DIRT DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP
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So, I got some 'okay, give it a try's on this story, so I guess I'm gonna go ahead and give it a try. Max Bounty Hunter, same with Nudge, Fang and Iggy. The others are a'comin' in too, don'tcha worry 'bout it. (Song by AC/DC).
-for anyone who didn't or doesn't know, a bounty hunter is someone who brings in the people who skip bail or just have done nasty things, escaped from jail, ect. Then the hunters collect the reward.
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"What do you do for money honey?
How do you get your kicks?
What do you do for money honey?
How do you get your licks?"
-AC/DC
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You wouldn't believe how fast I can drive without getting ticketed. It's all about what streets you take and when you put on your turn signal and act good, and when you burn rubber. I'm pretty sure I could beat any Vegas native in a drag race through the city, though I wouldn't bet my red Jeep on it. Damn I loved this Jeep.
Oh, and for those confused about just how my rival in the bounty-world didn't hit the roof when he saw my GIANT-ASS WINGS, it goes like this: They're really a pain to hide, so pretty much everyone I take in, everyone I beat down and everyone I have had a social acquaintance with more than once, knows how I goes. Or, fly, for that matter.
And it's not like I'm the only freakshow in the west, you should see my half-brother.
My cell rung as I shrieked around a corner. "Talk to me." See how I answer my phone? I am so badass.
"Yeah, it's Nudge."
I rolled my eyes. "How's your 'sick day' going? Wanna throw in a convincing cough for me?"
"You on the Gibson case?" She ignored my last comment.
"Yeah, why? Wanna lend a hand or just sit over there like a lazy-bum?"
"Listen, I have information on where he's staying."
"Little late, baby. Already got that he's on Suckleberry with his girl."
"Not unless his girl lives in a government factory. All that's down Suckleberry is nuclear plants."
"Really? How long that been true?"
"Uh, only, like, ten years."
Huh. I guess I didn't know the city quite as well as I bragged. Good thing I got that outta the way before I managed to embarrass myself with wrong info. "So spill it Nudge, where's he at?"
"Nice use of prepositions. I mean, I know you aren't from Grenetch Village, but still-"
"Nudge. The info." God, that girl would tangent if you didn't stop her.
"Right. His family house is down on Orelly Street-"
"Thanks." I began to turn around in a driveway.
"BUT I wouldn't look there if I were you. I slammed on the brakes and waited. "His friend Tucker Lancing lives down at Benson Lane."
"You know, Nudge, you could have saved me gas and you time if you had just told me that HALF AN HOUR AGO."
"First off all, I have only been on the phone with you for five minutes, and second off, I'm really bored here at home."
"You're really sick, huh?"
She gave a convincing cough. "Believe me now?"
I sighed. "Later, Nudge. Feel better."
"Yes, ma'am. Over and out." She hung up with her cute little dialog which I hoped never to sound as dorky saying as she did.
I began halfway across the world-I-mean-town to get to Lancing's house. Bad news- I was going to need gas. Good news- there were going to be no lap dances tonight.
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I hit the downtown area and remembered why I almost never took it. It was clogged with middle age, middleweight America, and before I could roll outta that puppy, some moron swooped in to block me. So I was stuck, at least until I found another exit. I did, I got gas and I hit the floor over to Benson Lane. And guess who was already parked outside?
I slammed my door with a string of curses that I was actually quite proud of in that particular order, and stormed over to the blue van that had seen better days (and many better drivers).
Fang and Iggy were still outside, Iggy who is, let-me-just-inform-you-because-no-one-else-will BLIND. Yeah, I know. I occasionally make it my habit to get beaten by a testosterone-filled cowboy and his blind sidekick. Holy lame excuses, Batman!
Whatever, I walked up to them as they hooked up the dynamite. "How'd you get this location?" I crossed my arms before my chest.
"Your wings are dangling out, Hawkgirl." I gave another one of those quick laughs that turns into a frown.
"Your stupid's hanging out, Pengiun."
He just smiled over at me from behind though Oakly shades he had had since I had had the pleasure of meeting his aquaintance. "We got here first, I win."
"Uh, no," I cleared my throat like one of those old men explaining Quantum Mechanics or something, "actually, the deal was to bring in tbe bounty, not 'I saw it first'. And by-the-way, I'd think twice about blowing up private property that's not part of a drug-ring."
He gave me a look, but I knew I had gotten to him. "Fine," he tossed down his equipment. You know, like his tools? Oh, you know what I meant. "Then let's just do this the old fashioned way. Bringin' him in." He began down the front path to the fairly nice house of suburbia.
