Chapter 13

He couldn't even sleep through his treatment.

Jason had picked the earlier appointment to receive his treatment because their was no way that he was going to spend most of his day lying on a hospital bed while an IV pumped the experimental medicine through his system. The doctors had said that even though the drugs might have deadly side effects, it was the safer of the two options he was facing. He could either spend three hours a week pumping this drug through his system, or he could have surgery.

The drugs risked his life, and the surgery risked his sanity.

If anything went wrong while he was under the knife, he could be left paralyzed, blind, and so many other things that Jason refused to allow to happen. There was no way in hell he would live the rest of his life like a vegetable. He would rather die, making it easy for him to choose the experimental treatment over the surgery.

He hated the fact that the doctors just couldn't give him a prescription and be done with it. But according to the doctors, they needed to run the drug through his system at a leisurely pace, adding to the dosage each visit. It pissed him off that he had to go to a place that he just knew he hated but didn't know why. There was something about the hospital that rubbed him the wrong way.

And to top off his annoyed mood, he couldn't even sleep.

Every time he would close his eyes to get some rest as the drugs worked through his system, another nurse would come into his room to check his temperature, ask him questions, or check his blood pressure. Not only was he tired and annoyed, but he was bored out of his mind. He should have at least brought a travel book with him to read during the three hours of boredom and restlessness.

As the perky, blonde, annoying nurse left his room after checking his blood pressure and chatting away a mile a minute, Jason wished once again that he didn't have to endure these treatments. It would have been a hell of a lot better if he didn't have to go to the hospital at all. But as that thought passed through his mind, he knew that not all of his experience at the hospital had been bad. He did meet Elizabeth because of his treatment.

Sighing, Jason dropped his head to his pillow and glared up at the ceiling.

He couldn't go a half-an-hour without thinking about her, their time together, their past from her recounts, and of course, their kiss. It wasn't just that he had been spending a lot of time with Elizabeth that made him think about her. The first time he had seen her since he woke up with no memory there was something about her that drew him to her. There was something in her eyes that made him stare longer, wanting to know her.

He had been lucky that they had been friends before. No, more than friends according to her. As much as Jason liked to think about all the time they spent together, the one time that popped into his head the most the past couple of hours was their pool game at Jake's. It wasn't even the kiss that popped up the most, it was their conversation about their past.

Elizabeth had seemed so sad when she revealed to him their time together when she was battling between her feelings with him and Lucky. He still couldn't grasp that they had admitted to wanting to be together but didn't end up together at the time. Jason couldn't remember that time, only had a few short glimpses at his past with Elizabeth, but from her telling of their past, from the emotions that passed her face he just knew that they should have been together in the end.

He could tell from that one hour of her recounting their time together that their connection was so strong it was impossible to resist, but somehow Elizabeth did and that bothered him some how. Jason knew it was ridiculous to think about what could have been. But for someone who couldn't remember anything, it was all that he could do. And more than anything, he wanted to remember that time. He knew that it all wasn't perfect and written out for the two of them of what they should have done. But it seemed wasteful that he couldn't remember that time with Elizabeth, hell, it was shitty that he couldn't remember every second he spent with Elizabeth.

Growling, Jason shut his eyes at his own stupidity. He was letting her get to him to much. She was engaged to someone else, someone who had already won Elizabeth over him before. Jason knew that he didn't like Lucky the first time he met him in Kelly's, and after Elizabeth's recollection of their past, Jason finally understood where his hatred came from.

Lucky had Elizabeth and he didn't.

"Fuck." The word escaped his lips on an annoyed sigh. Why the hell couldn't he stop thinking about her? She was just a friend, and she was just helping him out during this confusing time. The treatment seemed to be working in getting his memories back. He finally started to remember things since he began the treatment. Since he met Elizabeth.

Whether he could regain his memory or not, he would continue on with his friendship with Elizabeth and he would start his life over. Regaining some memories weren't going to change anything.

He just hoped that the kiss he shared with Elizabeth wasn't going to change anything between them either. There was no doubt that they were going to have to talk about what had happened between them. But he just knew that he couldn't lose Elizabeth as a friend.

Turning his head towards the left, Jason looked out of the window as the sun began to rise and shine through the opened blinds.

Had they ever kissed before last night?

Running a hand over his face, Jason tried to push all thoughts of Elizabeth and the kissed they shared out of his mind. But with all his trying, he couldn't do it. He couldn't forget about the softness of her lips, the way she fit against him perfectly, the feeling of her rounded belly against his hard stomach and the feeling of protectiveness that he felt for her and her child.

There was no doubt in Jason's mind that Elizabeth was beautiful no matter what state she was in. But seeing her pregnant, feeling her child's first kick, it caused something within him to stir. Something that felt like it had died long before, but because of Elizabeth, her child growing inside of her, and her son Cameron, it was starting to come alive again.

