Author's Note: It's been, like, forever since I've updated. Europe, Order of the Phoenix, and Deathly Hallows really kept me busy. Now, you will notice this chapter is easily half the length of the other chapters. A lot happens, though - It finishes up one idea and comes forth another. Next chapter will hopefully be considerably longer and will definitely be posted sooner. Until then, enjoy this one! Now, about Deathly Hallows - There won't be any real spoilers, but I will be changing something around AS OF NOW to go along with our newest HP book. By this, I mean birthdays and all. Otherwise, nothing really has to change. I guess I could make Snape a little less dark in Lily's eyes(Although she'll still dislike him), but we'll have to see!

Thanks to: Everyone who reviewed! I wish I could list the names, but that would probably make me post this even later. I really can't afford that. Albeit this, I read all reviews and am very thankful and flattered. :)

Disclaimer: I own a copy of Deathly Hallows! Then again, so do eleven million more people... Back to moping for me.

Chapter Three: Hysterically Laughing, Slangs, and Lamps
(This chapter is T)

"Blimey!"

I forced open my eyes, head pounding as I scanned the room. My gaze instantly fell on an extremely freaked out Petunia Evans, mouth hanging open and face mere inches away.

Not the best way to wake up, believe me.

I felt Lily stir slightly before sitting up next to me. She opened her eyes slowly, stuffing her fist in her mouth to stifle a yawn as she examined her surroundings.

Petunia had now moved closer, looking the two of us over with wild eyes. "Oh – I can't believe what I'm seeing…"

Lily and I sharing a bed. Duh.

"I'm sure you can work it out later," I offered, resorting to turning over and burying my face in my pillow. Lily instantly smacked my shoulder. Very hard, mind you.

I moaned audibly in pain as Petunia started laughing rather hysterically. It was quite disturbing, actually.

"You just wait, freak. You just wait until I tell Mum."

"Pettie, give it a rest," Lily mumbled wearily from next to me.

The laughing continued, now more forced. "No! This is perfect. Mum and Dad'll see that perfect little Lily is actually not as innocent as she seems," she screeched.

Yeah, it's not like we're wearing our clothes or anything. Which we are! That was sarcasm, you see. You know – Oh, never mind.

"Yes, we got it on nice and good last night," I mumbled into my pillow, hoping dearly that my sarcasm out loud was better than my inner ramblings. "I think it was our best time yet, in fact."

"James?"

"What?"

Lily gave me a slight shove, so that I was now facing the doorway. I gulped. Loudly.

It wasn't just Lily's creepy sister now. No, now her creepy father was by her creepy sister's side.

I laughed nervously, straightening subconsciously. "Mr. Evans. Hullo."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Well, isn't he polite?

I watched, horrified, as he violently grabbed a big, weird metal object off Lily's dresser and held it like a wand. "Get away from my daughter," he ordered.

Not feeling like disobeying, I scrambled up, eyeing him warily. I held my hands up anxiously as he began to approach me slowly.

Obviously something went off, as a second later, we were charging out of the room like maniacs. Well, I was running and swearing loudly while Mr. Evans was in pursuit of me, screaming like a hooligan while swinging around his weapon. To add to the excitement, Lily was following in attempt to calm things down with a giggling Petunia at her tail.

Wonderful.

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'And when you get the chance... You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen…'

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "Would you please turn that thing off?"

Sirius shot me a glare as he took a loud gulp out of the pop he was grasping firmly. "You think I haven't tried?"

I rolled my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. He obviously hadn't tried hard enough.

Remus, who had been preparing sandwiches for the lot of us as dinner, reentered Sirius's new fully-furnished living room. "The dishes are being washed," he announced, taking a seat next to me.

"Excellent."

"Yes – Why are you listening to that?" Remus asked, looking irritated. We all quieted so we could hear the blasted thing.

'You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life… See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen…'

Remus literally gagged, looking utterly repulsed. "Turn it off! I can't believe you guys listen to these feminine ramblings."

Oh, look who's doing the feminine rambling now.

Sirius narrowed his eyes in Remus's direction. "We couldn't turn it off, Moony-Boy."

Remus rolled his eyes and approached the thing which was playing it. Some sort of demented radio... We watched in awe as he poked a button with a square on it. He trampled back over to us and sat down again, looking at us with a hint of a smirk. "There's a reason that button is labeled stop."

Grinning sheepishly, I readjusted myself so my head was resting on the couch's armrest.

