Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, only those that I created myself. Please do not harm me in any way. I only do this for fun.

RWH

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A Secret Worth Keeping

Chapter Eleven: The truth is out

Severus's eyes snapped open as the images flowed in the memories flooding his senses.

"Oh, Bloody Hell!"

He bellowed as the final image came to him. His eyes immediately turned on the young woman who stood silently, staring down at the ground. Tears falling silently down her face. He felt his pulse speed up and felt the blood rushing to his face.

*She knows, Oh Gods.. she knows. *

He took a step towards her but stopped as the image of her naked and bloodied invaded his brain. His breath started to speed up and an unfamiliar pressure started in his chest. He clutched at his shirt and he found that his legs couldn't hold him anymore. He fell clumsily to the floor fighting the anguish sob that threatened to emerge from his soul.

Minerva and Albus were immediately at the man's side but he thrashed his arms forcing them back.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" He roared with flashing eyes. "I do not deserve your concern!"

"Severus, perhaps.. " Albus started trying to reach out again. To sooth the disheveled man before him.

"NO!" Severus's head sank to his hands, shoulders shaking in his misery. He had blown it completely. He had silently hoped, prayed, that the memory wouldn't keep him from forming some kind of relationship with Hermione in the future, But now.now there was no way in heaven or hell he could hope for that now. Not after he violently raped her, taken her, free of the Imperious curse. He had willingly taken her against her will, willing caused her harm and pain just for his own sick pleasure.

Malfoy wasn't the only monster here.

Albus and Minerva cast worried glances at each other, for once, neither person had a clue what to do.

"Professors.. " A soft voice spoke up and the elders glanced at the speaker. "May I.. may we.. be alone for a few minutes? Please?"

Albus nodded silently and without another word escorted Professor McGonagall from the room leaving the two alone. Once the two were gone, Hermione approached Severus slowly kneeling down next to him.

"Severus?"

The man on the floor didn't respond.

"Severus.. Please.. I'm sorry." Her voice wavered in emotion. She wanted to reach out to him but fear kept her hands firmly at her side.

"For what? This is all my fault."

"No. Severus, it isn't.. It's.. "

"It is.. I did it." His voice was barely about a whisper and she leaned closer to hear better.

"You were forced to do.. "

"You don't understand. Hermione.. " He raised his head to look at her and she felt her heartache at his expression of angst and despair. "I.. wasn't.. forced.. " The words didn't feel right coming out and each one was clipped with anger. He winced inward as she sank back onto her heels to move fractionally away from him. Her mouth opening and closing silently as she processed what he had just said. He could see the confusion in her eyes. His throat tried to tighten up but he forced the confession out. "After.. after it was over.. I realized.. " his eyes closed as he remembered the feel of her in his arms and the way she felt around him. "I wasn't under the curse when I took you."

Her eyes narrowed as the meaning of what he was saying hit her and a dawning of understanding registered. "You.. you mean.. "

Severus dropped his gaze back to the floor and nodded sadly. "Lucius removed the curse just after you woke up and I.. I couldn't stop.. Oh Gods.. Hermione.. I couldn't stop. I wanted you so bad. I've loved you for so long.. I.. " His eyes pleaded with her. "I'm so sorry. I've ruined everything in just one fucking evening." His voice died down to a whisper. "You were right to take these memories away. How can I live with the thought that I raped the one woman that I have ever loved? I'm so sorry.. so.. so sorry."

Hermione was shocked. This was news to her. After all this time, she assumed that he was completely under the influence of the curse and therefore didn't blame him, but now.. "

"Oh.. My.. God.. " She voiced shakily.

"Hermione.. Please.. " He pleaded again reaching out to her in desperation.

"Oh.. My.. GOD!" She backed away from his reach and a fresh batch of tears filled her eyes.

Severus stopped at the pain in her face. His already broken heart shredded into shards at the expression on her face, the expression of disbelief and pain and mostly horror.

"You will never know.. how sorry I am.. " His eyes pleaded with her, extending a hand towards her.

"Why?" She whispered.

Severus shook his head at the question. How in God's name can he answer that when he had no idea where or how to try to explain to himself, let alone her.

After a few minutes he finally looked up at her again a bit relieved to see the horror gone from her face but the tense way she held her body showed that she didn't trust him anymore. He sighed and maneuvered himself to sit back against a chair. There was only one way left to try to win her back if that was at all possible.

The truth.

He watched her for another moment before taking courage and speaking softly in a tone of voice that he rarely used. His true voice, the voice of his heart.

"Will you listen to it all first? Before you decide that you hate me?"

She considered his words, fighting the urge to run and to take her son far away from his father. Her thoughts faltered at the look on his face and the thought ended just as soon as it entered her head. The debate only lasted about three heartbeats before she finally nodded an affirmation. Retreating to a chair across from where he was currently sitting on the cold stone floor, she sat quietly, waiting.

After he was sure that she wasn't going to bolt, he rose unsteadily to resettle his tall form onto the comfort of the padded chair. He ran a shaking hand through his disheveled hair and looked around the room, wondering exactly where to start. His gaze catching on the fireplace and stopped mesmerized by the flames.

