It kind of still surprises me how there are new readers when this story doesn't update that much... I'm saying it as a good thing. :3
Ehehe… surely it should be a time when I've run out of excuses, but I have one more excuse for you guys (sort of): about a couple of weeks after I posted the previous chapter, I happened to misplace my flash drive; the very flash drive that I had all the chapters that I've already written and hadn't posted yet.
Yeah, I should feel ashamed of myself, but I've already gotten over losing it… though with most of what I wrote for this… I'll just have to do it by memory [sigh. It's a good thing though, that now that I look at it, there are some parts that I feel embarrassed at and thought to myself "How did I think of this?!" hehe.
Not to worry though! This chapter should temporarily fulfill your TacticianMatthew fluff! Onward!
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Chapter 17: Mourning
The village stayed pretty quiet after the raid. Half of the reason was because of daybreak and people were sleeping. The other would be mourning for the loved ones, knowing that they can never return. The majority of the village considered the tactician's house to be the quietest; their major loss was also the village's loss.
Coping with another isn't one of Caden's strong points. Usually these times wouldn't happen, but when it did, Caden would always want to be by herself. And when she wanted independence, Greg would honor her wish.
Matthew walked out to the front porch. The air still reeked of blood and weapons, but it wasn't as much as earlier. He looked upon the natural structure where he knew Caden was. After what Caden did when she departed, Matthew was partly indecisive: thinking about if he should try to comfort her or not.
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"Father…" both Caden and Greg uttered.
Devastation took over when the enemies left. The villagers were already working on cleaning up the place. As for a few of the villagers, the life they had lost had torn them completely.
Teena wept upon her husband's body for the longest time as her children stood around the body. Gregory, now the man of the family, tried to hold his tears back as he was avoiding staring at the body. Caden was thankful that she had Matthew right now. She turned towards him not moving an inch, resisting the urge to cry. She swept her hand over her forehead. Matthew was certain that he heard her sniff once before she turned to leave the village.
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"I think you should go," Greg said as he opened the door to enter the front porch. Matthew looked over to the sage; the light outside was dim but he could tell that he had indeed shed some tears. "It's hard for Caden to cope. Right now she's probably thinking that this was in her head." Greg looked up to that same structure. "As far as I know, I won't be able to support her in this kind of situation. She needs someone who she can talk to that's outside of the family… someone who she trusts very well."
Matthew looked down to the grass to think. Greg was right, and he was leaning towards taking his advice. Greg was practically reading Matthew's thoughts as he turned to him and smirked. "You look like you understand this pain. Caden and I haven't experienced this before as you can see, but she needs your comfort. I would like to go, but since it's you and me here, my mother needs me more."
"Greg…" Matthew nodded. "Alright, I'm trusting you on this."
Greg chuckled. "Just go. I know my sister well, though you know her more recent self than me." After that being said, Greg went back inside the house as Matthew made his way to the place where Caden was.
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"Silly me… I forgot a torch," Caden thought to herself once she had gotten to her spot. For this time, she gathered the dry branches from the trees that weren't dampened by the water. And since there weren't any stones that could light a spark, she took out the book of fire that she kept in her robe (though hardly used). She stared at the book's cover, at least what she could see of it. Caden took a deep breath and opened the book. Once she did, she drew the runes as best as she could and lit the small pile of branches.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise as her poor magic skills helped her once again. She closed the book and looked at it.
"… Thankfully you work when I need you the most," she chuckled. She tucked the book back under her robe and leaned on the rocks that were nearest to the fire. She hugged her legs looking at the fire. It was obvious what was going through her mind, but her method was to occupy her head with other things.
She thought of anything that didn't have to do with the village, or the fact that he hadn't seen her father in such a long time. She tried not to think about her past. But as she kept on thinking about it, her mind always wandered back. She knocked on her head a few times in frustration. She closed her eyes and pulled her robe around her tighter slouching on the rock so she could get more comfortable.
And just as she was about get some sleep…
"… Caden?" uttered a voice that wasn't too far away.
