Chapter Fifteen

As her eyes fluttered before opening, Elizabeth felt the weight that had been around her hand ease before the cold air hit her warm hand. She sighed as she began to wake fully. Just like every night since she woke up from her accident, she woke up to find Jason sitting beside her bed.

And just like every night before, Jason had held her hand until she showed signs of waking. He would gently remove his hand from hers as if he didn't want her to know he had been clasping onto her hand. When she finally realized what he was doing, she would pretend to sleep a little longer, liking the feel of him holding her hand. One night, she could have sworn that she had felt a small fluttering of lips against her knuckles, but decided to not think too much of it.

Opening her eyes, Elizabeth stretched as she smiled up at Jason. "Hey."

"Hey." He replied before opening his mouth to ask his next question. Elizabeth's laugh had him closing his mouth on an embarrassed smile.

"No, you didn't wake me." After her first two days in the hospital with no visit from Jason, Elizabeth had began to think that he wasn't going to come back like he had promised. On her third night she had awoken to find Jason sitting beside her bed. She was confused at first but he had explained that he didn't feel right coming during the day when her family would visit her so had been coming during the night to see her. Elizabeth had started to mention how visiting hours ended but stopped and laughed, knowing that Jason wouldn't let something like hospital rules stop him from doing what he wanted to do.

Elizabeth had felt that there was more to him not coming during the day but decided to not question him on it. Instead, for the past five nights, something inside her would make sure that she would wake up just so she could spend some time with Jason. She slept enough in the day from complete boredom to allow herself to stay up for a couple of hours during the night.

"Good," He smiled. "How did today go?"

Elizabeth smiled brightly at the question, remembering the day she had and how she couldn't wait to see Jason to tell him about it. "Today was a really good day. I was able to walk without holding on to the bars and my physical therapist told me that since I was making such good progress that I would be able to leave soon."

His smile was genuine as he took in her happiness. It had been the first time since she woke up from her accident that he had seen her look so happy, give a real smile. Along with the pain of losing her baby, Elizabeth had to deal with the frustrations of physical therapy everyday. She wasn't in such a bad state that she couldn't walk, but from the pain after the accident and the stiffness in her muscles, she had to attend sessions to allow her to get back on her feet.

During her first nights at the hospital she would tell him about her frustrations and how she wanted nothing more than to give up but knew she couldn't because she had to get out of the hospital for her own sanity and for her son. At first, she had tried to hold her emotions back about the therapy and the loss of her baby, but after finally giving in and crying on his shoulder, she playfully slapped him on his chest, telling him that she could never hide her feelings from him.

It made him feel good that he was able to be there for her, even if it was just to listen to her and lend a shoulder for her to lean on. There were times when she would stop crying but would continue to lean on him and it was those times that Jason berated himself for the feelings that ran through him as she would settle against him. He enjoyed the feel of her in his arms. He was supposed to be comforting her but he couldn't help but marvel in how right it felt to hold her.

He had admitted to himself that he wanted her, wanted to be with her, wanted her to want him. But he knew that it was not the right time to think about his feelings for her. He just needed to be there for her.

"The police also came by today."

"What did they have to say?" He asked, true curiosity running through him. Gone was her smile and happiness from the breakthrough she had earlier. The light in her eyes disappeared and in its place was a dimness that tore at his heart.

"They…they said that it was what they expected."

"That the break line was corroded?"

His voice was laced with skepticism, like he didn't believe what the police had discovered after their investigation. Elizabeth sighed. "Lucky's car was really old and we didn't have the money to bring it into the shop every time we heard a weird sound. I honestly don't know when the last time was that he brought the car in."

Something inside him just didn't believe that that was the end of it. Nothing made sense. Elizabeth being out so late, being on the road that she was on. Her car losing control for no reason except for a corroded break line. It could be something as simple as that, but he couldn't leave it at that. Not with what was screaming inside of him.

But instead of voicing his concern, knowing that she didn't need any added worries, Jason decided to wait and talk to Sonny. He wanted to know for sure that the cause of her accident was mechanical and not what was going through his mind.

He didn't want to believe that someone had tampered with the car, but it's what kept coming back to him.

"So, that's the end of this." Her soft voice interrupted his thoughts. "They know what caused the accident and now we can all just… move on I guess."

Jason's soft eyes connected with hers seeing the deep, burning pain she tried to hide from everyone. Her chin quivered and without a word Jason moved forward, taking her hand in his without hesitation. He could feel his heart tugging hard in his chest when the first tear fell from one eye.

By the time more tears began to spill from her eyes, Jason was already sitting on her bed with her. His back against the headboard, Elizabeth's back against his chest, wrapped up in his arms as she mourned the loss of her baby.

He hated to see her cry.

