Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I'm not making any monies off it.
Warning: This has slash. Of the NaruSasu variety. So yeah, that means Naruto's all over that hot Uchiha ass. That's right, mansex afoot! Women and children evacuate first! (since if the boys leave, who will we have to videotape for later?)
Wow. I'd been invited to a poker game with the Konoha Rookie-Nine. Sure they weren't rookies anymore, all of them were Jounin, ANBU or better by this late stage in life (barely into their twenties). And sure I was from Suna, which should clearly disqualify me, but apparently Lee dating my little brother got me an in. Well, technically I hadn't been invited, per say. However dear Kankuro never checked his mail, and he had a conference in the southern villages all this week. Surely he would never notice my tiny indiscretion at his expense.
"Lookin' fine!"
"What a lovely surprise!"
"It's so good to see you again!"
"Yeah, we missed you, Tems."
"How troublesome."
Heh, those Leaf nins were something else. Sure they'd seen through my disguise incredibly easily, but not one had the good sense to pretend otherwise. Besides which, what sort of greetings were those? I smiled at Sakura and Ino, sitting next to each other on the loveseat, to show how I appreciated their sense of decorum. After sweeping off Kankuro's musty burlap sack of a cape and throwing it at Shikamaru, our host, I resolutely did not give Kiba the finger for the wolf whistle; it wasn't his fault he'd been born with tiny testicles and a brain half their size. How could I act like anything but a delicate lady with such a gorgeous example of manhood as Sasuke- hold on just a second!
I rechecked the room just in case, but my first analysis was undeniably correct, Uchiha Sasuke was nowhere to be found. And neither was Naruto, since I hadn't been irritated out of my skull yet. Ruffled and disappointed at the lack of fine men to ogle, I settled on a couch arm to chat about new techniques, criminals, and other tidbits of gossip while we waited for the remaining shinobi to show up. A few moments later Shino slinked in with hardly a word, and I noticed a small smile cross Shikamaru's face. The fat one most have noticed as well, because he squeezed the dark genius' hand in a reassuring manner.
Then I had no choice but to make a face to myself. Gods, this village was so gay. Sure, Shino was brooding and silent, but the class was no longer out on whether the boy was asexual, after that ridiculous debacle with the dress. Kiba hit on everything with a skirt, but all evidence pointed to him being an equal opportunity horndog, not that it did him a lick of good. I'd seen him hit on a ton of powerful Fire Country dignitaries after he'd been at the sake, or if they were wearing hakama. The bloody genius boy had loudly proclaimed his opinions on all womankind to anyone who would listen, and several women who had tried to ignore him in the bar. And if Choji snuggled any closer to his 'friend', the boy would undoubtedly be absorbed.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late." I could hardly recognize the bland voice as belonging to Konoha's number one loud-mouth. Even more curious, he had brought a date. She looked like a nice girl, too, and fimilar in a curious way. When she finally looked up to make terrified eye contact with the crowd, I recognized the dead-white eyes as belonging to the Hyuuga family. She stammered a hello, apologizing that Neji could not stop by, important super-secret mission and whatnot. I swore to myself, another gorgeous man missing. What was this world coming to? When at last she eased her way out from behind Naruto, I swore again. Holy mother of pearl, this chick had huge boobs. They were admirable mounds of fleshy perfection, so dazzling in effect Kiba had to shift awkwardly from just a glance, and even though Shino was wearing sunglasses, he was making no attempt to hide a mammary-fixation. Sure Sakura and Ino weren't staring, but they were looking rather deeply into each other's eyes on the loveseat.
Was there no limit to the weirdness Konoha produced?
Naruto, looking particularly lackluster, made excuses for Uchiha, something about an super-secret mission. Most likely the same one Neji was on. Soon after the two lovebirds split ways, and I began to wonder if their coming together was just a coincidence. Surely the brat would have shouted from the top of every tower if this lucious example of womanhood was his girl. Then again, the boy looked strangely lethargic, drifting around the sitting room with dull blue eyes.
