lights. I sat in the same position, legs curled up to my chest, listening to the pitter patter of the rain. I hummed a familiar lullaby. Sleep was impossible and I sat there near-lifeless, until the brilliant sun rose over the horizon and shone with promise of a new day into my bedroom.