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Chapter Two: Human Frailty
The plane was unnaturally quiet, every once in a while there was a shuffle or a cough or a sneeze, if they were fortunate there was a whisper. But mostly? Just silence.
Elizabeth sighed and stared out the window, her hands folded on her lap, eyes red from crying. Too many tears had come from those eyes. She was tired of it, tired of everything, actually. Everything looked so small from the plane window, so insignificant. All of those lives underneath them, other people living, breathing, trying to deal with their problems while she sat high above them, trapped in her own personal hell.
She could feel AJ's arm against hers, the fabric of their clothing rubbed together, making a scratching sound that echoed throughout her mind. If someone had said a week ago she would be on a plane to Washington with AJ Quartermaine in hopes that he would get his fortune back, she would have laughed at that pure idiocy of the scenario.
Yet here she was, here he was, here they were.
People did weird things when they were hurting. Elizabeth knew that from experience. Sometimes they slept with a guy they didn't know all that well, sometimes they slapped people, sometimes they went into bars wearing provocative clothing and were asking for trouble.
And sometimes they were heading on a plane with the brother of the man they loved hoping to God the pain would dissipate sometime in the future.
"I could kill him." AJ murmured under his breath, taking a deep breath, "I could really kick his ass."
Elizabeth turned to look at him, a pang of compassion filling her at the sad, broken expression on his handsome face. "Jason's?"
Nodding, his lip curled. "Yeah."
"Okay, you kick his ass and I'll stand behind you, staring menacingly." At AJ's raised eyebrows and surprised look, she shrugged. "What? I'm little!"
"And what am I? A towering terror?"
Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest, "you work out. Hey, you do- I saw you in those work clothes at Kelly's, the wife beater. Hey, a girl has eyes, you know." Settling back in her seat, Elizabeth looked up at the ceiling of the plane. "Well…they do."
AJ snickered, "last words I thought I'd here from your mouth."
Arching a brow, Elizabeth turned her gaze out the window. "Okay fine then, I'll kick his ass or…hit him with a baseball bat, right in the knee caps. BAM! Here's your present back, punk." Glancing back over at him, she smiled, "I can do it to Courtney too, hey, if they're lucky they can share a hospital room."
"I can see the headlines now, 'jilted lovers get violent. Two hospitalized.'"
For some reason that was the funniest thing Elizabeth had ever heard and so she laughed…paused, then laughed some more. When she finally came up for air, she grinned, "hey, why stop there? If I'm going to go to jail for assault might as well get Sarah in there too, with her perfect hair, her perfect clothes, her perfect personality and her perfect little face."
"And Edward, can't forget Edward."
"We could just go on a mass assaulting spree. Like…like Bonnie and Clyde except with baseball bats and no robberies. Well, unless I get fired from Kelly's and you don't get your money back—then we can do the robbery thing."
"Best plan I've heard all year." AJ agreed, sighing heavily, "so you have a perfect sibling, huh? I never would have figured it, you know. I thought you had everything going for you. Everyone seems to like you."
Elizabeth snorted, "sure, they do now. You know, after the better Webber left. Then when she came back Lucky just flocked right to her. Well, whatever, I don't care."
"Sounds like you do."
"Well I don't!" She snapped, rolling her eyes, "and what about you? I thought you were all together now? Beautiful wife, good job, separated from your dysfunctional family."
"Beautiful wife that had to be a stripper because of me running into the Oasis one night when I was drunk, Edward hounding me day and night, night and day, Jason saves said wife, they boink—the end."
"Life sucks."
"Yup, life sucks."
There was a long, uncomfortable silence before AJ went on, "I think this trip to Washington is the right thing for me, really, I do. I think I can finally get my head on straight."
"I think I'll stop guy hopping…and maybe even make a friend."
AJ smiled. "Or at least we'll simply get a nice vacation."
"Think we did the right thing?"
XXXXXXXXXXX
The right thing, AJ had to debate that. Maybe the right thing would have been to stay and hear Jason and Courtney out. Maybe the right thing was to forgive and forget. Maybe the right thing was to get over his insecurities and stop shooting himself in the foot. "Probably not, I'm not known for doing the right thing."
"Well, the right thing is overrated, trust me."
And he did trust her, oddly enough; they seemed to be in the same boat. And she was very beautiful, he realized. There were different flecks of blue in her eyes; he had never noticed that before. And her hair, it looked soft, touchable.
