Ayshen: Thanks so much! I tried very hard to make this a character driven story insteadof a plot driven one.

Liasonfan101: Thanks

nlr1169 I'm glad you liked it then and you're willing to read it a second time! It is the one fanfiction I'll never give up on completely. I always go back to it thanks!

Rvaughan: Thanks! I'm really enjoying reposting and writing fresh chapters!

live4jasam: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!!!

Chapter Three: Break Free

"I can't do it." Elizabeth stated as she stood outside Kelly's with a frown on her face, turned around and began walking away. The pure look of fear on her countenance, gave AJ a few chills- if she didn't thinks he could do it, could he?

Quickly, AJ grabbed the back of her red, silk shirt, pulled her back to the door and turned her around. "Yes, you can." He insisted with a reassuring nod.

They had been back from DC for one day and had spent that day hiding in a hotel room that he could now afford since he had gotten all his money back. Money that his new, found friend Elizabeth was reluctant to touch. Apparently, she was not the type to be bought. And that was always a good sign.

They had been in Washington for two months and in that time had bonded a great deal and learned more about each other and more importantly about themselves then AJ had ever thought possible. That hope he had held onto on the plane guided the two and now he felt, well, like he belonged with someone. Like there was another person on the earth who understood his jealousy and vulnerability- his lack of being loved.

It was so much more then just nice.

"Nuh-uh. Can't do it." Shaking her head with a determined look on her face she folded her arms across her chest. "I'd like to move, yes, move far, far away and start a gallery. Doesn't a gallery sound like a fun thing to run?"

"Yes, it does. Port Charles needs a gallery. Now get in there and take your life back."

Scowling at him, she groaned. "They can have my life, frankly, it wasn't that great."

Laughing a little, AJ put an encouraging hand on the small of her back, pushing her gently towards the door. "You're stronger then this." His insistence seemed to soften her a bit but then the stubborn expression returned once more. Damn she could be infuriating sometimes.

"Being strong is overrated."

He glared at her, "Elizabeth." His tone was received with a look of defiance. Her crystal blue eyes glittered and she set her jaw tightly. "Come on, Liz. Get a grip, take a deep breath and show every #$ that ever hurt you that you're not just going to lie down and take it."

Face softening, she smiled a little then stopped. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" He asked, smiling knowingly.

Snorting, she waved a hand at him. "Make so much sense. Damn it, AJ. I don't want to go in there and if I don't want to go in there I don't have to."

Relenting, AJ took a step back and spread his arms, "okay then. You're not ready. What do you want to do?" He reached out and put a hand on her forearm, this supportive gesture had become something of a habit for them. They were both very physical people and craved human contact; he had first noticed that about them in Washington. It was nice to notice things like that. A lot of things had been nice for them there.

Any humor left dissipated from her face, "I want to paint."

"Then we'll go paint. Hey, I can do a mean stick figure. No one draws a stick figure quite like I do."

The response he was seeking, a small laugh, was given to him. "Painting it is." She nodded, reaffirming her decision. Her hand shot out and grabbed his, squeezing it tightly. "Thanks for not…pushing."

Swallowing, AJ smiled. "Anytime."

"AJ!"

The two turned around to see Courtney standing at the door, a broad smile on her face. Before AJ could say a thing, she rushed into his arms and embraced him tightly. Weakness overcame him and he felt himself hugging back. Closing his eyes, breathing her in, falling back into an old pattern. "I'm so glad you're home, I've missed you so much!"

Instantly, he let go and took a step back. "Courtney I…" Unable to finish his sentence, he took a deep breath and looked straight at Elizabeth.

Her gaze was questioning but not intrusive. She took a step to go but he shook his head and she planted herself back in her spot, nodding a little.

"I was so worried about you! And I have to say, nothing is going on with me and Jason, I promise you that. I would never ever betray you. You have to know that."

Wetting his lips, AJ began to nod. "Yes, I know you wouldn't. You're a good person, Courtney." A weary smile held his mouth up as he paused. "And I missed you too."

"We can get back to where we were, AJ. We can, I know it."

The weary smile faded from his face and tears burned behind his lids. God, this was painful, it hurt so incredibly badly that he didn't think he could take it. The tightness in his chest spread throughout his entire body until he felt like he would burst from the unadulterated agony.

But he would do this. Because this was how it had to be, this was how he could make things better for both himself and Courtney. "No, we can't." AJ glanced over at Elizabeth and motioned that it was okay for her to go. He had to rely on his own strength now, no matter how much he wanted her presence there to reassure him.