Minutes passed as Elizabeth shed silent tears, Jason's own eye's watered as he thought of the baby. How round Elizabeth's now flat stomach had been, the evidence of that child growing inside her now gone. But what hurt the most, what always caused Jason to feel as if he could share Elizabeth's pain was the memory of her child's first kick. The small flutter against the palm of his hand as he pressed it against her belly.

He felt her child kick, felt the existence of it. He had known before that Elizabeth was pregnant, could see it with her growing stomach, but it was never truly real for him until he felt her kick.

And now she was gone.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed, turning her head to rub her cheek against his chest.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do this to you every time you come here. It's just… I hurt so much. You're the only one who makes it better."

Blowing out a breath of air, Jason closed his eyes, leaning his cheek against the top of her head. "I just listen."

A sniff. "Exactly."

He didn't respond with words but tightened his arms around her. She turned more in his arms, positioned herself more comfortably against his chest. She slipped an arm around his stomach and returned his squeeze, sighing. "Thank you."

Having her in his arms, being so close to her, it only caused Jason's feelings for her to grow even more. He didn't want to think of how attracted to her he was, inside and out. He didn't want to think about the longing that occurred every time he saw or even thought about her. He didn't want to think of those things but he couldn't help but think along those lines. Especially when she was in his arms.

Several minutes passed before Jason realized that Elizabeth had fallen asleep. He held her a little longer, telling himself that he didn't want to wake her but knowing it was for his own selfish needs that he didn't leave right away.

Gently, Jason removed his arms from around her and got out of the hospital bed. He stood there for a moment, taking in the softness of her expression as she slept. The pain she was just feeling moments before was gone except for the evidence of the dry tears on her cheeks. Absently, Jason reached out and ran his thumb over her cheek, but he didn't stop there. Not thinking, he cupped her cheek in his hand, leaned down and softly brushed his lips against hers. When she sighed and turned her cheek into his palm, all of the air left his lungs.

She was beautiful.

Stepping back before he did anything more, Jason walked towards the door. He looked back once his hand curved around the handle. Seeing her lying in the bed he couldn't help but wish that he didn't have to leave. He wanted nothing more than to go back to her bed and hold her while they both slept.

He sighed as he walked out of the room.

"I have some good news."

Glancing up at the cheerful voice of her friend, Elizabeth gave Bobbie a small, tight smile.

"Your doctor has decided that you are ready to go home as long as you agree to come back regularly until your physical therapy is complete."

"I get to go home today?"

"Yes, you do."

Elizabeth leaned her head back against her pillow and sighed in relief. She was finally going to be able to leave this place. It was one thing to come to the hospital almost every day to work, but to have to live in the hospital as a patient was horrible.

"All you need to do is sign some paperwork." Bobbie said. "And then you are free to go. But don't think I won't be stopping by at anytime to check up on you." She added with a teasing smile.

"Thanks, Bobbie."

Elizabeth spent most of her morning signing paperwork and waiting as the papers were processed. She was anxious to get home and, even though she knew how long the paperwork took, couldn't help but become annoyed with the wait. Just when she was about to roll out of bed and prepare herself for her departure a nurse walked in.

"You're all set to go. You're change of clothes are in the closet. Have you called anyone to pick you up?"

"Actually, no." She had been waiting for Lucky to come and visit her like he had every morning and didn't think to call him. "I'll call right now."

Picking up the phone next to her bed, Elizabeth began to dial. She paused on the sixth number realizing that it wasn't Lucky's number she was dialing. Her forehead scrunched in confusion at the slight but instead of hanging up and fixing her mistake, she finished dialing.

It only rang twice before the other end picked up.

"Can you come pick me up?"

It felt like a lifetime since she had been home. Everything seemed the same to her. Nothing was out of place. The couch, the television, the coffee table… Stopping her gaze around the room, Elizabeth glanced back at the coffee table, a rolling sensation taking over her stomach. When she closed her eyes she could see the image perfectly, as if she were living through it again rather than remembering her baby's first kick.

Her hand moved to her now flat stomach and began to rub. If she thought hard enough she could feel the flutter against her hand. A hand on her shoulder caused her to turn around and look at Jason as he stood behind her. She didn't know that she was crying until he gently cupped her cheek and used his thumb to swipe away the tears.

He didn't have to ask, the question was in his eyes. "I just," clearing her throat against the large lump that was ever present since she woke up in the hospital, she continued. "I just remembered something from the day of my accident. I remembered before, how Cameron was walking back and forth between the two of us, but that's as far as the memory went, until now." She closed her eyes as Jason gently tugged her towards him. Even though she knew he knew what the memory was, she had to say it out loud. It was hard, but being in his arms made it easier. "I felt the baby kick, we felt the baby kick." She felt his arms tighten around her. "And now she's gone."

