Chapter 16

Outside in the half-light of early evening Meg walked slowly and carefully trying not to spill the drink, while letting her mind sort out all the information, her feelings and getting his name right. As she followed the pathway past the apartment and along the hedge, she hoped it was right as she'd not seen him or anyone else, though she could hear the horses in the paddock and movement from stables further on.

Then she noticed an archway in the hedge into a lighted area so walked through it, then stopped taking in the beauty of the hidden garden. Wide paved pathways made their way through raised beds of bushes and flowers, some were highlighted by lights, others were shielded by bushes so they could be viewed from the opposite direction. Then she spotted him, in an alcove facing away from her looking across the garden, and smiled.

They looked so right together, Shep enjoying the attention as his master smoothed his back and occasionally scratched his ears. She could have stayed there longer in the comfortable silence, but Shep slowly sat up then jumped down off the platform and stood at his master's feet watching them both. He stayed silent and with his tail wagging, head slightly cocked to one side, it looked to her as if he was offering her his seat. Not wanting to disturb the comfortable feeling she took the cue from Shep and walked quietly towards them, then placed the cup of tea on the end of the platform before sitting beside John, who had not moved at all.

Satisfied the job was done Shep silently lay down putting his nose on his paws and watched the couple.

Meg was not sure how to break the silence, a casual greeting sounded wrong somehow, and she knew what she wanted to say, but wasn't too sure if she just came out it he would understand it, or appreciate the whole meaning of it at the moment. He had to be feeling more than confused by her just turning up out of the blue. In the end she decided to take a leaf out of his book, and let her touch say it for her, after all it told her just who he was and how much he loved her.

So taking a breath Meg gently took his hand in hers, ready for the sharp withdrawal and slowly raised it before gently brushing it against her cheek. As there was no sharp withdrawal she put it to her lips kissing his fingers gently, finally she lowered it onto her other hand, which lay on her lap, then softly traced the edge of the leather strapping which protected his hand. Feeling his warmth she got that old love and security feeling she always had from him. … … … … … …

As soon as John felt Shep move under his hand it was as though time, the world stopped and he stilled waiting for the silence to be broken. He didn't even realise his hand was still resting on the platform or that he was breathing. His mind raced busily and nervously discounting possibilities - if a stranger had entered the garden Shep would have got down and barked a warning for everyone to hear. If it was Jackie or her family Shep would have stayed on the platform, guarding his spot. He had done neither so it had to be someone Shep accepted and wanted to be beside him. It could not have been business either as Jackie would have announced it with a firm 'do it tomorrow and come inside now.' So she and the others had to approve the visitor, and had allowed that person to come alone - alone because there was silence.

His mind shouted 'Meg' and spun in turmoil … the future with or without her … was she staying or was she here to say goodbye to his face … …she couldn't forgive his deceit … his brother's … Maria's … and his dishonour of Mark's murder ... … His mind jumped to the conclusion it would have been better if he had stayed strong and pretended he was Derek and sent her way. … But the pain in her eyes and the reminder of her touch as he held her hand, shattered the barrier he had built around his heart once he knew he could not be with her …

Still not moving he heard the person come closer, put something down and then sit beside him. He could not move to look and see, his anxious churning mind would not let him. To do so would mean an answer.

Now feeling her fingers on his hand his thoughts stopped then started again, it wasn't anything unusual … just the warm touch of skin touching skin, … a friend touching a friend … but as his hand was brushed against her cheek, his body recognised more … lover touching lover, …and as the soft gentle butterfly kiss touched his fingers …much, much more … soulmate touching soulmate and his defenses started to crumble again.

… … All the time Meg watched and waited half expecting him to withdraw his hand and tell her to go; instead she felt a gentle shiver run through him. She knew it was not disgust or rejection just one of realisation that she was here. It was not a dream about a half hoped for happening or nightmare about something that could not take place again. It was real, his warmth to her warmth and his love to her love, and he would have to face it.

He slowly turned his head to face her so they made eye contact but stayed silent... eyes watching eyes.

Knowing it was her turn to clear the air Meg said gently and honestly. "Before I can fully say goodbye to Ben there is something I need to say. I'm sorry for running out on you and not trusting your love. I have changed … got stronger over the past months, and today when I really saw you I knew where I want to be … even have to be … regardless of the fallout.