"One problem then, Mungo," I slapped his across his stomach so he gave an 'oof'. "Ladies first." And I began down the path as he followed.
"Fang? Fang? Thanks, guys." Iggy called from back at the car as we headed in. We both stood before the door.
"First one to get the kid..." I reminded him.
He flashed another smile, "get's that Golden Cupie Doll."
And we both put our feet up, smashing in the door simultaneously. But then, there was trouble, because just as there was the sound of helicopters and sirens. "Shit! Cops!" I turned on my heels as Fang grabbed my arm firmly to hold me down and under the porch. A chopper flew over. I gave him a glare, then tore off to my Jeep and leapt in. Iggy was cleaning up as Fang jumped in their van, yelling something at him when I sped away.
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Okay, here's the story. Cops and hunters get along pretty well with the right balance put in place. Cops like hunters because it means that they don't have to track down all the stray cats in the world. In turn, the cops don't bust us up for some of the less-legal methods we use to 'get the bad guy'. Hunter's like cops fine, as long as they stay out of our way and nobody calls them. (That famous line, 'I'm gonna call the cops'? Enough to strike fear into any hunter's heart.) Anyway, in a perfect world, cops and hunters would co-exist peacefully and always get along and happy little bunnies and birdies would frolic all over the meadow and Bambi's mother wouldn't have been shot.
This is not that world, and sometimes, the cops make the call to chase down the criminal themselves. In such a case, any bounty hunter at the scene better em scray unless they want the entire platoon beating down on their ass about illegal this and that and how I shot J.R. (Sorry about that last reference, gotta love the old soaps.)
So, in short, when a cop car shows, you get the Hell outta there and hope for better luck next time. Which is exactly what I did, driving back to my apartment to pick up Angel then go check in on Nudge, see if she really was sick. Maybe I'd bring some chicken soup...
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Angel Resscoli was this little girl, only six, who lived in the apartment across from mine. Her parents were, let's just say, less that attentive, though Angel never complained except to express desire to come live with me. Angel's older brother had been put up for adoption before Angel had been born and was now God knows where, could of been in China for all I knew, but all Angel's little heart desired (besides to live with 'Miss Max') was to find her brother. The task couldn't have been labeled too difficult if he were in the city, the mother and (I assume) any offspring that sprung from her womb had golden blonde ringlets and bright, clear blue eyes. Wish I looked like that, it's make my job a helluva lot easier...
Anyway, I made a pit stop by Angel's now that I knew today's job was botched and that I had to wait for another from Anne. Sometimes I just took Angel out for the day, usually returning her by the time a parent got home. Sometimes I got her back late. The conscious parent would usually just open the door and blink, like they hadn't even noticed she was missing. As for when she was alone, I hardly ever had to knock, Angel claimed she knew my footsteps. The door swung open widely.
Though it was Saturday her parents (like always) weren't home and she was eager to get out of the junkie apartment. "Miss Max!" She greeted me, jumping into my arms. I laughed and spun her around.
"You want to come over to Nudge's house with me, Angel? I'll make you lunch there." She grinned and nodded, taking my hand and following me to the Jeep. As she walked in her little sleeveless pink dress I noticed a dark purple mark just hiding above her shoulder. She hadn't mentioned it, so I bit my tongue. She climbed in the passenger's seat.
"I love Ratty," she sighed as she leaned back in her seat and began to tell me about her week at school. The name for my car she had developed in the passed month was due to her schoolbook that she had taken a liking to, The Wind in the Willows, which, though I had never read, I was glad she was liking it. Loving books. Something I never had time to do.
By the time we arrived at Nudge's I had heard all about a boy named Jeremy who chased her all over the playground and whom she professed extreme hate towards, though I, being the wise-prophet -slash-been-there human I am, knew she had quite the crush on the lucky little boy with 'black hair and freckles'.
When I knocked on the door to Nudge's apartment, there was a shuffling noise until the door was opened by a droopy, sad-looking Nudge wrapped in a blanket. She sneezed. "Hi Miss Nudge!" Angel grinned happily as I rested my hand on her head.
"Oh, why did you bring her, she's going to get all sick!" Nudge complained as Angel and I followed her hunched form into her tissue-filled apartment.
"Geez, did a tissue-tornado hit here?" I lifted a few from the couch into the trash before sitting down.