"Love troubles?" The Inuzaku boy growled when Naruto slumped past him without so much as a secret handshake (the two undoubtedly had hundreds, created and discarded in their never ending high spirits) or even a wave. His taunt seemed to stir something primal in the blonde, who finally turned and said with a malicious smirk.
"Bite me." Clearly this was some inside joke by the way Shino and Kiba blushed bright red. It took both Shino and Hinata's calming words and a well-placed frying pan to calm the dogboy, but Naruto didn't so much and chuckle at his own jibe.
Now, I might not be the most perceptive of loudmouths and their moods, but in my expert opinion, something was seriously wrong with Uzumaki. He was barely smiling! I personally found his constant smiling to be obnoxious and abrasive, but suddenly I was beginning to suspect there were worse things. After a few moments of stunned silence, Choji elbowed Shikamaru and they were encouraged to begin the actual poker. We were split into two tables, Sakura (the pink haired one), Shino, the Hyuuga bosom, Ino, and our host were sitting around a low table just to my right. Naruto, Kiba, Choji and myself were arranged similarly on the porch just beyond the doorway. It was a little cramped until the fat one volunteered to sit in the doorway, and everyone was forced to rearrange. At roughly the same time Shino and Choji started dealing.
Things settled into a quietly boring rhythm after. Sure, there was a small upset when Ino discovered bugs on her cards ("Cheating with your bugs is against the rules, dummy!") and again when Kiba noticed I had suspended a mirror on the porch overhang and was using it to check the other's cards. Other than that, the whole affair was far too quiet. I assumed this was just normal, and Leaf nins had no sense of fun, until Choji reached across the table to pat Naruto's back comfortingly. The Uzumaki most likely kept things lively for everyone, and right now they were afraid of offending him. I was struck dumb by the idea that Naruto might really have love troubles; it was just so damned difficult to come to grips with the idea of him being serious long enough to fall in love. I folded right then even though I had a pair of kings and an ace, to give myself time to adjust. Out of the corner of my eye Shikamaru noticed my hesitation and made a noise of annoyance. At the end of the hand he said
"I'll go get some refreshments. Choji, entertain everyone." Then he walked into another room without a second word. Clearly this was part of the routine, giving everyone a time to scope out how the others were fairing. Clearly it was also a time for Ino to count out the chips, making sure no one had, perhaps, created a few extra to keep the game going. Naruto grinned bashfully when half of his chips vanished in a puff of smoke, as well as a few of Sakura's (she merely looked surprised). Choji began a short story about a recent mission, something about pudding and leather. I wasn't inclined to pay attention, as I saw Naruto excuse himself unobstructively to the bathroom. Now was my chance!
"What the devil's wrong with him?" I asked, gesturing in the direction Naruto had vanished to. Everyone in the room suddenly developed a guilty expression.
"Well, you see-"
"-Sasuke-"
"-seemed to be serious, you know."
"And now this mission-"
"-all Hinata's fault we noticed-"
"-romantic-"
It seemed everyone had something to day before the blond could return. And, naturally, it was completely incomprehensible. Luckily Shikamaru returned to tell them to,
"Shut up. I'll tell her." Thank strong poison and swift kicks for the man. I turned on him expectantly, and he turned to Choji and passed along his refreshments. I was sure we wouldn't get any, until Sakrura returned from the kitchen (I hadn't even seen her go! What finese) carrying another tray of drinks. After everyone was settled with something in the bellies, Shikamaru began.
"Last week or so ago Naruto and Sasuke, they went on a date. About time, is all I can say. Troublesome dancing around each other. They looked to be fine, until two days ago." Now Kiba chimed in. Well, this was news. Needless to say I was a highly disappointed the world had lost two fine looking young men, but my first opinion was they deserved each other. After all, what Suna nin hadn't called Sasuke the ice bitch at one point or another? If anyone should have to put up with that, he was the number one most annoying nin Uzumaki Naruto. Then again, those two together, it was kind of... hot. But only a tinsey, tiny bit.