It would be so wonderful to drown himself in her like she was a glass of vodka.
Then suddenly, her face fell and she pulled her knees to her chest. Like a broken doll she sat there limply, softly sobbing. The joking was over, reality had sunk in.
Not clear on what to do, AJ put a hand on her shoulder reluctantly, "I um…"
When she looked up her tear stained face broke his already shattered heart even more. Jason Morgan was a dead man. How many people did he have to hurt for others to realize how completely wretched he was? How many lives had to be destroyed in the name of 'honor'? "How could they do this to us, AJ?"
There was no answer, he didn't know.
"I want to hate him, I really, really do."
"I want to hate Courtney, no luck."
Laughing bitterly she wiped her eyes, "God, I am an idiot, aren't I? Can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em?"
AJ stroked a strand of stray hair from her face, "we all make bad choices, I mean…you're speaking to the master of bad decisions here."
A wobbly smile appeared at her lips, "ever try and stab someone you thought was your rapist then ended up not being your rapist only you didn't even stab that guy and instead stabbed the guy you loved?"
"Never was in love with a guy."
"Real cute."
"Trust me, I've done worse." AJ didn't really feel like going into it. "If it's any consolation, you could do better then Jason."
"I don't want to do better. I want him." Elizabeth shook her head, "wanted, no I wanted him. Past tense. I was hurt once, hurt twice, not going in for a third go around with the male gender."
"Has someone ever left you for money?" AJ suddenly asked, "trust me, I know pain. I know your pain and I'd like to cut myself off from Courtney forever. Whether she was with him or not, it doesn't matter. She doesn't trust me enough to come to me with problems and I don't trust myself enough to let her." Now tears were springing from his eyes. He didn't stop them, what was the point? "And I know that when I go back to Port Charles, I'll run back to her. I'm not man enough to leave her, not strong enough to let her go."
"Sometimes the strong thing to do is to try and make it work."
"You're running away."
She laughed bitterly, "trying to maintain what little pride Lucky Spencer didn't take away from me. It's funny, he gave it to me, he took it away. I love the irony."
"Maybe, maybe by the time we leave Washington I'll know what I'm supposed to do. Maybe by then I'll have it all worked out in my head."
"Or maybe we'll just be as confused as we are now?"
"Maybe."
"I wish- I don't know what I wish anymore. I can't think of a single dream right now."
The strain in AJ's chest beckoned him to put a comforting arm around the small girl. Not just for her but for himself. "I dream a lot, spend most of my days fantasizing actually. Nothing ever works out the way I dream it but it's nice to lose yourself in an ideal sometimes."
"It was nice…I had all these dreams for Lucky and me, you know? Great dreams. Fairytale ending and everything."
"I've never had a fairytale ending. Apparently I'm not so fabulous at the knight in shining armor bit."
"I've had my fair share of the knights, I think I'm tired of wanting a fairytale." She leaned her head on his shoulder, "but I think you'd make a fine knight in shining armor. You saved me from a boat load of humiliation at the church."
He laughed weakly, "It was purely selfish, I assure you. I did it to piss Jason off."
"Yeah, that's why I came- to piss Jason off. I know it's vindictive and mean but…I hope he's hurting."
"Well, it sounds pretty normal to me."
XXXXXXXXXXX
It was reassuring to know that she wasn't evil for thinking the thoughts she was and it was also nice to realize that AJ wasn't the idiot his brother thought he was. Maybe that was just Jason's way of rationalizing his affair with Courtney or something. Whatever the reason, Liz found herself feeling a little defensive of AJ and had Jason been around, he would have had an earful.
Of course that could have been easily been bitterness over being fooled…again…by the male gender.
"Thanks." She was sincere in her gratitude.
It was odd, not knowing how to act around someone. With Jason it was easy, she talked, he listened. Supposedly there were no pretenses. With everyone else? A smile and a cheerful look seemed to do the trick. But AJ knew she was hurting, not because he knew her but because he had just witnessed a very painful moment for her. He was hurting too, she didn't know him well enough to figure a way to comfort him. They didn't know each other at all.
Maybe this hadn't been the best idea after all. But it was a decision she made and now she was to live with it. Glancing at AJ, who seemed lost in thought she decided it may not be all that bad. He was funny and handsome, didn't seem to expect much from her. Which was always good. Elizabeth hated disappointing people.
