Oh my God, I feel so incredibly stupid. I uploaded the document, but I never actually added the chapter to the story! Gar! I kept checking the site, wondering when the tenth chapter was going to show up and it never did - so finally, the cogs in my rusty brain started turning and a very dim bulb flickered on. Agh. Well, even if it's late - I still got it up on Monday. Sorry guys, if I can think of something cool, I might put up a little bonus chapter tomorrow or wednesday. Just something fun to make up for me being completely brain-dead today. Or perhaps I'll make Midnight Whispers into a twoshot... I'm not sure yet. You guys are so completely awesome! Over the weekend I managed to rack up those fifteen reviews I was after, so thanks oodles! Here is the promised Monday installment (finally).
If Kartik notices my wan, distant expression, he gives no indication. We maintain our façade of professional aloofness as he helps me into the carriage. I can't even meet his gaze to offer him a secret smile.
I sit in stunned silence next to Grandmama. Father and Tom each look out their carriage windows. Nobody speaks. Even Grandmama, who I expected to be absolutely delighted over her granddaughter's engagement to a viscount's son, is quiet, introspective. I suppose she's less inclined to brag about my advantageous marriage considering the circumstances that surrounded the proposal.
We arrive home and I drift up to my room like a ghost. It's only when I've shut my door and sunk to the floor with a shaky sigh that the true horror of everything hits me. I've agreed to marry a man who wants me dead! And what about… what about Kartik? I certainly didn't ever expect to marry him, it would be impossible – even if we eloped, no vicar would agree to marry us. But I'm being foolish. Who says Kartik even cares to marry me? We're just two people bound together by tragedy and chance. Still, I suppose I'd rather he hear about the engagement from me.
As I've always done, I wait until I'm sure the family is asleep and then sneak down to the kitchen. This time I don't encounter anybody, and I slip easily out the back door. Kartik is still awake, leaning elegantly against the stable wall, as if expecting me. He probably was.
"Gemma," he says quietly, a soft smile touching his features. I look to the floor, ashamed. I can't tell him what I've done – I've betrayed him. He'll hate me, and I can't bear that.
Kartik loses his easy posture, suddenly fierce and strong. He's knows something is not right. "What's happened?" he asks tensely. "What has Middleton done?"
I shake my head, biting my lip to keep back the sob that threatens to wrench my throat. "No… it's something I've done," I say hoarsely. "I can't believe I was so stupid!" I cry, losing my strict control and burying my face in my hands. Kartik rushes forward, taking me in his arms.
"Gemma, it's fine. You're still alive, so it can't be that bad. We can fix this – whatever it is." Kartik's warm, protective tone wrenches at my heart.
"It can't be fixed!" I cry, pulling away from him. I can't bear to let him be so kind to me when I've been such a shameless blackguard. "I was caught alone with Simon – now I've got to marry him!" I breathe heavily, tears gone, sorrow faded. Now I am filled with the bleakest fear – a glimpse into my future with Simon, without Kartik. And Kartik's reaction – his handsome, proud face darkening, closing off from me, his eyes like cold stones.
"What were you doing alone with him?" Kartik demands coldly.
"He told me he'd been visited by Pippa – I couldn't very well hold such a conversation with him in the middle of the ballroom," I answer defensively. Too defensively. Kartik's eyes narrow.
"Just talking is hardly grounds for a scandal. Methinks there was a little more to it." His tone is playful, but his eyes are cold, mirthless, and dark. I recoil a little as I try to redeem myself.
"He… he tried to kiss me." No need to say that I let him do it. "And he took off my glove. That's when we were caught."
Kartik scowls, and turns away from me. He storms to the back were he sleeps, kicking a stool out of the way, and breaking a leg off of it in his fury. I hurry after him, despite my fear of his black mood.
"Kartik! Please, wait!" I round the carriage after him, but he has disappeared. The shadows around me shift ominously from the weak light of a distant candle. "Kartik?" I call fearfully, glancing up into the dark rafters.
His voice echoes through the stable, a low hiss. I cannot place him. "You went off alone with him, then you were found in a compromising situation with him. Now you're marrying him!"
"I don't want to!" I cry. "I didn't want any of this to happen!"
Kartik's sigh is weary, heavy with a long-carried burden. His voice has lost its venom. "I knew this would happen, Gemma. I don't blame you. I blame this Godforsaken mess that we've all been tangled in. Just go." His words are filled with such bleak disappointment, that I feel myself being hollowed out by his emptiness. He… he doesn't care. He expected me to ruin what we had.
And so it seems my insecurities and fears were right all along. Kartik never wanted marriage, or love, or really even me in particular. I was a temporary diversion – a fling with an upper-class British girl, something he could brag about at the pub. "Fine then," I snap, trying to cover the overwhelming hurt with malice. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Kartik." I turn and march for the door, holding my breath so that I don't sob and break the illusion of cold uncaring.
As I round the carriage, I pause. "And don't worry about the Order," I say bitterly. "I wouldn't expect you to help someone so abhorrent as I."
There is no answer. I bite my lip again, and continue back into the house.
- - - - -
I spend the next day moping about the house. After breakfast, Tom excuses himself to the study, claiming he needs to look over documents for his patients. I follow him suspiciously. Why is he in such a hurry to get away? Surely the documents can't be that pressing.
When I reach the study door, it is locked. I press my ear to the door, but I can hear nothing. I can't imagine what Tom is up to. He has been distant and rather quiet for days now. Ever since I caught him asleep in the study several nights ago, he has been acting most peculiar. I wonder if he might be involved with the Rakshana, then banish the thought immediately. It is not possible. Tom and I may not get along as well as we should, but he would never want to hurt me.