Gripping onto his sides, Elizabeth savored his strength before she pulled away, swiping angrily at her cheeks. "God, I hate this."

"What?"

"This." She gestured to herself. "Every time I'm with you I'm crying, I try to hold back but I can't. I don't want to feel this anymore, I don't want to cry. I just want everything to be nor…" She couldn't finish as another large lump settled in her throat. Bending her head, she ran her fingers through her hair.

Jason had her in his arms again. His chest hurt. Watching her cry, hearing the pain in her voice, it killed him. "It's ok to cry."

She calmed down before giving a short laugh, her attempt to ease the situation. "You must be sick of me crying all over you."

"I don't mind." He smiled.

He let her slip out of his embrace. They both seemed reluctant to let go, but knew they couldn't stand there all day in each others arms. No matter how much that would have appealed to him, Jason thought.

"You wouldn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jason asked, finding it safe to smile since a small smile was gracing her face.

"Nothing," she smirked but shrugged when he raised his eyebrows in amusement. "You just, you have this way of just letting me be. It's always so simple with you. I can cry, I can laugh. I can even scream my head off if I wanted to."

They shared a knowing smile remembering the one night Elizabeth screamed in frustration and threw her pillow across the room after a trying day at the physical therapist. Jason had simply walked towards the pillow, picked it up and handed it back to her, only to have her throw it at him instead. Elizabeth was the first to look away and when she looked towards Cameron's room a frown formed her lips. Without saying a word she walked towards the room. Jason followed her with his eyes and was about to go into the room with her but didn't have to move since Elizabeth came walked right back out. The look on her face told him that whatever was in that room upset her.

"Everything's gone."

"What?"

She hadn't even realized she spoke out loud and was a bit startled at the sound of Jason's voice. She lifted her glassy eyes to his, repeating, "Everything's gone."

He took a step closer, stopped and spoke in a soft voice. "What's gone?"

Elizabeth shook her head and took a deep breath. She ran her hand through her hair as she walked towards the couch and sat down. Tucking her feet under her, she turned to look at him but didn't really see him. "I didn't know that my baby was going to be a girl until…until I woke up in the hospital and she was gone. But for some reason, I just knew that she was going to be a girl. So every time I would go shopping and had some extra money I would pick up little things. A pink blanket that I planned on…on wrapping her in when she came home from the hospital, some pink little outfits with flowers and…" smiling, she continued "and there was this one dress that I bought. It had ruffles all along the bottom and fluffed out from the waist. I would just hold it and imagine a beautiful baby girl, my beautiful baby girl wearing it with the matching shoes."

"I put them in Cameron's room because we really don't have any room around here, but now everything is gone. The dress, the blanket, even this soft teddy bear that I wanted to put in her crib with her."

By the time she finished, Jason had already taken a seat on the couch next to her. He didn't touch her, didn't bring her into his arms like he wanted nothing more than to do. When she looked at him this time he could tell that she was actually looking at him again rather than through him.

"Lucky must have gotten rid of everything."

"Did…did you want it all to be here when you got back?"

Sighing, Elizabeth leaned back against the couch. "You don't remember this, but when Sam had lost her baby I came to talk to you. You and my brother Steven, who was her doctor, you were talking and he said something to upset you. I don't know what he said but when he left we started to talk about the nursery you two set up…"

"She's going to need you. Her feelings are -- God, they're going to be so complicated. It was so close to her due date. I'm sure you guys have a ton of baby stuff all over." Elizabeth's tone was soft, regretful.

"Yeah, the nursery's all ready." Jason replied. The thought of the nursery already furnished needing nothing more than a baby to fill it caused his heart to bleed. That baby wasn't coming. She was dead now.

"You need to be there with her when she packs it all away. She might tell you that she wants to do it all alone, but I wouldn't -- I wouldn't let her."

He didn't want Sam to have to go through that, to pack away her child's things. "Maybe I can just, you know, do it for her so she doesn't have to deal with it."

"Yeah, but if you go home and you erase any trace of the baby, it's kind of as if the baby never existed, you know? You and Sam prepared for the arrival of this baby together, and it'd be a good idea if you mourn together. Because, Jason, the pain you feel right now is nothing compared with how it's going to feel."

There was no headache this time, no pain at all. It was just like a normal memory. As she told him about it, Jason could remember that day like he had never forgotten it. Until now, every memory before had caused him so much pain he nearly passed out because of it. Confused, Jason decided to not think about it right then and listen to Elizabeth instead.

"I had told you that if you got rid of everything before Sam came home, it would be like there was never a baby."

Their eyes connected and Jason understood. For her to come home and see that all of the belongings she had bought for her baby were gone… Was there ever going to be an ease to her pain?

