Discaimer: We still don't own anything that we write about sadly. Though if I ever find the rights to these guys at a yard sale, rest assured that we will snatch them right up. But until then-- We own nothing.
AUTHOR NOTES! Corncob: Well you all are certainly in for a treat this chapter! We SHARED it! LittleLate did Tseng's half, and I did Seph's through the end (I think she got the better deal...) Since you have to hear from both of us twice this chapter, I guess I will go ahead and shut up, and let our other author say her stuff :)
TooLittleTooLate: Took us long enough, didn't it? But it was ALL corncob's fault! Blame her for taking so long and for everything that sucks in this chapter...On with the chapter!!
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"Ow," Tseng mumbled as he opened his eyes. His left eye felt like a piece of tenderized steak.
Taking a look around, he came to the conclusion that he was not on base anymore. Not good. He had been unconscious for who knew how long and had no idea how he had gotten to wherever he was.
The last thing he remembered was something about a Mr. Candyman…
Zack. That idiot did this to him. Tseng couldn't believe he had let his guard down like that. Of course it was Zack, who would've thought the man would snap enough to kidnap the leader of the Turks and his idol?
Sure, it had been foolish to play into his hands and meet him at that bar, but he had done it for Delilah; his one weakness. He had come alone because, really, how much trouble could Zack have been?
Tseng tried to touch his face to feel the damage bestowed upon his face but found that he couldn't move his arms. Apparently Zack could be a lot of trouble.
He had zipped Tseng's jacket up with his hands inside it. And if that wasn't enough, he had also tied the sleeves together.
Tseng groaned at the mental image of himself. He probably looked like some psychiatric patient tied up in a straight-jacket. Great.
He tried to ignore the fact that his uniform was almost as wrinkled as Reno 's and worked on way to escape instead. He worked his left hand up enough that he could just hook his index finger up and over the zipper.
Then, inch by inch, he was able to work the zipper down. Sure, it may have been easier to just slip it off over his head, but that would put even more wrinkles in it. Tseng shuddered at the thought of being more unkempt than he already was.
He untied the arms of his jacket and beat out the worst of the wrinkles. Slipping back into it, he got up from the bed and attempted to do something he did every day of his life since he was eight months old. Walk.
It was almost in slow motion. He lifted his left foot and felt a tug when it was no more than a few inches off the ground. Before he could register what was wrong, he was falling face first into the wall.
He hit with a dull thud and crumpled to the floor. He rolled onto his back and looked down at his shoes in disbelief. The laces were knotted together in a very neat bow. Zack had tied them together.
Obviously Zack had thought this would keep one of the stealthiest men alive trapped.
Tseng sighed as he reached down and undid the poorly done knot with one quick movement and retied them. He did his best to look over the fact that there were finger prints all over his usually spotless shoes.
As he got up, his eyes kept darting back down to the smudges that plagued his footwear. Deciding that a few moments to clean up couldn't hurt, he went into the bathroom.
"Zack, you are in for. A. World. Of. Pain," Tseng growled as he saw his reflection in the mirror.
He stepped forward and inspected his bruised face. The area around his left eye was turning a rainbow of blues and purples. And was that a hint of yellow around the edge?
While contemplating all the possible ways to make Zack wish he had never been born, Tseng proceeded to shower. He grimaced as he used the generic brand of shampoo the hotel provided.
Finally deciding that he was as clean as he was going to get in the second rate hotel, he stepped from the shower and dried off. Realizing he had no clean clothes, he shuddered at the thought of putting on his dirty uniform. Zack was definitely going to pay for this.
He straightened himself out in the mirror as much as possible and headed out of the bathroom. Now that he was, for all intents and purposes, clean, he needed a plan. Should he wait here or just leave?
He sat on the bed and began to clean his shoes while he thought.
What the hell? Is that…no. Is that motor oil? That's never going to come off!
Tseng scrubbed at the immovable spot and figured to hell with Zack, he was leaving. He stood up and looked at his ruined shoes in disgust. Shaking his head at the stupidity that was Reno and Zack, he made his way to the door.
If he was careful, he wouldn't meet anyone he knew along the way back to his office. It was after 6 p.m., so everyone was most likely in the apartment building. The only people that stayed after hours were him, Seph, and Hojo. Not that Hojo ever came out of the labs…
As Tseng left the Holiday Inn, he wondered how Reno had handled being in charge, if only for a day. As he smiled at the idea of Reno having to deal with problems, his thoughts turned to Rufus and the smile vanished.
