Chapter 29

Meg silently stormed out of their apartment, along the passage and started to go up the stairs.

Jackie's calming voice followed her. "Meg he's in no danger! He's my patient I have to do as he tells me!"

Realising she would not be heard at the moment as Meg was too angry to listen, Jackie walked quickly back into John's apartment and standing beside the still figure sighed and called gently. "John"

She watched his eyes open slowly as he came to the surface and stopped him raising his hand to remove the oxygen mask to speak and said. "Meg's just come in and I was in the bathroom tiding up so could not warn her … …

oxoxo

Still seething Meg sat at the computer and found the disk and slammed it into the machine after it had booted up. She opened E-mail and started typing.

I thought we were a couple but NO came home and found him in bed, out cold, mask on AND NO ONE AROUND. So where the HELL does that leave me!

She hit the send button and watched it change and go, just seeing it vanish made her breathe that much slower but she was really cross needed to talk or shout at someone. She ran her fingers though her hair and paced the small room once as she waited.

She turned to go again and smiled, opened the untitled mail that had come quickly back, watched the magic – from code to English. – Knew he was there for her.

Hi Meg

A bit angry by the looks of things I need a bit more detail I think. Sorry cannot speak people in and out a lot but please write. Remember if Jackie was not around it means it was not life threatening and he loves you more than you may realise.

Robert

Meg took a deep breath as she read the words and let her mind go back to when she arrived home then wrote.

We were allowed home early. Boss wanted to arrange party for his children thought I would see John so went straight in. Big mistake he was in bed with the oxygen mask on, eyes closed and no sign of waking when I approached his bed, Shep was lying on the floor by the bed so I could not get too close as he eyed me but nothing more. There were no machines around the bed you know bleeping monitors etc but something was coming out of the oxygen mask – steam? Jackie came out of the bathroom as though nothing was a miss. Came over and said quietly he was fine perhaps I might like a drink in the other apartment and speak to him as soon as he woke up.

HELL! HE WAS NOT FINE. IF HE WAS FINE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN AWAKE READING TALKING … NOT OUT COLD!

ROBERT I NEARLY LOST HIM IN THE HOSPITAL AND HE DID NOT HAVE AN OXYGEN MASK ON THAT TIME. THIS TIME HE DID AND HE WAS FINE!

WHO THE HELL DOES SHE OR HE THINK THEY ARE KIDDING!

Got so angry I could not say anything so walked out. SHE should have rung me at work I could have come home! At least sat there as he slipped under! But NO I have to find out when I get home!

She hit the send key and waited the gap was short but it helped her mood calm down just slightly. Though she knew if Jackie showed her face she would go up the wall again, they were meant to be friends, she had no right to leave her out of the loop.

Reply came and it made her smile.

Okay, promise not to scrunch the computer up into a ball and throw it in the bin or out the window and I will try and help you out.

Don't get cross when I say he is most probably in no danger, knowing the time of year I suspect he has a cold.

I know you don't know his full medical history but colds are bad for him used to be life threatening as he could not shift them from his chest and his immune system was and is still a little off. Luckily Mandy found a herbal steam that he could use as soon as he started coughing or gets that tickle feeling of a cold and it helps clear it not cure it. He does not like confined spaces so they use an oxygen mask to deliver steam rather than anything else and I expect John was sleeping as you cannot do much else. I suspect if its done earlier enough after this dose he will be nearly back to normal i.e. when you got home, you were early don't forget. Then it would have come up in discussion about the day.

Meg nodded as she read, there was no oxygen unit or monitor and Jackie did care for John so it would have been spotted early and dealt with. But she felt out of it, left out of the loop. She smiled again at his wording as she carried on reading.

Computer still unscrunched (I rather like that new word perhaps I ought to suggest it to someone) and you are reading it. GOOD

So back to Jackie not telling you. She is employed by John and has a type of Doctor patient relationship if he says no to something then no it is. She would not want to break that bond of trust especially not with John and his history. No doubt if it was life threatening she would have told you regardless or got Simon or Mandy to thereby not breaking trust. Or Jack would have got you home in record time remember they do have a mini hospital in your apartment and Mandy's brother or another doctor can be flown out at a moment's notice.

Ummm I think I had better duck as you read on.

