Doumeki was unconscious, tossed against a wall with what had to be enough force to kill him. His bow had been thrown somewhere, lost in the dark, and probably shattered to a million pieces. Then to top it all off, Himawari had come running, calling out loudly to gain the over sized, and very hungry, spirits attention. He tried to call out to her, to tell her to stay back, and not put herself in danger, but his voice wouldn't come. It felt as if someone had come along and stolen his voice when he wasn't looking.

Her distraction had worked, the spirit, monster, thing,turned it's attention to the girl. It was annoyed with yet another getting in the way of it's prey, and somehow that emotion turned up in it's inhuman eyes. Where he'd been running away to put as much distance between himself and his assailant, now he was frozen to the spot as Himawari got just a little too close.

The sound of bones snapping and flesh tearing was the only other sound to be heard over his harsh breathing. Himawari lay in a pool of her own blood, all but unrecognizable, save for her long black hair, curled locks spread out like wings to contrast those of the monster that loomed above her.

In a moment that lasted an eternity, he could only watch as the horrible spirit, the spirit after his life, bent down and ripped an arm off the already mutilated corpse of his friend, and bit into it. Panic welled up inside of him, and he doubled over, losing what had to be everything he'd ever eaten. Then he was running.

"I don't want to die, I don't want to die." It was a mantra, repeating through his head in time with his hurried footsteps.

Fire burned across his back in the form of deep wounds from the monster's talons. "Please...no..." Then the ground rushed up to meet him.

xXx

Watanuki sat up in his bed, sheets a tangled mess, and pajamas sticking to his heaving chest from sweat. He threw his blankets aside, not bothering with lights or glasses, as he knew the way by heart now. In seconds he was on his knees before the toilet throwing up as violently as he had in his dream,

"No, not dream." He reminded himself harshly. "Memory." What he hadn't been able to do, and what he had done instead as he watched one friend ripped apart, and the other almost killed.

He collapsed to the bathroom floor, curling in on his roiling stomach. The dry heaves hurt, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to eat anything again. It was less than he deserved for his actions.

Squeezing his eyes shut against the stinging tears that threatened to fall, not for Himawari's loss so much as for his own pathetic state, Watanuki lay there for the rest of the night, silently wishing that morning wouldn't come.

xXx

"Oi."

The rough shaking of his shoulder startled Watanuki awake; sitting straighter in his chair at his desk, he glanced around the empty classroom. The fast pace of his heart was more than enough to tell him he was close to reliving that memory again. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake in school, and the last thing he needed was for his evening routine to slip into his daytime one. He knew it would though, because he couldn't watch the bloody, gruesome death of Himwarari without becoming sick. Just thinking about remembering it put his stomach in painful knots.

"My name's not 'oi'." He shrugged off Doumeki's hand, unhurriedly packing his books into his bag. "Bento?" When there was no response or proffered empty bento box Watanuki looked up to find the archer staring at him with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

"You haven't been eating." It wasn't a question, Doumeki was stating facts, despite that Watanuki hadn't been eating lunch with him since the incident a month ago. "Or sleeping."

Watanuki stood abruptly, snatching the empty bento from the taller boy's hand before shoving his chair in place. "I was asleep a second ago." Never mind that he had rather of not been, or that he was avoiding the first bit of what Doumeki had said. "Now move, I need to get to work.." He brushed past the other, and Doumeki turned to follow him.

This was the new routine, after that first week of mostly drug induced sleep, things had turned out like this. It wasn't that Watanuki was mad at Doumeki, the archer had been the first to offer up his life for his own, and it was hard to hate someone who did that. However, he wasn't happy that he'd so carelessly thrown his life away, or didn't try harder to convince Himawari to live.

His life wasn't worth anyone giving up their own for.

He didn't want to think about any of it anymore. Since that time, he had to wonder if he would have done the same for either of them. Before he could have told himself yes, with no hesitation, but now...

"Hey." Doumeki's voice brought him back to reality, it seemed like he was always doing that any more. "We're here."

Watanuki looked up at the shop, a place he dreaded stepping foot in, afraid of what other things people would exchange their lives for, now that it had hit so close to home. He'd watch with concern, so many times before, as people unwittingly wished their lives away, even seen people die first hand, but now it was so much more real than it had been. Before he'd practically been a dispassionate bystander. Now though, he couldn't turn away, more than ever he had to get his wish granted, so that none of his friends would find the need to do something like give up living just because he was going to be attacked ever again.

"Goodbye then." Watanuki didn't glance back as he stepped through dimensions.

Doumeki stared after Watanuki for a few seconds, able to see through shared vision the shop that wasn't there. When his eyesight returned to normal he left for his temple.

Every day was the same. He'd be woken up in the middle of the night by the sudden insight to the smaller boy's life, and watch him go through the routine of rushing to the bathroom. At first he'd stayed awake, contemplating going to comfort Watanuki, if he could, but had decided it would be best to let him work through this on his own.

Now, though, after weeks of the same thing, it seemed it would be necessary to intervene.

It wasn't hard for him to figure Watanuki out. Their vision was only shared when the other boy was feeling strong emotions. So nightmares at night, and, by the momentary flash in the afternoons, while he was drifting off at school as well.

Something to do with the shop too, since everyday he saw it once Watanuki realized they were there.

"It will break him."

Doumeki wondered if Himawari knew.

xXx

"Cake! Cake! Cake!" Maru and Moro sing-songed as they danced around a grumbling Watanuki. Mokona laughed as he jumped on top of the boy's head. "Cake! Cake!"