Who was watching him? Oh, please, let it be anyone but Elena. The one and only time she had watched him had been a disaster to say the least. Rufus had treated her as his personal slave and was making her do the most mundane tasks from getting his laundry to making his bed.
And Tseng had an inkling that that was the day that Elena had solidified her crush on him, courtesy of the information Rufus had given her.
Worried what damage Rufus would cause this time, Tseng broke into a hurried walk which quickly progressed into a jog. As he recalled Elena insisting they go for ice cream and nearly wrecking the car with Rufus in it, he took off at a sprint.
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Tseng ran into Shinra and went in search of Rufus. Thankfully the vice president was easy to find. He was cowering in a corner of the hall outside his office. Rod was hovering off to the right looking worried.
As Tseng walked up to the pair, he quirked a brow at Rod.
"I don't know what's wrong with him! He's been like this all day. I tried to help him, but that only made it worse!" Rod said desperation in his voice as he looked at Rufus with concern.
"You didn't touch him, did you?" Tseng asked, kneeling beside Rufus.
"Umm…maybe. I don't remember. Was I not supposed to?" Rod asked confused.
Tseng gave him a look and placed a comforting hand on Rufus' shoulder. Rod flinched, waiting for another fit from the blond. Rufus just looked up and blinked owlishly at Tseng before flinging himself onto the man.
"You're dismissed," Tseng told Rod as he passed with Rufus clutching desperately to his arm.
Rod watched as Tseng walked Rufus into his office, whispering to him. Rufus seemed to calm down with every step they took. As Tseng closed the door, Rod heard Rufus laugh.
"Well, that was weird. I couldn't get the kid to even look at me, let alone laugh…" Rod ran a hand through his head and walked to the elevator. The only thing on his mind was a good stiff drink and falling into bed. The sooner he put this day behind him, the better.
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It was odd for the man, indeed, as his blurry green eyes opened to reveal a potted plant, carpet, and if his hazy pupils strained--- an electrical outlet from the peripheral. Other than that, he was staring at a wall.
As Sephiroth calmly took in his rather bland surroundings, familiarity began to sink in. On top of the immaculately vacuumed carpet, the smell of high-dollar shoe polish hung lightly in the air. He was in Tseng's office. And he was tied to a chair.
A standard, Shinra-issue, executive chair that was just like Sephiroth's, except in one respect; The General's chair had been crafted specifically for him and his exceptional height. Tseng's was not.
Sitting quite uncomfortably in a chair that forced his knees into his chest, Sephiroth took a deep breath and began inspecting the ropes that had bound him.
Few words could explain the absolute nightmare that was this knot, in fact, Sephiroth himself could find no way to label it at all. All he knew was that if hell had ever tied a knot, this was it.
The rope wrapped around his torso, midsection, and upper thighs about a dozen times or so, the guilty party obviously intending to hold the man in one place for quite some time.
The two loose ends of the rope had been single, double, triple, and quadruple knotted. This process appeared to have been repeated several times.
When the criminal had finished his hideous rope job, he had apparently decided to go that extra mile. The very top of the knotted ropes had been completely melted—the entire upper-half now nothing more than a scorched, waxy hemorrhoid. The proverbial 'cherry on top,' if you will.
Needless to say that, despite Sephiroth's acute and wide-ranging abilities, he was not getting this thing untied.
Staring at the scorched mess a moment longer, the silver-haired man let his eyelids slid shut. He was going to remain calm. He was in the Shinra building; he was in Tseng's office. He knew his terrain, so there was no real need to panic.
As he opened his eyes, Sephiroth began breaking down the logistics of his situation.
If he could just gather enough momentum, and stand quickly enough, he would be able to detach himself from the undersized chair. Of course, no amount of logical thinking was going to change the fact that with his knees to his chest, he wasn't going anywhere but down.
And down he went as his attempt to stand crashed and burned, landing himself on his side as he stared blankly at the base of that potted plant. After a few moments of taking deep breaths and a few more moments of strategic but highly undignified wiggling, the esteemed General was up on his feet and free of the tangled, melted horror-show.
Turning to leave the room with every intention of finding the one responsible for this, Sephiroth noticed something a tad…different. Normally, when he turned and stalked about, he could feel his hair shift and flutter about, but right now he felt nothing.