To everyone outside the apartment you and John are just friends (or Jackie is your friend and John is her patient) so not someone you would drop everything and run home too. Where would that phone call leave you … worrying at work trying hard not to show your concern till the short drive home? Not nice so better you should find out when you get home as it is not life threatening.

Again you might not like it but you have to maintain your cover or people will ask questions and could lead to a trace back home to SB. May be slight but you finding John was a fluke so in a way it could happen again.

I think your anger is understandable you love him deeply; the sight of him brought back memories of the hospital as you say you almost lost him then … regardless of the kidnapping. This time you do not have your family near you so you feel more vulnerable; I expect you also still feel a bit of an outsider at times as Jackie and Simon are close to him and you feel powerless.

You are not powerless you could break John with just a few words if you wanted to.

He LOVES you so much but he also NEEDS Jackie and Simon. He employs them and if push came to shove he would get new staff. John is an independent person who has to rely on people to help him. He needs people he can trust and because of his past trust is not easily won.

If you are still with me think back to when you first knew John and tell me … did you go to him with every sniff and sneeze or ask him to account of his actions during the day?

No I bet you didn't and he did not ask that of you either. You both trusted each other and had independent lives … you came together in friendship and love … you have to carry on doing so.

As much as you may want to you can not 'mother hen' him or you will lose the person you love remember he lost his independence totally once, he must get and keep what he has no matter how hard it will be for you.

You can and must trust the relationship he has with Jackie and her family and most of all trust his love for you.

Talk to him Meg not in anger but in love and honesty and he will talk to you. Both of you need to stay together no matter what the hurdles are.

Love is never an easy thing because it involves two people who have two minds not one smothering the other.

You might suggest that it is time to tell your sister that you are living with a man named John and that he has been ill it will give you a line of support as well as a reason for your occasional visit. You don't have to get too much detail of the illness or his description.

Hope this has helped but if you need me I will fly in just say the word.

Robert

Meg read it through again as her anger disappeared and understanding surfaced … he was right John was independent and needed to be so and Jackie was his nurse, help could be called if need be. But that did not give them the right to make her feel out of the loop. She needed to explain … it all.

Hi Robert

The computer is unscrunched (Hey like that new word). Thanks for your thoughts perhaps it is better reading it than shouting on the phone or face to face downstairs. I suppose if colds could have killed him earlier this year then what he has now is not so dangerous and that is why they take it in their stride. I should be grateful for that improvement though knowledge would have been nice.

Yes you are right John was and is very independent given the chance and we should be together no matter what happens. Fear I suppose reared its ugly head especially after the good weekend, perhaps deep deep down I don't trust that good things can stay good either. I will ponder on that.

On a so called normal point still nothing new on the movement side … still hoping.

I think I should go as Jackie has not come; she does have a lot to lose thinking about it.

She and John are really good together I suppose it does hit a small jealousy button somewhere as it did with Maria. This relationship is very different I know that and one I can accept and in fact like it … like her.

Thank you for being there for me and your kind offer I think I will be all right now.

I will go and talk to them.

Will let you know how things go.

Meg

A reply came back just as she was going to close it down.

Meg

Glad to help. You two need time together so don't worry about letting me know how things are I will take it that silence is a good thing.

Though, you could let me have any bright ideas about girls Christmas 'do' … home party and disco have raised their ugly heads.

Take care.

Robert.

Meg smiled and closed the computer down.

oxoxo

Meg walked into the apartment hearing the tone rather than the words between Jackie and John, Jackie's sounded surprisingly uncertain and John's was wheeze and angry.

He spotted her first and fired the first shot, his eyes bright dark and dangerous his voice soft and wheezy "Be angry at me not Jackie. … She's my nurse and does as I tell her you have to accept that … I need her and Simon no matter what you think!"

She had not expected such a sharp reaction, making her feel it was all her fault she bristled her anger showing in her face and voice though she did not shout her words. "You're right I'm angry at you for not telling me you were ill! Jackie should have rung and told me!"

He snapped back at her between wheezing. "She would have rung … if it got serious till then my word stands. … This is just a cold I have a mask and herbal fumes, as I cannot clear my chest. … I panic if I have a towel over my head. … Do you worry your mother over a cold!"