Slowly she walked away, almost reluctantly and disappeared into Kelly's, hissing something under her breath about trickery.

"What do you mean, no we can't?" She asked, ignoring the fact Elizabeth had ever been there at all.

AJ's heart plummeted at the pain on her face. But ripping off the band-aid might hurt a lot now but at least it wouldn't be a slow peel. Best to do things quickly, get it over with. Now if only he could get his lips to move so he could say it.

XXXXXXXXXXX

She froze.

There he was, sitting at the counter wearing a short sleeved black shirt and black jeans, drinking a coffee. Elizabeth hissed in a breath, trying to force her legs to move the other way, far from Jason Morgan.

But that wouldn't work and neither would her voice box as she tried to call out to AJ, maybe he could carry her out of the damn diner. Blinking, she just stared until her eyes drifted to the seat next to him. Brenda Barrett?

Wait, Brenda Barrett was dead- wasn't she?

Slowly, he looked up at her. At first his eyes glistened, as though he was happy to see her. At that look, her heart hardened. No. No. No. She would not go back there again. He had hurt her.

As he stood up and walked over to her she screamed silently for her legs to move. Just one foot behind the other, walk backwards to the door, but they wouldn't comply.

"Elizabeth."

"She- she's dead?" Was all Liz could croak out, her eyes drifting to Brenda.

The brunette stood, "I remember you, Lucky's girlfriend, right?"

A bitter laugh escaped Liz's throat. There was her name again- somebody's girlfriend. Never Elizabeth, never ever was she her own person. Drooping her head, a glint of metal caught her eye. No, not metal, gold. A gold ring. A gold wedding band…on Jason's hand.

Her eyes moved to Brenda's fingers.

"You have got to be kidding me"

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I love you, I do and a part of me will always love you, Courtney." AJ began in an unsteady voice as he shifted uncomfortably and stared down at his feet. Finally he mustered the courage to look up at Courtney, at his wife. "But we're not good for each other."

Confusion marred her features, "that's not true! AJ, love is good."

"Not always." His voice grew a bit stronger, "I had a lot of time to think, Courtney. About myself, about you, about us." Gently, he reached his hand out to touch a strand of her golden hair but quickly snatched it back. She looked like an angel, she was an angel. Beautifully dressed in a white sundress and a white sweater over it that made her golden skin shine and glow. God, how was he going to do this? How was he going to tear her heart out? His own heart out?

She faltered, "to think?"

Nodding, he looked away. "Yes and I realized something. I'm going to screw up, I'm going to screw up…a lot and you, you'll fix it."

"I'm your wife…I'm supposed to."

A tear slipped down his cheek but he quickly brushed it away. "No, no you're not." His voice caught but he went on, "that's not how it's supposed to be. It's not healthy and it's not right. It just…it enables me to keep screwing up. That's just not fair…to either of us. You deserve better. Hell, I deserve better."

And he meant it, they both deserved better. It had taken years and years of self-deprecation and even more of screwing up time after time but in the last month he realized he could be more then that. He could be more then the town drunk, the town screw up.

He had potential, Elizabeth had taught him that.

"AJ-"

"Let me finish." His statement was flat even though tears were now streaming down his face. "You're beautiful and you're strong. I'd just…I'd take away from that, Courtney. In the end, I'd destroy it and if that happened I'd destroy another part of me. And so much of me is wrecked, so much…I can't risk anymore of myself to that."

He watched as she swallowed a lump in her throat, as her eyes shined with tears. "I love you, AJ. I don't want to wreck you, I'd never wreck you."

"You wouldn't mean to, no, of course not. You're too good for that, too kind." Pausing, he took a deep breath, "but the road to hell is paved in good intentions. We'd work, for a little while anyway. And it would be good, God, it would be so good and it would feel like heaven. But not for long, it wouldn't last."

"Don't be ridiculous."

Frustrated, AJ made a growling sound. "I'm not being ridiculous. I'm being realistic here. Damn it, don't fight this, Courtney. For the love of God don't make this harder then it already is." Anger replaced sadness. Anger at himself, anger at her, anger at everything that was human, everything that was animal, ever part of nature and everything man made. He cursed it all in a long stream of silent profanities that lasted but a moment yet seemed like forever. "Love is not enough, that's a fairy tale, a dream. I don't belong in those and damn it, I never will. I don't even want to anymore."

