Death Bologna
-Oh no! It can't be! It's… YET ANOTHER DISCLAIMER!-
I do not own Sonic. I don't own Sega. I don't own Sonic Team. I don't own Final Fantasy. I don't own any of the Sonic-related characters in this story except Twiggy. Period. That's it. Nothing funny about that. Nope. Nothing. That's all. Goodbye. Taters.
Episode VI-Save Our Square
As the group of furry heroes ran to defend Station Square, one thought kept running its path through Sonic's mind. He wondered why Robotnik had waited this long to unleash this new power upon the world. In days past, his first priority would be to squash Sonic where he stands using every bit of force he has. Not this time. This time he's waiting. Sonic continued contemplating, until Tails broke the silence in a very disturbing way.
"I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world, life in plastic, it's fantastic…"
"That's a new one."
"Does he ever shut up?"
"Not willingly. That's where I come in!" Shadow pulled out a roll of duct tape and proceeded to silence the orange menace.
"You can brush my hair, und…MMMNMMNMMNM!"
"Problem solved."
"Thanks. Now let's go!" The group rushed toward Station Square at full speed, only to find a city in pure chaos.
"Whoa!" They screeched to a halt upon entering the city limits. The vibrant city which they once knew was now a festering pile of robotic evil, like the democratic party! (Ba-zing! Just kidding. I wanted to throw at least one political joke in this thing.)
"My God… they're everywhere!"
"What are you talking about, Knuxie-Poo?"
"Starbucks! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! Oh, and evil robots. They're everywhere too. And stop calling me Knuxie-Poo, Rouge!"
"Oh, you know you like it, my little Knuxie-Wuxie-Buxie-Mux… MNMMNMNMNMN!"
"Thanks, Shadow." Shadow spun his duct tape on his finger.
"No problemo." The group rushed at break-neck speed to the city center, where a crumbling city hall stopped their movement.
"Tails! Get outta the way!" The building collapsed, turning into nothing but a pile of debris lined with shards of glass and metal. Tails jumped out of the way enough to prevent his instant, splatter-y death, but was now trapped under a giant marble statue of Fudgey the Crime-Fighting Whale.
"MNMNMMNNMMN" -RRRRIP- Sonic ripped the duct tape off of Tails' mouth. "Ow! Sonic! Help me! It's not incredibly comfortable under this thing!"
"Don't worry! I've heard that in times of great stress, a person can have superhuman strength!" Sonic rushed over to the statue, clutched Fudgey's fins, and lifted with every bit of might that he had in his body. The whale didn't budge an inch.
"SONIC! WHAT'S GOING ON!"
"Huh. I guess I'm not as stressed out about you dying as I thought I'd be."
"SONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!"
"Oh, all right." Sonic began revving up his trademark spin dash, which was aimed right at Fudgey's face. "Here… we… go!" Sonic dashed at full, glorious speed, making a beeline for Fudgey's oversized cranium. The whale exploded in a fury of marble, propelling the trapped Tails directly up. And he must have forgotten he can fly, because he came back straight down with a sickening………-SPLAT-.
"Ewww…"
"Well, that's done. Tails? Tails?"
"SONIC!" Amy whacked Sonic on the noggin.
"What? Ohhhhhh…" Sonic gazed at a pile of fur which he assumed was (or used to be) Tails. Shadow pulled out the duct tape.
"Can I help?"
"No, no. We just have to wait for the next one. Ahh! Here it comes now!"
"Hi guys!" Tails descended to the ground a couple of feet away, apparently not realizing that he was lowering himself into a group of maniacal rampaging robots, which quickly carried him away chanting 'furry furry die die'.
"And… there he goes. He'll be okay." The group of bots spotted Sonic and friends, and quickly gathered around them. Robots from every era of Eggman stood before them, from those purple centipedes that you have to hit on the head from Sonic the Hedgehog, to the large, annoying, indestructible security beetle from Rouge's levels in Sonic Adventure 2, plus that weird turret-chicken thingamabob that shoots eggs from Sonic 2. Amy tapped Sonic on the shoulder and whispered to him through clenched teeth.
"What do we do now?"
"Well, I guess we kick the everlasting crap out of them." Knuckles stepped forward. "Let me handle this." Knuckles (or Knuxie-Poo, if you prefer,) stepped towards the enclosing army of robots which was, oddly enough, led by a familiar yet unexpected face; Omachao.
"What do YOU want?"