Do you remember you once said you could not help loving me, you had no choice. Well now I know what that feels like … I love you, I always will, and I know you love me. … Our memories as Ben and Meg will never be completely forgotten, they are our beginning … this is our joining … our future.

I want to be here for you, because I love you and want to know the new you, just as I'm sure you want to know the new me. I will not run out on you, or doubt your love for me ever again. We will work out a way to keep in touch with my family, because I know we both want that. If you say you want me to go, I will go but not to Sunset Beach, you know I've moved on from there. I will keep in touch with Mandy and come back again and again, till the time is right for us to be together." She stopped still not breaking eye contact, and hoped he would understand all the things she could not say but meant. To go through the list she was sure would bring up bad memories, and she did not want that.

He watched her all the time she spoke, even in the half-light he could see her commitment, her love and feel the warmth of her hands on his. He could not stop the gentle shivers going through him as part of his mind got back into gear and listened to her. The other reminded him that he had sat here too scared to go in and find out if she had gone as he had asked her too, or if she was waiting to tell him she couldn't live with his deceit, his brother's action and the pain of losing her family's love and trust to his face. Or lastly that she would accept him as he is and the loss of her family and still be his soulmate. His mind came back together telling him she loved him and was asking him to forgive her… surely it was the other way around, he had caused her all that pain.

Somehow his mind got together with his voice, which to his surprise was soft but strong as he told her the truth. "All I ever wanted was your happiness … somehow you've come into the chaos of my life again … When I came back I saw the extra car … but I could not come in … I was scared … scared you might want to reject me to my face because of the hurt I caused you, and sacred you wanted to stay, because if you do it will cause you hurt and pain in the future. … I'm sorry I was not always there for you as I should have been, and the pain of all the lies they've told you about the Casita, the kidnapping and …."

Meg interrupted him gently knowing honesty was needed on both sides. "I should have trusted your love for me and stayed beside you. I should have trusted Casey's word that you would never have taken Maria there or made love to her. I knew you respected your past with her, and you kept telling me you loved me, I should have trusted you and stayed beside you as you stayed beside me and my family when it was necessary.

I'm sorry I didn't … those memories and discussions are for later in the quietness of the apartment, not for now. … Now we have to face the truth that we love each other, we trust each and we have a future whatever that maybe."

He gave a smile as he spoke, his voice showing signs of his emotions, but was still steady, knowing she would understand what he was talking about. "Through it all I thought of you, and as long as you were safe I knew there was a chance … even in the darkest time our memories were with me. When I survived and I knew it might not be possible for us to be together … the price for my life … I was content to know you were happy, … you had your friends and family would be safe. I don't want you to lose them because of me." He could see as she listened to him she'd made up her mind, this was not just a whim … she was stronger than before. And to him it made her more beautiful than before, and added knowing she would have to know the truth. "It's not going to be easy, and I cannot guarantee anything, but if you are willing to face a second chance then I am." He sighed and added. "Guess the first one never really had a chance."

Meg smiled hearing the love in his voice, and said gently knowing it would match his. "Not much of one, but we can put that right." Then she said in a slightly more serious tone knowing he would understand. "Hi John … I'm Meg I hear you need some help with your computer club. Well, it so happens I know a bit about computers and a friend of mine knows even more, and we would like to help if you will let us."

Feeling the ripple of warmth run through him, John gently moved his hand in hers and guided it to his face brushing it with a kiss, then let it rest on the arm of his chair and smiled as he replied. "You always knew what to say and what I needed, even if I did not realise it at the beginning. John was my father's and grandfather's name, Smith was my grandmother's maiden name on my mother's side." Then turned more serious adding. "You've always respected the love and trust of your family, now I'm asking you to break it, and perhaps leave them all together without letting them know the reason why. Can you cope with that?"

Knowing what she did Meg realised how hard it was for him to ask her to do this, he had walked away from his family with their agreement … she was leaving hers without them agreement or understanding the true reason why. Without answering she shifted round so she could get the cup of tea with her free hand and felt his hand automatically release hers. She handed him the cup and said gently but firmly. "Have your tea or Jackie will be cross."

