Chapter Four: What a Wonderful Weird World

The Doctor and Martha walked back to the florist. In the Doctor's hands was a newspaper of the Skid Row Times. On the front of the paper it read: Weird Plant Found at Local Florist.

The Doctor grinned, "Didn't I tell you something wasn't right at that florist, Martha Jones? Florists don't make money all of a sudden not without something influence people to buy plants. It has to be that plant Martha Jones."

Martha said, "Are you sure, Doctor?

"Of course I am sure. Did you see all those people go into the florist those past few days? All of them babbling about what a strange and interesting plant that was in the window and then buy hundreds of dollars worth of plants. That's not normal. The plant is clearly exerting some sort of hypnotic influence on people It could even be producing mind altering pheromones, I have to get that plant, Martha Jones."

"That won't be easy, Doctor. Do you see how Mr. Mushnik guards that plant? He acts like a bloody pit bull."

"Ahh but most humans don't have psychic paper, Martha Jones." The Doctor pulled out his psychic paper and slapped it around in the palm of his hand.

They walked into Mushnik's shop. The Doctor took a look around. The plant was nowhere in sight. Normally it was behind the window.

Mr. Mushnik smiled, "Looking for the Audrey II. I am sorry it's on Skid Row Radio today."

"What? That plant can't go on radio, Mr. Mushnik. Don't you understand that plant is exerting a great deal of mental influence over your patrons? Its making them come in and buy your plants, for what reason I have no idea as of yet. But it's dangerous, Mr. Mushnik, extremely dangerous."

Mr. Mushnik laughed, "Dangerous, don't be absurd. So it's a good marketing tool, nothing more nothing less. There's nothing wrong in making money, Doctor."

Martha said calmly, "Mr. Mushnik, please listen to the Doctor. He knows what he's talking about. If he says that plant is dangerous then it's dangerous, you must let him take it before it's too late."

Mr. Mushnik snorted, "Get out. If you even thinking of coming in here with ideas of taking that plant I'll call the police."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and looked at Martha. There was no sense arguing with Mr. Mushnik. The Doctor then said looking firmly at him, "You haven't seen the last of me, Mr. Mushnik." He then walked out of the shop with Martha.

Martha looked up at him, "What do we do now?"

"You stay put….Martha Jones. Keep an eye out for Seymour and the plant, just incase you see him. See if you can find Audrey and talk to her. Maybe she can convince Mr. Mushnik that that plant is dangerous."

The Doctor began to run off down the streets of Skid Row and Martha called out, "Hey wait a minute, where are you going?"

"Skid Row Radio….I am going to have a long talk with Seymour."

-0o0-

The Doctor entered the radio station. He asked where he could find Seymour Krelborn and was directed to a studio that was now broadcasting 'Wink Wilkinson's Weird World.' Looking around the room he found various people with strange and unusual objects. A woman came up to him, "What weird object or thing have you for Wink Wilkinson's show, today?" The Doctor frowned and brushed his hands through his hair bringing up his cowlicks. He thought about it for a moment and then grinned, "Me."

The woman frowned, "You….what's weird about you?"

"Well….." The Doctor grinned even more, "I am not human."

The woman snorted, "That's not weird. We get people in here all the time saying that."

The Doctor looked a bit deflated, "Oh…" He then said, "I have two hearts."

The woman blinked, "No you don't."

"Yes I do. And I can prove it." He pulled out a stethoscope out of his coat pocket and handed it to the woman. She put the stethoscope on and listened to the Doctor's hearts and her eyes went wide. His grin became even wider at her surprised expression, "Okay, you're on….and what's your name?"

"The Doctor."

"Doctor….Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor."

The woman nodded and the Doctor smiled as he saw Seymour plant in his arms, "Excuse me miss, when am I going on."

"Right now…."

The Doctor said, "Seymour, your plant it's dangerous."

The woman ushered Seymour into the room. The Doctor proceeded to follow, "Seymour you don't realize…"

The woman glared at him, "Excuse me but you're not permitted to…"

The Doctor flashed the psychic paper, "Oh….I am sorry, I had no idea. Go right in."

Seymour gave the Doctor an odd glance, "How'd you do that?"

The Doctor coughed, "Later…" Clearly the woman had fallen for the paper

They found a man sat down near a microphone. The Doctor presumed that it was Wink Wilkinson. "And now Wink Wilkinson's Weird World with your host Wink Wilkinson." He dinged a bell and hyped his intro and the Doctor smiled. "Hey everyone this is Weird Wink Wilkinson laughing and scratching at you. How's everybody doing today? I've got a great show for you today and some wonderful wierrrrd stuff." Seymour was nervous as Wink suddenly said, "What are you doing here?" Seymour frowned and Wink continued, "Please lady put your clothes back on." The Doctor was laughing to himself, but Seymour looked terrified and the Doctor whispered to Seymour, "Take it easy he's just playing with you."

