Disclaimer: Yuu Watase owns FY, not me.

Note: There are a few Yukiyasha den references in here, but you can get through this story without even having any idea what Yukiyasha den is.

Note2: When I wrote this I was picturing as if none of the OVAs ever happened, ok?

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A warm, calming breeze wrapped itself comfortingly around the lone figure resting on a large boulder. Despite the beauty of everything around him, the man's heart was sad, for something about this breathtaking beautiful day had triggered a part in his mind that had not ventured out in a long time- His memories.

It had been the sweet scent lingering in the air everywhere, no matter where he went to try to avoid it. That reminded him of playing with Kourin on days like this.

It had been the soft snow drifting slowly, gracefully, but heavily, from the sky. That reminded him of Byakuren, Tenbun, Tamatama, and the rest of the village.

It had been the virtually perfect layer of snow already covering the ground, and the single set of footprints, his own, leading up to the boulder. That reminded him of his own death so long ago.

It had been the setting sun, casting a slight red glow on the pure white snow and emerald green pine trees. That reminded him of the rest of the Seishi, Suzaku, and Suzaku's Miko herself.

And it had been all of these memories, memories that seemed so distant as they were recalled one by one, that ultimately reminded him that...he was all alone.

His logic told him that it had been over fifteen years since Kourin died, ten years since Byakuren died, seven years since he died, and five years since he had last seen any of his Suzaku companions anywhere but in his dreams. And his heart told him that he didn't get any closure for any of this.

He had to do something -anything- to get his mind off of this stuff.

Or, He thought, I need to do something to help me end the pain.

Nuriko sighed and climbed down from his boulder, the fresh snow crunching under his weight. His eyes meandered around the landscape, looking for something to help him. It was hard to see it, but after a while and a few steps toward a closer look, he found a large white rose. Just one.

It's many clean petals were lined with the fallen snow, making them glitter when you looked at them from an angle.

His eyes began to sting with tears as he clutched the rose tightly and slowly trudged up a nearby hill on his knees, so as to not lose his balance and tumble down. Another death memory hit him.

At the top, Nuriko stood tall and wiped a tear off his cheek.

He gently plucked one of the snowy petals off the rose and let the breeze take it from his loose grasp. As it fluttered out of sight, he said aloud, "First: For Kourin. If you had never died, I would not be the man I am today, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you like crazy. I didn't know if giving up the Kourin charade was alright, but you still came to get me. Thank you."

He wiped another tear and let another petal fly. "Second: For Tenbun. The only man who ever loved me." He let a small smirk spread across his face. "Even if you did think I was a girl. I pray that you have found your real love, or at least that you have yet to find her. Thank you.

"Third: For Tamatama." A small chuckle escaped as an image of the transvestite entered into his mind. "You were my only friend for quite some time. Thank you."

Nuriko was hesitant for the next one, but nonetheless he preformed his small, makeshift offering, the next petal floating away.

"Fourth: For Byakuren. My first official honorary little sister. The only girl to ever love me." He paused to take a deep breath. "The first girl I ever loved." The tears streamed down his face as he remembered everything about her, remembered everything he wished he could have told her. He fell to his knees. "It was all my fault. Why did you have to save me?" Pause. "Well, I made it into the harem," He choked out, trying to imagine her standing before him. "Thank you.

"Fifth: For Houki. I'm so sorry. I must have made you feel dreadful; I must have changed so much while I was gone. Forgive me. I want you to know, my deep sisterly feelings for you have not waned in the least, in fact, if anything, they have grown. You were...You were my only harem friend. At all. You were my twin. You were my second official honorary little sister. You were true; You kept my secret. Bless little Boushin-sama, bless you Houki. Thank you.

"Sixth: For Miaka. My third honorary little sister. At first. You showed me so much. You taught me that it's ok to open up, that it's ok to let things go, and, most importantly, that it's ok to be me. Too bad I never had the chance to be me and only me, ne? Miaka. I love you." He let out a sob. It felt so good to finally get these things off his chest! "Thank you.

"Seventh: For Hotohori-sama." Nuriko smiled. "It all seems so childish now; the fighting, the jealousy, the resent. You chose Houki-sama, and you chose wisely. You loved her untill the end. You did everything in your power to protect this country, and everybody in it. You were truly beautiful, inside and outside. Thank you."

Tears still streaming down his face, he went on, letting the next petal float into the warm breeze.

"Eighth: For Chiriko. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you when you needed it. You were my honorary little brother. You contributed so much wisdom, wisdom that we wouldn't have learned on our own for quite some time, if that. Thank you.

"Ninth: For Rokou. My brother, my true brother, I'm sorry I had to leave you. I wish you could have seen me as a seishi, though. You would have felt so strong. I...I lost, brother. I lost to a wimp. Forgive me. Even after all, though, you believe in me. Even though I'm gone. Thank you."

The last petal on the snowy rose, Nuriko did not let go. He held it firmly, but gently.

"Tenth: For Ryuuen. Forgive me, Ryuuen. I have not seen you in so long, you are just an echo in my heart to me now. I feel guilty, because I was supposed to be you, and instead I hid behind Kourin. I am no longer Kourin, nor am I Nuriko, for I have fufilled those duties. I have yet to live my life as Ryuuen. 'Tis a shame, though, that I cannot pick up with you from where I left off. I tried to be fair to Kourin, because she died at eight, but 'till now I never realized that, in doing that, I let you die at ten, Ryuuen. I practically killed you. I was too busy telling myself that I was living life for Kourin to notice that I didn't accomplish anything anyway, because no matter who I had claimed to be, I was -still am- Ryuuen. In reality, all I had done was live my life under a new name and look. But that's the problem- Even though it was my life, it was not Ryuuen's life. I don't know who I am anymore! I cannot call myself Kourin, because I am not. I cannot call myself Nuriko, because there is no longer a need for that. And I cannot call myself Ryuuen, because I let you go! I let myself go! I'm so ashamed of myself! Please forgive me! All this time you have waited so patiently, hardly making an appearance, and I shunned you anyway!" Nuriko paused again and tried in a failed attempt to wipe his soaked cheeks. The tears came more heavily than they had throughout his whole speech, and they showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. He sat there and sobbed violently, doubled over, clutching at the rose in one hand while he held his trembling stomach area with the other. "Ryuuen," He spoke in a shaky whisper, it was nearly inaudible. "I- I am nobody now. I am me, and that is all. I have no name, no home, nothing. I- I am ready, Ryuuen. Ready to become you again. I am sick of this- sick of pretending, sick of lying to myself. I need to be myself- to be you, Ryuuen. Please forgive me for taking away your life, for giving away your life. But- but I'm ready now. I'm ready to face the truth, to face me, to face you. Hear my pleas, and hear my cries, Suzaku, Ryuuen, anybody! Just help!" Nuriko stood up, as tall as he could, and wiped his face to the best of his ability, though the tears still formed a river down his face. In one swift movement, he let the last petal go.

"I'm you now, Ryuuen, and I will be forevermore. Know that I am you now, and you are me, and we are one. You have now given me another chance at life- at a real life. Thank you."

With that, Ryuuen fell to his knees again.

Oh. My. God. I love this. I seriously do. I think this is my favorite oneshot so far. It's kinda weird to write something serious for a change, and it was HARD for me too. This is just how I thought Nuriko would feel about all the people in his life.

Now, for the Yukiyasha den references, if you would like to read the english translation, here is the link-ish thingy. Take out the spaces.

http:// www. angelfire .com /geek/tetrisnomiko/fynovels /yukiyashatrans.html

it's really awesome and funny, but serious too. Thanks for reading, and while your down here, how about a review?