Chapter Eighteen

Elizabeth watched as the sun set, creating an orange glow against the sky. Her fingers itched for a paint brush, something she hadn't touched in a long time.

The painting she yearned to create began to form in her mind and she knew it would be a painting she would treasure forever. If only she could paint it.

The orange glow of the setting sun would create the perfect atmosphere, like it did that moment. At the center of the canvas would be her son, sitting and laughing in the park's swing as Jason pushed him from behind, a grin lifting the side of his mouth.

The two of them made the picture of the perfect father-son moment and Elizabeth knew Jason would make a wonderful father.

She envied Sam.

There was a time in her life that Elizabeth had allowed herself to imagine a life with Jason, carrying his children, spending the rest of her life with him. But that had changed a long time ago.

Now, growing close to him again, even if he didn't remember everything, those memories of hopes began to resurface. She knew it was something she couldn't think too much about, she was with Lucky.

And, now, Jason was going to be a father.

He said that he couldn't see himself falling back in love with Sam, but Elizabeth couldn't be so sure of that. Jason and Sam had bonded over a baby and fell in love once, what was to stop them from doing the same a second time.

The growing knot of what Elizabeth allowed herself to recognize as jealousy caused her to sigh and scold herself.

She had no right to be jealous, none at all. Jason needed love in his life. He deserved it and if he could find it with Sam again, who was she to stop him. She just hoped that they could keep their friendship.

She had lost it once; she didn't want to go through that again.

Cameron's childish laughter caused her lips to form a smile as she continued to watch Jason play with her son. It made her feel good to see the two of them bonding.

When she and Jason had picked Cameron up from her Grams house earlier, she was ready to get home. But, once she saw Cameron's face light up after seeing Jason, she didn't want to end the day just yet.

It had started off rocky. Coming home to see all of her babies stuff gone, Lucky walking out, Jax telling her he wanted a memorial for their baby. But, once Jason came and took her for a ride on his motorcycle, all of the anger and hate and sadness had diminished some. Once they dropped off his bike and switched it for the SUV so that they could pick up Cameron, Elizabeth began to feel all of the emotions come tumbling back.

It only took one smile from her son to make it all go away again. Even if that smile was directed at Jason before Cameron saw her and ran his chubby little legs into her arms, hugging her tight.

"You ok?"

Startled out of her musing, Elizabeth looked up from her place on the grass and smiled at Jason. "Yeah."

He gave her a look like he didn't believe her but stayed quiet. He sat down next to her, his shoulder brushing hers as they both looked on as Cameron played in the sandbox. "He's a great kid."

As if he knew the adults were watching him, Cameron took a handful of sand and placed it on top of his head, laughing as it slid down his cheeks and hair. "Yeah, he's the best."

Sighing, Elizabeth readied herself to stand. "We should go," she said. "It's getting late."

As she began to stand, she felt a tight spasm in her leg, causing her to fall back to her knees and cry out in pain.

"Whoa," Jason breathed as he made a grab for her. His arm was around her waist as he gently lowered her to the ground. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice laced with concern for her.

"It's…" she gasped, needing to take a couple of breaths before she could begin again. "My leg. The doctor said it might cramp up on me if I used it too much."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he scolded as he rubbed her back.

Smiling sheepishly, Elizabeth looked into his eyes and felt her heart melt a little. "I forgot?"

Removing his arm from around her, Jason stood, pointing a finger at her, "Stay right there."

Elizabeth watched as he jogged towards Cameron. She couldn't hear what he said to her son, but was surprised when Cameron didn't put up any fuss when Jason scooped him up and walked him towards the car. As the two passed her, Cameron looked over Jason's shoulder and waved at her with a chubby fist, "Mommy hurt?"

"Mommy's fine," She reassured him with a smile.

"No boo-boo?"

"No."

Elizabeth watched as Jason placed her son in the car, taking a moment to admire the view as he bent over to buckle Cameron in the car seat.

She was just a woman after all.

Blushing slightly when Jason turned around and caught her watching him, Elizabeth looked away before she could see the grin she knew spread across his face. When he bent down next to her, the grin was gone and the concern returned. "Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"

"No!" she said a little too quickly. "No, please. I just got out of there I do not want to go back just yet."

"Ok," he said softly as he bent down, placing one arm under her leg and the other behind her back.

"What are you doing?"

"Lifting you up."

"Why?"

His chest rumbled against her side as he chuckled softly, "Because I don't want you to walk just yet."

"Jason, I'm fine."

"I'm still going to carry you."

And he did just that.

Being lifted into his arms, Elizabeth couldn't help but be very aware of how strong those arms were. She also couldn't help but be aware of how solid his chest felt against her side, how her arm seemed to fit just right around his neck, how good he smelt, or how slow he seemed to be walking back to the car.

She was both uncomfortable and excited at being held by him. Wishing he would get to the car as fast as possible and wanting the moment to last forever.

She chanced a look at his face and caught him looking at her. There was an intensity in his eyes that she hadn't seen for such a long time that it almost scared her.

Almost.

"Elizabeth..."

"Jason…"

They both spoke at the same time. She laughed to ease the moment, uncomfortable again.

As if he could sense it, Jason picked up his strides and made his way around the car to the front passenger seat. After opening the car door, Jason placed her inside as if she were the most delicate thing he had ever held. When the door closed, she watched him rush around the front of the car and commanded herself to catch her breath and stop acting like a little girl.

The man only carried her because her leg was acting up. There was nothing to get nervous about.