"Please lady, it's Wink Wilkinson. You can't do this to me. What if your husband walked in?" Wink changed his tone and said, "I am here Wink….I love your show, I am sorry but I have to kill you both with a machine guy." He then made a machine gun noise into the microphone which made Seymour even more nervous. The Doctor said to him quietly, "You don't have to do this. You could just leave."

"Oh you've got me…" Wink exclaimed and then went all melodramatic, "Ooooh oooh….I feel, I feel SO VERY WEIRRRRD…"

Seymour went forward saying nothing to the Doctor, he had to do this or Mr. Mushnik would be upset.

"Now our first guest is somebody you probably all have read about in the papers. A young man by the name of Seymour Krelborn who has discovered a new breed of plant life hereto unknown on this planet."

"Hello Seymour." Wink pointed to the microphone signaling for him to introduce himself. Seymour gulped and said shyly, "Ummm hello Wink."

"I wish our listeners could see this. Seymour, where did you get such a WIERRRRD plant?"

Seymour said calmly and began to recite all that had happened when he first found the plant "Well…you remember that total eclipse of the sun that we had about a week ago…" The Doctor listened intently seeming to make a mental account of Seymour's story."

-o0o-

Back at Mushnik's Skid Row Florist

Mr. Mushnik listened to the radio as he counted out the day's profits.

"Thus concludes our interview with Seymour Krelborn, the young botanical genius. Do you mind if I call you a genius" Wink said over the airwaves.

"Gosh, no…." Seymour said.

"The genius who has discovered this amazing unidentified plant."

Mr. Mushnik muttered, "Tell them the address…."

A knock was at the door, it was Audrey trying to come into the shop. Martha had been waiting on the steps of a flat for what felt like hours for her to come. Mr. Mushnik opened the door and let Audrey in before Martha could even get up and talk to her.

"Did I miss it?" Audrey asked.

"I like to remind our listeners that the Audrey II is on display exclusively at Mushnik's Skid Row Florist…that's Mushnik's," Seymour stated.

Wink began to interject, "And now for our next WEIRRRRD thing…."

"M-U-S-H-N-I…."

"After these messages…." The call sign for Skid Row Radio was played and Mr. Mushnik sighed and turned off the radio, "I said mention the address." He said angrily. He then paused, "Oh well its still good advertising."

Audrey said, "Seymour's first radio broadcast. I wanted to hear it so badly. I tried to be on time but…"

Mr. Mushnik locked up the shop for the night and said as they exited the shop, "Don't tell me you got tied up…"

Audrey shook her head, "No, just handcuffed a little."

Martha gasped as she listened to the conversation outside of the shop. She had remembered Audrey with the nasty black eye and had stated that it was from her boyfriend. He must have handcuffed her.

Mushnik shook his head and walked off.

Martha got up and said to her firmly, "Girl you really ought to get another boyfriend. He's hazardous to your health."

Audrey lamented, "I can't….if I left him, he'd get angry and then he might hurt me even worse."

Martha sighed, "You really should leave him. Get another guy and leave Skid Row. What about Seymour?"

Audrey blushed, "We're just friends, he's so much better than I am. I'd leave Skid Row but…I don't have the money either."

Martha nodded and Audrey said, "I am trying though."

I know Seymour's the greatest
But I'm dating a semi-sadist
So I've got a black eye
And my arm's in a cast.
Still, that Seymour's a cutie
Well, if not, he's got inner beauty
And I dream of a place
Where we could be together at last

A matchbox of our own
A fence of real chain link,
A grill out on the patio
Disposal in the sink
A washer and a dryer and an ironing machine
In a tract house that we share
Somewhere that's green.

He rakes and trims the grass
He loves to mow and weed
I cook like Betty Crocker
And I look like Donna Reed
There's plastic on the furniture
To keep it neat and clean
In the Pine-Sol scented air
Somewhere that's green

Between our frozen dinner
And our bedtime, nine-fifteen
We snuggle watchin' Lucy
On our big, enormous twelve-inch screen

I'm his December Bride
He's Father, he Knows Best
Our kids watch Howdy Doody
As the sun sets in the west
A picture out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine

Far from Skid Row
I dream we'll go
somewhere that's green.

Audrey then said, "You see Martha, I want to do something but…." Audrey cried, "I am trapped, trapped on Skid Row."

Martha sighed, "Maybe the Doctor can help."

"What can he do?"

"More than you can even realize, Audrey. He's so much and I can't even describe it, he's just wonderful."

"You love him, don't you?"

Martha looked forlorn, "I do, but he doesn't even act as if I exist. I've tried hard to…to get over him, but it's not easy. I still am very fond of him."

-0o0-

Wink Wilkinson looked at the Doctor, "So Doctor, they tell me you have two hearts."

The Doctor grinned, "Yep."

"That's so very WIERRRRD."

