VIII. Escape - to slip or get away, as from confinement or restraint
James awoke the next morning with a raging headache. He opened his eyes and realized he was not in his house. He looked next to him and realized Andromeda was not there, like she normally was. He sat up and looked around.
"Moony! He's awake!" It was Peter.
"What am I doing here?" James asked, rubbing his forehead. "I feel terrible."
Remus was at his side. "Drink this," he said, shoving a glass under his nose. James obeyed gulping down a mixture, which burned his throat.
"Ugh," he exclaimed, shaking his head. "What happened?" Peter and Remus were silent. "What happened?" James repeated, searching their faces for answers. They looked gravely at him.
"Y-you don't remember?" Peter stammered.
James thought for a moment. "I remember drinking a lot of whiskey," he said slowly. "Why? Did something else happen?"
They again were silent. "That's all you remember?"
James nodded slowly, and then in a flash it all hit him. Lily kissing him… them arguing about Sirius… "Maybe we should just stop"… Remus and Peter were there… Spying on him… Lily wouldn't choose… Lily crying… and then darkness.
"What have I done?" he muttered aloud, falling back on the bed.
"Its ok, James," Remus said finally. "We're here to help you. We're your friends." James looked up at them and they looked back sincerely.
"What do I do now?" he asked.
"Well, I was thinking, the number one priority is don't tell Sirius," Remus said. "If he found out…" he trailed off. James knew the rest of his sentence. If Sirius found out he would die. His best friend and his wife betrayed him.
"Yes," agreed Peter. "Don't mention it to Sirius."
"Then, I was thinking, James, you need to get away. Take Andromeda and go on holiday. You need sometime to clear your head."
James nodded, thinking of where he could go. "Do I have to go now?" James asked.
"The sooner the better," Remus admitted. James nodded, realizing exactly where he wanted to go.
"Were you all right, last night, dear?" Sirius asked Lily the next morning at breakfast.
"Fine," she said smiling at him, trying to be cheerful. "Why?"
"I woke up in the middle of the night, and you were cold as ice and shaking furiously," he said.
"Oh, it was just a nightmare, I think," she said as she pushed food around her plate with her fork. "Nothing to be worried about."
"Alright. If you say so," he agreed focusing back on his plate. He looked up and saw James. "James!" he called. "Come sit with us and have some breakfast!"
"No, no," he said, shaking his head. "I don't want to impose."
"No," Sirius said, "Its no trouble at all, is it dear?" he asked Lily. She shook her head, not moving her gaze from her plate. She felt shivers run through her body as he sat down.
"So, how have you been, James? We haven't talked in a while," Sirius began.
"I've been ok," James began. "I think tale a holiday." At this they both looked at him.
"Holiday?" Sirius said surprised. "Really? Where to?" he asked.
"Not sure, yet," he admitted.
"Andromeda would go with you of course, right?" Sirius asked.
"Well, I actually haven't talked to her about it yet, but she's always wanted to get away."
Sirius chuckled. "Of course," he said.
"Well, anyway," James said standing up, "I really should be finding her, right about now. Thank you for breakfast. Sirius. Lily." He bowed to them and left the table.
"Bye, James," Sirius called after him. "You all right, darling?" he asked her. "You've been awfully quiet."
"I'm fine," she said, smiling brightly back at him. But he had no idea.
James made his way to the house he and Andromeda shared. When he walked in she ran to him and threw her arms around him.
"James!" she cried. "Where have you been? I thought something might have happened to you!"
He couldn't think of an excuse to give her so he decided to change the subject. "Andromeda," he said, "let's go on a holiday. A long holiday."
She looked at him, confused. "But, why?" she asked.
"I'm just so sick of this place. I mean, aren't you? It's always gloomy and cold. Let's go someplace warm," he said, taking her hands.
She smiled at him. "Alright," she agreed, slightly confused. "How come you didn't want to go the first time I mentioned it?"
"I-I was younger then. I didn't want to leave my home. I was afraid it'd be to… What does it matter? I'm ready now."
"Ok, so you'll start packing everything up? I need to go tell my sisters."
