Death Bologna

-It's not DAT claimer, it's DISCLAIMER!- (I should be shot for writing that.)

I do not own Sonic, Sonic Team, Sega, Disney, Final Fantasy,MC Hammer, or any kind of chunky peanut butter. I do own Twiggy's character, though, and that's something anyone could be proud of!

Episode VII-Logik Of The Ffuzzier Kind

"Move it!" Several robots moved in formation under the order of… Sir Ffuzzy Logik. (Dum dum duuuuuuuuum! By the way, that's not a typo. His name is spelled like that. Seriously, play Mean Bean Machine.) "Come on! This way!" Ffuzzy Logik led the robots to the front of a large office building. "Robots, destroy!" The robots (which were all Mech Hunters shuttled in from FFX) began blasting away at the building until it was nothing but a pile of debris. "Excellent. Next!" They moved to the next building and blasted in down to nothing like the last one. After a few more building, Ffuzzy got a call…

"Building destroyed, sir." (Yes, I know the Mechs don't talk in FFX. I guess they… got voice chips, or something. Stop asking questions!)

"Excellent! Now move…" Sir Ffuzzy Logik stopped moving. His head began vibrating and then started to spin around. Then, a ringing sound, not unlike that of a telephone, came out of his head. He then proceeded to have a conversation with himself. To be honest, at this point he looked like a lunatic.

"Um… sir? Are you okay?"

"Shut up! I'm taking a call. Will you accept a collect call from a Mr. 'I'm not giving my name to a machine!'? Yes. Hold, please………………moron! Yes, Dr. Robotnik? I have a new assignment for you! Return to base immediately! Yes, sir." Ffuzzy looked at the mechs, which were pretending to inspect some rocks. "I must go. Stay here." Ffuzzy began walking away. "Man, those calls are really interfering with my circuitry. Honestly, I'm beginning to… I'm only thwee-and-a-half yeaws old! Hoo hoo hoo hoo!" Everyone was silent for a few seconds.

"Those are some nice rocks."

"Yes. Let's inspect them."

"Oh, shut up. Just don't set each other on fire while I'm gone." Ffuzzy turned around and glared at a single mech by the name of YKT-277 who'd just put a lighter and some lighter fluid behind its back and was pretending to inspect some rocks. Ffuzzy then turned to the robot standing next to YKT-277, named YKT-416, who was dripping with lighter fluid and holding up a sign that said 'help me'. Ffuzzy slapped his forehead and walked out of the city. "I swear, those robots are driving me crazy. I… I wish I was in Dixie, hooray! Hooray! I wish I was in Dixieland to…" The mechs all watched Sir Ffuzzy Logik as he moved towards the woods surrounding Station Square, singing various folk songs as he walked.

"Well… now that he's gone, what do we do?"

"LET'S SET STUFF ON FIRE! WAHAHEHOOHA!"

"Okay, you're not allowed to think of ideas anymore."

"Oh…"

"So… wanna look at caterpillars?"

"Sure." The mechs gathered around a fuzzy little green caterpillar.

"Hey there little fella! How you do…" -CHOMP- "AHHHHHHHH!" The caterpillar bit off the mech's arm like it was a pretzel stick. The caterpillar then turned to the other mechs and smiled.

"Come to papa!"

"Holy crap it talks!"

"Of course I talk! Now come over here so I may munch upon you!"

"Run awaaaaaaay!"

(A.N. Thin 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' reference.)

-Meanwhile, outside Eggman's headquarters-

Ffuzzy walked up to the giant metal door which led into Eggman's base. To the side was a video intercom. Ffuzzy pushed the button on the intercom, and Robotnik's face came up. "What do you want?"

"Um… you told me to come back to base, sir."

"What? Oh right, yes. I did."

"So… what do you want me to do?"

"I forget. Go away."

"What! But I came all the way from Station Square to…"

"I said go away!" Robotnik turned the intercom off. Ffuzzy angrily pressed the intercom button.

"Don't just send me away like this!"

"I said go away! Leave now or I will give you the 'scrunch treatment'!"

"What's the 'scrunch treatment'?" Ffuzzy looked up to see that a giant hammer had appeared over him, protruding from the wall. "Oh… oh crap. This is… oh crap." -SCRUNCH-

"Heehee! That was fun! If he comes back again I'll give him the 'wobble wobble wobble wobble smack slip zip-a-dee-doo-dah hamster splat treatment'!"

-Meanwhile, back in Station Square, Sonic and friends are still running-

Sonic was beginning to get out of breath. "Must… escape… robots… oh… man… I'm… gonna… die… stop for a sec." The group stopped in front of the giant TV screen (which was, amazingly, still fully intact) and looked around to realize that there wasn't a mech, droid, or bot of any kind in sight. "I… guess… we… lost 'em… jeez…"

"Hey, look!" Rouge pointed to the giant screen, which had suddenly turned on to show a familiar yet ugly face made uglier by the fact that it was now in gigantic proportions. "Eggman?"

"Yes! It is I, the great Eggman! Now I know what you're trying to do, and believe me, it won't work! No one can stop me! Nice job whipping the crap out of Omachao, though."

"Thanks. And you're wrong, Eggman! I'll defeat you no matter what!"

"Your perseverance amuses me. Don't worry, Sonic. Soon enough you will know the error of your ways! Soon every man woman and child will…"

"A-HEM!"