The Doctor rolled his eyes for a moment slightly annoyed and Wink then said, "So if you have two hearts…then you must be an alien…"

The Doctor was about to answer when Wink suddenly said, "We are entering another dimension…the Weirrrrd Zone."

Seymour sat in the room quietly as Wink interviewed the Doctor. He still didn't know how the Doctor managed to get in here; it had taken him days in advance to get an interview. He held onto his plant as it kept trying to stretch out and bite at the Doctor.

The Doctor gave a very stern look at the plant and held out his sonic screwdriver and the plant suddenly clamed up. He turned back to Wink and said, "Yep, I am an alien."

Seymour frowned; he didn't believe the Doctor to be an alien. He was sure that the Doctor was missing a few screws, but that didn't seem to bother Wink any.

Wink laughed, "Where are you from? Mars?"

"Gallifrey."

"Never heard of it." Wink said.

"I am not surprised. Few humans know of Gallifrey."

Wink then said, "So if your not a Martian. What kind of an alien are you?"

"I am a Time Lord."

"Right….. Time Lord, what are you like Father Time?"

The Doctor laughed, "No, but you're on the right track. I travel through Time and Space."

Wink laughed and stated skeptically, "Sure….you do. So if you travel through Time and Space, Who's going to be President of the United States in the 1980's?"

The Doctor laughed, "It's against the laws of a Time Lord to give out that sort of information."

"Oh come on Doctor if you want the people to believe you, surely you can give us a hint."

The Doctor smiled, "Just a hint. Well a hint won't hurt you. Your President will be an actor."

Wink said, "Is that it? Come on just a little more."

"Nope, that's all I can tell your listeners. I don't want to create anymore of a paradox by telling you his name. Because if I did, it might alter your course of history and that would be a real bother to fix. Just keep your eyes on all your actors, California. One of them is destined to be your President one of these days."

Wink smiled, "Tell me Doctor, if you're a Time Lord, will I be rich someday?"

"Nah, it doesn't work like that. I am a Time Lord not a fortune teller."

"No offense, Doctor but what's the fun of being a time traveler if you can't tell people the future."

The Doctor paused and said, "You humans are all alike, you think what can time do for you. Well I'll tell you this Wink Wilkinson and to all you humans out there, time is complicated. It's one of those things that you can bend but you have to be careful not to break. It's bendable like a rubber band. Stretch it as far as you can and it leads up to something interesting. I know how to get the most out of my time, unlike some. But you can't even begin to fathom what would happen if you pulled out a thread out of the fabric of time."

"What would happen, Doctor?"

"The end of existence itself. There are creatures out there that feed on disruptions in time and in the end they will consume everything."

Wink Wilkinson looked at his switchboard, "Doctor would you mind staying on. It seems that our listeners want to talk to you."

The Doctor grinned, "Well….I'd love to but I've parked my time machine in a no parking zone and you know what happens when you end up parking in a no parking zone."

Wink chuckled, "Well on that note, this is Wink Wilkinson signing off. Tune in next week for Wink Wilkinson's Weirrrrrd World."

The Doctor smiled and then shook Wink's hand, "It's been fun. I am really going to have to listen to your show a lot more. No wonder humans love this show. You give them a glimpse into the strange and unexplainable and nothing humans love more than to gossip over the strange and the unexplained."

Wink frowned, "Now come on Doctor, the show's over. I know you were just making this stuff up just to work the crowd."

The Doctor shook his head, "Now Wink you disappoint me. Here all this time I thought you loved the strange and bizarre and when you have it in front of you. You choose not to believe it." The Doctor sighed and then shaking his head some more he decided not to pursue the issue any further. He took out his Sonic Screwdriver and looked at Seymour, "Seymour you have to get rid of that plant. It's no good."

"I can't Doctor. If I did, Mr. Mushnik will kill me or send me back to the boy's home. The florist shop and Mr. Mushnik is all I have got, Doctor."

The Doctor sighed, "Alright you can keep the plant." He groaned lightly and ran his fingers through his hair, he had a feeling this was a mistake but seeing the pained look on Seymour's face. He really ought to just take the plant and let Seymour face the consequences of Mr. Mushnik. But so far the plant had done nothing harmful, not that he could see. Although it went against his better judgment to let Seymour keep the plant, he would give the plant and Seymour his 'no second chances philosophy.' "I must be getting soft in my old age. Anyway, one problem and I am taking that plant, do you hear me Seymour? And I will keep an eye on you and how you are tending that plant."

Seymour smiled, "Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor glared at Seymour, "Don't thank me yet, one incident, one little problem and that plant becomes mulch."

Seymour gave the Doctor a hug and then ran out the door.

XXXXX

A/N: Yea, I know slightly out of character for the Doctor to let Seymour keep the plant but if I had the Doctor take the plant right off then that would basically be the end of the story and we wouldn't see what would happen next. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and please R/R.