"They went to see the fireworks in Mist Country, and were gone all night." His smug expression suggested he knew there could be only one explaination for that. I heartily agreed, and changed my mind. Those two boys getting it on wasn't just hotter than a scorpian shell, it was creepy. The genius ANBU captain rolled his eyes at this, but didn't continue. Choji stepped up.
"Sasuke came back in the early morning, alone. And from what we can tell, requested a long mission. Long-term." So not with Neji after all.
"Broke Naruto's dear heart." Sakura added, sniffling into her hand. Ino held her. And Naruto choose that exact moment to return to us, looking slightly refreshed, having splashed some water on his face. I could feel my own shameful expression mirrored by everyone in the room, not because I thought their-love-was-so-tragic or something stupid, I just hate being caught gossiping. Naruto merely raised a blond eyebrow at us, before snatching his own drink. He winked rakishly at Hinata, and the tension was broken. She stammered away, but Naruto simply pat her head.
"Don't worry Hinata, I know Neji will make you mighty happy!" With this exclamation he nearly sounded like his old bratty self. Hinata's face literally glowed while the room once again burst into drama. This time I ignored the buzzing going on; the short and sweet version appeared to be another hot man from Konoha was unavailable to the public. Instead I focused on Naruto, and an idea began to form in my mind. What if he wasn't socially inept, like everyone assumed? What if the whiskered menace was actually a brilliant manipulator; it almost made sense. If he had known what we were talking about, he had purposefully directed attention away from himself to avoid close examination. His eyes did appear a little puffy.
With much ado we settled back into our game, this time with the addition of lively talking. Everyone wanted to congratulate Neji, Hinata, or both at the same time. Clearly their road to a relationship had been rocky, not interesting in the least. More intriguing was how little Naruto, whom I guessed was the usual focal point for noise, contributed to the conversation. This lent strength to my theory of hidden intelligence for the whiskered boy, and in the middle of a game I started second-guessing all his actions. Could the outrageous prankster really be a front for a mature, sensitive young man? I reached to check my hand, unsure of my next course of action. After all, I only had enough chips for the ante plus one; this could very well be my last game if I wasn't careful. Just has I prepared to fold with my dignity intact, I heard a most peculiar sound. Who would dare walk right into a Leaf nin's house uninvited?
"I see you've already started without me." I would recognize that deadpan anywhere.
"Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, and was across the room and all over his childhood teammate before anyone else could react. Eventually the cards he'd been clutching fluttered back to the ground, and the Uchiha pushed Naruto off. I thought this was a mite dramatic, but the show wasn't over yet. "No need to be mean Sassy-cakes! I thought you were gone for- for a long time." He finally added in the awkward silence that descended around us. I used this attempt to reach for Shikamaru's spare chips, but his hand smacked the top of mine. Bastard. Sasuke raised an eyebrow (I had won several hundred ryo last month on them being carefully maintained with tweezers) at his blond companion.
"Why would you think that?" Naruto blushed and looked down.
"Well, you left so, so, suddenly."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you-"
"I told you before we, ah, left on our... " This part seemed particularly painful- "date. I had a routine patrol of the border- they added Neji at the last minute." Sasuke explained with the exasperated patience of someone experienced with talking to imbeciles. Naruto blinked.
"Oh. Yeah." Everyone in the room sweatdropped at this. Nevermind, I retract my previous comments on this kid retaining even the bare minimum of intelligence. This brat was clearly so stupid if he wanted to have a thought he would have to shake his head and hope the only two brain cells he had left collided. There was a brief pause in their exchange, before Naruto turned to his audience and cried happily.
"He GOT me something!" Then he did a happy present dance. Sasuke, completely shamed, handed over an irregular package wrapped in tissue paper grudgingly. Naruto gasped when he saw what was inside, then refused to show everyone. He turned a small glare on Sasuke then, but the pale boy appeared impervious.