This was not her gentle understanding soulmate … this was the one since the accident the one she was still getting to know, the volcano. So she kept silent and shook her head as he carried on.

"What I tell her goes no further and what you tell her goes no further either … …she knows and understands that … If she had rung you what could you have done. … Sit and worry! … Do you think I want that!. … When you leave this room you are just a friend … not someone who is going to run back home every time I sneeze … Meg! You have to trust my decisions and me." He gave a long gentle gasping cough, which rattled in his chest.

Jackie pressed the green button on the panel by his bed but made not other movement to help him. She knew these dark angry moods, he would ask if he needed help and she would move in if he looked like blacking out but not before.

He got his breath back and carried on still watching Meg who was stood at the end of the bed silently watching back – neither was giving ground. "Usually you would be at work … by the time you walked through the door I would have been all right!"

Meg snapped back, Robert's words gone out of her mind. "So! I would not have known about it at all then!"

"No! I would have told you." He wheezed crossly at her, exasperated she did not understand and that he could not get up and be near her; touch her so she would understand added oil to the fire.

His answer made her even crosser and she spat out angrily. "That's not good enough I am your partner I need to know what is happening not what has happened. You said we needed to be truthful to each other. Jackie needs to tell me! You need to tell me! Or your words mean nothing!"

He snapped back scared she would walk out on him. "It was just a tickle this morning no big deal! In an hour or so I will be fine nothing for you to worry about!" He coughed again not so long this time but it still rattled in his chest, he quickly got his breath back and carried on trying to calm down. "They think you hardly know me there you can not suddenly to rush home because of a phone call!"

Meg was cross he did not seem to understand her feelings or fears and said calmer realising her angry retort hadn't got anywhere. "You're right I can't … I wouldn't but I do care and I need to know John. … I came in here and found you out to the world with a breathing mask on my mind flew back to the hospital where I nearly lost you! Neither Jackie nor Simon was in sight till she came out the bathroom then calmly told me everything was fine. Hell! it was anything but fine! I feel like a third wheel in this relationship."

He snapped back at her "You are!" He gasped for air so he could explain.

The silence his remark brought was shattering but did not last for long as he carried on once he got his breath back giving Meg no time to react to his words.

Amazingly the anger in his voice was gone and was replaced by a loving gentle wheeze interspersed with coughs, his eyes no longer angry and his expression was caring gentle. "You are the third wheel and the most important one …always was always will be. … … That is why I found you in your dream when I was dying … I had to say goodbye … seeing you sleeping on the sofa gave me the strength to hold on to that very fine thread of life. … When I knew I would not survive the year it gave me warmth … I knew I would somehow stay deep within you even though you did not understand or know it. … You are my thread Meg."

He gave a slight smile as he carried on never taking his eyes of hers seeing and accepting her anger. "I guess you could call me the frame as I need to be carried around a lot, Jackie and Simon the wheels, probably Jackie the back wheel as she pushes me. … You are the one that holds the chain so the pedals work … the one that makes everything work. If I had not believed that in some way I would find and love you in the future I would not have survived those months in the basement or everything that I have. … I need you Meg as much as I need the others … but you are the one I love for now and forever. … … But unlike that bicycle I need to make decisions so if I have a cold I deal with it and don't expect the world to come to a halt or sit by my bed."

The full force of his caring words had brought tears to her eyes, but her mind suddenly picked up the picture his words drew she looked at Jackie who started to smile it was as though they both had the same thought and Meg could not help herself as she asked. "What about Mandy and Jack."

He smiled and wheezed a gentle laugh "I guess Mandy would be the seat and Jack the handle bars but goodness knows who would ride it."

There was a rattle of a metal food bowl and gentle growl as if to say 'hey! I'm hungry have you lot finished?'

They looked at each other and the picture came of Shep on the bicycle making them all laugh, the tension was gone they were a family again. But John's laughter turned into a coughing fit, which he could not stop.

Jackie immediately became a nurse rather than friend. "Damn where's Simon. … Meg press the green one again for me. John I'm going to have to lie you down you need to be on your side."

