Stinking Shurikens
Disclaimer: All characters, songs and scenes belong to their respective owners...
Chapter 5: Mr. Shikamaru and Half a Bag of Sugar
Sasuke and Sakura were at a Ramen stand and Sakura was looking at the shaded paper.
"So, do you remember the codenames?" asked Sasuke.
"Yeah, but don't they change their codenames every two months?"
"I know," Sasuke said as he scratches his head, "But when did the transactions take place?"
"Right on the July before Zabuza got whacked," said Sakura.
"I see. So if we could match the code names to the date," Sasuke scratches his chin.
"This is starting to be a headache."
"Couldn't you get the information from the ANBU ZERO Mainframe?" asked Sakura.
"Nope, the whole floor is locked off. What about the ventilation shaft?"
"Hey, I'm not a kid anymore. I can't fit in there. Who has access?"
"One guy, but he's...eccentric."
"Can you convince him to help us?"
"Nope, but I think Neji could convince him." Sasuke grinned. "Yes."
Sakura sighed. "No, Sasuke. I'm not having sex with you."
Sasuke looked disappointed. "Alright."
The next morning, Shikamaru was walking out of his house with a bicycle when he suddenly sees Neji in a suit.
"Hello, Shikamaru," Neji greeted as he leans on his car.
"Hello, Neji."
"Want to join me for a ride in my car?"
As Shikamaru was walking with the bicycle, he was blocked by Sasuke. "Could you please get your bike's wheel off my FOOT?!" Sasuke yelled out, pointing at the bike wheel on Sasuke's foot.
"Oh, sorry."
Inside Neji's car, Sasuke was struggling to remove the lock on the steering wheel as Neji and Shikamaru were in the back seat.
"Could you get this car moving already?!"
"Well, it's your f-ing second-hand steering wheel lock!" Sasuke yelled back.
"Look, just drive around the block." Neji then turned to Shikamaru. "I assumed that you have heard of Shino's little rampage on the eighth floor yesterday?"
Shikamaru nods.
"Well, it appears that Shino is at the tip of an iceberg. A very corrupt iceberg and the 'Konoha News' is going to blow it wide open."
"The iceberg?"
Neji smiled. "Good, I see you're catching along. Its now time to choose sides, Shikamaru, because if you sit on the fence, you're going to be hit by a..." Neji was struggling to come up with a metaphor to use…
"Stringy?" suggested Shikamaru.
"Yes, stringy yo-yo. And any fence sitter will be trapped in the web of..."
Neji was interrupted by Sasuke driving over a speed bump.
"Sorry, Neji. Speed bumps."
"Where was I...any fence sitter will be trapped in the web of pretty guilty silk."
Shikamaru had a confused look on his face, then he asked Sasuke, "You have any idea what he's talking about?"
Sasuke shrugged.
"Listen, Shikamaru," Neji said. "Half of the ANBU ZERO is going down and as the one who handles the records, you smell bad."
"You got it all wrong," said Shikamaru. "All I do is process information, what do you want?"
"Just a bit of information. One little bit of information and you're with the good guys."
"Oh...you're the good guys?" Shikamaru said with sarcasm.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, we're with the good guys."
"Listen, I can't help you," explained Shikamaru. "I can't get you any information without authorization."
"Why? Because someone's looking over your shoulder?"
"Yes. He watches me whenever I work. I can't even switch on the computer without him."
Shikamaru was in the Computer Room with Kotetsu in the ANBU ZERO Mainframe. Both put in their keys into the CPUs and unlocked it at the same time. After that, both input their passwords on their keyboards at the same time, logging them into the ANBU ZERO mainframe.
Shikamaru: The database is isolated. There is no online for hacking and we are constantly being watched by a security guard outside the room.
Outside the room, Security Guard Izumo was looking at the security cameras.
Shikamaru: And no one can get onto the floor without clearance.
Izumo checked the clearance of a man who walked onto the floor.
"Good night, gentlemen," Izumo said as Kotetsu and Shikamaru left the room. Izumo locked the door.
Shikamaru: After hours, the guard is still there and the camera is on.
"Did I mention the very stringy yo-yo?" said Neji.
Sasuke suddenly stopped the car, walked out and pulled Shikamaru out by the collar.
"Listen, Shikamaru! Iruka, the only decent man in the whole f-ing ANBU ZERO, was killed yesterday and we could be next! How long have you been working in that room, Shikamaru?" Sasuke asked.
"Five Years, Six months," Shikamaru answered.
"And you have never once figured a way around the system."
Shikamaru looked around, then said, "Actually, I've always wonder whether it could be done."
"Good," Sasuke said.
4:40 pm
Shikamaru was looking around as Kotetsu was reading a magazine. Shikamaru 'accidentally' knocked over his cup of coffee over Kotetsu's pants.
"Oops! Sorry."
"What the hell?!"
"Take off your pants," Shikamaru said, "I'll go dry them."
