Disclaimer: We own nothing. If we did, we wouldn't be writing, we'd be making this into a little moving. If only dreams came true...

A/N: (this is TooLittleTooLate) I'm am so sorry that it took so long for me to write this. Graduation, laziness, you know how it goes. And it looks like the next one might be awhile too. So read this one slow, to make it last. Oh, and the title should make sense at the end...hopefully you guys get it. I liked it...ENJOY!

Reno walked into his office and smiled at the two Turks sitting in front of his desk. Walking to the grease board he had set up earlier, he turned and faced them.

"You're all probably wondering why I've gathered you here. It seems as though a war is starting, and yours truly is right in the middle of it. Now, I've asked…" Reno stopped is speech and looked at Elena.

Elena was sitting there waving her hand in the air. At Reno's questioning look, she stood up.

"Why do you need our help? And why do you think we would even help you after all the pranks you've pulled on us?" Elena stared at Reno, her arms crossed over her chest.

"If you would wait a minute, I'd tell you. Now sit down," Reno rolled his eyes. "I need your help because an attack against one Turk is an attack against all Turks."

Hoping for sounds of agreement from the two, Reno was disappointed when all he got were blank stares.

"Besides, if one of his pranks doesn't get me, it'll get one of you two…or Tseng. And we don't want that, now do we?" Reno smiled when the two slowly nodded. They weren't jumping at the idea to assist him, but he would take what he could get.

"And what exactly do you want us to do?" Rude asked, quirking an eyebrow at his partner.

"Before we can do anything, we first have to know who our enemy is working with. It has to be someone sneaky. Someone who doesn't like me much," Reno mused out loud.

"Well, that doesn't really narrow it down any. A lot of people don't like you," Elena said.

Why did I want her on my side? She never shuts up…

"It would need to be someone he trusts…" Reno tapped his chin. "I've got it! I'll question that little blonde SOLDIER that's always following him. What's his name? Star, Sun, Heaven? Cloud! I'll call another meeting when I've found out who's helping the little porcupine. Dismissed!"

----

Walking down the hall, Reno spotted Cloud walking into the bathroom. Hurrying to catch up, he ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Cloud turned around at the sound and looked at Reno questioningly.

"Hey there, how's it going?" Reno asked stepping closer, trying to look like he hadn't just sprinted down the hall to lock himself in the bathroom with another guy.

"Umm…can I help you?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah, I think you can actually. You're around Zack a lot, right?" When he got a nod he continued. "So, you would know who he's working with."

"Working with? He works with other SOLDIERs and Sephiroth. You know that."

"That's not what I mean. I'm sure you've noticed our little… fight in the cafeteria," Reno said. "That last stunt he pulled wasn't his style. He had help, I know it. And I know you know who it is that he's working with."

"Wh-what would make you say that?" Cloud asked, shooting a look at the locked door.

With a sigh Reno walked up to Cloud until he was inches away. He slouched so that he was eye level with him and spoke in a quiet voice.

"Let's stop pretending. I'm a Turk. I could make this very difficult and painful for you," Reno reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. He held it up to the side of Cloud's face and lightly dragged it across his cheek. "Why don't you just tell me what you know?"

"Fine! I know who he's working with, I saw him talking to him the other day before lunch, they were behind the buffet counter whispering," Cloud said as fast as he could.

Reno stepped back a little, but continued to play with the knife. Cloud was easier to break than he had thought.

"And who is this 'he'?" Reno asked, staring at his knife.

"Vincent Valentine."

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Reno smiled and pocketed the knife. He walked to the door and unlocked it.

"Shin ra thanks you for your cooperation," Reno said as he opened the door and left.

----

(This be the next day now)

"I've decided that I'll only be requiring the assistance of you for now. No need to involve more people than necessary," Reno said.

He was sitting behind his desk looking at Elena.

"Why me? I thought you'd choose Rude, he is your partner after all," Elena said.

"'Cause you're more suited to my needs, now stop asking questions and do as I say," Reno replied.

"Don't talk to me like that!" Elena yelled, looking deeply offended.

"What, you want me ta flatter you? That ain't happening," Reno said.

"If you're not nicer to me…I won't help you," Elena said, sticking her chin out.

"What? If I'm not nicer to you? Are we in third grade our something?" Reno smirked.

"Fine, you can deal with Zack yourself. Besides, you started it, so he has every right to get back at you!" Elena stormed out of his office.

I swear that girl is on permanent PMS.

----

"Who are you?" Vincent asked, looking at the woman suspiciously.

"I'm the new lunch lady, sugar. They decided you could use some help, so here I am!" she smiled cheerily.

Vincent stared at her, looking her up and down. She was wearing the standard lunch lady uniform and had her curly grey hair in a hair net. She walked with a slight limp and slouched a little. She had a nametag that said her name was 'Violet'.