Meg did as she was told but the button did not flash back to say Simon was coming Jackie moved pillows and backrest out the way she muttering under her breath. "Trust the front wheel to get a puncture." She started to move the blanket, which covered John; the coughs were rattling and gentle but showed no sign of stopping. "Meg! I need you to help me roll John on to his side so he can cough the mucus up. You need to roll his hips and legs as I roll his shoulders, remember he will be dead weight so you will have to do the work and stop him from going all the way. John try and keep your arms still. On the count of three."

"Okay."

"One, two, three." As they rolled him so he coughed violently, the door flew open and Simon came in. Meg exclaimed in surprise. "He moved!" Jackie was helping John, Simon walked across the room looking questioningly at Meg. "I mean his legs moved as he coughed, … like the other night … in a spasm." She insisted.

Simon moved beside Meg and put his hand gentle on John's leg as he coughed again to finish clearing his chest Simon felt the leg move and smiled. "Yeah Meg's right. Jackie do you want the mask back." Simon asked as he moved towards it.

"No he'll need it on later. … … John you need to sit up again and rest. Ready to move?" John nodded, the three of them moved expertly together. Meg had moved out the way and watched knowing everything was going to be okay and he was right they all needed each other. She picked the pillows from the floor brushed them and put them on the backrest just before John rested against it then put a hand on his shoulder. She needed to feel him seeing him like that shocked her but also the way they moved together reassured her and he had moved.

Jackie pulled the blanket back in place and stepped back looking at them both and said semi seriously. "I hope this does not mean you have to have coughing fits and nightmares to get you walking!"

John put his hand on Meg's as a silent way of saying thank you; she hadn't left him and sighed with feeling as he said softly. "You're not the only one."

They all looked at him, he looked back at them his eyes still sparkling from the effects of the coughing, though the tears had been wiped away and as they didn't move exclaimed. "Hey! didn't happen last time not going to happen this time. I'm not a performing seal … but food would be good." His voice was clear and breathing was easier the mask had worked for now. "Cup of tea first though." He added and gave a hopeful smile.

Jackie laughed knowing things would be all right and said, "Okay … But before that, where the hell were you Simon! We buzzed twice!"

"Sorry had to help Jack with the jack. … Oh the carjack as he had a puncture."

John shook his head and smiled as Jackie and Meg burst out laughing. Simon looked puzzled Jackie said trying to control herself. "Tell you later love. … You'd better get cleaned up. … I think it's best if we order from the hotel less fuss. So what do you want John?"

"Roast with all the trimmings but I don't mind which." John said as he tapped the edge of the bed hoping Meg would sit with him.

"Sounds good and something with strawberries in for afters please." She moved round and sat on the edge of the bed and asked gently. "Feel anything."

"Not really … perhaps when we go swimming tomorrow. We've got to sort us out." He leant back into the pillows, holding her hand.

Meg nodded and said gently. "I know and we will … I do trust you and Jackie … you're right I would have worried and I should have gone through Jackie's apartment as you would usually would have been a sleep. I just forgot and seeing you like that brought back a rush of memories of the hospital and I got scared I was losing you. … I talked it out with Robert by email that helped." She smiled remembering.

His voice gently cut into her thoughts. "Glad he could help. … Tell me about your day, something must have happened to make you early."

She nodded seeing he needed to rest it had taken a lot out of him and started to explain. "Two things Boss wanted to go home and deal with his children's party and I've finally finished the research into the logging company and now we've got to trace four separate family trees to see if they connect with an inheritance. They are in different States and don't know about each other so they think they are the only heir."

"Sounds interesting."

"Should be and a lot of work … mind you there is a company and a few million to be split up if they are found to be related." She smiled and said gently "I guess I know about your day."

"Umm nearly … managed a couple of hours at the computer club before I coughed and got sent to bed, looks like it will be for the rest of the day as well." He looked soulfully over at Jackie who had just come over with cups of tea; she smiled back at him and kept quiet till she had given them the cups of tea making sure the table was close enough for John to reach. Then she said. "No if you're good and don't rush about you can get up for tea, that will be at half seven. Not sure about swimming tomorrow though perhaps we should check with Mandy."

"Oh. Come on its not that bad! And how can I rush about." She looked at him with a look understood so he sighed and gave in, "Okay …okay." As she walked away he said quietly "See pushes from the back."

"Hey! Heard that." Jackie said as she got her drink and joined Simon on the sofa.