It was not the answer he'd expected, but it brought a smile and nod, and he obeyed letting her carry on. "I left Sunset Beach because Dad was being a pain … he was trying to rule my life as he had with Tim, this time when I found out I acted by leaving Sunset Beach. … Mum, Sara and Casey understood and told me to take my time … Purely by chance I ended up in Boston with a very good employer and the freedom was … is good for everyone, not just me. I keep in touch by e-mail and the odd phone call, they don't know my address and don't need to. …

I really do love you with all my heart and soul, I know that now. John Smith is fine by me. Someone I met was given a second chance, he took it and I'm taking mine. Not through guilt or duty, but because I know I love you, and I know you love me. I moved away because I thought it was right and I'm glad I did.

Strangely enough the more I moved away from home the more I've found out about you and my love for you. Your letter from Seattle found me a few months ago when I was in Boston. I read it and decided to let things stay as they were because I believed you were happy with your family, and we had made our decisions. The letter your brother wrote in your name I received in September enabled me to move on and kept me safe as you hoped."

As John took it all in and remained silent for a moment, then he said quietly. "You said you didn't come alone … … I don't want to come between the pair of you. There are things I can not do Meg."

She smiled realising he was worried about hurting her again, and knew her answer would be a shock, and replied firmly but gently, though her heart was fluttering wildly. "I know … Mandy has explained things. You're right I did not come alone, he's my boss and friend. He has a fiancée about an hour away where we have set up a new office, it's part of a big organisation. I know you will like him, and it will come as a shock because you knew him in New York, and he knew you as Peter. He wants to say thank you and help you. If it's too much now he will stay in the hotel and see you tomorrow, but I think you'll want to hear both our stories."

"Really!" John gasped at the surprise.

Meg nodded.

It took Ben a moment for it to really sink in, the emotions and memories were coming back too quickly and he gasped out emotionally. "I missed him … felt bad walking out like that ... did he do all right?"

Meg said gently knowing his question was a good sign. "Oh yes" Then reminded him, "finish your tea before it gets cold" then carried on as he finished it. "And then we'll go in and tell you our story and sort things out for tomorrow. I don't have to contact Sara for a few days as she thinks we are in Canada ... the car broke down, we got towed to the garage and they sent us to " She took the cup and got up finishing the bit of her story. "Mandy's hotel actually, as the replacement part will come in some time tomorrow morning."

They both smiled at the way of things, and Shep got up wagging his tail and moved around them to make sure they were going to go in the right direction.

As she walked beside John out of the garden the automatically lights went out, leaving the subdue security lighting to guide them back to the apartment. Shep ran back and forth rounding them making sure his sheep didn't get lost, as they got closer he ran to the door and stood looking at it then looked back at Meg, rather than his master.

Meg chuckled and took the hint and quickened her pace, on opening the door Shep gave a little bark rushed in while Meg stayed and held the door for John.

Feeling a hundred and one emotions John stopped just inside and looked at his old friend.

Paul, feeling nervous and happy at the same time had got up to greet his long lost friend and had made it to just past the kitchen before stopping, a tad overwhelmed at seeing him.

Their smiles grew as they checked each other over and realised it was real. Then Paul said quietly with a soft almost teasing tone he knew they'd both recognise. "You always were a lazy lad ... Come on! You're letting the cold air in."

John moved forward enabling to Meg close the door as Paul continued speaking still looking at his friend, not willing to break eye contact now it had finally been made. "The women are in the other apartment finding more food … you know, we have a lot to catch up on."

John laughed and wheeled himself further into the room while gently teasing back. "No more doorways then!"

"No way." Paul said with a laugh, and went back to the sofa and sat down while John eased himself expertly into the space between the two sofas.

Meg made her way round to join them realising that was why the sofas didn't have any armrests at that end.

Having run round, Shep gave two small barks and went into the other apartment announcing their arrival or possibly demanding his tea.

In the kitchen area Jack and Simon glanced at each other, then back at the group and then went back to warming the soup and sorting things out. Happy to eavesdrop as the threesome settled down, the smell of the warming soup making them all realise just how hungry they were.

Oxoxo

It was a drawn out evening meal as Paul and Meg told their stories, and it would have carried on late into the night. But Mandy gently shooed her husband and Paul over to the hotel to sort things out for the night, and got a promise from Meg she would follow a little later. With that Jackie and Simon took the hint and went to their own apartment leaving the couple alone.