On the security camera, Izumo notices that Kotetsu was removing his pants for Shikamaru.
"What the…?"
"Shikamaru! It's all over me!"
Shikamaru quickly took out a case and copied Kotetsu's Key, which happens to be connected to Kotetsu's pants. Then, Shikamaru quickly dried Kotetsu's pants and returned it to him.
4:55 pm
Shikamaru was walking away from the computer and he quickly ducked down and pulled out a power plug...
4:56 pm
Shikamaru was pressing some buttons on the computer, and then Kotetsu looked up.
"Looks like the power is out, Kotetsu," Shikamaru said as he pressed a few buttons, "Yep, a power unit is down."
5:01 pm
Kotetsu was leaving the room as Shikamaru walked out with a power unit. Izumo quickly stopped Shikamaru.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Izumo asked.
"Power unit's down. Have to take it to maintenance," Shikamaru explained.
Izumo looked at the power unit. "But I don't know what's in it."
"Well...it's my responsibility to make sure it's repaired."
Izumo sighed and locked the door. "I'll take it down. Of all the times to bring it out, it had to be end of the shift. That's it. I'm closing off the floor.
No one gets in."
Shikamaru nods and Izumo leaves with the power unit. Shikamaru quickly takes out a video tape out of his bag, and puts it in the VCR and records the security video of the empty room. After that, Shikamaru takes out his cell phone and makes a call. "He's on his way down."
Meanwhile, at Maintenance...
"Got it," replied Neji. Then, he walked into a room where, maintenance workers Yugi, Jono and Honda were watching a video.
"Hey, Neji? Is this the episode of Sailor Moon they never wanted to show?" asked Jono.
"Yep, and the gentleman on the video is Tuxedo Mask himself."
"You're right! It is him," said Jono, "So, Neji. Got anymore stuff you confiscated?"
"Remember the time period between Goku finding all the Dragon Balls and the Cell Battle?" Neji takes out another tape. "Prepare to see Goku doing his other 'Kamehameha' to Chichi..."
Izumo brought the power unit to the maintenance floor.
As the workers were distracted by the videos, Neji took a maintenance coat and puts it on.
"Hey, Izumo," greeted Neji.
"Neji, they put you down here?" asked Izumo.
"Yep. Shoot one dead business man and here I am," Neji said.
"Well, I got to go."
Neji takes out his multi-colored pen. "Izumo, what do you think of this pen?"
"Not now," said Izumo, as he walked off.
Neji takes out his phone and called Shikamaru. "He's on his way up."
Shikamaru finished recording the surveillance video and puts it in his bag. Then he sees Izumo.
"Already done?" asked Shikamaru.
"See you tomorrow, Mr. Shikamaru," said Izumo.
Sasuke and Shikamaru were in the basement carpark as Shikamaru gave Sasuke the copy of Kotetsu's key and the video tape of the computer room.
"Are you sure this is going to work?"
"Its gonna have to," Shikamaru said before walking off.
Sasuke was moving around Konoha as he was memorizing the password Shikamaru gave him.
Anko looks at the copy of the key that was given to her by Sasuke. "Give me one hour."
Sasuke got back home and set up the video tape of the empty computer room and prepares to record it using two VCRs. He know that if he is going to get in there unnoticed, he needs to make sure that there is a smooth transition on the video...
The next day, at the cafeteria, Shikamaru was trying to pour sugar into his coffee, but the sugar was stuck, so Shikamaru removed the top and poured the sugar onto a spoon over the cup.
"Feeling nervous, Shikamaru?" Neji asked as he was reading the paper.
"Shhhh...we're not supposed to be seen together," whispered Shikamaru.
"We aren't together, Mr. Nara," said Neji, "I'm reading the paper while you're pouring almost half a bag of sugar into your coffee."
"Oh...shit." Shikamaru quickly stopped pouring the sugar and quickly stirred his coffee.
"Shikamaru, why did you want to help us?" asked Neji as he continues to read the paper.
"Iruka was actually a good friend of mine," Shikamaru said. "And I would have preferred that he was alive."
Sasuke entered the cafeteria with the video tape. "Its showtime!"
Shikamaru pushes the power unit back to the room on the 10th floor, but Izumo was blocking the way.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asked Izumo.
"The unit is fixed."
Izumo did not budge. "I can't let you go in there."
"But it's my responsibility."
Izumo sighed and said, "Alright, just this once..."
As Izumo pushes the power unit back into the room, Shikamaru quickly puts the tape into the VCR and presses Play, then Shikamaru sees what's on Free-to-Air TV as Izumo locks the door.
Host: Welcome back to "Who wants to make millions", where ordinary Anime characters will answer questions in order to win $100, 000! I am your host, Hinata Hyuga.
"Remember, this never happened," said Izumo.
"Sure." Shikamaru sees what's on TV. "Is that the semi-finals?" Shikamaru asked.
"Yeah, this woman is really going well."
