V. Agony – extreme and generally prolonged pain; intense physical or mental suffering.
The euphoria from James and Lily's last kiss, wore off quickly on James. After watching her dance around in Sirius' arms for a whole night, he felt worse than he had hours earlier.
They came to breakfast the next day holding hands, which disintegrated any trace of the small appetite he had had. He saw them in the marketplace, later that day, walking slowly looking at all the shops. He bought her a necklace and a bouquet of flowers.
He watched them jealously, a few yards away at a table. He had agreed to meet Remus there. He had something he wanted to talk about. Remus had even sat down, and James hadn't noticed. He was too engulfed with rage to notice.
"James? James are you in there?" he said. James shook his head and focused on his companion sitting in front of him.
"Yeah, sorry," James said. "What's up? What did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to talk about you," Remus said, "James I'm worried about you. You've been acting so different lately."
"Wha-what do you mean?"
"You've been really quiet. You haven't been eating. You either look extremely mad or extremely sad. What's going on with you?" he asked, worried.
"Nothing's going on with me. I'm fine," James said, trying to shake off the subject.
"I don't think you are. You have to let someone help you, James."
"There's nothing to help. I'm fine," he insisted.
"For some reason I don't think you are," Remus said. He stopped himself, and then continued. "I just don't want you doing anything irrational or that you'll regret."
"I won't. I promise you, nothing's wrong," James said.
"All right. If you say so." Remus gave up and left.
Lily's pleading for Belqua to stay with her at nights had started to turn into a routine. The night of the wedding, Lily claimed to be too tired but she promised the next night. They had spent the day together and Lily surprisingly had a wonderful time with Sirius. But she still did not want Belqua to leave her for the night.
"Please," she said as Belqua slipped Lily's gown over her head.
"No," Belqua had become accustomed to say.
"Then just say I'm very ill," Lily reasoned.
"I'm sorry Lily, but you are going to have to get over this eventually," Belqua said.
She knew Belqua was right. But Lily was afraid, making love to another men would completely erase her and James' connection. She had noticed him today, sulking in the shadows, watching them with jealousy in his eyes.
Sirius entered the room and Belqua shuffled out. Lilly moved to the bed. "I had a nice time today," she said.
"I did too," Sirius agreed. "You make wonderful company." He climbed in the bed next to her. Lily felt her heart beating in her chest. He rolled over like he had the first night and pressed himself upon her. This time she didn't stop him. She couldn't think of an excuse or a reason to push him away. She knew this day would have to come eventually. He kissed her fiercely. She knew he had been waiting for this day.
For the next week and a half, James was traumatized by the sight of Lily and Sirius. He avoided them as much as possible, spending a lot of time on his own. His solitude didn't go unnoticed. Remus had expressed worry before, but now Sirius began to have his own concerns.
James was in the marketplace leaning against a tree when he spotted Sirius and Lily walking along, looking at him. He knew they were talking about him, probably worried. He knew they would call him over to interrogate him and he didn't know if he could deal with that. He was just about to make his way to leave when Sirius waved him over.
"James!" he called out to him. "James! James, come here!" James gave a weak smile and shook his head. "Yes!" Sirius insisted waving his arm. James gave in and reluctantly walked over.
"Hello Sirius," he said nodding. "Hello Lily."
"James," Sirius began, "Lily and I have been worried about you." James noticed their fingers intertwined, toying together.
"Oh no," he said looking at his feet. "I'm fine. Really."
"Perhaps, I could talk with him alone," Lily suggested into Sirius' ear.
Sirius nodded, considering it. "Yes," he said. "Perhaps you two should talk. I'll be over here," he said giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before walking away.
"Shall we walk?" Lily asked, once they were alone. James nodded and they began to meander down the main drag. "So, how have you been?" she asked.
"How do you think?" he said quietly.
"I feel the same way," she said.
"No you don't," he said immediately. "You have no idea how I feel. I see you sitting there with him everyday, smiling and laughing. And it just traumatizes me. It makes me feel horrible."
"Well, what do you want me to do?" she asked. "He is my husband. My husband. What do you expect? Do you expect me to lock myself in my room, isolating myself from everyone?"
James shook his head. "You don't understand," he said.
"No, James," she said. "You don't understand. If you want me to ruin my life and ruin yours at the same time by telling my husband I am in love with his best friend, just say the word and I'll do it. Is that what you want to happen?" He stayed silent. "Is it? Look at me, for God's sake."
His eyes snapped to her. "How do you expect me to feel Lily? I see my best friend groping and kissing the woman I love, everywhere I go. Any place I am at, you two are there. In the castle, at meals, in the marketplace. What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know James," she said throwing her hands up. "I don't know what you're supposed to do. But I've figured out what I have to do, so don't get all mad when I've figured out a solution and you haven't." With that, she stormed away. She watched her stalk back over to Sirius.
"What was that about?" James could hear him say. Lily just shook her head and Sirius put his arm around her and pulled her close. He glanced over at James and gave him a questioning look. James just shrugged it away and walked into the opposite direction.
