Disclaimer:

We dun own nuthin! Haha. But really…all we have are two annoying dogs and a fairly impressive movie collection. Don't own Final Fantasy or Toys-R-Us, nor do we own the rights to Star Wars or the Light Sabers (including cheap toy replicas). We are, however, proud to say that Vin's apron was our own creation.

A/N:

Okay. So it's been..umm…A while. BUT! We have no CHOICE but to finish this story by the end of summer, before we both go our separate ways to college :( Hope you can enjoy and excuse the fact that this is an obvious filler chapter.

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CHAPTER 6

"Okay, Reno. When I say 'Go'…" Tseng whispered as the two men stood, pressed against a wall that was hiding them from the view of the semi-crowded room.

Shinra had been hinted off as to the whereabouts of a small terrorist meeting and sent a few of their Finest to deal with them accordingly. It was also no secret that the Turks had been more than a little bored lately. A room full of antsy murders who regularly toted guns was never a good thing, even by Shinra's Standards.

Reno just nodded viciously back to Tseng, eager to get his hands on the cowards in the next room, as well as to experience his first mission since filling in for Vincent as Second in Command.

"All Right.." Tseng raised his chin and took a deep breath, letting his eyes fall closed as he drew his pistol.

"Go."

With that, the two men burst from around the corner, picking out select hits, should trouble arise, and shouting out orders of 'Get down' that no one seemed too inclined to obey.

Secretly, Reno was pleased that no one listened. That meant he got to kick some ass.

He set his sights of a particularly burly man as he saw Tseng start hunting down a few victims of his own.

"Let's go, Fatty!" he taunted. He enjoyed immature insults, as well as pissing off his enemies. It tended to make them sloppier anyway. It also made completely trashing them even more interesting.

"Watch it, dog." The larger man sneered, looking Reno up and down in a disapproving manner. He figured his odds were pretty good against the starving wire of a man he was looking at.

"Now I will have to kill you even slower."

Giving a knowing smirk of his own, Reno raised his Electric Mag-rod. He hadn't used that baby in almost a week, something he planned to rectify right about now.

"We'll see about that."

Somewhere on the other side of the room, Tseng was wishing that Reno wouldn't talk so much.

Swinging his Mag-rod out to connect with Chub's head, Reno noticed a few things with a morbid fascination. A few awful, horrible, painfully cruel things.

One. The man wasn't dead…Or even convulsing on the floor in agony. Which was, per say, the usual result of such an action. Two… This was Not. His. Mag-rod. It wasn't a fucking Mag-rod at all! And finally, three: He was about to get his ass beat.

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"You idiot! How in the burning hell do you not notice that someone had tampered with your weapon!"

Tseng paced back and forth in his office behind his desk, gesturing furiously as Reno sulked in the chair across from him.

"You're a Turk. Gaia, I'm beginning to believe I made a mistake suspending Valentine! You're more of a hazard than he could ever be, and we all know that man is certifiable."

This had been going on for the better part of an hour now- Tseng chewing him out for being such a disgrace and flying off the handle when Reno dared to say a word in his own defense.

"What kind of loose-brained, blind, backwards MORON are you?!"

Tseng took a few deep breaths, trying to remember what the doctor said about is blood pressure.

He stalked over to his desk and shoved things around until he wrapped his hand around a small, orange object.

Seeing this, Reno allowed himself a small prayer to the heavens. Thank Shiva.

It was Tseng's stress-relief ball.

Said relief ball was famous around the company- known for being the only saving grace that kept the Head of Turks from finally snapping and partaking in Happy Homicide Hour.

Reno had, personally, felt he owed such a dept to the little ball (as it had certainly spared his life several times) that he had taken to calling it 'Delilah.'

Reno tried not to smile as the image of a rampaging Tseng being quelled by a rather pathetic looking orange sack of sand passed through his mind. What made it worse was that the very same scenario he was imagining was taking place right before him.

"Why are you smiling." Not a question.

Damn it. He always got caught. When it came to Tseng, there were no unnoticed feelings.

Reno thought fast and smiled wider, which was hard considering his newly blackened eye, strained shoulder tendon, and multiple tazer wounds.

"Just how cute ya are, boss. Now I can see what Laney sees in you."

"OUT" That was his chance, and by the gods if he wasn't taking it.

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He knew he couldn't avoid it forever, but that didn't mean he hadn't tried. Though in Reno's case, 'forever' wound up being a matter of hours.

So there he was, waiting in the lunch line, none-too-eager to see the man responsible for all the pain his body was currently in. He knew Vincent had switched his Mag-rod with that….that thing!

Jesus, all he had done was dump some CHILI on the guy, and THIS is what he got in return? Imagine if he had tried something serious!

Note to self, Reno thought. If you ever want to take Valentine out- Make sure you finish the job the FIRST TIME.

Sadly for Reno, the lunch line was moving considerably quickly that day, almost as though everyone was just leaving the line, and before he knew it he found himself face to face with his least favorite Co-Worker. No…scratch that…Hojo was still on the payroll. Second least favorite Co-Worker.

"Pineapple or pears?" The indifferent voice asked, almost as indifferent as the face the voice came from.

Vincent seemed to be acting as though nothing had happened, and that was just fine with Reno. If this was to be water bridge, then by gods, let it. He'd experienced enough pain today, thank you.

"Pears." he answered, keeping his eyes on his lunch tray. Vincent seemed to be smiling now, and he didn't even want to think about why. He actually had yet to even really look at the man.