Deciding that she was, in fact, a lunch lady Vincent asked her to stir the chili. Still smiling, she happily agreed.

Looking over at Violet every few minutes to make sure she was doing alright, Vincent continued with his routine of serving food.

Glancing at the clock he noticed that there was only ten minutes left to serving lunch. Sighing with relief he started to clean up a little. It's not like he was expecting a huge crowd to come rushing up at the last minute anyway.

"You can start cooling the chili down," he said, turning to Violet.

Unfortunately just as he was turning around, Violet was walking by with the huge pot of boiling chili. Violet tried to stop but tripped and spilled chili all over Vincent.

"Oh, honey, I am so sorry. I didn't know you were standing right there," Violet said, attempting to brush some of the chili off. "I sure do hope none of this leaves a burn mark on that handsome face of yours. I'm sure all the young ladies would be after my hide."

Vincent brushed her hands off of him and turned to walk into the back part of the kitchen.

"I'll be fine. It's ok, really Violet. Can you manage the last few minutes of lunch? I need to go wash up," Vincent said, trying to keep his voice calm. It's not like he could yell at some little lunch lady, right?

Vincent was just pushing the door open when he heard "Reno?! Why are you dressed like a lunch lady?"

Turing around he saw Tseng staring at…Violet? What was Tseng talking about? This wasn't Reno, this was VIOLET.

"I do believe you've gotten me confused with someone else, darling," Violet said.

"Reno, I know it's you. You used that disguise last time you snuck out of the hospital," Tseng said, still staring in shock.

"Are you feeling well, sweetie?" Violet asked, looking over at Vincent. When she saw him staring she gave a noticeable gulp.

"I don't know what you're up to Reno, but whatever it is, stop it. And make sure you return that to whomever you took it from," Tseng shook his head and walked over to his lunch table.

"I don't know why he would think I'm this 'Reno' person. I've never heard such a silly name before," Violet said with a slight giggle. "You would've thought a Turk would know a lunch lady when he sees one."

"How do you know he's a Turk? You're new here," Vincent said, stepping forward.

"W-well, he j-just gave off t-that presence, ya' know?" Violet stammered.

"RENO! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU POURED HOT CHILI ALL OVER ME! I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Vincent lunged at Violet, or rather, Reno.

Reno, anticipating some kind of attack, was already running out of the cafeteria. For days the employees would be talking about the lunch lady that was hitching her skirt up, to reveal long legs clad in dark blue uniform pants, running like a bat out of Hell. Her hair net half off and red hair streaming out from underneath her short grey hair.

----

"Did you hear about that lunch lady? She spilled chili on Valentine."

"Who?"

"That crazy Turk that's always staring at Hojo like he wants to kill him."

"Oh, him; how could anyone spill something on him and live?"

Zack walked down the hall, listening to the conversations.

What happened? I miss lunch one day and something exciting happens.

But hearing about Vincent reminded Zack that he hadn't seen him that day, and they needed to plan out their next attack on Reno. Walking into the now deserted lunchroom, he made his way to the back.

When he walked in he saw Vincent trying to scrape chili out of his hair. Trying not to laugh at the sight of one of the most feared Turk, if not the most, covered in brown goop, Zack sat down on an overturned bucket.

"So, I heard a lunch lady attacked you," Zack said.

"She was no lunch lady. She was Reno," Vincent snarled. "He obviously found out I was helping you. Any idea who told him?"

"I didn't, if that's what you mean. And I don't know anyone who would've tol…oh," Zack stopped and frowned.

"What? You know who told him?" Vincent asked.

"It was probably Cloud. He's always hanging around me and probably saw the two of us talking," Zack smiled weakly. "Sorry."

"He's not really worth the bother. Now we have to get Reno back for this. First he takes my job, and then he dumps chili on me," Vincent said, a malicious light in his eye.

Zack gulped at the sight of Vincent smiling like a mad man…actually, this was the same look Hojo had a lot. Shuddering at the thought, he sat and waited for Vincent to come up with something.

"I've got it!" Vincent said, turning around to face Zack. "What does Reno prize the most?"

"Ummm…his hair?" Zack guessed.

"Other than that…what is he constantly messing with? What does he take everywhere with him?" Vincent asked, trying to lead Zack to the answer.

At Zack's blank look Vincent gave up. This is why the kid isn't in the Turks, all brawn, no brain.

"His weapon, that stupid EMR."

A/N: I actually liked the way this chapter turned out. Review please, it makes us feel al warm and fuzzy inside. And if you do...PLEASE say more than "this is funny." That doesn't make us feel warm and fuzzy, it makes us feel luke-warm and bald...whatever. You get the general idea of what I'm going for...REVIEW PLEASE! And now it's corncob's turn, so bother her about taking too long.