Content Meg sat curled up on the end of the sofa resting slightly against John's chair, their hands resting on each other's in a comfortable silence watching the fire, with Shep asleep on the half rug.

John suddenly broke the silence with a quiet but firm. "I can't let you do this … your family, job everything you wanted … for me … I cannot travel, I nearly died last time I got in a vehicle."

Meg shifted so she could see him and replied gently but firmly, "I'm not going to give up everything, you heard what Paul said I can travel in one or two days a week, I'll help at the club if needs be, or I can be a temporary PA for the local firms. Ben... John I meant it when I said I love you! ... I always have just did not realise how much. Be honest with yourself could you really stand me leaving you now we have met again."

He gave a slight smile and shook his head as Meg carried on truthfully. "I know I can't … If Sunset Sisters wins the competition I'll go back for a quick visit say 24 hours, collect my things and then go back Christmas or whenever Sara has the twins. I'm not leaving you! … Robert has offered me the use of the plane from Seattle to Sunset Beach, I can fly into Seattle quite easily … he stood by me when I left because of Dad the second time, I trust him and his offer and it will not look odd or be talked about."

John sighed, he could see all the mountains and she was knocking them down, just like her touch and the fact she was here beside him did. How could he ignore her amazing story, her face with her dark eyes glistening at him, along with a hint of a smile that was defeating him, and she knew it! He gave in with a gentle whine. "You're more stubborn than I remember … when I had arguments with you in the basement I used to win a few!"

Meg gave a gentle laugh, which hid the shiver of what he must have gone through when kidnapped, which she knew he would never really talk about, then added gently. "You used to talk to me... That must have been very one sided."

He smiled and held her hand, watching her made him feel better, but he knew she had to understand how things were now and would be in the future. "Pretty though, you used to wear all the clothes I liked you in, the night time memories were interesting too. I can't.."

Feeling a little embarrassed and yet wanting him to understand it was all right, she butted in gently. "Hey, one thing at a time ... to the outside world we've only met today, with an offer you could not refuse so we'll carry on from there. I will try and remember to call you John all the time, when I miss I can say I've got a lousy memory for names … in here we are as we used to be but better, it's you I want John … as you are. … … There is only one other thing I want, and that is when your brother dies he is buried as Derek and not Ben."

He was silent for a moment knowing she understood the implications and was accepting them, and then said gently. "Yes I accept that. … Jack has my statement and the evidence … on my death everything would have been explained, and my fortune would have been spread among everyone I knew in Sunset Beach. … I'll have to change some of that now. … Please understand about Mark's death and justice …

She stopped him knowing it troubled him. "We both miss him, and we both know he would not want more pain to come from his death. You've honoured his name and that carries on regardless. He understands as I do and so will all his friends … who are your friends, and when the truth is told many years from now they will know you … we did the right thing.

Her words helped, but he knew he could never get rid of the guilt that his brother killed his friend and others, and would not pay for his crime while he was living here. Mark had been her friend as well, and if she could understand and accept it … some time in the future he might. Something had drawn them together again … he could not deny that … perhaps it was 'fate' as Mandy had said, and he would have to play the cards 'she' gave him as he'd always done. His voice was loving and gentle. "Thank you … I cannot believe I've got you…. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up in a moment and find it all gone."

She smiled "I know the feeling but its not going to happen."

He smiled and this time it was in his eyes and in his whole body.

They looked at each other, noticing the change and acceptance of the past and the beginning of a new future. He reached over and she to him and they kissed tentatively at first, then deeply, their connection wrapping itself around them.

Shep stirred on the half rug in front of the fire, and there was a gentle knock on the connecting door.

Meg felt John's laugh go through him as they broke the kiss and she got up to answer the door.

"It never changes does it?" John said as she opened the door.

She looked back at him and replied with a knowing smile. "No, but we know they are our friends."

Simon came in looking sheepish knowing he'd interrupted something, and apologized. "Sorry, but Jackie said you should sleep now as tomorrow's going to be hard work. She's been looking through your notes with a sly grin on her face!"

John shook his head but was smiling, then said hopefully, "Going to save me then?"