Caden slowly opened her eyes and looked towards the source of the voice. Just as the figure was visible, she saw that it was none other than Matthew. Great… she knew why he came. She sat up again and leaned on the rock and bent her knees closer to her body as she kept her hands inside of her robe. She was watching Matthew as he glanced at the fire when he walked past and took a seat near Caden.
"Hey," he said as he had a subtle smirk on his face.
"Is that all you have to say…?" she thought. She didn't say anything back to Matthew, but stayed quiet while blankly staring at the fire.
Matthew looked the way where Caden was looking. "Well it looks like you're alright here, you got everything you need."
There was a silence in between them, but it was hard to tell if it was comfortable or not.
"… Is this how you were when Leila died?" Caden spoke while still looking towards the heart of the fire.
His smile died down a little when she mentioned Leila. "That's difficult to explain," he started. "When we found Leila on the shores of Valor, I was devastated. But of course I couldn't mourn for her at that time because we were in the middle of a battle."
"And he probably wishes that he could've done more for her," Caden thought trying to think what Matthew must've thought in his head.
Caden shifted herself so that her arms were crossed on her knees as she bent forward. "You loved Leila, didn't you?" It was a rhetorical question on both their parts and they knew the answer. "Uh… sorry. I didn't have to bring that up."
A few seconds passed, and then Matthew decided upon bringing up what Caden was trying to avoid. "What about your father?"
Caden hesitated, and then for the first time during their conversation, she turned towards Matthew. "What about him?"
"Well…" Though he brought up that subject, he didn't know how to continue it. "With Leila, at first I didn't think that I would, but I mourned for her when we were on our way back to the main island."
She faced her head straight once again and looked downward. "… I already told you about my father. He was always on top of things… he could always handle any situation, even menial disputes that my brother and I had when we were younger.
"My father gave me vital information about what I could expect about the wilderness and how it would affect me. He showed me useful fighting skills, ones that he learned when he was on a mission. My father…" Caden started to feel her eyes being filled with water. She forced herself not to blink too hard to let a tear drop. Instead, she dabbed her eyes until she couldn't feel the water gathered up on her bottom eye lid. "My father was the first one to accept me being a tactician.
"… And then I come back four years later. I only had a couple weeks to spend with him." Caden had a straight face continuing on what she had to say. "I loved my father. I loved him a lot even though I had never said it to him. Dugan is unfair. Why did he come here in the first place when it looked like he wasn't here to steal our village's prized possession?"
Caden answered her own sentence as she felt more tears that obscured her vision. "… Dugan wants to make me miserable. He wants me to feel the way that he is now… avenging his father, facing him with rage. He could've easily killed me back then when we met him, I wish that he went for me instead of my father!"
"Your father gave up his life for you and your family. It's ill to think that."
An empty smile was etched on her face. "Yes you think it's ill, but what am I supposed to say if the enemy that has been going after me kills someone who's precious to me? How do you want me to respond when I feel like shit?"
"Well first, I want you to know that your father's death isn't your fault." (1)
Matthew knew that it would trigger something if he said that. Caden felt a pain in her heart hearing Matthew say that; a tear had finally fallen, sliding down her cheek. She wiped the tear away before it had gotten further, but another tear glided along the same track.
"M-Matthew… don't say that… the ambush was my fault completely," she replied as she sniffed and wiped another tear.
Matthew didn't say anything back but looked over at Caden as she was suppressing the tears. "You don't have to hold back."
"Oh, but I do," she thought. Crying was something that she rarely did. But when it happened, she almost never cried in front of someone; she would also feel embarrassed about it. It came to the part for her to close her eyes and force the tears back. But with a great feeling in her chest, she couldn't hold back. Great, she felt that the tears would never stop going down.
Matthew placed an arm around Caden as Caden let the tears dampen the sleeves on her robes. A lot of emotions went through her; sometimes she was thinking to herself that she shouldn't be crying, but lying to herself is another trait that Caden had trouble with.
Caden cried through the night until her small fire was turned to ashes.