After receiving his 100 'Made with Love' lunch, he skittered off into the safety of the crowded lunchroom, sporting a slight limp.

With Reno gone, Reeve stepped up for his turn.

He, however, had not chosen to ignore Valentine, though he was now sorely wishing that he had, as it was near impossible to keep the petrified shock off of his face.

Blinking a few times, Reeve found himself disappointed that every time his eyes opened, he was still met with the same sight. It took him a few moments to comprehend just what it was he looking at.

Vincent stood at his full, proud height, his face warped in the most unstable grin that Reeve had ever seen on another human being. But that wasn't the worst of it.

Vincent Valentine, arguably the most terrifying Turk that Shinra had to offer, was wearing an apron. A baby yellow apron.

A baby yellow apron with the words "Grilling Queen" printed above a picture of a woman's cheerful face. Below the woman were the words "It's not just my grill that's hot!"

"Good afternoon, Reeve. Would you prefer pineapples or pears for your fruit today? I recommend the pineapples, and believe me, Mama-Vincent knows best."

A dull clang was heard as Reeve Tuesti dropped his metal tray to the floor before walking immediately to the nearest exit, whispers concerning Vincent's sanity making their way down the lunch line like wild fire.

By the time the line's 'rumors' reached Zack, the situation presented itself to be severe enough to justify cutting in line.

As the concerned SOLDIER made his way to the front of the line (meeting no protest, as NO ONE wanted to be next), he could see Valentine grinning like mad, shaking a can of peaches as he 'welcomed' some new recruit to "Big Mama's kitchen" in what seemed to be……Ebonics.

Where Vincent would ever learn Ebonics (other than Reno of course, which seemed unlikely), Zack would probably never know, but there seemed to be bigger problems at hand. Like keeping Vince out of the insane asylum.

"What are you doing?!" Zack hissed, coming up behind the cowering recruit, who promptly made a run for it now that the crazy lunch man had a new victim. (Once he reached his lunch table, his cohorts would tease him that Vincent Valentine never forgot a face, and that just because he had gotten away didn't mean he had escaped.)

At the sight of Zack, Vincent put down his peaches, straightened his apron, and squenched his mouth, as though smiling like a lunatic had exhausted his face.

"Being a psychotic health hazard." Came the cool response. It startled Zack that Vincent could be so calm about something so…..something.

"But other than that- Nothing."

"I can see that!" Zack almost screamed, not comforted by Vin's mood swings, though grateful for his friend's returned sanity.

"But why?"

Vincent rolled his eyes as though the answer were the most obvious thing in the world. But then again, this was Zackary Fair he was dealing with.

Folding his arms and leaning on the buffet covering, he rested his head on his hands.

"Would you take food from me?"

"Hell no!" Zack exclaimed without thinking. Then he paused.

"Well. Yea, but only cuz I know ya. But if I didn't…Yea, Hell No."

"Well, they don't know me. And if nobody buys lunch, they'll need someone to blame. Then I'll get kicked off Hamburger Patrol and I can go back to killing people the normal way."

Zack considered this, then nodded in agreement. Fortunately, he was no where near as dumb as Vincent seemed to believe he was.

"Yea, Okay. Well anyway- I just wanted to let you know that I'm calling this thing with Reno off. I'm gonna apologize and end this before Seph ends me."

Vincent just nodded and stood up straight once more, his eyes falling to his beloved can of peaches.

"Well it had better be a damned good apology. He's in deep shit with Tseng right now." If the can of peaches was capable of emotion, it would have whimpered at the smirk on Vincent's face. The Turk could practically feel himself getting his position back.

The SOLDIER's uneasy glance took him from his thoughts.

"Yea…I saw him. What…happened to him?"

When the smirk returned, Zack almost wished that he hadn't asked. What was it about him, exactly, that attracted sociopaths?

"You ever been in Toys-R-Us?" Came the offhanded beginning of what was sure to be a dreadful explanation.

Zack only nodded, trying not to think of why Vincent would go to a toy store. Maybe that's where he abducted children and brought them to his home, torturing them and then eating them. Or maybe he brought them to the cafeteria!

The younger man shook his head before answering the other, who seemed to be waiting.

"Yea?"

"Ever seen those toy…..'Light Sabers," I believe they are called? Grey cylinder, and when you swing it, a retractable plastic pole slides out?"

Zack nodded once more, not fully grasping what was being said, too concentrated on Vincent in a toy store.

"…It looks an awful lot like an EMG. Though how the dolt didn't notice before the mission, I don't know. The weight difference is substantial."

"He went on a mission with a TOY?!" Zack looked absolutely horrified.

Oh man, this wasn't good. No wonder Reno looked so roughed up, and Vincent looked so smugly satisfied right now.

Sighing, Zack leaned over the counter and patted the older man's shoulder, earning him a gasp from everyone in the vicinity, and a little tick from Valentine himself.

"I'm going to go apologize and beg for forgiveness. Good luck getting dishonorably discharged from the Lunch Ladies Guild. See ya later, man."

He started off to Reno's usual table, trying to ignore the 'friendly' call of "Hey Baby! Wha-chu want for lunch, Hun?" coming from behind him.

Vincent Valentine was a sick, miserable bastard. He dared anyone to argue him on that one.

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END CHAPTER

ugh. that was exhausting to write, hahaha. a lot of effort for such an empty chapter.. :(

Hope you enjoyed it anyway though! Loop is typing the next one as we speak!