*You can do this.. just don't look right at her. * He muttered to himself and with a deep breath he found himself speaking.

"Let me start.. no.. I have to go back a bit.. " He took a deep cleansing breath before speaking keeping his gaze on the roaring fire. "I'm not a romantic man, Hermione, I have never claimed to be. I have always had problems showing emotion other than anger. Anger is an easy emotion to display. It never needs coaxing and it keeps others at arm's length. I have always had problems with positive emotions. Love, adoration, happiness, its all.. alien.. to me. So, when I felt myself.. invaded.. with a sudden sense of. longing.. I didn't know what to do with myself."

He paused chancing a look at her and frowning as she slid back into her chair as if to move farther away. He sighed and stood up, starting to pace the room restlessly.

"I have always admired you, Hermione, I know that sounds strange coming after all this time. After all these years of my constant verbal abuse to both you and your friends, however, I have always admired your intellect. It wasn't until, I would say your fourth year here, during the Yule Ball." He choked out a snort of clipped laughter. "Another form of torture that Albus insists on throwing every blasted year." He gave her a quick glance to make sure that she wasn't upset with that little side quip, it didn't appear that she was so he continued. "That was the year that you were being escorted by Viktor Krum.. " Here he paused and glared into the distance as the memory returned.

Hermione leaned closer at his expression and wondered just what, exactly was in his mind at this moment in time. She didn't have long to wait and he was back talking again.

"I remember that day vividly. I remember the color and cut of the dress robes you wore, the way your hair glimmered in the candlelight, the smile you had on your face. You were radiant. You just.shone.that night. Your moment had come and you were barely fourteen years old." He stopped and turned his attention back to her and noticed that he had all of her attention now. He stealthily moved to stand before her gazing down into her face yet not touching her. "I think I fell for you that night. I knew you were still a child then, but I watched you over the last few years, and you had grown into an exciting, vibrant and very lovely woman. I.. I longed for you every day.. every night. I wanted to tell you during every fucking detention I forced upon you that I wanted you, that I loved you. I hated forcing you to be around me. I wanted nothing more than to have you stand with me, voluntarily." He choked on that and stopped still gazing down into her wide eyes. She didn't look scared anymore, but she didn't look accepting to him either. He closed his eyes and forced himself to kneel before her, yet still not touching her for fear that she would bolt in fright.

"That last night, the night of the attack. I was going to talk to you. To finally confess you of what I wanted, what I truly longed for. I couldn't keep it inside any longer. Yes, you still had a year to go in school, yes, you were still so very young, but I wanted to clear the air about my feelings towards you. I wanted to test the grounds for any.. future.. relationship."

Hermione couldn't help herself, she reached out and touched his arm. "What about Malfoy? Why was he there?"

He lifted his gaze from her hand on his arm and looked into her questioning eyes. He didn't see the hate that he expected to see, but there was still fear present.

"Lucius had own obsession with you, however it's not a love obsession. I think the whole Malfoy line is incapable of that emotion, but he did have something, he had Lord Voldemort's promise. The Dark Lord had promised you to Lucius in return to his faithful service over the years."

She gasped at that revelation and he wanted to reach out to comfort her but stayed his hand before he did anything to make her retreat. Once he was certain that she had no questions at the moment he continued.

"Lucius was there that evening to try to collect on the promise. Draco had informed him that you were to serve detention that evening and he flooed in to collect what he thought was his prize for his services to the Dark Lord. I, of course, refused his request. I had other plans for us that evening." He allowed his hand to cover the one on his arm, pleased that she didn't pull away. "Lucius and I fought and unfortunately, you decided to enter the classroom at the most.. inopportune.. time. I couldn't let him take you. I couldn't stand the thought of him touching you the way I wanted to. You didn't belong to him and I was damned if I was going to just hand you over to him without a fight."

He felt her tiny hand squeeze his own and felt encouraged continuing.

"I almost had a heart attack when I heard your voice at the door. I wanted to run and push you out of the door to tell you to come back later.. to get you away from that monster, but I was too late to get you away. When Lucius took your arm and was leading you to the hearth, I panicked. I saw the fear in your eyes and I attacked him. I wasn't fast enough to catch you when you knocked yourself out and I lost all train of thought running to you to see if you were badly hurt. Thankfully you had just knocked yourself out but that was the only distraction that Lucius needed. He took that opportunity to place me under Imperious."

He felt her stiffen slightly but didn't remove her hand so he felt sure that she could finish hearing this.

"I fought it, Hermione.. I did.. as long as I could. But, I guess my subconscious wanted it more than I thought. I don't.. " pausing, not sure how to continue. "Hermione, I have no excuse for what I did. I'm not completely sure if I was under the curse when I took you or not. My mind was too befuddled to tell. Lucius could have lied about removing the curse at that.. moment.. to make the act worse, but then he could be telling the truth. I just don't know, I don't know anything for sure anymore.

"Severus.. " He stopped as her tiny voice and paused while she contemplated what she was going to say.