"Nope!" Simon said with a grin then turned to Meg. "If you want to Meg you can use our spare room rather than go to the house. We'll be in the other room, it saves us running up and downstairs when we see to him during the night."

He walked purposely towards John, they were both the same age, Simon was slightly taller and heavier built with chestnut coloured hair, good looking and had an air of command, which he used now as he continued. "Shower then bed but no story for you tonight young man."

"Oh please!" John exclaimed.

Simon sighed and then said "By the looks of things you've had more than a story already."

They looked at each other then laughed, then Simon said "Say goodnight John."

Looking at him John shrugged his shoulder in defeat, then huffed at Meg and said "Goodnight."

Meg blew him a kiss and left them hearing banter and laughter, and knew the two men had a deep friendship.

oxoxo

Jackie was waiting and showed her round their apartment bringing her back to her bedroom. Meg relaxed in the general chat about the rooms and her company, and because it was just the two of them she now asked the questions, which had been gently niggling her. "Why didn't he call me in the beginning … I could have found a way and come. … He said he nearly died when he tried to get in a vehicle was that the time Mandy mentioned?"

Jackie was silent for a moment then sat on the bed and Meg sat besides her knowing she'd tell.

Then Jackie started the story in around about way so Meg would understand things better. "Umm We .. as in the hotel have several garden areas here, some more hidden than others and one is John's favourite. It's the other side of the hedge and fairly close and very peaceful, also has a view across the valley. There's a slope leading to some steps so get to it he would stay at the top if alone, or Simon would take him down. …We've altered it now and added seats so he can go there anytime. … He would go there when the guests were on a trip or when we only had a few who would not bother him. On this day they had gone on a trip so there was no one around. … It was a beautiful late June day, we thought he was fine, he had just played the prank on Derek, but then he went quiet … that was not unusual either given his state of health. Good days … bad days just like everyone else really."

Meg suddenly remembered she had left Sunset in June, and if he had been tracing her progress through the paper he would have lost her, and gasped as the thought crossed her mind, and then explained it to Jackie.

Jackie was silent for a moment thinking over the implications and the guilt Meg would feel if her thoughts were true, which they weren't, and gently explained. "While you were with John tonight Mandy told me a bit more about your history, and his reaction as he was recovering. He loves you Meg and wanted you to live your life in peace; he survived his kidnapping and the accident … he values life itself with all its twists good or bad. … He was most probably readjusting to you leaving Sunset Beach, and in some respects it was a good thing. ... Granted he would have had to have trace you, but that would have been an added challenge. In his own quiet way he's a fighter Meg, all ways will be. No doubt he would have found you sometime in the future once he knew he had one.

Jackie took Meg's hands as she carried on, knowing Meg was realising what was coming. "Meg … you and your family's safety was one of the reasons he did not call you. You understand that?" Meg nodded half dreading what was coming as Jackie added, "The other was because he was dying.

Meg shivered now it was out in the open; glad Jackie was holding her hands and let her carry on without interruption.

"He knew you had found a life without him, and he was pleased … Mandy said he understood your acceptance of what you thought Ben had done. … He did not want you to have the heartache of finding out the truth, then loving him only to lose him again. He knew the truth would have to come out. He had made Dad promise that after his death he would go to Sunset Beach, make sure you were safe and then clear things up. He knew that would mean Maria's arrest, but hoped Ricardo and Antonio would look after the children. He knew his fortune would be tied up for a while, but it would have come to you and Sunset Beach.

We've only known him a short while, but the legacy he left us would have meant he was remembered with love regardless of any money he gave us. His fortune here saved the hotel, the grounds and a few other things for the town, as well as letting him live the months he had left the way he wanted to. That was in quiet surroundings with our love and knowing you were safe and happy… this was to be his home and resting place, to Mum and Dad he's a son and to Simon and I a brother, and we would never forget him."

Meg felt stunned, and yet understood why her soulmate had not contacted her. Suddenly she had a picture in her mind, which made her give a gentle laugh and seeing Jackie's puzzled expression explained. "I suddenly thought of the phone call he would have made in the middle of the night. 'Hi its Ben not Derek, can you pack and meet such a such plane to so and so in five minutes, oh by the way don't tell your parents or Sara or Casey.' Or perhaps he might have said 'tell them, but tell them to keep quiet.' I just wonder what my reaction would have been bearing in mind my reaction at the Café or Dad's for that matter."