It scared the shit out of him.

"Fuck." This time, the word was more forceful and made the bubbly blonde nurse jump as she opened the door to his room. She cowered towards the entrance and rung her hands together. Gone was her overly cheerful smile, and in its place was a nervous expression.

"Sorry to disturb you Mr. Morgan, but I was just coming in here to remove your IV and let you know that you are free to go. Dr. Jones is in emergency surgery right now, so he can't talk to you, but he wants to make an appointment to speak to you about your progress. You can schedule your appointment at the front desk." She spoke to him as she walked towards his hospital bed with hesitation and began to remove his IV. Once the offending object was removed from his arm, the nurse made a hasty exit, showing her obvious need to be as far away from the scowling man as possible.

Jason could really care less that he scared the woman. It saved him from another one of her mindless chatters. He should remember that he needed to make his appointments when Elizabeth was on duty. He preferred her for his nurse over anyone.

He practically stormed out of his hospital room at his last thought. He was really becoming pathetic. As he made his way to the nurse's station to make his appointment, something that he dreaded, he noticed a familiar female sitting on one of the hospital lobby couches. She looked extremely upset, and before Jason could study her face some more, she buried her head in her hands and her shoulders began to shake.

Jason cast a glance at the nurse's station, and then back to the woman he finally remembered as Emily, his sister. Walking past the station, Jason made his way over to Emily. When he reached her side, he sat down on the couch next to her and placed his hand awkwardly on her shoulder to alert her that someone was there. Not knowing what else to say, Jason squeezed her shoulder and said the first thing that came to his mind. "Are you ok?"

He knew she wasn't, she was crying in the middle of the hospital, but he didn't know what else to say.

She finally looked up at him. "Jason." She tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks, but new ones kept replacing old ones. "What are you doing here?"

"I had an appointment." He dropped his hand, feeling uncomfortable trying to give her comfort to something he didn't know anything about. "What's wrong?"

"My friend, she was brought into the hospital about an hour ago, she-" Emily couldn't go on for a new wave of tears washed over her. Jason didn't hesitate as he took Emily into his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head. He said nothing as he waited for her to work through her own emotions.

When she pulled away, she looked into Jason's eyes and knew that she could talk to Jason. Even if he didn't remember anything, he was still Jason and he would still listen to her as she unloaded her problems.

"It's just so horrible Jason. She was in a really bad car accident and she had to go into surgery. When they wheeled her in, I couldn't believe that it was her. It didn't even look like her. When she wakes up, she is going to be so devastated." Tears continued to spill down her cheeks, but she wasn't crying uncontrollably again.

"Why? What happened?"

"They were able to save Elizabeth, but-"

"Elizabeth?" His question was asked on a release of air, sounding almost breathless.

"Yes, Elizabeth Webber. She-"

He interrupted her again. "Which room is she in?" His words were asked on a demand leaving no room for argument.

"I didn't know that you were talking to Elizabeth again." Obviously, Emily didn't interpret his tone. Her face still shined with tears, but her expression was one of confusion. When had Jason and Elizabeth started talking again? Did Jason remember his past, thus remembering Elizabeth? "Jason do you remember-"

"Not now Emily. Where is Elizabeth?"

She finally understood Jason's tone. "She's still unconscious, but she is in room six-twelve." Once Elizabeth's room number escaped her lips, Emily looked at Jason's back as he ran for Elizabeth's room. She couldn't figure out why he was acting so urgent. From what Emily knew, Jason still couldn't remember anything. So how did he know Elizabeth? Emily quickly shoved her curiosity aside and focused on what really mattered at the moment. Elizabeth.

She was worried about her friend. Elizabeth had lost so much in her life; it just wasn't fair for her to have to go through yet another devastation like this. How much pain can one person go through before she just gives up and breakdowns? Emily knew that Elizabeth was going to have a hard time ahead and made a vow to herself to be there for her friend, just like Elizabeth was there for her every time Emily needed her the most.

Sighing, she walked over to the nurse's station and picked up the phone to try and call Lucky one more time. The second Elizabeth was wheeled into the emergency room; Emily had tried to call Lucky at home and on his cell phone several times. Elizabeth needed him now more than ever.

His cell phone continued to ring with no answer.

Rubbing his throbbing head, Lucky rolled over onto his stomach, reached for his phone and turned it off before throwing it on the floor, hearing a soft thud as it hit the carpet. He didn't care who it was, his head was hurting way too much for him to deal with anyone.

Rolling onto his back, he placed his hands over his eyes to shield out the early rising sun. A soft weight landed on his naked chest making him suppress an annoyed groan. He knew why he was waking up where he was. After Elizabeth had left, he was so angry with so many different things that he wasn't thinking straight.

