Time
Fateful
A/N: I wasn't satisfied when I wrote this chapter, I didn't have the same emotions I had when I wrote the first 2 chapters; so if the mood of the story is a bit different please understand. I will try and revise it again when I have time, to make it more satisfactory to what I want it to be. Thank you and enjoy.
Chapter 3
Leave it to my mother to find out things I don't want her to find out.
'You love him'
Such a simple statement that broke me all over again. How can I begin to forget when I'm reminded constantly?
'I don't…I can't'
It was no use lying to her, she would know either way. Had she known even before, when I was confused and unsure of my feelings? If she knew, does he know it as well? Maybe I am easy to read, that my emotions played itself in my face.
'Darling, you can love anyone you want to love. It's not a crime.'
I feel even guiltier for feeling this way. How can I love him so selfishly? This isn't the way it was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to love him.
My mother continued: 'You two have been best friends for years, you grew together. It's impossible that both of you haven't developed any feelings for each other.'
'He's getting married. It's not the right thing to say at this point.'
'It's never the right time. So what if he's getting married; don't you want to find out if you have a chance? Don't be a coward'
She doesn't know what she's talking about. She doesn't realize the consequences of those actions. I won't risk a chance of bravery just to have him break my heart and destroy our friendship. I am so much smarter than that.
'If I was brave and told him, I would end up being selfish. It's enough that he loves me as a friend. I will take it.'
'Sometimes you have to be selfish for your own sanity. You've become so selfless and giving that eventually you'll end up with nothing.'
I don't dare look at her. She would have the look of pity in her eyes. She would pity me because I didn't have the same courage as her that I don't stand up for myself enough to get what I want. I can't be selfish; he was not mine to call my own. He was never mine. He was just my best friend.
'You don't understand. I would lose so much more if I gave in to my heart. I would lose him; everything about him. He wouldn't be my best friend anymore, because it would be too awkward; he would avoid me, fearing that I would get hurt even more if I see him. Yes, I am losing him now, but I still have a place in his heart and that's enough for me. I would settle for this. Something less than what I deserve.'
'I see.'
I looked away from her. I don't want her to see me like this. This pain is overtaking me. I know it would eventually numb itself, but right now it's spreading itself all over me.
'I just don't want you to have regrets, and to question yourself later on.'
I could only nod my head as I turned to leave.
Would this be enough for me? After all these years I was just going to give him up. Had I not loved him enough? That's when I knew I would forever question myself like mother said. I decided at that same moment that being his best friend would never be enough for me, that if I was going to be lost in his life I might as well make it big.
That's when I started running. I disregarded the distance I would have to run to get to him. I was brave for once, and realized I'm not so smart after all.
A/N: I hope this chapter was to your liking. I will try to revise this chapter when I find the time. Thank you again.