Cringing away from him in fear, she sucked in a breath. "Are you drunk?"

"You see? You're always going to wonder. Will today be the day he drinks? How about tomorrow? You'll think 'I shouldn't say that- do that, he might take a drink' and you'll walk on egg shells and you'll guard you words." Growing more agitated by the minute his voice rose, "is that healthy, Courtney? Tell me, is that love?"

The tears that rolled down her flawless skin almost broke him; the look of panic in her sky blue eyes almost weakened him. He wanted to apologize, to tell her he didn't mean what he said. But he wasn't sorry and he did mean them…no more lies. He couldn't live on lies anymore. "I can't live with you like that, with you always ready and able to make my mistakes go away. It would kill me in the end, it always does."

Her nose was red from crying and her cheeks flushed from fear. She cowered before him like a frightened child. He felt like a monster and honestly, inside there was a monster and she couldn't handle it, not when he couldn't either. "You can't help me, you can't fix me. I'm not some broken machine. I'm a man, I'm not even a good man. I'm cruel and I'm selfish and I won't change just because you will it to happen. No amount of love can change it."

The fear drained from her countenance and she stood taller. "Life isn't hopeless, AJ. If you believe that you can't change then you have nothing. Without dreams you're just a shell, you exist but you don't live. Love can fix it, AJ. You just have to believe in it."

"Love can't fix me, I have to fix me. A time comes when you have to step up to the plate and be a man. My time has come, let me do it, Courtney. Let me break free of these damn shackles that have held me since the first memory I've ever had."

"Courtney, please. Just set me free."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"You're…You're married?"

Disbelief was first, Jason couldn't be married. She had only been gone two months. And he had time to fall in love since then? Impossible, simply impossible.

Then it hit her.

The lipstick, the nights he disappeared, the secrets. He hadn't been with Courtney, no, she and AJ had compared dates. She had been with her husband a lot of those nights. No, it wasn't her, it was Brenda.

She was not going to cry.

Somehow thinking that made it so and the tears were forced back immediately. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "I guess I should congratulate you? Wow. You've been a busy man, haven't you Jason? But then again you know the saying, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I'm glad you had time for some extracurricular activities."

Wetting her lips, she arched a brow, "Glad you had time to fit her into your busy schedule, Jason. So how did it happen? How did you both fall in love? I'd love to hear the story."

Jason opened his mouth to speak, then shut it, obviously rethinking his plan. It was Brenda who answered her. "It all happened so suddenly," she began almost apologetically, "you know how these things are though."

Her eyes met Jason's and she stared at him for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a year. "Yes, I know how these things are." She finally answered, her voice as frosty as the arctic. Shoving her hands in her pockets she offered a broad, fake smile. "Love, it's a funny thing, isn't it Jason?"

"Elizabeth-"

"But when you find that one right person, the one that understands you, that lets you be yourself, well then, how can you deny it?" She went on like hadn't spoken. Her words were careful, neutral, void of inflection. "I'm sure he does that for you, Brenda." Although she addressed his wife she didn't look at her.

"Why yes, we understand each other."

Elizabeth laughed a little. God, the pain, it was making her irrational. That had to be why she was laughing, it could be the only reason. Her head was spinning and she could feel the tension within her body build. "You're a beautiful woman, Brenda. I bet Jason has told you that, hasn't he?"

"Um yes?"

"And strong? I bet he said you were strong too." Her gaze not leaving Jason's she smiled coldly. "How about intelligent? Did he tell you how smart you are? And how about dreams? You look like a dreamer Mrs. Morgan. Does he live off your dreams? He doesn't have many of his own, you know."

Jason winced, but his gaze never wavered from hers. So much was spoken, much more then the words she said and they all registered in his head. She could practically see it happening. "Please don't do this." He said quietly.

"You're such a lucky woman, Mrs. Morgan to have such a devoted and wonderful husband. Expecting children any time soon?"

"Well um…"

"I bet they'll be beautiful. I wonder if they'll have his eyes. He has beautiful eyes, don't you think? Ever notice how they sparkle at you?"

Finally she turned to Brenda, "Don't believe it. Not the words, not the sparkle. For a man who doesn't lie, it's kind of hard to believe a word out of his mouth."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I love you AJ, with all my heart, my soul. You're a better man then you think you are, then Sonny thinks you are." Courtney told him in a gentle voice, her hand reaching out to touch him, AJ backed away from it, feeling as though her hand might burn him and render him ashes. "Be free with me."

