Chapter 39

"Meg."

His voice started to break through but Meg didn't want to wake up so answered sleepily "We'll stay on the beach and see Mum and Dad later Ben they won't mind, honest." and snuggled closer into his body hoping he would agree after all he must be just as comfortable as she was. She was enjoying his warmth and could hear the rhythm of his breathing and his heart as they lay together on the beach. …Oh yes she was way too comfortable to move just yet.

"Meg, sweetheart, I really need you to wake up." John said with sigh as he was slightly amused by the fact she had called him Ben and hoped her dream was a good one. But, he needed her to move and her snuggling closer had not relieved him of his problems, so there had been urgency in his voice as well.

The tone of his voice brought her consciousness up another level so that her dream was forgotten as she realised she was in bed with John, and that earlier he had had an nightmare and although she had talked him out of it he could be starting another one. So, still sleepily she raised her head slightly not wanting to lose the feel of his body or her cosiness and reassured him gently. "It's all right John I'm here, you can sleep now. It's only a dream." and prepared to snuggle down again. Fuzzily reasoning he was not going anywhere because his arm and leg were under her as she was tucked into his embrace; she was his anchor as she had been earlier so he would be all right.

She felt his sigh and a gentle but very insistent. "Meg! Please wake up!"

As the words ended there was a gentle thump on the bed just behind her shoulders closely followed by the bedcovers being moved as a wet cold nose nuzzled firmly at the base of her neck just between her shoulders along with a whimper.

The shock woke her and she knew there wouldn't be any peace, also that Shep was quite capable of finding his own way out and how dare John use him in this way and she exclaimed "That's unfair! " as she moved enough to look at John who was looking at her.

In moving she released her weight off his arm but he still could not free it and with a gentle shortlaugh he explained. "Shep's doing not mine …but I would like my arm back … though it's gone to sleep … and my leg back as I need to move."

"Oh!" Meg exclaimed realising his difficulty and carefully shifted herself.

As she did John moved his numb arm and asked innocently. "Should I be worried about this Ben bloke you were snuggling up on the beach before seeing your parents?"

Meg looked at him surprised and tried to think back to the dream and then smiled remembering it and said. "No I don't think so."

"Oh good … I don't think we actually did much snuggling up like that … more like chasing our tails."

Meg thought for a moment and smiled "No, we did not … but we do now."

He looked at her and said softly "Umm you've got a good point there." then added. "Thank you." and kissed her, she returned the kiss knowing his 'thank you' was in regard to his nightmare he had earlier and that would be all he would want to say about it.

Shep whimpered putting his head on his paws, which were still resting on the bed.

Meg broke from the kiss and shifted round so she rested against the pillows and looked at Shep, who looked back with big eyes and his tail wagging like mad, and she exclaimed. "You! Can let yourself out!"

Shep slunk down off the bed then sat in the passage looking dolefully at her … his tail still wagged though.

John gave a short laugh and smiled in spite of pins and needles shooting up and down his arm as the feeling came back and said. "He's missed your attention."

Meg gently shook her head and smiled then looking at Shep said. "Okay … Come on!" She found her robe and got out of bed and called back to John. "So he let himself out in the mornings."

John eased himself into the chair, which was beside his side of the bed and started to wheel himself over to the bathroom and answered. "No, Simon let him out as he slept on the sofa, that is Simon slept on the sofa not Shep, and he'll be in soon as I'm feeling creaky."

"How come?" Meg asked wondering when he had summoned Simon.

He turned towards her and explained. "I buzzed him while I watched you sleep. It's nice to watch you … guess I'll be doing that more often over the coming months, as you take afternoon naps instead of me." He added with a very gentle loving tease.

She smiled at that remark and nodded and watched him turn back and carried on walking remembering the other times she helped him get dressed and their occasional showers together. He was still slow and needed help, help that she could give him as he was more mobile, other times though he needed that extra help from Simon.

As she reached the dinning table there was a knock on the apartment door she knew it was Simon, so checked to see where John was. As he was already in the bathroom she pressed the smaller button on the end of the table to let Simon know it was all right to come in.

Shep nuzzled her hand so she smoothed his head to tell him she had not forgotten him, then pressed the button to open the door and watched Shep run out. The sun glistening on the snow in the paddock tempted her to follow but the burst of cool air reminded her she was not dressed. Simon's morning call broke into her thoughts, she smiled and waved to him; knowing he would sort John out and she ought to get dressed as Jackie and the others would be around soon.

oxoxo

As she got dressed she knew she would have to get used to their shadow couple again, she thought back to her freedom at Sunset and realised it was no different from here really. They were just like her parents being around when needed. Instead of giving her attention Simon and Jackie gave John all the attention he needed, which was fine, especially as the winter mornings seemed to make him slow even though the apartment was warm. She wondered if the dark evenings gave him a feeling of wanting to hibernate till springtime or memories or perhaps he was trying too hard and too much all at once. She gave a silent chuckle sometimes there was no telling him …

Shep's bark from outside brought her back here and now, she sighed he really wanted pampering this morning. He could let himself in … granted it was harder than the table button but he could do it. As she walked towards the door she idly wondered whether the dog followed the master or the master followed the dog in temperament or mood today. Smiling she opened the door and was greeted by Shep bouncing in around her legs so she gave him attention and saw Val and Paul coming down the drive. She was telling Shep to go to the towels to wipe his paws dry as Jackie come in from the apartment and John and Simon come out from the bathroom, she smiled talk about timing.