"I'll get them!" Angel claimed the job as her's as she began to find all of the tissues and shove them in the various trashcans. Nudge sniffled and sat down next to me.
"Stay away, sicky, I don't want it." I held up my hands in a cross and Nudge scooted to the opposite end of the couch, which, I'll be, wasn't particularly far away. "Saw Fang and Iggy today. Screwed up my plans, again." I grumbled as Nudge began a giggle that, to my delight, turned into a nasty cough. That's what she gets for making fun of me.
My cell rung. "Talk to me."
"It's Anne. Those were police on you, we saw it on the news." The 'we' reffered to her and her boyfriend whose name I had this nasty habit of forgetting, mostly just to piss her off. What can I say, he was an ex-con. What the Hell is she doing with him, even if they did meet in high school. Thankfully, the relationship was on-again off-again, so I only had to deal with him about 26 weeks out of the year.
"Yeah, so?" Nudge had begun to paw at me to hear, so I turned her on speaker-phone.
"So the job I gave you was routine, nothing big. Those cops shouldn't have been there, unless..."
"Unless what, Anne?" I was beginning to become impatient.
"Who was that with you?" She artfully changed the subject.
I waved it off. "Fang. That hunter who's always stepping on my toes? Yeah, well, he was at it again today."
"Oh." There was a pause in which I began to become impatient. "Let's hope they were after him."
I paused. "Whaddya mean? Anne? What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded into the phone.
"Listen, I'll call you back. Gotta go."
"Wait- Anne! Anne!" I yelled as I heard the phone click off. I spun on Nudge. "What the heck was up with that?"
Nudge shrugged, reaching over for her warm tea. I rolled my eyes, exasperated with the fact that nothing was ever easy. "Alright, you keep Angel, I'm going to figure this out." I stood as Nudge shuffled after me with protests.
Second thing to know about me- my mind is very, very hard to change. "C'mon, Max, what am I supposed to do with a six-year-old girl?"
"I dunno Nudge, use your imagination." I opened the door. "She likes chocolate milkshakes and Monopoly." I shut the door in Nudge's still-protesting face.
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I drove downtown to a place I hated visiting, but if someone had a hit out on me and if Anne weren't going to spill, I'd have to dig it up from somewhere. And, though making friends was not my strongest point (as you might have guessed), I still had one on the inside, who, by pure lucky coincidence, was right then outside. He leaned against the building with a smoke in his hand and, occasionally, his mouth.
"Sam," I greeted the young cop outside the precinct.
"Geez Max, aren't you, like, breaking the bounty hunter's number one rule- don't get within twenty miles and three restraining orders of the local precinct?" He walked over to me so we stood on the sidewalk before the police building.
"I only learn the rules to break 'em." I grinned as he flicked his hair from his face in the motion that made me remember why I had (briefly) dated him.
"Although I would love to stand here and chat and believe the reason you are braving the local badges is to see me, what do you need, Max?"
"So smart, that's how I like 'em." I pinched his cheek as he shied away with a slight smile, taking another draw from his cigarette. "I need to know, does anyone have a hit out on me?"
"And if it were for fifty thousand, would you turn yourself in?" He grinned but then shook his head. "Not that I know of. And I would know." He blew out.
I bit. "Why?"
"Bangin' the captain's secretary." He puffed out his chest a little.
"More benefits than bangin' a local bounty hunter I suppose." I crossed my arms.
"The benefits from you was never about the information." He promised.
"Oh, just what every woman wants to hear." I smiled an actual smile up at him.
"But thanks, Sam. I owe you." I began away.
"Max, you've owed me since you broke my heart- I'm just adding on to your tab and collecting interest."
I smiled as I climbed back into my Jeep. I did like Sam, but dating an officer? Not for me. Actually, if you put it that way, dating in general? Well, let's just say, the right man might be out there, but I was more likely to kick his ass than to ask him to the movies.
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But now I had to get down to business. The police, on the lower chain-of-commands at least, didn't know, so I had to extend my search. And now I had to make my way to a place I really hated. I mean, the precinct was Woodstock compared to my next destination. The cops were oomba loompas. The choppers were bunny rabbits. Or, I guess birdies, you know, because they flew...
Anyway, where I was headed, in case you didn't pick up on it, was a place I did not want to go. Hell, in the presence of Lucifer himself, in the form of my half-brother Ari.
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Reviews and feedback loved (naturally)! Anything I am doing wrong (or right!) and how you would like to see people portrayed? No obligations, just if you want and for fun.