Why does it always seem like life gets so off balance because of one little thing,
And why does it feel like I want to fall, but I can't ever see the ground?
I look towards my partner to save me from myself when I'm on the streets with her,
But at home, there's no one there to break my fall, and so it feels like I'm
This close to shattering, but something's holding me together
And it's starting to drive me up the wall, because before,
There was always something to pull me back when it got too hard to handle.
And now there's nothing, and I'm standing there in a basement, losing my temper
With someone who doesn't even deserve it and wondering exactly
What the hell is wrong with me, because it doesn't feel like anything's off, but I know that
Something's not right, because ordinarily, I'd have never thought of hitting someone who has
Nothing to do with anything, but it feels like she does, and I've got the feeling that
It's only because my issues are getting in the way, again, and damn it…
It wasn't supposed to work that way.
But it is, and so I stand outside, and Liv's there, because she followed me, like she always does,
To make sure I don't do anything stupid, though heaven only knows that I've been
Doing a lot of that, lately, because I can't seem to think, can't seem to find my ground,
And it's ridiculous, because before, it always seemed to be where I could reach it.
"Twenty years," I say, and Liv listens. "Twenty years…how could she just walk away?"
It hits me then that my issue with this case has nothing to do with the case at all,
But with myself, because once again, I fail to see what it is that went wrong.
Fin comes out and breaks the awkward silence…sometimes I wonder what this squad would be
Without him or Munch, 'cause somehow they always seem to know what to say,
Just to make that stupid awkwardness go away, and it used to be that the four of us…
Who am I kidding? Those times are long gone by. Fin makes some crack about
What the lot of us did for lunch earlier on, and I'm hit by the desire to laugh, because it's just
One of those weird things that I never expect, at least not from him,
But it makes me feel better, and I have no idea why.
Liv was up to something earlier, and she doesn't think I know, but I do, because I know her,
And I know when she's not saying anything, so when she gets that look when I tell her
That I'm going home, I know she's done something. And then I walk out into the squad room,
And…four familiar faces are waiting, and the lights are off, somewhat, and there are candles…
I didn't expect them. Didn't even know that Liv knew where to find them, but they're there,
All four of them, and my partner knows me too damn well, and I'm almost surprised
That she remembered, but she did, and I couldn't have asked for more.