He was pissed because everything was slipping between his fingers. He was pissed because Elizabeth had walked out on him again last night. He was pissed because she found out about his night with Sam and there was nothing he could do about it at the moment.

He was going to fix it. He couldn't let Elizabeth leave him, she was his everything. He was supposed to have a family with her, Cameron, and the new baby. But he couldn't fix it last night.

Lucky had felt so lost and so alone when she walked out on him that he needed to feel, he needed to not be turned away.

And that was how he ended up in Sam's bed again.

She was fighting against the darkness. It hurt. It hurt like hell, but Elizabeth was doing everything in her power to fight through the darkness that was consuming her entire being. Very slowly she began to push past the last layer that held her under. Light began to penetrate through the darkness and the deafening silence turned into a steady beep.

Through the pain and the darkness, Elizabeth began to realize she couldn't move an inch of her body and began to panic. Nothing she tried worked. She couldn't open her eyes, couldn't move her legs, couldn't squeeze the object in her hand.

With all of her strength, she focused on the weight in her hand. Everything was such a blur that she couldn't think about the pain or the noise that was slamming against her skull. So instead, she focused on her hand and moving it.

It seemed like it took her an eternity to move her hand, but she knew exactly when she did, and she realized what she was holding onto.

Someone else's hand.

To her, it felt like she was squeezing that persons hand with a death grip, but in reality, her grip was slight but noticeable. She couldn't gather the strength to continue with her grip on his hand and had to let go after a moment. She began to focus on opening her eyes when she felt a hand brush her hair on her forehead. When she heard his voice, saying her name, she wanted nothing more than to fight the darkness and see his face. She was so scared all she wanted to do was open her eyes and lose herself in him instead of the darkness that was trying to take over once again.

"Elizabeth?" His voice was a low rough whisper. She did everything to follow his voice through the haze, silencing the steady beep that was driving her to insanity.

Jason felt her squeeze his hand once again and held his breath as he waited for her to open her eyes. He had been sitting in Elizabeth's hospital room for the past two hours, holding her hand and just staring at her, willing her to wake up. He didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything at all. He just tried to give her some of his strength through the joining of their hands.

He was about to call her name again when the flutter of her eyelashes silenced him. Slits of deep blue peeked through the small opening of her lashes once, twice, and when they didn't appear again he began to become nervous until her eyes cracked open with more definition.

He didn't know if she knew he was there, didn't want to scare her, so he waited for her to come to as slowly as she needed to. Her hand in his began to hold onto his with more strength, but it was still such a weak hold making him notice how fragile and delicate she was.

Everything hurt so much and she felt so empty inside but couldn't figure out why. The only thing she knew was that Jason was there with her, wherever that was, and she wasn't alone in the darkness anymore. She began to relax as she tried to focus on her surroundings. She was in a familiar place, she knew that. What she didn't know was how she got there and why she was there to begin with.

"Ja…" clearing her throat to push past the soreness she tried again. "Jason?" Her voice sounded as vulnerable as she looked. She sounded like she was in a panic.

"Hey, hey, it's ok, I'm right here." His hand squeezed hers in reassurance as his other hand smoothed her hair back. He ran the back of his knuckles softly over her pale cheek.

"What…" her scratchy throat made it impossible to speak. She tried to focus on his face but all she saw was a blur. She noticed his bright blue eyes and focused on that as she cleared her throat again, helping nothing because of the dryness. She tried again, "What happened?" She ended her question on a wince as a result of the sharp pain that radiated through her side.

"You were in a car accident." When she continued to clear her throat he tried to let go of her hand to get her some water. When she squeezed his hand with all the strength she could gather, he stopped moving, noticing the panic look that crossed her face as she focused in on him better. "I'm not going anywhere. I was just going to get you some water." She held onto his hand a little longer but finally let go.

He poured her a cup of water at her bedside table and then turned back to her. "Do you think you can lift your head a bit to take a drink?" When she nodded, he gingerly placed his hand behind her head to prop her up a bit as he placed the cup to her lips. She winced as the cold water hit her dry mouth and could only take a small sip before pain took over. Jason noticed her flinch of pain and positioned her back against her pillow with the same ease and caution as he lifted her head. "Is that better?"

Again she only nodded her head as an answer. Jason ran his finger down the side of her face as she closed her eyes tightly. He wanted to take the pain away from her. He would do anything to relieve her of the physical pain she was going through and take it all on himself. He hated seeing her so weak and vulnerable. "I'm going to go get the doctor."

"No." She tried to speak with force but the word came out on a tortured whisper. She opened her eyes despite the pain and found a bit of happiness that she could focus in on him. She had so many questions but her body refused to let her question them. The only thing that could pass through her lips was another tortured whisper. "My baby?"

The happiness that she found when she could focus in on Jason clearly diminished when she was able to recognize the pained expression that passed his face. His eyes became regretful and his face became—if at all possible—softer. "No." This time, her voice held more force.

