Disclaimer:

Don't own FFVII or the Holiday Inn. If there IS an "Ambling Walrus" bar out there, we don't own it either. We make no money off of this, because that would just be too wonderful. Oh! and don't own the whole Charlie and the Chocolate factory title name thing, hahaha.

A/N:

So incase you haven't noticed, I (Corncob), have problems writing short chapters…Mine are always stupidly long. LittleLate complains that because mine are monsters, it makes hers look shorter…especially this next one. So excuse the awful length of this one, as well as the awful shortness of her next one. We have all the chapters planned out/outlined, and that's just how it is.

Please enjoy!

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"Okay! Everyone know their grounds?"

Zack looked over his team of assorted misfits: all "specially selected" to help remove any and all remaining photographs from the Shinra building(s).

Before him stood a confused blond cadet, a deranged Turk, and a particularly pissed looking scientist.

The blond raised his hand, grumbling when Hojo rolled his eyes. Apparently asking questions was unacceptable to a genius .

"Yes! Special Agent Cloud?" Zack answered quickly, pointing to his friend.

"Yea, um…Why is he here?" the Cloud asked, gesturing towards Hojo who gave an indignant humph.

Zack was about to answer the lad when the scientist stepped in to explain himself.

"Those are my pictures. I do intend to have each one returned to my desk as soon as possible."

Vincent snorted.

"Because he's a sick fuck."

Zack tried not to laugh at Vincent's comment, or glare at Hojo (he was helping, after all), but it was hard since the man was the REASON those pictures existed in the first place.

"Right." The SOLDIER nodded.

"Any more que-"

The peach-loving Turk and the soulless professor had both already walked off in their separate directions, leaving Cloud looking at a now crest-fallen Zack.

Cloud smirked at the older man and patted him on the shoulder.

"No more questions, Sir."

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"Hey Ronald!" a young-faced, brunet Turk-in-training exclaimed as he nudged his partner in the ribs.

"Yea?"

"Look!" the first boy pointed down the hall a ways to where a black haired, red eyed man was making his way with a satchel overflowing with the pictures.

"That's the guy who's always talking to that SOLDIER. I heard he was with him this morning, and he's helping him get all those pictures of the General…I hear he's a Turk."

Ronald looked thoughtful.

"He isn't dressed like a Turk."

"Yea…He must be that one guy! The one that Tseng gave lunch detail, I don't know, I wasn't really listening. I think his name is Valentine."

It was quite clear that Vincent's legendary reputation hadn't proceeded him in this case. And ignorance wasn't always bliss.

Unaware of the man's infamous temper and penchant for insanity, Ronald only smirked as Vincent came closer.

"Well then, let's teach this 'Turk' a lesson in loyalty."

Both boys folded their arms and stood side by side, effectively blocking the hallway as Vincent reached them, glare and scowl already gracing his face. He didn't have the time nor the desire to deal with inexperienced Turk-wannabes.

"Hey, Lunch Lady." The brunet jibed, Ronald picking up immediately after.

"Yea, Valentator. Haven't you been paying attention? Turk's don't talk to SOLDIERs. Especially not the one you've been talking to."

The lethal and remotely unblanaced Turk began to count to ten in his head, trying to deny how beautiful a double homicide would make his day.

"Yea, what are you? Some kind of traitor? You're just as low as that Lieutenant for talking to him!"

"You call yourself a Turk? You're a--"

Silence followed the sharp, ringing sound of the gunshot. Of course, said silence did not last long as shock gave way to agony and the screaming began. The brunet boy took off, leaving his friend to his own devices, though devices were rather hard to come by when one has just had a bullet shatter their left kneecap. By the time the paramedics reached Ronald, Vincent was well on his way, wearing a satisfied grin as he removed another photograph from the womens' restroom.

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Zack rounded the corner with a spring in his step, trying to reach one of the many conference rooms in the building. His 'team' had planned to report back at 4'o'clock and it was now 3:58.

He got to the room exactly on time, only to be met by a sticky note on the door.

Zack-

I got all the pictures in my area. I had to go to that class early so I put my stuff inside. Plus, I saw Vincent's note, and no way I'm waiting in there with him alone. See you later.

-Cloud

Removing the paper from the door, Zack saw another one underneath it.

Finished early. Got tired of waiting. The stuff is inside. Don't ever ask for my help again.

Though it was unsigned, the dark-haired man had a pretty good idea who it was from, even without reading Cloud's note. Sighing and opening the door, Zack was greeted by a giddy looking Hojo, who was holding three copies of the same picture. It was more than a little disturbing.

"He always was the perfect specimen…" the scientist muttered wistfully.

Zack rolled his eyes and began gathering the other two mens' bags with his own on the table top, Hojo still had his protectively at his feet, now giving him a hard look.

"You know who is responsible for this, do you not?"