Perhaps, if she did this right and didn't set the same standards she had always expected of people, honesty and loyalty, maybe a friendship could bloom. Not that she knew if AJ wasn't honest or loyal—it was just those standards seemed a little high for humankind as of late. Even the great Jason Morgan couldn't live up to them.
Maybe that was the entire problem. Maybe it was the pedestal she had put him and everyone else on, maybe it was how she built her life around people instead of building herself up.
It was all so confusing.
"What do you need? I mean, to make you feel better."
"A tall glass of vodka, or maybe five of them."
Alcoholism, Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, "okay, other then that."
"Sex?"
"Temporary solution to pain and fear—I've tried that before."
His eyebrows raised in surprise, "you? You have tried that?"
Helplessly, Elizabeth nodded. "Not something I'm proud of, I hurt people with that little stunt, I screwed up. I royally screwed up. No one came out of that mess without a wound. Have I completely deconstructed your image of me?"
"Hell yes."
Elizabeth smiled, "good. I don't need anymore people thinking I'm perfect."
"Good because I don't think I can handle another perfect person in my life."
The mutual understanding gave them a new place to work with, broke new ground in their lives. Elizabeth decided that if she was going to try once more at a friendship, she was going to be the one to have to work at it. She was going to have to be the one to put her fears of being let down, of letting people down aside and just go for it.
Maybe all of this happened for a reason. Maybe seeing Jason with Courtney, reliving the pain of betrayal again had been the final straw. Maybe this was her chance at a new life that was completely and utterly hers
The stabbing pain of what happened was still in the forefront of her mind, nagging and nagging at her. She was going to miss Jason, miss the bike rides and the teasing, miss the talks and the pool games, miss the way he made her smile and feel better.
But now she would have to make herself smile and feel better, it was all up to her now. And she would be stronger for it. After the grief of yet another person lying to her was gone, she'd move on, hold her head high.
XXXXXXXXXXX2
The bile began to rise in AJ's throat as he realized that he couldn't go back to Courtney now, not even if he waned to. It was over. The woman who believed in him, made him believe in himself was gone. His reason for being a better person had vanished. Strength to stay away wasn't what was going to keep him away, if that were the case he'd have gone back to her. No, it was the hurt that would keep them separated.
Would he crawl back into the shadows? Would he stumble and not be able to get back up?
Would he find himself staring at the bottom of an empty flask?
As his fears began to rise, it seemed his new companions were easing. She shouldn't be at ease around him, no one should. "Elizabeth, I may drink."
"Excuse me?"
"Alcohol, I may fall off the wagon, it's happened recently, it could happen again."
Their eyes met and she slowly nodded, "okay. Um, do you want me to help you in anyway?"
AJ cringed, "I don't want another savior."
"And I don't want to be a savior." She told him in a plain voice, "I want to know what you need to do so you don't drink, that way I can support that and help you." Her face lowered and she looked up at him under knitted brows. "I don't know much about alcoholism or what it does, really. So this is your playing field. You have to tell me what you need."
Tell her what he needed. She actually cared what he needed? That was nice. But how did he know what he needed? He knew what he wanted, never knew the right way to get it, but wants were easy to figure out. Needs were another story. When he answered her, he spoke slowly, uncertainly. "I need to…not have alcohol around me…and I need…"
"Yes?"
"I need to stop hurting. God, I'm so weak."
"Human frailty is universal. It's not weakness, it's just what is." A small chuckle escaped and she shook her head, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "We all want to be strong but when it really comes down to it, no one is. We're just stumbling."
"You don't understand. I've always been the weakest, Jason was always strong and right and good."
Her hand covered his and she stared at him with crystal blue eyes, they weren't like Courtney's though. Her eyes held a wisdom and pain beyond her years. "Then when you overcome all of this, not if, but when, you won't see Jason the way you used to. He'll lose his power and you'll see truth."
"Is that what you want for yourself?"
"More then anything." A wistful smile appeared at her lips. "I've been hurting for a long time now, I'm guessing you have too. We may just be the lesser siblings but in the end? We'll be more then they ever were."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I have to be otherwise I'd crawl into a corner and want to die."
He knew that feeling. Knew it all too well. She understood him, understood what it was like to be the bad seed. That was comforting and it gave him hope. If she understood and if she was hopeful then he could be hopeful too.
AJ rested his head on her shoulder and listened to the lulling sound of plain's engine. Washington would be good for him, for both of them. It would give them both perspective and clean out their systems of angst.
He had to believe it would all be okay.