In the computer room, the Power Unit opened and Sasuke got out.
Sasuke walked to the computer with the two keys and switches the computer on. Then, he typed in the password on both keyboards.
Hinata: Rei Ayanami, for $480, which of these don't fit?
a) Alchemist
b) Ninja
c) Tamer
d) Cardcaptor
"Well, time for me to go." As Shikamaru took one last look at the security camera's screen, he realized that Sasuke didn't record the footage properly. Instead, it was a recording of a soccer match. Shikamaru quickly called out, "Cardcaptor!"
Hinata: Correct.
"No, it's Tamer, right?" Izumo pointed out.
"No, I mean, Cardcaptor is not a job, unlike all the others. I mean if card capturing is a job, then Yugi Mutou would be the foremost expert in card capturing," explained Shikamaru.
Shikamaru is overstaying his welcome. "Time to go home, Mr. Shikamaru," said Izumo.
Shikamaru looked back at the security video. It was back to what it was supposed to show: Footage of an empty computer room.
Sasuke found the file he was looking for. Sasuke puts in a disk and copies the file on to the disk. After the file is copied, it suddenly deleted itself.
"What the…?"
As soon as Sasuke finished, he got back into his hiding place within the power unit.
Neji went to the 10th floor and walked towards Izumo.
"Hey! I can't let you in here?"
"Where's the f-ing unit?" Neji asked.
"In there? Why do you want it?"
"It needs to be reset or the system might blow up. It's a time bomb in there."
"It's not plugged in."
"If anything goes wrong, you and Shikamaru will be held responsible." Neji takes out his cell phone makes a call. "I'm getting some resistance here, Orochimaru."
"Oh shit!" Izumo quickly walked to the computer room. As Neji tried to take the tape out of the surveillance video, Izumo got out of the room with the power unit, forcing Neji to leave the tape in.
"He got it." Neji hangs up. "Good job, I would recommend you for a Medal to Orochimaru."
Neji left with the power unit. As Izumo got back to his seat and takes one look at the surveillance camera, all he saw was a soccer match that Sasuke had once recorded while he was on a mission.
"Oh shit no." Izumo quickly makes a phone call.
Sasuke and Neji walked out of the lift, only to see Sakura, Kiba wearing an armsling and some ANBUs.
"Sakura?" Sasuke looked at the agents. "What's going on here?"
"This better be good!" Orochimaru's voice spoke out as he just entered the building.
"Oh, it is very good," Kiba said with a smirk.
In Orochimaru's office, the computer disk was on the desk.
"You see, Uchiha and Hyuga snuck into ANBU ZERO's mainframe in order to destroy evidence in the form of data."
"I see. Very well," said Orochimaru. "Get rid of the disk."
"Wait," Sasuke said. "Don't you want to see what's in the disk otherwise it will be gone forever."
"What's going on?!" Orochimaru looks at Kiba.
Then, Sakura spoke. "Open it and see what's on it."
"What's she doing here?!" asked Orochimaru.
"Yeah, open it," Neji called out.
Orochimaru did not say anything. "What? Nothing for me?" Neji sarcastically asked.
"Shut the f..k up!" Orochimaru said to Neji. Then, Orochimaru looks at his assistant. "Kabuto, put the disk in my computer."
Kabuto took the disk and inserts it into the computer. Orochimaru opens the file.
"Alright, Sakura, say a name," said Sasuke.
Sakura recalls the names. "Orashi Kentaro."
Orochimaru looks at the file. "Hyuga."
Neji had a surprised look on his face. "What?"
"Yuji Sanada," said Sakura.
Orochimaru reads the file to the code name. "Aburame."
"Rinny 'Tin-Tin' Taro."
"Uchiha," said Orochimaru, with a smirk on his face.
"What? I was never Rinny 'Tin-Tin' Taro," said Sasuke
"These are the codenames of ANBU Shinobis who have received 29 highly questionable payments from one Zabuza Momochi," explained Kiba. "And he was involved in the razing of Miss Haruno's block of flats."
"But I was with Sakura at the time!" protested Sasuke.
"Yes, but where was Hyuga?" asked Kiba.
Kiba takes out some photos and it shows a picture of Neji outside Sakura's block of flats.
"Hyuga also had also wired your sunglasses. We found the transmitter in Hyuga's car."
Sakura takes out her sunglasses and looks at it. She finds the miniature microphone.
"This is totally unreal! You killed Iruka," Sasuke said to Kiba.
"I would have saved him if I was three seconds faster," said Kiba, with a bit of remorse.
Suddenly, Sasuke punched Kiba in the nose. As the other ANBU members held Sasuke down, Sakura walked to Sasuke and punched him in the nose.
"Now I see that you're much more lower than weak, Sasuke," said Sakura.
As Sakura angrily walked out of the room, Kiba wipes the blood off his nose, and whispered to Sasuke, "Someone's going down, and it's not me..."