Zack seemed surprised. He had expected Hojo to demand his photos back and slither off to the lab. The scientist obviously intended to do the talking right now and kept going before Zack could answer.

"Not even you are that oblivious, Lieutenant. I would have stopped that scoundrel myself if I hadn't had to attend to what ever damages he may have caused...he's lucky he didn't break anything, or I…"

Hojo continued to ramble about what horrors he would bestow upon Reno as Zack tried to inconspicuously back towards the door with his bags, not wanting to spend another second with the mad man alone. This was how people disappeared.

"If I ever see him anywhere near my laboratories again…" his face twisted in a sinister grin.

"Someone will have to file a missing persons report."

Zack was half way down the hall running for his life before he froze, Hojo's words ringing in his ears.

'Missing person's report…'

"Yea…" he thought outloud.

"I could kidnap Reno for a while…Scare him, let him go after a few days…"

At the strange, if not mortified, look he received from a random secretary, Zack decided to keep all of this musings internal until he reached his General's office. He had pictures to return.

------------------------((humanity?))---------------------------

"Hey, Seph! I've got good news!" Zack chirped happily, delighted at the prospect of Sephiroth being pleased with him. His happy face dropped, however, when he saw his friend.

Sephiroth looked worse than he had this morning. Zack had never seen the man depressed before, and had little idea how to handle it. Forget the napkin, at this point, a dust bunny could have gained the upper hand.

"Seph?"

Sephiroth looked up from the desk where he had been staring at his picture to his Second with the saddest eyes the younger man had ever seen. The pain in those other-worldly eyes made Zack's heart stop beating. What he wouldn't do to make Seph feel better, only Gaia knew.

'I'm going to get Reno for this. Let's see how he likes it when something awful happens to his boss.' Zack thought furiously.

'But in the meantime…'

Zack stepped around the desk and removed the photograph from his Superior's hands. He decided to try something he hadn't dared before, for fear of bodily harm. He leaned down and enveloped the man in a warm hug. Ordinarily the silver-haired man wouldn't tolerate such an action, but…he just felt too shitty right now.

"What do ya say, man? I've got the Fire material and you've got the clearance to use it wherever the hell you'd like."

A moment passed before Sephiroth stood and pulled from Zack's embrace with a small smirk on his lips.

"Get the bags, Zackary."

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When Tseng walked into his office the first thing he noticed was a large, black video tape. Frowning, he picked it up to inspect it, rage flaring through his body when the label read "Delilah."

"Zack." Tseng hissed.

Zack would obviously know about Delilah through Reno, he had just hoped that the SOLDIER wouldn't sink so low. Obviously that hope had been horribly misplaced.

Quickly locating his rather outdated VCR and hooking it up, Tseng popped the video in.

The blank screen changed to display an orange ball. It had a piece of electrical tape slapped across it, as if to 'blindfold' it.

"You're going to die, Fair." Tseng was imagining all the ways to kill a certain someone when a fake, high-pitched, and obviously Zack's voice came through the TV.

"Help me, Mr. Tseng! It hurts! It hurts!"

Tseng's right eye twitched at 'Delilahs' pathetic pleas.

"Shuddup!" a much deeper ( but also clearly Zack) voice broke out and a gloved hand came into view to flick the ball.

"Oh! Ow! No! Please, don't hurt me anymore, mysterious kidnapper!" 'Delilah' continued to shriek.

The absurdity of it all made Tseng want to take a dive on the 72nd floor, but his love for Delilah kept him watching.

"Now listen to me." The deep voice echoed.

"If you ever want to see your beloved one again, you will meet me…um…" The voice paused, losing some of it's demanding power.

"Meet me at…the Ambling Walrus at 7pm tonight. That is all."

'Delilah' screamed some more before the screen went black, only to return a few moments later.

"And come alone...Oh, and unarmed."

Finally the screen cut for good and Tseng glanced at one of his many clocks. It was 6 now, and if Tseng had any chance of locating what ever the hell 'The Ambling Walrus' was by 7, he needed to leave now.

He jumped from his chair, knocking it over, and sprinted from the office with a purpose in his heart, not noticing Elena who had been eavesdropping moments before.

As Tseng exited the Turk Lounge entirely, the blonde woman sniffed and sat down.

"Why? Why is she so important that he would obey some cheap video to get her back? It's not fair…" Se then glared over at her computer before smiling psychotically.

"All right Delilah. Let's find out who you are…"

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It was 7:09 when Tseng strode in to the Ambling Walrus.

The people of Midgar had been reluctant to help him at first, but a gun usually got people talking. Tseng smirked as he recalled the kidnapper's 'specific' instructions.

"Come inarmed."

Fuck unarmed; Tseng never went anywhere unarmed.

Passing the grubby looking patrons, the Turk made his way to the bar, where he was instantly recognized by his uniform.