James nodded and she bustled out of the house. He sat down on the sofa and ran a hand threw his hair. What was he doing? What had he done? Was this the right thing to do? He felt so confused and he hoped he didn't hurt Lily. She had been cold to him at breakfast. He knew he couldn't talk to her. He knew he shouldn't say goodbye. And so nevertheless, he began to pack up their things.
"Well, mate, it looks like this is goodbye," Sirius said a few days later as James and Andromeda waited for the ship to be loaded with their belongings.
James nodded as he embraced his friend. Peter and Remus were there as well as Lily by Sirius' side. She had not made eye contact with him. She felt if she did she'd breakdown and start crying or she'd slap James. She gave Andromeda a peck on the cheek and then Andromeda moved to Sirius as James moved to her.
"Goodbye," he said awkwardly giving a small bow.
"Goodbye," she said nodding her head still avoiding his eye. He turned away from her back to his wife.
"When will you two return?" Remus asked.
They looked at each other. "We don't know!" Andromeda laughed.
"Well you two have fun," Sirius said putting his arm around Lily. "Don't forget to write!"
"We won't," Andromeda laughed as they boarded the ship. Lily watched them. James took her hand to lead her. For a moment she could see herself taking his hand to board a ship that would take them far away to be with only each other. Lily felt sadness, right then. She wanted to leave with him. She wanted to be with him.
But if she really did now was the time to speak before he left and she never saw him again. She looked up at him as the sailors untied the rope that kept them from floating away. He stood there next to his wife sailing away out into the sea. The wind ruffled his untidy hair and Lily felt the urge to run her hands through it. She didn't want him to leave. She loved him. She wanted him to stay with her. But she knew that was not possible.
Sirius took her hand to lead her away but she remained standing there watching the boat float off into the horizon. He met her gaze about three meters in and she kept it until she could hardly see the boat anymore.
"Ready?" Sirius mumbled in her ear. She nodded as her eyes brimmed with tears. He was now across the sea and she would never see him again. She had lost her one and only true love.
James and Andromeda were able to settle in easily in their new home, Oloro. The peace between the two nations made living there extremely easy. James found a job in a printing shop and although it was not as easy as simply being the best friend of a king, he was doing well. He hoped that the distance from his home would help him clear his head and he could return to being his old self. But he couldn't feel happy in this new place.
He missed his home. He didn't like the warm weather of this new place. It was just too hot for him. He missed the damp, cool feeling he got when he stepped outside. He missed seeing the looming trees and the rocky shores of the beaches. Here the rocks were ground to sand and the sun shone everywhere giving hardly any shade.
He kept in touch mostly with Remus, but occasionally he would write Sirius. It sounded to James like everything there was going perfect. Now Sirius could probably get all of Lily's attention easily, with James out of the way. He longed for more than a sentence of how she was doing. But all he ever got from Sirius was "Lily's doing well," and Remus hardly saw either of them.
"Are you liking it here, James?" Andromeda asked one evening.
"Its different," he replied.
She nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But are you happy here?"
He was confused by her sudden inquisition of how he felt here. "I guess. I just miss home is all. How are you?"
"I think I like it here. I like the warmth. Much different than home but its kind of nice."
"Yeah," James agreed mindlessly.
He thought of Lily often. He wondered what it was like for her to grow up here in this place. He wondered what she was like as a child and he wondered about her parents. He thought of when he first met her. It was here, in the same place he is now. Sometimes he'd travel to her little cave on the shore and he'd sit there thinking of her and how much he missed her.
Lily was also distraught without James near her. She was bored of Sirius whose jokes were always the same. She had nothing to do during the day, while he was busy. Mostly she went to the library to try and find a book she was remotely interested in, but the case that she found one never happened that often.
She stared out at the sea from the balcony in her room a lot. She'd watch the waves crash on the rocks and occasionally she would spot a seal or a fish. She wondered if maybe James was looking out at the same sea she was and maybe he was thinking of her. She didn't know. He had left her confused in her feelings. She loved him, she really did. But he had a wife and she had a husband. It was not that simple. She didn't know what he expected her to have done.
She met his parents one night at a gathering for Sirius' birthday. They were very polite and friendly. Lily liked them. She could see where he got his personality. Meeting Mr. and Mrs. Potter just made her miss him all that much more. She'd imagine that somewhere in another life they would be together. Maybe not now, but they would be eventually, she knew it.