X. Homecoming – a return to one's home

James inhaled the sweet, salty air of his home as he stepped off the boat that brought him there. He was glad to be back. Sirius and Remus met him at the dock. He hugged each of them, as neither spoke a word.

"Where's Andromeda?" Remus finally asked on the way to town.

"She stayed behind," James grunted not wanting to talk much of the subject.

"I see," Remus said, understanding.

"Why didn't she want to come? She knew Peter also," Sirius commented.

James looked at him and he understood. "Oh," he said quietly. "I see."

"How's Lily?" James asked, uneasily, his heart pounding.

"She's pretty good," Sirius said. "She's pregnant," he said it as a side note, as if it were old news. James stopped in his tracks.

"She's what?" he asked.

"Pregnant," Sirius repeated. "Meaning she's going to have a—"

"I know what it means," James snapped, briskly walking toward the castle, leaving Sirius and Remus behind in a slight state of confusion.

"What's up with him?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked anxiously at James' back. "Probably just moody from the trip."

Staring out the window, Lily's heart gave a small flutter as she saw a tall man with messy black hair stomp up to the entrance of the castle. James was back. But where was Andromeda? Lily felt her heart pounding at her chest. He was back. He returned. What did that mean between them?

"Belqua!" she called. "Belqua, come here!" Belqua appeared in the doorway looking worried. "Oh, no its not that. James is back!" she said.

Belqua nodded. "Yes, I know, Lily," she said it slowly, watching for Lily's reaction.

"What?" she asked. "I don't care anymore. I've let him go. I'm over it."

"I'm not so sure you are, Miss Lily," she said, warningly.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You don't know anything, Belqua." She walked past her and out into the main hall where James was talking to some others. She was over him. She really was. Now they could just be friends, no strings attached.

"James," she breathed at the top of the stairs. He turned to look at her. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Lily," he said as she walked slowly down the stairs, one by one. She ran down the last step and threw her arms around him.

"I've missed you," she said, inhaling his scent.

"It has been a long time," he agreed. They stood like this for a few moments in each other's arms. There was nowhere else Lily would rather be, than standing there in James Potter's arms. But reality came back to her almost as soon as it left and she remembered the group that was probably gaping at them. She let go of him awkwardly and pulled away.

"Hi," she said, smiling.

"Hi," he replied.

"Where's Andromeda?" she asked curiously looking around.

"She—" he began. "She stayed behind," he said quietly.

"Oh," Lily said. "I see." James nodded.

"I – er – heard you were pregnant," he said feebly. Lily's heart dropped.

"Yes," she said looking away from him. "Four months." He glanced at her stomach, which was starting to take a round form. "Are you here to stay?" she asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

He swallowed. "I'm not sure. I haven't decided yet."

Lily nodded and they stood together awkwardly. "Well I really should be…" she began motioning upstairs.

"Yeah, me too," he agreed nodding to the group behind him.

"Ok," she said. "Will I see you later?"

He smiled and nodded. "Probably at dinner," he said.

She smiled and turned to retreat back up the stairs. "James?" she called a few steps later. He turned back to her. "I really am glad you're back," she said trying to make it sound forgiving. He smiled at her and nodded, then turned away.

The funeral for Peter went by fast for James. He wasn't sure why but he couldn't muster up feeling for his poor belated friend. Perhaps it was the fact that they had never cared much for each other, or the fact that it was Peter's idea to spy on him. James wasn't sure, but looking over at Sirius and Remus, he couldn't help but feel guilty that he was not sorry Peter was gone.

Lily was dressed in black, as was everyone else, but she looked amazing to James. His sore eyes couldn't ask for a better sight. He was careful not to stare at her too much, in front of Sirius. She was pregnant after all. She was over him. She moved on. Couldn't James do that too? Couldn't he move past it all, like she had? These were the woes Remus expressed to him later that evening.

"She's moved on," he said. "You need to do the same."

"I know, Remus. I know. And I have," James said.

"James, I'm serious. You need to make sure that you are over her. For your sake, for her sake and Sirius'."

"Remus, I know," James repeated. "I have moved on. I really have."

Remus peered at him carefully. "Alright," he said finally. "I'll leave you alone, for now. But if I see so much of a glimpse of that look in your eyes…" he warned.

James smiled. "Don't worry Remus. You won't. You won't."