"You here for Delilah?" the salty looking bartender questioned as he set down a glass he'd been polishing.

Tseng nodded, trying to ignore the fact that the rag he was 'cleaning' with was dirtier than the glass itself. This was exactly why he didn't 'do' public eateries, and sure as hell didn't use the silverware in the Shinra Cafeteria.

The bartender pointed his thumb towards a back room.

"Don't be causin' no trouble" he warned before walking off to fill another drink order.

Tseng tried to withhold the cringe at how his shoes stuck to the floor with each step as he made his way to the backroom.

He felt no need to be too worried. This was Zack he was dealing with. Zack wouldn't hurt anybody unless Sephiroth gave the call. Besides, the kid worshipped the ground he walked on for some reason.

"Ah, you've come, excellent." A 'mysterious figure' spoke as he entered the room.

The man had his back to the door, obviously hoping to keep his identity a secret. Unfortunately, not even the Midgar Monsters (the city's only baseball team) ball cap he was wearing could disguise that hair.

Tseng decided to let Zack think what he wanted. He would play along of it got Delilah back that much faster.

"I hope you aren't too nervous: doing business with a total stranger, you know."

It was the same fake voice from the video. Tseng shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, forcing himself to go along with it. It was just so painful…

"Well, we Turks are trained for such matters, Mister…"

Faced away, Zack's closed his eyes in mirth, not fully believing that Tseng was buying this, but finding it terribly hilarious, regardless.

Now to think of some ridiculous name for Tseng to repeat.

"Candyman" came Zack's forced reply.

Tseng rolled his eyes.

"Of course. Do you have what I require, Mr. Candyman?"

The fact that Tseng was treating the situation in a completely serious, professional manner made Zack want to fall out of his chair laughing, but instead he gave a light cough as he reached into his pocket.

"Yes, Mr. Turk. I have what you require. Did you bring what I asked for?"

Tseng blanched. He couldn't recall any instructions to bring 'payment.' Glowering, he decided to end this. He was fed up with this entire, idiotic charade.

"Zackary Fair."

The man froze at the unbelievably stern statement of his name. He considered denying recognition, but…well, he saw how well that worked for 'Violet.' Besides, it was quicker this way.

Turning to face the irate Turk, Zack removed Delilah from his pocket, all the while praying that the man would eventually forgive his next move.

"All right. You got me." He said in a defeated manner, hands in the air as he walked to Tseng.

As he reached to accept his precious stress-ball, Tseng had no time to deflect the switft blow delivered to the side of his head, rendering him instantly unconscious.

Zack grimaced as Tseng slumped over, and easily caught the lighter man.

Forcing the guilt away, he smiled. He had a perfectly safe place to tie-up and stow the man until the time came.

To the Holiday Inn.

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"This is Tseng. If this is Rufus- Press 2. Anyone else- Leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Reno slammed the phone shut as he growled his frustration.

"Tseng always answers his cell phone! The bastard goes, like, nowhere without it!"

He paced back and fourth before Elena and Rude as he began tugging on his hair. Tseng wasn't answering his phone. This added to the state they found his office in could only mean something bad. That office was always in painfully spotless condition; perfect order. Today Reno walked in to find his bosses chair tipped over, a drawer open, and the door left ajar. That. Didn't. Happen. Not with Tseng.

"Tseng-sama does always answer his phone…" Elena replied in an affirmative manner, eyes lowering to the floor.

Saying Tseng kept his phone on him was an vast understatement. He was wwell known to walk around with the phone to his ear, pretending someone was on the other end just to avoid talking to anyone in the room. Reno called it creepy and anti-social. Tseng called it necessary.

"I hope this doesn't have anything to do with…"

Elena silenced herself as Reno lunged at her, seizing her by the shoulders.

"What? Anything to do with what" Reno gripped her harder, apparently believing that the harder he shook- the faster she's answer.

It wasn't until Rude got a grip on his shoulders that he let the poor girl go.

"Sorry…" he muttered as he exhaled heavily and settled himself down.

"Sorry Laney, continue."

"Well…I heard him in his office today. He put in the movie that had been delivered by a little blond boy. On the video there was a man talking; It sounded like the Lieutenant with a bad head cold... He--"

Reno's raised palm signified silence and she halted.

So Zack took him.

He was going to pay for this. Oh yes. Reno already had a plan, and he would carry it out even if it killed him. And that was looking like a large possibility.

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A/N:

Oooooh. Tseng's been Turk-Napped! What happens next? Well, I guess you're at LittleLate's mercy on that one, and who knows how long that will take. I can push for her to write, but...What can I say. She's stronger than me.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Please review!

(Which reminds me, I just want to say a quick thank you to all the reviewers, specifically of the past 2 chapters. They made us all warm inside!)