Sirius moaned, placing his now-empty bottle down, "I swear, when I thought of buying a Muggle house, I never thought they'd give me this bloody Muggle garbage to go with it."

Remus remained to be the only non-depressed person in the room. "Don't worry too much, Padfoot. You'll get the hang of it eventually."

Eventually being the keyword.

I stifled a yawn of boredom, glancing over at my best mate. "Don't worry, Sirius. I'm not exactly having the time of my life, either."

"Oh?" Sirius asked curiously, raising his eyebrows in interest. "Expand, Prongsintor."

"Well, for starters, Mr. Evans hates me," I began slowly, wincing inwardly as Sirius snorted, "and I'm also broke, living with my girlfriend's parents, and jobless."

"You should have seen them today," Remus chimed in, shaking his head, "Lily had to do a leg-lock charm to finally get him off Prongs' tail." Sirius quirked an eyebrow, causing Remus to chuckle. "Don't even ask."

Sirius turned to me, grinning broadly anyway. "He thought you and Lily were glossing the cat, didn't he?"

I stared. "Glossing the cat?"

He's officially crazy.

"You understood what I meant, didn't you?" Sirius prompted, waving around his empty pop bottle to signal for me to go on. I chuckled.

I nodded almost coyly, as Sirius burst out laughing. Now a vivid shade of red and beyond humiliated, I decided to imagine chocking him instead of actually doing it.

Once his laughter had died down slightly, he patted my back with a smirk. "Well, did you?"

I stared stupidly. "Did we what?"

"Gloss the cat? Drop the curry? Chafe the crayon? Bash the viaduct? Chink the-"

"That's enough!" Remus silenced, kicking Sirius in the shin as I laughed quietly.

Both of them turned to me, and I grinned. "Unfortunately not. We've only curled the onion once."

Remus ogled at me while Sirius thumped me on the back and stated loudly, "I've taught him well."

Remus shook his head in disapproval from next to me, although he wore a slight smile. "You two are idiots. Have you even thought about what you want to do with your lives?"

As if. He makes it sound like my thoughts actually make sense.

I shrugged and Sirius suddenly seemed extremely interested in my chin. Which was irritating, especially when he began feeling it. I smacked his hand away and glared, receiving a sheepish smile from him in return.

"No, of course not," I snapped.

Remus heaved a sigh, reaching into his pocket. I stared blankly as he pulled out an envelope and pushed it into my hands. He handed another one to Sirius.

I gawked at him. "Ew, get the bloody parchment away from me. Are you trying to kill me?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Just open it."

Feeling oddly obedient, I opened the envelope and felt my mouth drop open.

"How'd you get this?"

"Well, they weren't sure of your location, so they gave it to Dumbledore, who gave it to me to give to you."

I exchanged grins with Sirius, still shocked myself.

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'Dear Mr. Potter,

I'd like to invite you to lunch on Saturday, July 15. Please meet me at The Leaky Cauldron at noon, sharp. I have some important matters to discuss with you that I feel you will have much interest in.

Sincerely,

Raphael Smith'

Lily cocked an eyebrow as she looked up from the letter, a small smile on her face.

"So," I began, trying not to sound too excited, "How proud are you?"

She giggled slightly, stepping back, "I'm not sure, as I have no idea what this letter is referring to."

I stared at her dumbly. Was she completely daft?

"Hello?! Raphael Smith – The captain of the Montrose Magpies." She stared quietly, as I grabbed her by the shoulders in excitement, "My Quidditch team, Lils! I'm going to be a professional Quidditch player."

"Oh my gosh," Lily whispered, putting a hand to her lips in surprise.

I was hoping for a little more kissing. My bad.

I started dancing around Lily's room – We had locked ourselves in there in fear of the evil Mr. Evans as soon as I had Apparated back from Padfoot's.

"James!" She screeched.

I turned to her slightly, but couldn't keep the grin off my face or my feet standing still. "Yes?"

"Watch out!"

Before I could question her statement, a lamp fell on me from no where and I fell. I waited to hit something. And waited, and waited. Terrified, I open my eyes, to see that I was suddenly outside.

I had fallen out of Lily's window. How I did that, I'll never know.

Then, all of a sudden, there was screaming, a lot of pain, and darkness.

A/N: Please tell me how this was! I worked pre-tty hard on it, despite the length. I really was rather uninspired for some reason. Probably the deaths in Deathly Hallows. Good, sad book, that one was. Correct any mistakes. You can expect an update before the end of the month. Maybe Harry's birthday?...