Jackie smiled releasing her hands and Meg turned serious adding "I know he was right … If he had died on his own ... No he was not on his own … he had you and your family with him and that would have been some comfort to me … but I would have found it hard to live with…. I would have wanted to have been with him, even for the short period of time … you know that." Jackie nodded as Meg ended emotionally. "Was it so final? … I mean he is alive now." and wiped away a tear.

Jackie handed Meg a spare tissue and smiled remembering what had happened in the café, and hearing Meg's love for him, turned serious and told her the truth. "It was then … Yes … but perhaps the accident and you arriving here are all part of an amazing plan, and as Mum said 'Fate has started smiling on him'. … The metal fragment in his back was small but too dangerous to be removed, he was badly injured and in a coma. The specialist and Doctor hoped it would move away from the spine in time, and if he was strong enough it could be removed, but unfortunately neither happened. The options they faced were death on the operating table or complete paralysis … they decided partial paralysis and some quality of life was the better option.

It was not a clean piece of metal so he kept getting infections. That knocked his immune system back each time … drugs over came the infections, but all it needed was a really bad one coupled with complications, a run of them or one to go into his spine …all or any could be fatal, as well as the metal moving the wrong way. … Of course, we didn't know about the complete shut down he would have had if we had tried to transport him while he was conscious, unconscious we might have had a chance. We now have emergency equipment as well as drugs and oxygen here in case he shuts down, that's why we have the red buttons. They are linked to the hospital, that's where Mandy's brother works and they'd come to us.

On the day of the accident John had complained of a headache, usually he would have worn a brace round his back, but did not want it as it hurt too much, I checked and he was running a slight temperature. We had had several weeks clear, but the last infection had been bad so I wanted stronger drugs to get it early. I rang the hospital to get Doctor's clearance as Mandy was out with a patient; they rang a prescription through to the chemist for me to collect. John decided he wanted to sit in the private garden, where you with him tonight, it was warm and we both knew he would be confined indoors for a while once I got back. … So he went outside while I went to get the drugs, as Mandy and Simon were both out of earshot he promised to stay put till I returned, I didn't bother finding Simon as I thought it take longer to find him than to collect the drugs.

John told me later he got bored and wanted to see the sunken garden … he loved it there and could manage it … that day though he misjudged the slope at the top of the steps. He tried to put the brakes on, but along with a now raging headache he suddenly went weak in the arms and giddy. … He went down one step, possibly the next then the chair tipped over. … … It was not just an infection Meg, it was the big one, the Specialist told him weakness was a sign of the condition deteriorating. I wondered if he unconsciously knew that, and wanted to be in a place he loved, and that's why he became bored, anxious. … In some ways it was a good thing … he got better, but it could have gone the other way, and we would have lost him there and then."

Jackie stopped for a moment, it still sent a shiver down her spine, from the look Meg gave her, she knew she was coming to terms with it all, holding on to the same fact she did … John was with them, and carried on.

"We did not have Shep then … he is our eyes and ears on John's moods as well as constant companion. He was a stray dog brought to the police station to be put down … Dad knew Mum is a soft touch and brought him over. As she was out he started to take the dog back to the station, only it got away and ran round the back of the hotel via the passageway. Jack and the other officer went after him … the sunken garden is round the back and out of sight … no doubt John will take you there, he still loves it there.

Anyway, the dog came bounding back to Jack then ran off again, like he does now only giving a bark as if to say 'come on'. Jack knew rescue dogs so realised something could be up, especially as it stayed out of sight and barked. So he and his mate quickly moved to find him, and with the next round up and bark, they found John unconscious and trapped under his chair at the bottom of the steps. From then on it was organised chaos, I back came just after the helicopter had landed in the paddock.

The horses were out on the ride, it was the first one on the lower bridle path, that's why Simon was watching from the wooded area behind the stables, otherwise he would have been with John or within calling distance. For once, there had been a queue at the chemist and because of the market I had difficulty parking, so it had all taken time. I can tell you, that was one of the worst moments in my life, coming down the drive seeing the helicopter in the paddock. We are used to hearing the helicopter flying over the town, as it's a rescue and pick up centre, but not here in the paddock.

