I love how one minute, everything's fine and the next, it all gets shot to hell.
Not really.
But I'm standing in the ME's office with Liv one minute, and the next,
I'm leaving, because my son's in the hospital, and no one thought to tell me
Till the last minute, which kind of annoys me, but what pisses me off is that
I didn't even know something was wrong until then.
What kind of parent does that make me?
I shouldn't be asking myself that. All it does is make me think,
And I don't want to do that.
I do, but I don't, and it amazes me sometimes, how one phone call can just
Throw me off like that, like I've been hit by something,
Even though I haven't been.
I'd have said something earlier, about not having been told, but I'm
Not looking for a fight, and that's a surefire way to start them.
So I take leave, and stay home, and ignore Maureen when she drops by,
Just to poke at her little brother, because that's what they do, the four of them,
And she makes a comment about how I've finally made time for them, and…
I'd love to correct her on that one, to say that I always have time,
But the truth is that lately, I haven't, because I'm too damn busy trying to
Keep myself from losing it that maybe I'm already losing it, and I don't even know, because
Once again, I'm not paying attention. Or am I?
Chocolate-chip cookie-dough ice cream.
That's all he wants, and damned if I'm not the one to hand it over, just because
After this, I probably won't see him or his sisters for a while, so we sit there and we watch
That ridiculous show on MTV, because it makes him laugh, and I could've sworn his mother
Told him not to watch it, but he's doing it anyway, because right now,
He can get away with it, and he knows it, and so do I, so neither of us say anything.
Used to be that way a lot, between him and I.
But not anymore.
Work, school, the fact that they're on the opposite side of Queens from where I am…
It's a pain in the ass, not that I'll ever admit it to anyone but myself.
She's not keeping the kids away from me on purpose, and I know she wouldn't.
But it feels like she is, and so these fleeting moments are like some kind of heaven.
Another episode comes on, and the girls come in, and when she comes back,
She finds us sitting there, and she thinks I'm asleep, like they are, but I'm not.