But when Jason slid into his seat and looked at her, she could tell that something had changed between them.

For the better or not, she wasn't sure.

Later that night, after putting Cameron to bed, Elizabeth began to unmake her couch into her and Lucky's bed. It wasn't the most comfortable bed in the world, she thought, but it was definitely a step up from the hospital bed she spent the last two weeks sleeping in.

She almost looked forward to climbing onto the lumpy sofa bed, even if her fiancé still hadn't shown up.

As if on cue, Lucky walked through the front door. His shirt was wrinkled, his hair was a mess, and there was a look of sorry on his face.

That's right; she fumed inside, giving him the death glare. He better be sorry.

"Hey," he said hesitantly stepping into the apartment and closing the door. She turned her back to him. "How are you feeling?"

Not turning around, Elizabeth answered him as she yanked on the sheet harder than necessary. "Fine."

"Elizabeth, I'm sor—"

"Save it."

"Please, hear me out." He sounded so sad, like he wished he could take back what he did to her earlier that day, leaving her in her time of need. "I was such a jerk this afternoon."

"Yes, you were."

"I shouldn't have left; I shouldn't have said what I did."

"But you did," she whirled on him. "You left me even when I asked you to stay. You made me feel like what I was going through wasn't important to you. Like you didn't care."

"It is important to me. I do care." He moved closer to her, reaching out and looking disappointed when she backed away. She really couldn't care in that moment.

"Everything has been so messed up between us for a while, I was scared."

"Of what?" she asked in disbelief.

He raised his arms, dropped them to his sides. Lowering his head, he looked at her through his eyelashes. "Of losing you." he stepped closer again. "Everything has been happening so fast. First you were spending time with Jax because you were pregnant with his baby, then you started to see Jason more. I was jealous and scared and I took it out on you when I shouldn't have."

"You have nothing to be jealous of, Lucky," she whispered as she stepped closer to him. "I love you."

"I just felt like I wasn't enough for you."

Tilting her head to the side, Elizabeth stepped closer and cupped his face, "You are more than enough for me." She kissed him lightly then stepped back, "I need you right now, please don't doubt that."

"I won't, I promise."

"Good," she swallowed, hoping he meant what he said, hoping her next words wouldn't prove him wrong already. "Jax stopped by earlier." She felt him stiffen slightly then relax again. "He wants a memorial service for our daughter."

She waited a moment to catch his reaction, but he only continued to look at her, rubbing his hand down the back of her hair. She continued, "I want it, too."

"Ok," he nodded. "We'll have the memorial for her and I will be with you through it all."

Tears glistened her eyes, clouding her throat. This was the man she loved, the one she needed earlier today. "Thank you," she whispered as she stepped into his arms.

Lucky held her for a moment, and then stepped back. "I have to take a shower. You'll be ok?"

"I'll be fine. Once my head hits that pillow, I'll be out."

She watched as he smiled then made his way to the bathroom, and like she declared, once she settled on her lumpy mattress, she was asleep.

One week later…

Jason sat at the back of the church, feeling like an intruder yet knowing he wouldn't be anywhere else that day. He watched as loved one after loved one walked over to Elizabeth and Jax and offered their condolences with a titled head, turned down mouth, and a pat on the shoulder.

Some even uttered how sorry they were for the two of them.

There was one guest who bawled louder then everyone else, making it hard to hear the service at times. He remembered her name was Courtney and though he knew she was going to have some type of presence in the baby's life at first, he wished she hadn't shown up.

Her presence seemed to bother Elizabeth and Jason couldn't understand why the blonde didn't notice that.

When another person pulled Elizabeth into a hug, Jason could see the discomfort on her face and knew that she wanted everyone to leave her alone. He was so tempted to walk to the front of the church and take Elizabeth away. Maybe on a bike ride on the cliff roads, or to Vista Pointe.

Anywhere but here.

But he couldn't do that, no matter how intense the urge was.

The room began to clear out and Jason saw Jax move off to the side to speak to Emily as Lucky and another man spoke. Someone Jason wasn't quite sure he knew but was pretty sure his name was Nicholas.

Elizabeth stood at the front of the church, looking out of a stained glass window. He debated with himself, wondering if he should go up to her or just leave her alone like he figured she wanted.

In the end, he moved towards her, not being able to leave without her knowing he was there. She had asked for him to come and made it clear that she wanted him there.

She had her back turned to him and instead of calling her name; he placed a gentle hand on her back. She didn't start, but turned and looked up at him and when their eyes connected, Jason could tell she knew it was him from the moment he touched her.

He didn't know what to say, asking if she was ok seemed ignorant, telling her he was sorry seemed redundant. It turned out he didn't need to say anything.

"Thank you," she said, walking into his arms and holding him close. Her face was buried against his chest and he could feel her shudder against him.

"I didn't do anything."

She squeezed him tighter before backing away, giving him a watery smile. "Being here is enough."

His hand reached out to cup her face as his mouth opened to speak, but he was cut off before he could do either.

"Elizabeth," he heard the tight voice of Lucky Spencer behind him. "We better go."

Jason never took his eyes off of Elizabeth as he dropped his hand back to his side. She nodded once, gave one more tentative smile as a single tear slid down her cheek.

"Thank you," she said once more, touching his hand as she walked passed him and out of the church with Lucky.

When Jason turned around, he saw her retreating back before she turned her head over her shoulder and glanced at him once more before leaving.

And then he was alone.

Something he was getting used to.