"Omachao? Since when have you been evil? You used to be like… wait, what's that?" Thefuzzy heroeslooked over at the group of robots and noticed that two of them were carrying something. Upon closer inspection, they realized that they were carrying somebody tied to a stick. "Is that…"
"It can't be!"
"Hi, evwybody!"
"Twiggy! But how… when… who… how did you get here?"
"Well, I was at home cwoss-bweeding a pit bull and a llama when…"
"Never mind. Now, as I was saying, Omachao, you used to be nice. And give us hints and stuff. What's up with that?" Omachao moved towards Knuckles, and stomped on his foot.
"That's none of your business! Now leave, or I will be forced to hurt you a second time."
"Listen, shortcake. Just tell us where Eggman's base is and we'll be on our merry little way."
"Fat chance! The only person who knows the TRUE location of Dr. Robotnik's base is Sir Ffuz… someone who will remain nameless. Even if I DID know where it was, I wouldn't tell you corn dogs where it was!"
"Did he just call us corn dogs?"
"Yeah, I think he did."
"Now go away or I will unleash my fists of fury upon your sorry buttocks!"
"Yeah, right!" Knuckles ran towards Omachao and slammed his fist into the ground where the small chao-shaped one stood. "HYAAAA!" -SMASH-
"Um, you weren't, like, attempting to hit me, were you?" The dust from the impact settled, revealing a still alive Omachao, standing a few inches away from Knuckles' fist, which was buried 2 inches deep in the cement.
"Why you little… OOF!" Omachao walked calmly forward and under Knuckles, where he proceeded to give him a New Jersey Gut-Buster (a forceful punch to the stomach.) Knuckles clutched his stomach and staggered back to the group. Everyone else was stunned.
"Soooo… when do we kick the everlasting crap out of them?"
"Bite me, Sonic."
"I don't think you'd taste very good. Anyway, I have a plan." Everyone huddled together and Sonic began whispering. Omachao began tapping his foot impatiently. After a minute, Sonic stood up and faced Omachao. "I challenge you to a one-on-one duel." Omachao thought for a second.
"Okay. Bring it on. We fight now." Omachao quickly got into a Tae Kwon Do fighting stance, which looked quite funny considering that he was less than a third of Sonic's size. The robots and furries quickly backed up to form a ring around the two fighters.
"Do you really think you have a chance against me?" Omachao rolled his eyes… around in a rag to polish them, then popped them back in. (Didn't see THAT one coming, eh?) He then opened a panel on his stomach to reveal a big red button.
"Right now, not really." Omachao pushed the big red button. Everyone could hear a slow, mechanic whirring. Suddenly, Omachao's arms and legs extended. Then, armor popped out of his torso, covering his limbs and chest. His head became incased in a larger glass dome. Out of his back popped a jetpack, while his hands took the form of Megaman-esque blasters. In about 30 seconds, Omachao had gone from a tiny little Chao-shaped robot to what looked like a 12-foot-tall Transformer on steroids. Also, his voice had gone from light, happy, and munchkin-y to deep, scary, and just plain disturbing. "I think my chances are a bit better now."
"Wha… how… you…"
"What's the matter? You said I didn't have a chance against you! Hahahahaha!" Needless to say, pretty much everyone was on the verge of wetting themselves. Sonic quickly regained his composure and returned to fighting stance.
"Well, big Omachao or little Omachao, I can still whip you senseless!"
"Ha! Foolish being. The only way you could POSSIBLY beat me is if you press the A button to jump and then use your spin attack by rapidly pressing the B button." Everyone stared at Omachao. Omachao looked around, and began muttering to himself, "Stupid Sonic Adventure 2 producers forcing me to give those fuzz balls hints… piece of crap niceness rubbed off on me… A POX ON YOU, SONIC TEAM!"
"Ooooooooookay… you know, maybe you should take some of these happy pills…"
"SHUT UP AND FIGHT!"
"Okay, jeez… here I come!" Sonic jumped up (doing his trademark Kaiten Jump) and dashed towards Omachao. He kept spinning and gaining speed, aiming his body directly at Omachao's head. "Have a taste of this!" -DINK- Sonic whacked Omachao and fell to the ground. His powerful attack hadn't made a dent in Omachao's body. Sonic was, needless to say, stunned. "What the chunky monkey…"
"HAHAHA! YOU DIDN'T REALLY THINK THAT YOUR PATHETIC ATTACK WOULD HAVE ANY AFFECT ON ME, DID YOU? THIS BODY IS MADE OF PURE TITANIUM ALLOY, POWERED BY 7 DISARRAY EMERALDS!"