"So, have you thought of any names?" James asked one morning at breakfast. Lily gaped at him. He had taken the news of her pregnancy surprisingly better than she thought he would have.

"We have, actually," Sirius said happily. "We thought we'd name him Orion if it's a boy. Like my middle name."

"Right, right," James said nodding. "And if it's a girl?"

"Well, we haven't decided on a girl's name, yet," Sirius said. "I want Dorcas—"

"And I want Dahlia," Lily interjected.

James nodded. "To keep the flower precedent?" he asked her.

She smiled at him. "Exactly. Sirius just doesn't understand that," she said.

"And you think he would because he wants to name the boy Orion, after his ancestors," James continued.

"Exactly! See Sirius, James understands!" Lily teased.

"What is today? Bash-Sirius Day?" Sirius said, putting his arm around Lily.

"No," she said scooting away from him. "Today is Sirius-Is-Wrong Day."

"And Lily-Will-Get-What-She-Wants Day," James offered.

"You're supposed to be on my side," Sirius accused at James.

"Sorry Sir," James said. "But I just don't think I'd want my kid to be named Dorcas. I mean think of all the insults that they could come up with."

"Shut up, James," Sirius said, punching his friend in the arm and continued to eat his breakfast. James leaned over the table to steal a glance at Lily. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Her heart fluttered when he did. She had missed him so much when he was gone.

"So how have you been?" James asked Lily as they took a walk around the garden. It was just the two of them; Sirius was busy deciding of what to do with the Giants that had rested upon the outskirts of the land with his advisors.

"I've been really well, James," she said. "It was a little hard at first, I'll admit that," she said. "But I just told myself I had to move on." She was being completely honest with him. He wasn't sure if he could give her back his complete honesty. "I think it all worked out well, don't you?" She sounded a bit unsure and James knew that this had been a lie. But he decided to go on with it anyway.

"Yeah, it probably did," he agreed, looking away from her.

"How were you? Did you like it over there?" she said, trying to move to a lighter subject.

"It was…" James began, "bright."

She laughed. "Go ahead," she urged. "You can say it."

"It was horrible," James admitted. "I really did not like it there."

She smiled at him. "That's how I feel about this place," she said honestly.

"Oh, but here its so much better," he said.

She made a sour face. "Its so dark here. And cold."

"Its so light there. And hot," he replied.

She rolled her eyes at him. He felt her hand brush his lightly, which made his heart skip a beat. He looked around. "This is a very beautiful garden," he said. "I don't remember it much."

"Its new," she admitted. "I've been working on it, the past couple years."

"It looks great!"

"Thanks. I'm surprised how well the flowers are doing with such a lack of sunlight."

He stopped at a bed of lilies. "These are beautiful," he said. "May I?"

"Certainly. You can put it in your room to lighten the place up," she said.

"Oh its plenty light in there," he said snapping up a flower.

"No its not," Lily said shaking her head.

"How do you know?" James asked. She smiled at him. "Did you go in there?" he asked embarrassed. She nodded, still smiling at him. "Oh," he blushed. His room had always been very messy. "And what did you think?" he asked.

"A bit… dark."

"And clean, don't you think?"

She laughed. "Of course, clean," she said sarcastically.

"Yes, I'd have to agree with you," he said. They were nearing the castle entrance. She would have to leave to get ready for dinner. James didn't want her to leave. He loved spending time with her, just the two of them.

"Well, I think I have to go," she said as she stepped up on one of the steps leading to the entrance.

"Of course," he said. "It was lovely talking to you, this evening Mon Chéri."

"Lovely? Mon Chéri? Is this the James Potter I remember or are you an imposter?" she asked.

He gave her a mischievous smile. "That's up to you to decide," he said as he took her hand and gave it a small kiss. "For you," he said handing her the lily.

She giggled as she took it. "Merci," she said giving a small curtsey. "Au revoir." She turned to leave skipping back into the castle.

"Au revoir!" he called after her. He watched as her red hair danced with every step. He watched her until she was no longer in sight. He sighed and took another walk around the garden. He missed her. He missed being with her.

How did things end up this way? He asked himself. How come she wasn't with him? It doesn't matter, he said shaking the thought out of his mind. "She's married to Sirius," he told himself aloud. "And she's going to have a baby." He thought speaking the words out loud would make him realize that he couldn't be with her, that there was no way, and that he still couldn't be in love with her.