"…and HEDGEHOG will know and fear the name of Dr. Ivo Robotnik! MUWAHAHOOHAHA! MUWAHAHOOHAHA!"

"Ivo? Your first name's… Ivo?"

"Yes…"

Everyone was silent. For about 3 seconds. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOUR FIRST NAME'S IVO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"THAT IS THE STUPIDEST NAME I'VE EVER HEARD! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SHUT UP!"

"HAHAHA! WHAT'S YOUR MOM'S NAME? VORMA? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I SAID SHUT UP OR I'LL…" The screen went to static, interrupting the now boiling Eggman. (Hehe… punny…) A few seconds later, another face came up on the screen.

"Hi, evwybody!"

Everybody yelled at once. "TWIGGY! TWIGGY?"

"How… how the crap did you get there?"

"Well, I was on the woof of my house testing out the bounciness of tuwtles, when…"

"NEVER MIND! Honestly, Sonic. Are you SURE you're related to him?"

"I'm hoping he was adopted."

"Hey cool! Look at all the mechs behind you! Wadical!" The group turned around to see that they were cornered by Mech Leaders. (Also from FFX).

"Crap!"

"Nuts!"

"Not good!"

"Vaseline!"

-Meanwhile, back in ANOTHER part of Station Square, Sir Ffuzzy Logik returns to his mech troops-

"Hey! I'm back! I'm… WHAT THE…?" Ffuzzy looked around to see mechs on the ground everywhere, missing arms, legs, and heads. In the center of it all was the caterpillar. Ffuzzy saw the caterpillar and gasped. "You!" The caterpillar looked up.

"We meet again!"

"Charlie Snapdragon McKnucklety IV. I should have known."

"It has been a while, eh?"

"I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!"

-FLASHBACK-

"NO, NO FLASHBACK! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED!"

-CANCEL FLASHBACK-

"Simple story. We were childhood friends. I bit him. He flushed me down the toilet. I mutated into a killer caterpillar. End of story."

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Yeah."

"So… wanna terrorize some cats?"

"Sure. But first, there is something I must do."

"What's that? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" -SQUISH- Ffuzzy stomped on Charlie like he was a Blue Trinity Mark.

(A.N. Kingdom Hearts reference.)

"That's for biting me! Eat it, Charlie!" He began dancing like MC Hammer. "Can't touch this! Huh? Huh? Can't touch this! Stop! Ffuzzy time!" Ffuzzy stopped dancing and turned around to see Sonic and friends staring at him. "Wha… how'd you get here!"

"That's a very good question. I mean, a minute ago we were miles away and trapped by robots. Logically this doesn't make any sense at all. Oh, and by the way… BANZAI!" Sonic any the others jumped on top of Ffuzzy and pinned him down. Sonic calmly got up as the others held Sir Ffuzzy Logik's arms and legs to the ground. "Now I'd like you to tell me where Robotnik's base is."

"I'll never talk! Torture me! Kill me! I'm sworn to secrecy!"

"Oh, we have ways of making you talk. Tails!" Tails suddenly appeared behind Ffuzzy.

"How did YOU get here? The last time I checked, you were an unconscious pile of fluff!"

"I know. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever." Sonic walked over and patted Tails on the back.

"Now are you going to spill the beans, or do you need a little… persuasion?"

"I said I would never talk!"

"Okay. Fine. Say, Tails, how about you sing us a little tune?"

"Okey-dokey!"

"No, not that!" Tails began singing.

"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears…"

"OH GOD, NO!"

"It's a world of hopes and a world of fears…"

"PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!"

"There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!"

"OKAY, I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK! JUST MAKE IT STOP!"

"Okay, punk. So where is Eggman's base?"

"Coordinates North 65, East 11! Past the big tree! Big metal door! Can't miss it!"

"Good… good… but just to be sure, we'd better take out some insurance. Knuxie-Poo, gimme a screwdriver." Knuckles threw a screwdriver at Sonic, which just barely missed his head. "Thanks." Sonic turned Ffuzzy over and used the screwdriver to open a panel in the middle of Ffuzzy's back. He then proceeded to put a microchip into Ffuzzy's back and screw the panel back on.

"What… what did you just put into me?"

"Just some insurance. I told you." Sonic took out a remote wit a big red button on it. "You see, if you give me the wrong directions, all I have to do is press this button…" Sonic pushed the big red button, and Ffuzzy started singing.

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL…" Sonic pushed the button again and Ffuzzy stopped singing and fell onto his knees. "DON'T DO THAT! The horror… the horror…" Sonic and the rest of the furry ones began walking away.

"See ya later, fuzz-brain!"

"BITE ME, YOU LITTLE… IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!"

"Come on, guys. To Eggman's base we go! Eggman, prepare to be defeated! Let's go!" Sonic and friends ran away, leaving a deranged screaming Ffuzzy on the ground.

"THAT SONG'S STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW! THANK YOU SO VERY FREAKIN' MUCH!"

Whoa! Didn't see THAT one coming. Coming soon in episode VIII-Sonic and the gang must travel to Eggman's base in a perilous quest which could only be matched by… well… Peter Jackson, several million dollars, and 12 hours of movies. But I don't have that. So… you get THIS instead! Episode VIII-The Furryship Of The Rings, Part One