Jack called the dog Shep because he felt he was being rounded up like sheep, and the dog responded to the name. Shep stayed by John even when he was in the helicopter and in hospital, though it was against all the rules. We were lucky, the fall shifted the metal in his back the right way, and the operation was a success, his spine was badly bruised as was the rest of him, but nothing was broken thank goodness."

She paused and gave a smile at a better memory, and carried on. "It's the first time I've seen a dog lying out side the operating theatre … mind you they could not shift us from the corridor either. The infection was bad but treatable … semi conscious John gave everyone hell because he was in a small room … even the nurses were asking to put him in the car park to shut him up. It's all part of his condition and should have warned us I suppose.

Anyway, Shep crept in and nuzzled his hand, and amazingly John settled." Jackie smiled as she remembered, "he had a bit of help from Jack chatting up the nurses out in the corridor, and I watched just in case anything went wrong. Of course, Shep took it one step further and jumped on his bed and lay beside him so that John could feel his coat rather than his noise. The Doctor and nurses saw the improvement and let him stay, providing someone walked him, so Simon and I became chief dog walkers; he's a brilliant and playful dog.

Everyone agreed John should be out of the hospital sooner rather than later, with his injuries and infection he was back to square one … flat on his back, feeling lousy and looking at the ceiling for the next month. We hired a large windowed ambulance to bring him back, but as soon as the doors closed and the engine started he shut down on us. It was like switching a light off, one second he was breathing etc next … nothing … heart stopped … gone … the lads chucked him out of he ambulance and got his heart started while getting back into the hospital, then checked him over. Luckily he had been on the ground floor otherwise we would have had to use a lift. Anyway they could not find anything wrong with him, but obviously did not want to try it again, so we debated how to get him back home.

We realised he had never travelled in a vehicle awake since his accident … when we brought him home the first time he was heavily drugged as he was in a frame, had just come out of a coma and was so far enclosed in himself he did not know what was going on at all. We assumed there would be a strong dislike of cars and vans, not a complete shut down.

In the end we hit on the idea of a horse and farmer's cart … we rang round, which was fun. Finally found one and put John on a stretcher in the back, padded with mattresses and straw. Shep stayed beside him and we slowly came home. Jack and the boys gave us the slowest and quietest police escort in history …we wanted to make sure no engine could shut him down, and the last thing we wanted was the horse bolting."

In spite of the seriousness of it they both smiled at the picture drawn up, knowing he was safe it was all history now, then Jackie carried on.

"Well, you saw the horse and trap we use … Simon drives him to work and back again if he does not want to be pushed in the chair. On a good day he could wheel some of it himself, but he likes the company … someone to sit beside and chat or listen to … it's always a bit difficult talking to the back of his head when you're pushing or for him to chat from the front. Jack drove him today to give him moral support, and because he gets really edgy around heavy traffic. … There's a beauty spot nearby where you can see down the valley rather than a cross as we do here. We all go out there, Simon or Jack with John in the trap and the rest in the car in front or behind, usually when it's quiet. In the last couple of weeks he's spent more time in the office at computer club, and once a week his business friends come here for a coffee morning as he cannot come to them." She gave a chuckle. "Talk about women gossiping … get them together and they are here for hours.

We've had a few enquires for pony and traps for special occasions, so we pinch Sandy off him but we hope to add a couple more to the stable, which will please Simon. He loves horses and if John can get more mobile Simon can concentrate on that side of the business." Jackie knew this was all positive and needed Meg to understand how close she and Simon were, and would be to John and added gently. "Meg, John is still recovering from his ordeal, I have to give his legs massages that will carry on along with exercises … and there are other things you will not be able to help with … Simon will be around a lot as well, as he says he's the only one who can throw John over his shoulder and chuck him out when he is being too stroppy."

Meg laughed at the picture but felt sad "What a thought … is he all right now."

"He will never be a hundred percent, but from what I've seen since you've arrived yes. … There's a sparkle as he chats with you and Paul … I've not seen it before. We'll have to watch for his depression or frustration though. … I know you're not going to leave him,but he will no doubt feel guilty about it, so be ready to duck or scream for help."

