AU: ok so sorry for not puttin the second chapter up for like a year but here it is!!!

Chapter 2

Have you ever jumped on a bed? Jumped soo high and just went bananas? But then you got so carried away that you hit your head on the ceiling and you kinda just get disappointed? Like all your fun was ruined by just bumping your head and then it's just not appealing anymore to you? That's what this news was like to me. Being told you're gonna die when you're seventeen it's exactly something that's gonna raise your spirits or anything. Needless to say I was depressed for weeks after that news.

All the boys were concerned but nothing appealed to me anymore, not even food. I wouldn't get out of bed. They threatened to kick me out for not paying rent but I knew they wouldn't, not when they sensed something was wrong here. I wouldn't talk to Skittery about it, even though I really wanted too. He would pull the whole sympathy thing and probably cry or something. I can't stand that, I hate when people feel sorry for me. Some people milk that stuff, they wanna be watched on hand and foot but not me. I'm independent, I like doing things myself and not being watched over.

Well, after a few weeks I started to accept the fact that I was gonna die. I started going out to sell with the boys and started eating again; it was like everything was normal. We ate at Tibby's, Mush brought in new girls every day, Race told his jokes, Jack acted like a king, they had no idea what was going on inside my head, literally. Life went on as it normally did but something inside me was just aching to get out. So one night I just had to get away from all the screaming boys in the house.

I walk slowly to the bridge that connects Manhattan to Brooklyn and I just stand there. Like some psycho girl staring at something in her imagination. Or when you see those stupid people wishing on stars that stuff never comes true and personally I think it's a waste of time, seeing as I have done it before and look where it got me. I feel like I'm a character in a book where when things get really bad they start to go crazy and think about…you know…kicking the bucket so to say. God what a stupid idea…but really is it? I mean ya it would hurt a lot of people but so will me not telling them I'm dying and them wondering why I don't wake up one morning or don't come home one night.

I grab hold of the edge and slowly lift myself up. I'm gonna do it, I think. I edge my toes over the ledge. Wow, this is high. It can't possible be that bad to drowned can it? As the wind flies around me I start to hear a whisper, its calling my name. My real name not Flower. Lindsey, the whisper says. I turn around faster than a bullet n tumble over…the bridge side of course. And I see him, standing there looking at me with those piercing blue eyes, like blue diamonds shimmering in the moonlight. He has the sweetest sadness in his eyes.

"You don't have to do it Lindsey, but I'm not gonna stop you," Spot says quietly but yet it seems as if he's screaming it. He reaches his hand out to me. And like I'm being magnetically pulled to him, I see my hand grab his.

As he leads me back, I'm assuming to my home, I tell him. I tell him everything about my life and what's going on in it. I'm not very sure why I told Spot something that I can't even tell my closest friend but I do. He has this eerie feel to him. Like he would already know your secrets anyways and he tells me he understands and that I can stay with him for awhile if I feel the need to. But I turn him down politely, this is my home, these are the people I love. And if I die soon, well I'll be with him. I understand he says, but the offer is always there.

We walk into my boarding house and I decided that Spot and I are going to be the only ones that know about my cancer. That's the way it has to be. As I walk in the room with the boys all eyes are upon Spot and I. I see the look on Skittery's face as I realize that I'm still holding Spot's hand. What could this look mean?