Bracing myself, I knock softly on the door.
After a pause, Tom calls, "Who is it?"
"Gemma," I answer. "Let me in."
"What do you want?"
"I need my gloves," I lie. "I think I left them in there."
"They're not in here."
"Yes they are! Just let me look."
"Gemma, you don't need your gloves; you've got several other pairs that will do just fine. Now leave, I have important matters to see to." Tom's arrogance comes off false, and I detect a note of panic in his tone. What in God's name is he doing?
"Tom, what are you up to?" I demand.
"Hospital business," Tom snaps. "Now leave me be!" His voice burns with anger. He's never spoken so roughly to me. Offended and surprised, I leave.
- - - - -
Emily appears in the parlor, where I sit, flipping despondently through one of Grandmama's magazines. I am half-way through an article about taking care of one's complexion when she clears her throat, startling me.
"A caller for you, Miss Doyle."
I narrow my eyes, suspecting the worst. "Who is it?"
"Miss Worthington, Miss."
I relax and sit up properly. "Send her into the parlor. We'll take tea please." I don't particularly want tea, but having it made will keep Emily in the kitchen, where she can't eavesdrop on our conversation. Ever since the Pippa incident, she's been showing up in places where I least expect her, and gives me looks like I might lunge at her and devour her face. The last thing I need is for her to overhear Fee begging me to take her to the realms.
Emily shows Felicity in, and I smile politely for show, inviting Felicity to sit beside me on the davenport. "Thank you, Emily," I say. "The tea, if you please?"
Emily bows and leaves the room.
Felicity turns to me immediately. "You're engaged to Simon Middleton!" she hisses, shell-shocked.
I don't even bother asking how she found out. No doubt half of polite society is well aware of my engagement. "Yes," I sigh, "And that's not the worst of it. Simon's in the Rakshana."
Felicity raises a delicate eyebrow. "Another one?" she asks dryly. "Where do they keep coming from?"
I sigh, rolling my eyes. How can Fee make something so dangerous and crucial seem like a joke? I remind myself that it's very serious, and I try to make her take it seriously as well. "I suspect he wants to marry me so that he can kill me. Or possibly, he thinks that I'll submit to his orders when I am his wife and do the Rakshana's bidding in the Realms."
The mention of murder has caught her attention. "That is a problem. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I can't think of a thing. There's no way I can escape this engagement – I'll be ruined. I'm sure everybody knows we were caught alone, and that's how this whole mess was started." I press my fingers to my temple to ward off an impending migraine.
Felicity smiles.
"This isn't funny!" I snap. "I'm engaged to a –"
Felicity cuts me off with a look as Emily reenters the room.
"Very wealthy man," I finish stupidly. "He's very powerful you know," I add, as if Fee has insulted my fiancé in some way.
She knows well enough to play along. "Forgive me, all I meant was… I hope you thought this through."
"Miss Doyle?"
"Yes, Emily?"
"A letter's just come for you."
She hands me a thick envelope, then leaves quickly. I glance curiously at it. There is no mark on it to indicate the sender. I glance at Felicity. "Could this be dangerous?" I ask nervously.
"Not unless a Rakshana assassin has managed to tuck himself into an envelope," she replies, rolling her eyes. She's right. I'm being paranoid. It's just that, with my engagement to Simon and Kartik's subsequent rage, I'm a little raw just now. I purposely neglected to bring up Kartik with Felicity. She sees him as just a toy, like her dalliance with Ithal. I don't know that she'd be able to comprehend the idea of forming such a bond with a man.
I open the envelope and pull out a thick, folded sheet of parchment. I recognize Kartik's handwriting immediately.
Forgive me for intruding upon your life. I see
that you can have no further need of my
presence here. Please keep safe.
Goodbye.
Something had been scratched out before "good bye" but it had been inked over so thoroughly that I could make neither heads nor tails of it.
"Who is it from?" Felicity asks, craning her neck to read. I fold it quickly and tuck it into my bodice.
"Tom," I lie, my voice thick as I speak. "He wants me to tell Grandmama that he won't be at dinner tonight."
Fee pulls away, her interest lost. I'm surprised by how easily I fooled her – usually she sees right through my lies. "He should have just sent the letter to your Grandmother." She rolls her eyes. Suddenly, a wicked smile spreads her mouth. "So, tell me, darling, what shall I get you for a wedding gift?" She bats her eyelashes precociously.
"Nothing," I snap. "If this does go through, I won't be celebrating."
"Oh, come now, Simon's fabulously wealthy. Or, he will be when his father's out of the picture." Fee waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
"Money makes no matter to me," I answer, saintly.
"Yes, it makes no matter when the man is handsome beyond dreams."
Come to think of it, I hardly noticed how handsome Simon had grown since last Christmas. I was so embarrassed at our first meeting, and since then I've been so terrified, that I couldn't think of anything else. But he really was quite good-looking. "So then as long as a man is wealthy and handsome, it doesn't matter that he wants to kill you?"
"At least you'd die happy," Fee purrs.
I shriek indignantly, letting myself be ridiculous and foolish with her, so that I don't think of him… so that I don't feel the painful tightness in my chest… so that I don't break down and cry.
Awww… very sad. Yeah, this one's a little angsty. Stay tuned though, because the next chapter will explain all about Tom's strange sneakiness and you'll find out about Pippa's weird bi-polarness. Also – coming soon: a run-in with none other than (cue death music) CIRCE!