"Can we see?" Sakura asked softly. Naruto hesitantly removed the rest of the tissue paper to reveal a minute fox, whittled with perfect detail. It hadn't been pained, but the eyes had been inlaid with small blue stones. Everyone in the room tensed for a moment, before seeing Naruto's beaming face and relaxing into grins of their own. I was surrounded by lunatics, but the outward signs quickly passed, and Choji suggested we all resume our game. Personally I thought this was all ridiculous. Both boys looked awkward as hell around each other and were pretending not to. However, I couldn't shake the feeling the gift was significant. Perhaps because I'd heard somewhere that one of the S-class nins was in hiding, using whittling to make an honest living off the nin radar. No, it was how Sasuke had willingly shown emotion in front of a crowd. Admittedly these were his friends, but the ice bitch must have thawed considerably to allow such an open display of affection. Then there was how poignant Naruto's reaction had been. If you spent too much time around him, you realized all of his gestures are dramatic to the tee, but, something about this struck true. And damn, how girly had his gasp been! Gaara might even crack a small smirk when he heard about this.
For a few moments we were unsure of how to proceed with a new member, but Naruto graciously offered half his rather substantial pile (pure luck!). Now things were in full swing, with Naruto making chatter and good spirits abounding.
As expected, before long I was out of the game, all my chips gone. I wasn't without company, soon Kiba joined me. I spent several enjoyable minutes telling him exactly what I would do to his innards if he ever tried to touch me without having gained my full permission. Choji was next, and after heading to the kitchen to make himself a small snack, he joined us on the couch to talk politics. I assured him Lee's ambassadorship was going wonderful, although I avoided just how close Gaara and him were. No need to be a gossip. Shikamaru and Shino left around the same time, and someone suggested the winners consolidate at one table.
Choji smiled fondly at his remarks of 'troublesome this' and 'troublesome that', and you could tell from his face he believed the only reason Shikamaru had left was because the man was getting bored. I glanced at the faces of the remaining players and had to disagree. Their poker faces were immaculate, except for Naruto. But then again, his faces were misleading more often than not. The genius had lost fair and square.
I couldn't help but laugh at the last three players. Team Seven never could get along. Naruto pet his fox, claiming it was his good luck charm. Sakura dealt, and when everyone had their cards the betting commenced. No one was really surprised that the blond fool went all in right away, but then Sasuke matched his move. Then, just for the hell of it, Sakura joined in. There was a moment of heated glaring between the three of them, while I rolled my eyes at their silliness. Everyone waited while their cards were laid down. Naruto went first, grinning his foxy grin with a complete crap hand, ace high. Everyone coughed, not in the least surprised. Sasuke went next, his face blank for an even worse hand. Naruto chortled, petting his fox again and claiming victory. The real moment was when Sakura laid down two pair, kings, with a superior smirk. She burst out laughing at Naruto's crestfallen expression.
After that I felt little else of the party was worth mentioning. However, as everyone was clearing out, I did happen to notice Naruto offer to walk Sasuke home. For a moment he looked like he would argue, but eventually accepted without a word. Instead, he offered his hand. In response, Naruto gifted him with the sweetest smile I'd ever seen.
Lightbeauty- Hee. You are in fact on the bottom of the chapter, an important part of this seventh installment! (laughs) That's just about how Temari sees Naruto (me too) as an idiot with flashes of brilliance.
Random Person- Thanks. Neji and Hinata are too cute for their own good.
DarkMiko13- Sasuke is pretty much an adorable uke. And nothing shouts uke more than being chased. Now, I'm not saying he's always the girl... but with those looks... (grins knowingly)
SmokingPanda- Waha! Don't be upset, I thought it was rather lame line. It needed a soundtrack.
just a random romantic- (stuffs face with cookies, eyes full of love and appreciation)
LoversPastForgotten- Thanks. I've always felt good characterization is terribly important to a fanfiction (especially to a fanfiction, I mean).