"What are disarray emeralds?"
"They're like chaos emeralds, only cheaper… and not as powerful… but they do come in 12 funky-fresh colors."
"Cool."
"Nice."
"Yes, they're sweet. NOW PREPARE TO DIE, FOR YOU CAN NEVER HOPE TO MATCH MY AWESOME POWER, AND…" As Omachao was ranting and raving, a dark figure began to creep up behind him. Sonic saw who it was and was somewhat surprised. It was… Cream.
(A.N. If you recall, Cream disappeared after Episode II, and hasn't been seen since. If you're wondering happened to her, well…)
-FLASHBACK-
Cream tightly turned the street corner doing 85 miles per hour in the car she'd stolen just a few minutes ago. A horde of police cars followed her closely. She rolled down the window and stuck out her hand (which was holding a handgun.) "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! HAHAHAHA!" -BLAM- -BLAM- She fired off two warning shots in the air. "HAHAH… uh-oh." She realized that she was heading directly into a brick wall. She opened the door of the car and jumped out, as the car smashed into the wall causing a large, fiery explosion. The police cars began swerving around to avoid the crash. In all the chaos, Cream ran away. "Another day, coppers... Another day..."
-END FLASHBACK-
(A.N. …it went something like that. And you thought you knew Cream… anyway, back to the story.)
Cream pulled out a screwdriver and proceeded to open a panel on the back of Omachao who, apparently, was too caught up in describing all the ways he could kill Sonic to really notice. (I believe he was up to 'death by sandwich press'.) The opened panel revealed dozens of wires and circuits. Cream began rewiring wire after wire and after about 15 second she screwed the panel back on and gave Sonic a thumbs up. And just like that, she disappeared. "Thanks a lot, Cream." Sonic whispered to himself.
"…then I could dip you in a deep-fat fryer… that'd be a good one… but anyway, PREPARE TO DIE!" Omachao pointed his blaster arms towards Sonic. "FIRE MISSILES!" -BEEP- Omachao's jet pack suddenly turned on. "Well that's not good." The jetpropelled the shocked bot into the stratosphere. He skyrocketed upwards in a flash of blue and orange, yelling out, "I knew I shouldn't have used Windoooooooooooooooooooooows!" -KABOOM- (for lack of better onomatopoeia). Omachao exploded into thousands of teeny-tiny bite-sized pieces while still ascending into space. Sonic knew that somewhere Cream was watching the explosion and sticking her tongue out at what was left of Omachao's body.
"Great job!" Sonic recognized that voice, and turned around to see Tails standing about a foot away from him.
"Where… did YOU come from?"
"I dunno." Tails smiled. Knuckles shook his head.
"They must have killed the other Tails. Too bad the new one isn't any smarter."
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing."
"No, you said something about another Tails! And killing! WHAT HAVEN'T YOU BEEN TELLING ME?"
"Hey Tails, there's some candy behind you."
"Where?" -CLONK- Sonic held Amy's hammer in his hands, and was now standing over an unconscious pile of fluff. Amy walked over and very politely whacked Sonic on the head and took her hammer back.
"Okay, that's settled. One robot down, a bunch more to go. What do we do now?"
"Don't worry, I've got another plan. Huddle!" The furry group huddled and Sonic began whispering as the evil robo group drew closer. The group stood back up and faced the bots. "Ready?"
"Yeah."
"I'm ready."
"Let's go."
"Tequila!"
"Good. Now countdown from three! Three…" The robots came closer. "Two…" the robots took a few more steps toward our fuzzy heroes. "One…" Sonic looked at his comrades and winked. "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" The group dashed away from the robots like cheetahs on caffeine. The robots looked at each other.
"Wow. Those guys were wusses."
"Yeah."
"So… wanna terrorize some cats?"
"Yeah, okay." The robots that could walk walked away. The others rolled, flew and jumped away. All that was left was the turret-chicken and the still unconscious pile of orange fluff. The turret-chicken was becoming irritable.
"You know, if I could move on my own I would SO be hurting you right now."
Riveting stuff. Coming soon in episode VII-Yet ANOTHER familiar face comes into play. Can Sonic get the truth out of this one? Or will they just wind up at another Mexican restaurant? Only one person knows. I wonder who it'll be this time… Episode VII-Logik Of The Ffuzzier Kind