Jason bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut as he grabbed her hand again. She held onto him with more force than before, an obvious sign that she needed him to tell her that her baby was ok. It hurt more than anything, but he finally looked into her devastated eyes. "I'm sorry."

He just didn't know anything else to say.

He couldn't look away from her as the tears gathered in her eyes. He wanted to take her into his arms and make all of her pain disappear. He felt completely helpless as he watched a tear slip down her cheek. That one tear did more to him, caused him more pain than he felt when he first saw her lying in the hospital bed hooked up to machines, bruised and completely helpless. He couldn't take away her physical pain, and he had no idea how to comfort her in her emotional pain.

Elizabeth turned her head to the side and closed her eyes tightly against her flood of tears. Again, she lost another child. An innocent little angel was taken away from her. Again. She now knew why she felt so empty. It was because she was empty. It was too much, too painful. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe it, but she knew it was true.

Her baby was gone, dead. She would never get to live her life. Elizabeth would never get to see her baby smile, or cry, or laugh, or scream. Her little girl was gone and she didn't even get to meet her. Elizabeth felt so empty inside and knew that nothing would be able to fill that void.

Jason watched on helplessly as silent tears fell from her eyes. He wanted to gather her in his arms but knew he couldn't because of her injuries from the car accident. When she turned her face and focused her pain filled eyes on him again, Jason knew that he needed to give her some strength, even if he didn't think he had any at the moment. He lowered his head and let his forehead touch hers. He let his forehead rest on hers, squeezed her hand, and cupped her cheek, using his thumb to catch her tears. They felt like razors slashing through his rough skin, it pained him beyond belief to feel her pain.

She took in a deep breath before she lifted her free hand to cup his cheek like he was cupping hers. She felt his rough cheek and the stubble below her fingers. She tried to focus on him instead of her pain but knew it wasn't possible. She began to move her thumb back and forth like he was doing to her, to catch the tear the spilled onto his cheek. For some reason, his tear finally let her break down. She didn't fight her own tears as she moved her head aside causing his cheek to rest against hers.

Elizabeth tried to bury her head into the warm cavern of his neck as their cheeks pressed together, mixing her many tears with his solitary tear. She didn't know how, but for a split second she felt like she would be able to get through this, but only if Jason was with her.

They were interrupted from their silence when a knock sounded on the door. Jason pulled away from her and brought his hand against his face and scrubbed before he turned to see who was coming inside. A tall blonde man appeared and Jason recognized him as the man on the docks a few nights before. It was then that he remembered that Jax was the father of the child Elizabeth was carrying before the accident.

Gone was the furious expression that Jax held the night Jason met him on the docks with Sonny. In its place was a sadness of losing his child. Jason looked back at Elizabeth and gave her hand a gentle squeeze as she looked up at Jax.

No one spoke for a minute before Jax cleared his throat and stepped closer. He didn't know what to say, if there was anything to say. "I tried to get here sooner, but I was away on business and when I got Emily's call I came as quickly as I could."

He looked so lost and so detached and Elizabeth felt responsible for his loss. She didn't know why, but she knew that she was carrying their baby and she was supposed to protect their child with everything she had, but she let Jax and their baby down. She didn't fight hard enough to save their child and now she was gone. "I'm so sorry Jax." Tears fell down her cheeks again as she spoke so low and with obvious self blame.

Jax quickly came out of himself and rushed to the other side of her bed. He grabbed her hand between the two of his and spoke with force through his thick throat, filled with such emotion it could have knocked him over. "You have nothing to be sorry for Elizabeth, we both lost our child." His eyes became cloudy with unshed tears and he had to clear his throat to force them away.

Jason felt like he was intruding on them. He didn't feel right sitting there, watching as the two of them grieved over their loss of their child. He tried to slowly remove his hand from Elizabeth's, he wanted to give them some privacy and he needed some air. But when her hand closed over his with even more force, showing the both of them that she was slowly regaining her strength, Jason stopped.

Elizabeth looked up at him with eyes filled with so many emotions that he would have had to sit down if he were standing. She was in so much pain. "Please don't leave." She didn't care that her voice was filled with such panic. She needed Jason and didn't care if she had to beg him to stay. She needed him by her side.

"I'm not leaving." He hated the pain she was going through. He felt like he needed to punch something. He had to let go of his anger in some way, but he knew that he wouldn't leave her. He couldn't. "I'm just going to go get your doctor." He also knew that she needed some time alone with Jax.

She stared at him for a long time before she finally let go of his hand. He forced a small smile of reassurance before he made his way to the door. Once the door was closed behind him he leaned against it for a moment.

His eyes closed as his head feel silently against the wooden door. The hall was silent and the only thing he could hear was his silent vow that no matter what, he would be there for Elizabeth.

She needed him just as much as he needed her.