Meg smiled feeling more at ease because she knew why … he wanted to protect her in spite of the fact she had left him … they had forgiven each other and could go forward one step at a time. "I will … and thank you … Can I say goodnight to him."

Jackie nodded understanding Meg's need to check and added. "You know where the door is just knock twice on it. That way he gets the opportunity to say no, not that he uses it. If it's open during the day it means everyone is welcome. As you saw our outside door goes into the hotel gardens, his is out by the paddock so we use it as a short cut, depending which way we want to go. I'll wake you in the morning when we start moving, and we'll all have breakfast in his apartment. You'll most probably hear Simon go through to turn John during the night, don't worry about it. You can use the metal pads to open the doors if you're feeling lazy … we'll have to check the one John uses as it stuck earlier, so open that one by hand."

With that Jackie got up and left, Meg started to unpack letting everything mull over in her mind, she found her photo of him in her bag and went to put it out on the cabinet, then decided to put it away in a draw. She didn't need it ... she had him and he was different now, then changed into her pyjamas and lay on the bed reading a book.

She heard Simon walk along the corridor and talk with Jackie, finding her robe she went and knocked on the door, at John's quiet but clear, "Come in." she went in. He was lying on his side bundled up in blankets and pillows so he could relax and sleep, without hurting himself, she came quietly into his view and smiled at his surprise as he recognised her. Not not sure about sitting on the side of the bed although there was room, she crouched down.

He watched her, his eyes bright and sparkling, his voice soft when he spoke. "I thought it would be Jackie, Simon said she might come to see if I want a pill. Told him I don't. But he does not always listen."

"I can get her if you want. I wanted to kiss you good night if that's all right."

"Yes I'd like that … Simon put the speaker on so I can call … Stay till I sleep. Still feel as though it's all a dream and yet, I know it's not."

She got up and held his hand as she leaned over and kissed him, it was a gentle light kiss as if they both were still a little scared that anything deeper could break the spell. She then got a chair and sat so he could see her as well as the rest of the room then held his hand very lightly.

His voice was quiet "We could take Shep out in the morning before going to the cafe if you want."

"Sounds good. Jackie's going to wake me when they start moving." She said gently seeing his eyes started to close, and in a few moments she noted he was asleep. She then quietly put the chair back and went over to the sofa thinking she would stay just a little longer, and saw a pillow and blankets had been placed there. Smiling she looked back at him and then the door into the other apartment … the bedroom seemed too far a way from him, the fire was on a low flame so she slipped out of her robe and between the blankets, tucking the pillow under her head making herself comfortable and drifted off to sleep.

oxoxo

Her dream was chaotic but not unsettling, till a voice sort of registered in the background and she found her self coming up out of sleep to another call, this time louder but not clear enough to make out the words … she recognised his voice as well as the noise of something being hit. Meg got up and ran to him, caught his hands in hers as he thrashed them around and yelled again several words jumbled together. She started to call Ben, then remembered to call John hoping if he was remembering the kidnapping her voice and his name would bring him back to the here and now, then felt Simon's presence beside her telling her it was all right and to carry on.

She talked to him letting his hands go as he fought against hers, then put her hand gently against his face telling him it was all right she was real not a dream, he murmured her name and half opened his eyes, she could tell he was not seeing anything. She shushed him again telling him Simon was there. Simon added his voice to hers, reassuring John everything was all right and he relaxed, this time his eyes were clear and watching her, his voice was soft and slurred with sleep "Stay with me, Meg"

She looked up at Simon who nodded "I'll take the speaker off" then gently but firmly to John. "John, I have to turn and move you … put the guard up."

He nodded sleepily as he was turned and moved, allowing Simon to check he had not hurt himself as he thrashed around in his nightmare. The bed was nearly double width to make sure he did not fall out should he manage to move, as Meg was going to sleep beside him, Simon put the far guard up. When Meg was lying beside John, Simon reminded her quietly not to trap John's arm and where the buzzer was if she should need him.

As Meg heard the door close, there was a gentle sleepy "Thank you" from her soulmate as he slipped back into sleep; she relaxed to the feel of his body next to hers, and drifted into sleep reminding herself to wake and move as he woke, just in case he did not remember what had happened.