Her head was leaning against the back of the couch. She had her eyes closed but opened them as she turned her head to look at Jason. "You know what I just realized?"

Her hand on his surprised him more than the change of her tone and, most likely, subject. "What?"

"I haven't told you about our past since I woke up from the hospital." She scrunched her nose, "When was the last time I told you about us?"

"You," he cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable. "You stopped by Jake's… that night. We played some pool and you told me about when I came back to town and hid in your studio..."

Her frown grew deeper. She shrugged; a smile that was a cross between being bitter and ironic appeared. "I can't remember telling you."

In a way, it was good that she couldn't remember what happened that night at Jakes. She had left right after they kissed, seemed as surprised as he was that they had even kissed. She had pulled away from him and left making him think that he had just ruined the friendship they were building because of that kiss. He didn't want her to have to question what had happened, knew all too well how frustrating it was to not remember things. But if she didn't remember the kiss… He didn't want to cause her more problems and that's what the memory of the kiss would cause. Problems.

"Is that when the accident happened? When I left Jakes?"

"No, you went home right after you left." He didn't know if he should tell her, but it was because of the guard he put on her that he knew she went straight home before leaving after only being there for twenty minutes. It was because of Eddie, the guard Sonny had assigned to Elizabeth upon Jason's request, that Elizabeth was found so soon after her accident. Eddie had followed her from Jakes to her apartment to where she went to her Grams and had even followed her to the cliff roads where the accident happened. The young guard had told Jason about how she spent hours sitting in front of her grandmother's house before she finally took off and ended up flipping her car.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I promised you that I would tell you about us, and for the past couple of days I haven't—"

"Hey, hey," he interrupted. "It's ok. As much as I like learning about us, I didn't expect you to tell me anything. You've had a lot to deal with."

He had been having some memories since her accident and he did have questions, but he thought it better to wait until he felt right about asking her again. He would just continue to try and piece together the memories he was having of the two of them.

"It would have helped though." At his questioning look, she clarified. "Talking about us would have taken my mind off of everything, even if just for a little while."

Jason looked away, nodding his head slightly. He didn't think of it that way. Maybe if they had talked about their past, maybe if he had brought up his memories and the questions that kept bothering him as to what was happening during each memory, she might have been able to deal with the pain a little easier. "Would you… can you answer some questions for me?" He asked, thinking that it might be a good idea to bring his memories up now, hoping it might help her with the discovery of all of her baby's belongings being gone.

"Sure." She turned to face him fully. Her face lit up and Jason knew that this was a good idea. "Have you remembered anything else? Jason, you can—."

"Hey, what's going on?"

Jason turned and Elizabeth looked up to see Lucky standing in the entrance of the apartment. His stance was rigid, a sure sign that he was displeased with what he was seeing. But as his gaze turned to Elizabeth he actually smiled, attempting to not let his anger show. Jason caught on, Elizabeth didn't.

"I went to the hospital to see you and they told me you had checked out. Why didn't you call me?"

Both Jason and Elizabeth stood to face Lucky. Elizabeth sighed. "Since you hadn't come to see me already I figured you were busy and decided to call Jason instead. I meant to call you when I got home but I forgot I guess."

Lucky smiled reassuringly. "That's ok, I was just worried, but now that I see your ok, everything is fine." An awkward silence fell upon the three of them causing Lucky to glance at Jason and say tightly. "Thank you for getting her home safe."

"No problem."

Lucky's face tightened. "I think I can take it from here."

"Lucky."

"It's alright Elizabeth." Jason said, turning to face her and give Lucky his back. "I should go. I have to meet with Tony to discuss my treatment."

"Oh, ok." She placed her hand on his forearm as he turned to leave and took a step closer. "I'll call you and we can finish what we were talking about."

Once Jason was gone, Lucky couldn't hold back his annoyance. He didn't want to confront Elizabeth with what he was feeling, especially since she just got out of the hospital. But the exchange that just occurred between them set him over.

Elizabeth's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Why are you trying to make it seem like my baby never existed?"

It was positive.

Her hand fell upon her stomach; her mouth formed a slow smile.

She couldn't believe it. This was too good to be true. For so long she had wanted nothing more than this, had built her life around this. Everything seemed to happen to prevent this from happening, but it was finally happening for her.

She was pregnant.

And it couldn't have happened at a better time.

Placing the pregnancy test on the sink, she walked out of the huge bathroom and to the phone that was beside the bed. She glanced down at the number written on the scrap piece of paper. She had to flirt a little with a guard in order to get this number but it was worth it.

His voice was hesitant as he answered on the other end. She rolled her eyes at his reluctance to talk to her. But before her anger could escalade, she remembered that she was pregnant and everything was going to be fixed again.

"Jason, its Sam… Don't hang up! Please, just…we really need to talk."