If only he could see her clearly but his eyes were blurred by tears, "I know you think that." He croaked out, "I know you believe we can and that's one of the reasons I fell in love with you but we can't. I'm so sorry and you have no idea how sorry I am. You never, ever will."

Her face contorted a little, mouth opening in a sob. "Did she help you come to this conclusion, AJ?"

Surprised, he shook his head. "No, she told me to do what I felt I needed to."

Courtney laughed bitterly, "right, I believe that. Sure, I do. I'm sure when she found out Jason and Brenda Barrett were married she was all happy and pleased, didn't try to win you over."

AJ had misheard her, that had to be the explanation. Brenda was dead how could she and Jason be married. "Married? I-I- thought she was dead."

Courtney wiped away her tears and looked away from him, "nope, she's alive and married to Jason…they're inside Kelly's, right now."

AJ looked from Courtney to the door, back to Courtney. "You're hurt." He whispered, "at the marriage, you're hurt. Oh my God…Courtney…"

Rolling her eyes a bit, she looked up at the sky, agony in her eyes. "I, AJ…I was going to tell you, I was. Nothing happened, it was just a kiss and-"

"Friendship- you said and- I can't do this. Oh my God, Elizabeth…" without another thought given to himself or to Courtney he moved to get past her to Elizabeth. Jesus, she must be shell shocked, hurt. How could Jason do this to her? Courtney stood in his way and he narrowed his eyes on her. "Get out of my way."

"Let me explain."

"I. Don't. Have. Time." He ground out, gently pushing her out of the way so he could run inside Kelly's. When he got inside his heart broke. Elizabeth was rigid and even from behind he could tell that all the color had drained from her body as she stared at the couple before her.

He closed his hands over her arms, holding her as gently but protectively as he could.

"Don't ask him too many questions either," she was saying in a cold, emotionless voice. "He'll never answer you, not even if it could get you killed. He'll leave you unguarded in your home. Nothing to protect you, so when two huge frightening men come to take you away, they can."

"Elizabeth, please- please don't do this." Jason said in a muted voice, his eyes filled with pain.

AJ scowled at him, "shut up, Jason."

Brenda's eyebrows rose, "what do you have to do with any of this?"

Elizabeth's hand touched one of AJ's on her shoulders, her gaze locked on Jason's. "AJ's my friend."

"What's going on here?" Came a new voice, causing both Elizabeth and AJ to turn around. It was…Sonny Corinthos.

Before AJ could say a word Elizabeth's bitter laughter echoed throughout the room, "Doesn't anybody ever stay dead in this town?" She turned back to Jason, paused and AJ could see the wheels in her mind working. "You…"

"You knew he was alive, didn't you? It…It was a hoax?" For the first time her voice wavered and her face fell, "you…didn't trust me?" The coldness was back as she stared from him to Brenda. "You didn't trust me?"

Slowly, she smiled a little, tilting her head to the side. "Good luck in life, in your marriage."

She turned around to walk away.

No one stopped her.

Finally AJ turned to Jason, feeling disgust grow within him. He shook his head, "don't ever insult me or tell me I'm a screw up ever again because if you do, Jason, I am going to remind you of this moment and the look on her face."

Turning away from his brother, he ran out of Kelly's, past Courtney to where the small silhouette of Liz was, waking away slowly. When he got to her she was still rigid, still cold and when she looked at him, she didn't even look like Elizabeth anymore.

And so he held her all the way to her studio, led her inside, watched as she sat down on the couch looking so broken, so alone. Gently he took her into his arms. The coldness, he had never seen her cold before. Worry creased his brow.

"How did it go with Courtney?" She asked softly, not looking at him.

AJ shrugged, his eyes now glued to the floor. "She's in love with Jason…she's in love with me. You can see it, it's in her eyes…"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

Folding her hands on her lap, she flexed her fingers and took a deep breath. "Lucky, Jason…am I so hard to love? Am I that terrible? I'm a fool, an idiot. I trust all the wrong people at all the wrong times."

AJ didn't know quite what to say. "Maybe we're both fools. But I do know that we can be loved, that we deserve it, that one day we'll each find someone that loves us and only us. We can hold onto that, we can hold onto each other."

Slowly, she buried her face in his chest and began to cry, he held her, tears streaming down his face as well.

And he knew it was going to be alright, they were both going to be fine.