John just smiled, Meg gave a gentle giggle things were getting back to normal she started her cup of tea as John spoke. "So what do you want to do tonight music, read or there's always the countryside channel on tv."

She thought for a moment then said. "I need to check on emails from home and Paul and there was a programme at nine which sounded interesting, we should check the write up first. I can always record it and watch another day if you cannot watch it or you need to rest. Robert thought it might be a good idea to introduce you in my emails giving you a name and the fact you've been ill."

John said gently "So you can admit if you are feeling down or extremely happy. Okay see if it comes naturally in the next mail. Just don't admit I'm tall, dark and handsome." He teased feeling better now his mood and breathing were better.

She smiled and they chatted as they finished their cups of tea.

oxoxo

The chance came that evening as she checked her mail.

Hi Meg

Just been thinking about your last phone and couple of emails I know you are living with someone as in girl friend with boy friend.

Guess that so called possible friendship has definitely matured.

I mean you never called Surf Central your home it was always Surf Central or Casey's, the apartment at Boston was always 'the apartment' and I'm going to do this to it or that to it with my flatmates. But now it's our apartment and we managed to….

It was like that when you were with Ben. You always talked of Ocean Drive as your home (our home actually, if you see what I mean) never Ben's home or Ocean Drive, unless you were living at Surf Central because you had broken up with him.

So spill the beans young lady, I promise I will keep it quiet especially if he's married or something I know what Mum is like regarding that kind of thing. (Dad's just as bad come to think of it. Voice of experience - need I say more… Did not think so.) I will find out you know curiosity and the cat.

Sara

She looked across at John who was having a breathing session before they retired for the night and said. "Sara's guessed I'm living with someone by the way I've talked about our apartment not my or the apartment. So I guess this our chance."

She saw Jackie nod John's answer so she thought out her reply.

Hi Pussycat!

Just remember what curiosity did to it.

This goes NO further so no chatting in public just the house if that. Yes it will affect Mum and her feelings if she knows.

His name is John and we are JUST getting to know each other, it still feels VERY fragile that's why I don't want to discuss it. He is married but it was over a long time ago so it is not an issue, at the moment he is recovering for a serious illness. He's in business and we have an apartment together that is as far as I am going. As for my work it is going very well and keeping me busy.

Love you

Meg.

oxoxo

To her amazement the answer came back as she finished reading one from a friend in Boston.

Sister dear!

I'M NOT A CAT!

Kido if you are living in his apartment then the relationship is definitely not FRAGILE! Unless of course you have changed ideas on sleeping arrangements … come on you left because Dad was trying to get you into a 'serious' sleeping relationship with a bloke. So what has this lad got that the others haven't?

Ummmmm on second thoughts don't answer that I might have to sensor the email or cool the computer down.

As you say Mum has difficulty with certain relationships so I guess that means you would be partners instead of Man and Wife and she does not like casual living relationships unless wedding bells are likely in the near future. So I'll not tell her just yet perhaps we could say something when you see us. (Me as in been there done that and as little sis says be careful make sure you have a way out.)

Casey is standing behind me and says it makes sense now as you jumped when the name John was mentioned.

Thinking again – what about Dad. Did you have a talk with him and that was why he told Mum to back off. If so I think I understand though a bit hurt I was not included but then you did not include Casey either and I know you two are still close. So I guess we both understand. Casey says yes by the way so I suppose he approves. Yep nod of head.

You could give a clue as to what he looks like and what business he's in.

Sara

Meg sighed she knew giving her sister an inch she would take a mile.

Okay just Sis it is.

Though I don't know why I'm talking to you … talking about my sleeping arrangements like that as you say 'been there done that'. Opps that sounds so bad.

What I see in John or what he looks like is none of your business THAT IS MY POINT. So anything I say is between you and our family not any of our friends no matter how tempting it may be! I will tell them in my own good time if I think it is right. I need to be in control of this not like it was before.

Yes I explained to Dad who he is and what might happen, he understood. You can tell Dad that you know and take things from there regarding Mum I don't want you two to lie to Mum I can't have both of you in the shed now can I. Otherwise I will tell Mum when I see her.

Love you give love to Casey and Mum and Dad when you see them.

Meg

oxoxo

Okay sis I think I've got the message and will be good. Glad to know you have found someone.

Love you

Sara