"Yes?" His voice cracked with emotion.

"What.. what do you think happened?"

He frowned. "I thought I explained.. " Perhaps he didn't.

"No.. " She paused taking courage from a deep breath. "Do you feel.in your heart or in your.. soul.. that you were under the curse when you raped me?"

He looked down at her hand interlocked now with his. He didn't know what to think, didn't want to know what he was thinking at that time.

"I don't know, Hermione.. I really.. I was too confused at the time."

"In your heart.. Severus.. did you want to rape me?"

"Gods, no.. " His face darkened slightly at that comment.

She smiled slightly and leaned forward to kiss him gently on the cheek.

"Then you were under the curse, Severus.. I don't think that you would have willingly done that to me, not if you claim to love me so much."

He raised a hand to his cheek and stared at her in disbelief. His heart skipped a beat at her words.

"I do love you, Hermione.. "

"I know.. but.. " She took a deep breath and returned his gaze. "I need some time to work this out, Severus. This is a lot of.. information that I need to work through."

"I understand, my love.. I wouldn't ask anything else of you. I waited this long.. I can wait as long as possible.. if.. if there is a possibility for an.. us.. in the future."

She nodded and released his hand. "I think we both need some time alone to think about this. I need time to accept my own.. feelings.. towards you."

He moved back allowing her room to stand.

"Is there.. a possibility.. for an us?" He whispered staring down into her beautiful brown eyes.

She smiled up at him and once more kissed his cheek.

"Yes.. In time.. I'm sure there can be."

He allowed the breath he was holding to release.

She stepped around him. "I need to go get Sebastian.. are you coming?"

He shook his head at her request. "I need to speak with Albus.regarding Lucius. But I will stop by the chambers later if that is all right with you?"

She nodded and with one last smile at him, she left leaving him trembling in relief.

The truth was out.. and she didn't hate him.

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Author's notes and Acknowledgements:

Anarane Anwamane: And I would say you are RIGHT? LOL

ZMSynerus: Thank you. I had a BIG problem with getting it just right. Thanks for reading.

IloveBen: Thank you, try a couple of my other ones. I hope you like them as well. As for the baby's name.Sebastian has always been one of my favorite names as well and it goes wonderfully with Snape.

Magdellin: A lie? Have I ever lied to you before, my dear? Hehehe

Crissy: I agree

Dryade: I'm working on it more.

Caffeine: Lucius will indeed be included in this story more in the future chapters. I'm sorry about the wait but I'm having a MUSE REBELLION right now. She's kinda AWOL.if you find her, her name is Frank.please send her home.

Kitchen1: yep

Jamie: thank you

Umbridgeitis: Thank you, I appreciate that. I will try to update quicker next time.

Raclswt: Consider yourself on my E-mail list.thank you for your nice words.

J.S. Sumner: Hey Hon.Yes I know I have Severus a bit out of character here. But, if you have read closely, he wasn't a complete perfect father so far. I didn't let on the fact that he was in love with her earlier because I wanted it to be a surprise, and I obviously got that over. The reason why she took his memory away should be in this chapter you have just hopefully read. And I hope that it was successfully explained to you. If not.let me know and I will try to make it more believable. Love you and I'm glad that you aren't mad at me either.

Hpgirl55: LOL.she knows now.LOL

Hali: More is coming.

Romm: I agree, Severus will have a lot on his guilty mind over all of this but things will work out, no fear.

Franflutewitch: A child's love is always the best glue.

Sirius Star Holder: Thank you hon. I love that you are enjoying this. More will be up soon, if my muse holds up.

PinkCHubbyMonkey: Yes Ma'am.:D

Jayne Elizabeth: Thank you and more is on the way!

Jack's Trin: I hope your curiosity if rewarded with this chapter. I thank you kindly for your nice words.

Tater Salad: 'Tater Salad'.LOL.that is Sooooooooo cute.Oh, and please DON'T go crazy.here you go.enjoy!

Catherine: Thank you. I am glad that this story has gotten such a warm response. It completely makes my day to read such warm reviews.

Alex: Sorry, but since I'm American I have SOME problems with the British dialogue. I think I have repaired the Mommy's to Mummy in my original version, but I seriously doubt if I will be going in and replacing the ones already posted. But thank you for pointing that out. I have it fixed on the original version.

Alison of the faeries: Thank you, more soon.

Florentia: Shock is a good way to stir things up. I think keeping things stagnant is COMPLETELY unhealthy, collects way to many mosquitoes they suck up all the good blood out there.ugh.did that make ANY sense to you? LOL

Ladydeathfaerie: Cruel? Well, perhaps and don't worry my dear, Severus WILL get his revenge, both he and Hermione will get him good. And they both have guilt they have to swim through to forgive the other. But they will.

Ratty: Another chapter is up.and more on the way.

Otherside: ah.well, these questions will be answered in the next few chapters.keep reading.

Miss Night: More is here. More is coming. Thank you very much for reading I appreciate you taking the time to let me know you like my story.

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Thank you all so much for your time and compassion.

Blessed Be

RWH