All the crying that she did made her too weak to stand for herself; Matthew decided to carry her back to the village on his back. It was a nice walk back; many stars were in the sky, crickets were chirping, the trees were rustling in the soft wind, and the beautiful moon illuminated the silhouettes of the trees and the village. Upon the way there, Matthew had noticed that she had gone to sleep. He smiled to himself; he had finally accomplished what he came here for.
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Caden had woken up during the trip back when a leaf brushed across her face and she used a hand to brush off the feeling that was on her cheek. Matthew turned his head back to see Caden at the corner of his eye.
"Oh, you're awake. Sorry if I woke you up."
"Mnn… It's alright. I don't think you've done anything to wake me," she answered in a raspy voice.
"Alright. Well we're almost back at your village, so sit tight for a while," Matthew replied looking back to what was in front of him.
Even though she knew that Matthew couldn't see it, Caden nodded. Caden took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She looked forward too, seeing how close they were. Another moment passed, and then she wrapped her arms around Matthew and rested her head on the back of his shoulder. "Thank you, Matthew." It was one of those déjà vu moments once Matthew heard Caden say that. But instead of thinking of it, he simply responded with, "Any time."
Caden closed her eyes when her eye lids were heavy again, but since they were close to the house, she was forcing herself to stay awake. Matthew opened the door quietly in case the others were sleeping. They assumed that the other two were since most of the lights were out (Greg was considerate enough leaving the fire lit on the porch so Caden and Matthew could see).
Matthew was making his way upstairs so that he could put Caden down on her bed, but one he was at front of her bedroom door, Caden uttered that she could handle it herself. "Don't worry. You don't have to do everything. I can take it from here." He knew that Caden wasn't in an argumentative mood, so he agreed and crouched down so that Caden's feet reached the floor. Caden was swaying at first when she didn't have Matthew to support him, so she laid a hand on the door knob instead. She looked up at Matthew, seeing his silhouette and half of his face from the dim light from downstairs. She then looked down again staring at nothing in particular.
"You know… you can sleep in the guest room," she answered pointing down the hallway to a door, "I don't think Mom or Greg would mind. I mean, it'll save you the energy of walking down the stairs again to the couch… plus a mattress is more comfortable compared to the couch."
It sounded like Caden was making an excuse for Matthew to stay on the second floor, but she didn't mean for it to be. Although slightly visible, Matthew was smirking. "Alright, I'll sleep in the guest room."
There was a brief silence between them. Caden didn't want to go to sleep yet, she was unsatisfied for some reason.
"… Thanks again, Matthew," she said in a soft voice so that it wouldn't echo in the empty hallway.
With this thanks, his smirk was still on his face, and he responded with a slight nod. "Get some sleep, Caden. It'll be good for you."
She smiled back to him, and answered with "Mhm." Caden felt like something was missing. But… what was it that made her feel this way? While being sleepy, she couldn't think of the answer with her slow brain.
She looked up at Matthew again, and her heart skipped a beat. Was it because of the atmosphere that made Caden feel this way? Even though, she did what her heart was saying: she placed a hand on Matthew's shoulder and she tiptoed so she could reach higher. She closed her eyes and kissed the edge of Matthew's lips. Upon doing so, her heart skipped a beat, and she felt that her face was getting warm.
Matthew seemed pretty surprised by Caden's action. It wasn't one of those bad surprises, but… unexpected. Before Caden could hardly speak, she looked down to the ground again, and said "… Good night, Matthew." She opened the door to her room. And when she walked in, Matthew replied with "Yeah… good night." Caden waited to close her door until he turned around going on his way to the guest room.
She lied on her bed for a while, thinking back to the kiss that she gave to Matthew. Just thinking about it made her heart skip a beat once again, but she now felt content so that she could get a good night's sleep.
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End of Chapter 17: Mourning
Author's note:
... Fluff. X3;;; I still need to work on that. And anywho, I hope this was a decent sized chapter for my absence.
1) Uh… well I'm kind of breaking the mood while putting this in here but, that line came from Family Guy, haha! It was an episode when Stewie was having troubles with his wife and Brian kept on saying "it's not your fault" to him until he broke down. XD;;