The usually stoic man was in absolute terror as he reached behind him and felt only air. His eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. He could already feel depression and nausea setting it. As he reached up to assess the damage Sephiroth was suddenly inclined to admit that somewhere- there was a god, and that god loved him very much.
There, atop his head, was every last inch of his hair gathered into a neat, folded over ponytail. While silently overjoyed, this left the man genuinely confused.
Why would someone take the time to move his hair? Who, while kidnapping him, cared enough to make sure his hair stayed out of harm's way?
Then it clicked. Reno.
That little bastard was about to experience the most painful day of his life, right after the redhead explained exactly what he had done.
Whether or not Sephiroth would thank the other man for his thoughtfulness towards his hair after he finished skinning him alive, he would decide when the time came. There was nothing like a little spontaneity once in a while, as Zack often said.
Quickly stalking to the door and opening it, he was about to turn the corner when he was met by Tseng.
No…It couldn't be Tseng. Tseng never looked so…frumpy. It must have just been someone who looked uncannily like him.
"Your Second just made my shit list. Where. Is. He."
No, it was definitely Tseng…but with a black eye? 'Oh Sweet Shiva. Please don't tell me…'
"Zackary did that?" the General asked as he lightly touched his own eye, only just noticing the strange look he was receiving from the disgruntled Turk. Tseng nodded, absentmindedly bringing a hand to run along his temple, leering at the SOLDIER in disbelief all the while.
"Did…Reno…?"
Only then did Sephiroth recognize the dull throb ebbing through his right temple, as well as the flecks of dirt clinging to his face. Upon inspection in a hall mirror, he saw an irritated red imprint that suspiciously resembled a shoe print.
As Sephiroth continued to stare into the mirror and rage began to course through his body at the prospect of being kicked in the head, Tseng placed a hand on his shoulder to pull him away.
"Back to my office. We're ending this tonight."
After Tseng had compulsively cleaned his office and properly disposed of the accursed ropes, the plan had been meticulously formed.
For all Zack and Reno knew, their hostages where still in their respective stash points, and Tseng and Sephiroth knew it would not be too long before their absence was noticed. With any luck, anyway.
This led them to the next step of their plan and the reason they were currently side-stepping their way through Hojo's laboratory.
They did not have to search long before they found the scientist hunched over a table and scattering pages of cruel notes.
"I told you to go home, cretin." The professor called without turning around. Apparently he thought them to be one of his lab assistants, which he forced to clear out before 4-o-clock each day; an hour and a half earlier than everyone else in the company got off. It was actually a pretty sweet deal if you were willing to deal with working under the single most heartless man on the face of the planet and the long term post traumatic stress. And of course, the high risk that in a temporary fit of boredom, you may easily become Hojo's test subject of the day. Other than that, it was a great opportunity.
"And here I thought you enjoyed my company." Sephiroth answered, doing little to filter the disgust from his voice.
When Hojo whipped around he looked positively gleeful. His cruel excitement only increased when he saw that the Turk leader was present, as well.
"We're here to offer you a trade." Tseng added curtly, tired of being stared at like a piece of meat. Or an amoeba. He wasn't really sure which one.
Adjusting his glasses, Hojo smirked.
"Oh? Do go on."
"We are both willing to sit down and give you a mental evaluation. In return we only require that you write us note."
Sephiroth knew just what to offer the psychotic professor, as Hojo had been pestering him for that evaluation for months. Tseng's participation was an unexpected added bonus, one that the scientist could simply not refuse.
"Ah, General, a note I can do. Right this way, gentlemen. Into the back."
There was a fleeting a moment in which Tseng wondered if he would ever again see the light of day, but he figured that should Hojo try anything, he and Seph could easily take his skinny ass. Besides, if they didn't survive, how could they murder Zack and Reno?
AUTHORS'NOTES:
Corncob: Well, that was a first. We've never split a chapter in half before. I think it fit nicely, I don't know about you. Well I am exhausted after typing this beast up. So I'll be passing the computer over to Loop now!
TooLittleTooLate: Heh...she gave it to me without reading my first note...idiot. Little does she know I insult her every chance I get...Okay, she does know that. You'd think she'd check what I'm writing...oh well. That's why I'm the smart one...Review please! We've been very dissapointed with you guys lately. Don't make us hold the next chapter hostage just because you can't spare a few seconds to review...go. NOW!