"I'm still worried about him," Sirius said to Lily over dinner about James who didn't show up. "I really am. What did you two talk about? It looked like a heated conversation."
"Oh, it was nothing," Lily said pushing the subject away. "I didn't really get anything out of him."
"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "Nobody can." They ate in a few moments of silence. "Perhaps we should find him a girl," he suggested.
Lily dropped her fork. "Oops," she said. "Sorry about that." Sirius smiled at her. "What were you saying? A girl?"
"Yeah, you know," Sirius said, "we can help him discover love. I think it could really help him."
"Well, maybe," Lily said. "But he'll probably just push everyone away."
"I don't know. You don't know him like I do," Sirius said.
"You have no idea," Lily mumbled.
"What was that?" Sirius asked, innocently.
"Oh, nothing," she said, smiling at him. "I said this beef is chewy."
"No you didn't," Sirius said, eyeing her. She felt her heart begin to race.
"What?" she asked, breathlessly.
"You said, 'What about Andromeda?'" Sirius smiled. Lily sighed.
"Oh," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, you know, maybe."
"I like that idea," he said, staring off into the distance. "I'll run it by Remus first, though. He knows everything."
"Sirius wants to set you up with Andromeda," Remus told James the next day.
James raised his eyebrows. "Why?" he asked simply.
"Why? He's worried about you. We all are." James just shook his head. "Well anyway," Remus continued. "She's going to meet you in ten minutes by the clock tower."
"What?" James said. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Well I knew you'd refuse or say you had to get ready and never come back. So go hurry. Don't be late," he warned and walked away.
James was stunned. He hadn't been out with a girl in ages, if felt like. He tried to smooth out his clothes and his messy black hair. Granted, Andromeda was pretty, but James had never really gotten to know her. He tapped his leg impatiently as he stood by the clock tower, waiting.
"Hello, James," he heard from behind him. He turned around to find Andromeda.
"Hi," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Its lovely to see you," she said, smiling.
"Likewise," he said. "Should we walk?" he asked, offering out his arm.
"Sure," she said looping her arm around his.
"You look very beautiful," he told her. She blushed. Okay, he thought, this isn't so bad. I can do this.
"Thank you," she said.
"What have you been up to lately?" he asked her.
"Me? Oh not much, actually. Bellatrix and I have been trying to set up Narcissa with Lucius," she said.
"Lucius? That would be a smart match," James commented.
"Yeah," she said. "Its one of our better decisions."
They spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know each other. James tried not to think of Lily, but that proved to be a difficult task. She would creep into his mind unexpectedly, and just when he was sharing a great laugh with Andromeda, she would steal it away leaving him in a quiet mood.
At the end of the night, James walked Andromeda to her place. "I had a wonderful time tonight," she said in front of the steps to her door.
"I did too," James agreed. "Will I see you again?"
"Yes," she said smiling, "I'd like that. How about tomorrow at seven? Dinner?" she suggested.
"Ok. That sounds good," he said. They stood quietly together. She was waiting but James didn't know if he should… or if he even could.
"Well, I should get going," she said. "Its late." She turned to go. Just do it, James told himself.
"Wait," he said grabbing her elbow. She spun towards him and he put his lips on hers. After a few seconds she pulled away and looked at him smiling.
"Good night, James Potter." She walked away.
"Good night," he said, with butterflies in his stomach. "Good night!"
James joined Sirius and Lily for breakfast the next morning. "Good morning James!" Sirius exclaimed. "You are looking refreshed today."
"Thanks, I guess," James said, picking up his fork.
Sirius elbowed Lily and signaled over at James eating. Lily raised her eyebrows and nodded. "So, James," Sirius began, "What's this I hear of you going on a date?" Lily's fork clattered to her plate. James and Sirius turned to look at her.
"I keep doing that," she laughed, nervously. "I don't know why."
"Yes, I did," James replied, avoiding Lily's eye.
"With who, might I ask?" Lily butted in.
James cleared his throat. "With Andromeda," he said.
"Oh," she said, looking down at her plate. "Andromeda," she repeated.
"It was my idea," Sirius muttered excitedly in Lily's ear.
"It was, was it?" she asked, still in shock. "And how did it go?" she asked James.
"It went really well," James said. Lily was stunned by the genuine smile that played on his lips. "I'm seeing her again tonight."
"Tonight?" Lily repeated.
"Yes," he said. "Is there a problem with that?"
"No, no problem," she said. "Its just, isn't that a little soon?"
"Its more than I can say for you two," James said.
Sirius chuckled. "Good one James." Lily rolled her eyes.
"Anyway," James said. "I should be going." He put one last bite of food into his mouth and stood up from the table. "Remus is going to help me buy some nice clothes for tonight. See you two later." He walked away.
"Well he sure is in a good mood," Sirius said, surprised.
"Yeah, a great mood," Lily said angrily, throwing her napkin in her plate and standing up abruptly from the table. She walked away.
"What'd I do?" Sirius asked confused, looking around. But he didn't see Lily heading in the same direction as James was.
A/N: I added chapter titles to everything because I think it'll make it a little more interesting. Please review!