He finally made his way to the table, and set the tray down, sighing in relief as the girls and the pork bun left him for the sweets.

"Aren't you going to eat any?" Yuuko's voice called softly over the noise over the noise.

Watanuki turned back around to see his employer's red eye's locked to him, plate and cake in one hand with fork in the other. He glanced at the confectionery masterpiece,Yuuko had dubbed it so months ago, and his stomach gave a sharp little twist. "I'm not hungry." Truthfully, he was starving, but the very thought of food made him sick.

"Then don't complain when there isn't any left for you later." To emphasize her point, she took a large chunk out of her lice and popped it into her mouth. The other three mimicked.

"I'm sure I'll be fine." He shook his head at the antics. "I've got things I should be cleaning." He didn't miss the serious glint to Yuuko's eyes, masked by a teasing smile, as he went back to the kitchen.

Once there was a door between him and the other occupants of the shop Watanuki allowed the strain on him to catch up for a moment, and slumped to the floor. Sitting here, like this, it was hard to believe that they'd all lost an important friend none too long before. He was almost convinced he was the only one who cared, but Yuuko had dealt in lives for a long time, and Doumeki was always unreadable no matter the situation.

He felt like he was going to crack soon, but knew he couldn't, more importantly, he wouldn't allow himself too. He's survived loss before, and come out the better for it in the long run, he'd do the same now. Somehow.

Picking himself back up determinedly, Watanuki pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He was working now, and had to focus on that. It was all he could do for the time being, and it would have to be enough, while in the meantime he'd hope that nothing like that attack happened again.

Yuuko would call it Hitsuzen.

Himawari would probably say his getting attacked like that was due to spending too much time with her, despite her nature.

He knew it was just him, and the way he was. Much like Himawari, he couldn't help the things that he caused, but he would do everything he could to get that control. Things trying to eat him, things eating his friends, and worse, they were getting more powerful as time passed, rather than leaving him alone with time.

With automatic motions, he went about cleaning dishes and utensils, putting things away in their proper places. He wiped the counters, and swept the floors cleaning up every speck of mess that could be left from baking the cake. When that was finished he moved on through the shop, from room to room, mechanically straightening things and putting things away. He threw away beer cans and sake bottles without a second thought or a moment to rant about how Yuuko was going to ruin her liver.

He became lost in the motions, time slipping by until the sun outside began to set.

"Time to go! Time to go!" Twin girls grabbed hold of either of his arms, his feather duster, apron, and head scarf disappearing without him really knowing how. Watanuki let himself be dragged to the door.

"I can find my way outside from here." He gently pried himself free of Maru and Moro, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose where they'd slid down from the enthusiastic treatment. Yuuko leaned in the doorway he'd just been shoved through, pipe resting in her fingertips emitting perfumed smoke that led to a mysterious aura. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"No." Yuuko's hooded eyes seemed to gaze right past him, causing shivers, and telling him she knew something he did. If he had to guess, something important, something he should want to know. The price would be steep, if he dared ask. "You have tomorrow off." Her eyes suddenly focused on him, sharp, piercing. "You should rest."

"But--"

"You won't be here." She'd already turned back to the shop, waving one hand over her shoulder dismissively. "Good night, Watanuki." He stared after her as his school bag was shoved into his hands, and the girls pushed him along towards the gate, never hearing what Yuuko said after that.

With a final shove the girls had him between the posts at the front of the shop, and falling backwards as he tripped on an ill placed rock decorating the sidewalk. "Gyaaaa" He closed his eyes and threw out his arms in a vein attempt to regain balance as the ground quickly approached to smack him upside the back of his head, but it never happened. Cracking open mismatched eyes to find himself staring up into golden ones. "Doumeki." Roughly, he pulled himself away to glare at the archer, stumbling a few steps but managing to keep his balance. "What are you doing here?"

"Walking you home." Doumeki replied monotonously, everything about the way he spoke making it seem as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Watanuki could feel a tick beginning in his eyebrow.

"I don't need you to walk me home." It was true that something could happen, but if it did, he didn't want the idiot of an archer around to get himself hurt again. "I know the way without you as a guide."

"Hn." The taller offered in the way of a response, falling into step beside Watanuki as he walked down the side walk. It wasn't worth arguing, Doumeki would follow no matter what he wanted, and he was used to it by now. It was something that had been the norm for the two of them since the start, no matter how often he'd told the other he hated him. Watanuki had slowly realized he didn't hate Doumeki, would even admit to himself he considered the big jerk a friend. However, none of that meant he wanted the company, even if right now he actually did.

Silence hung heavily between them, awkward and unnatural. Not even a request for the next day's lunch, even that tiny bit of normality stripped away. He should be angry with Doumeki, yelling at him about something, or even just ranting about how crazy his boss was, but he didn't have it in him.

If anything, Watanuki was feeling tired, eyes heavy and his head stuffed with cotton. It happened a lot lately, this sudden need for sleep, but when he slept he had dreams, and his dreams never allowed fitful sleep. He rubbed at his temple with his free hand where he could feel a headache building at a steady pace.

He just wanted to curl up somewhere and for the world to forget him, to allow him to drift away into darkness where he might not find forgiveness, but at least he wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that everyone would hate him if they only knew. He could live with the headaches, the sleepless nights, and the constantly feeling sick to his stomach if he could just slip away and disappear. It would be better for everyone else like that.

"Oi." Doumeki sounded so far away. "Are you okay?" Why was his voice so fuzzy? "Watanuki!"