Paul came in just ahead of Val and with a smile and laugh went over to Meg gave her a hug and as he let her go he effused. "You know you could have knocked me over with a feather. You are looking fantastic. … Well done!"

Meg laughed and said cheekily "Do I get a gold star then."

Paul laughed and stepped away and took his coat off as Val laughing came up to her and hugged her "No but he took the words out of my mouth. Great news for both of you!" She let her go and carried on "We'll go up stairs after breakfast to get some ideas, which I can feed into the computer programme I've got back at base then I'll send you a copy."

She gave Paul her coat and they started to make their way over to the dinning table when John called out. "We're going to eat in the garden area."

Jackie looked at John ready to object

He sighed and insisted, "The room is warm enough ... stove's been on low all night and we put it on high, and can cook on the barbecue."

"Okay." Jackie sighed knowing 'that' tone and understood his friends were around and Meg was back and she was not going to fight it, just had to make sure it didn't go too far. She immediately went to the kitchen area to grab the things they would need when the door to the apartment opened and the kitchen maid came in with a container of food and a jug and looked across at Jackie and asked. "Where do you want the pancake mixture and food?"

John grinned and answered for her, "In the garden room please by the barbecue."

Unthinking Jackie said as she put things on the counter for the others to take in, "Barbecued pancakes I thought it was the mother who had fads not the partner, John."

There was a giggle from the maid as well as smiles from the others.

"Barbecued pancakes are nice Jackie." John answered innocently knowing full well her mind was not really connected at the moment.

"No they are messy and you don't get much to eat." Jackie stopped at the louder giggles and looked at the maid who was walking past her into the garden room.

"Umm Jackie … you use the frying pan." John said trying hard not to laugh but his eyes were twinkling with amusement. Simon failed holding his giggles completely.

"Well even I know that John!" Jackie said exasperated suddenly realising what she'd said, she started to smile at him as she huffed. "You are so unfair when you're in this mood!" then looked over at Meg with a smile. "Glad you're back he's all yours!"

"No quite." John said quietly knowing full well Jackie would get her own way one way or the other.

Ignoring that comment Jackie picked up some of the things, while Val and Paul who managed to get control of themselves picked up the others and started to make their way to the garden area.

Jackie stopped and looked at John as she remembered the message from the hotel receptionist and said. "Simon and Stephen are needed for the riding school and carriage so we'll have to reorganise things for today and possibly tomorrow."

Getting serious John nodded and said "Okay, so we'll chat over breakfast but we can eat either here or at the club. Meg will be at work we've done it before."

As the maid came out of the garden room to return to the hotel Jackie said quickly "Not a word about Meg to the others."

The maid smiled and nodded, as she past Meg they had a few words and then left with a laugh and a nod.

Jackie gave the area a quick check to make sure she had everything and went over to the mat and called back at Meg. "I've got everything just bring yourselves." and walked into the garden area the doors opening smoothly for her.

"We'll be a moment Jackie I need Meg to get something." John called out so Jackie allowed the door to close.

Meg walked over to John as he said "Simon can you get my crutches for me."

Meg wasn't too sure what was happening because John had wheeled himself nearer the mat so she followed his lead. Simon came over with the crutches and hooked them on the back of the chair in there rests, then stood beside the front of the chair.

Twigging what might be going on she guessed he was not quite as creaky as he made out this morning, just needed a quiet word with Simon. It was obvious he approved as he was helping and would risk being in Jackie's bad books again and asked gently. "John should you do this?" she could understand why he wanted to do it – he needed to prove to Val and Paul everything was all right. He had to be confident he could do it as well … she knew Simon and Jackie were his safety net and she well his extra boost of confidence.

John looked at her and nodded.

She saw that extra confidence and remembered last night and said. "Okay, but use the crutches no going solo."

John smiled and said. "Compromise I use your shoulder then once in the room I'll use the crutches I promise … I know I can do it."

She gave a gentle laugh and moved to his side and gave him a gentle reminder. "Remember you've got to pick your feet up no shuffling."

He gave a gentle laugh and nodded then got up with Simon's help. Once steady Meg felt Simon take the chair away so she could get close to John and felt his arm round her shoulder, it felt right and comfortable. She put her arm around his waist and felt his hand gently take it away, he did not need her total support this time, she knew Simon would be close with the chair and crutches, and would move in if needed.

When she felt he was ready she said gently. "Right."

And got his gentle and confident reply. "Yes, thank you."

She felt the uneven pressure on her shoulder as his moved his first step; the mat was level with the floor so there would not be a step up at all, just the roughness of the mat. By the third step they had a rhythm and were on the pressure pad so the door opened.

oxoxo

Val was laying the table while Paul was cooking the eggs and bacon, Jackie was dealing with the pancakes and looked up as the door opened, she was just about to make a comment but stopped seeing what was going on. Val looked round and gasped, that caught Paul's attention so he looked up as well and felt a little concerned, then started to smile.

Meg could not help smiling at their reactions, she knew John was managing as the rhythm was still there and they were moving, slow but sure. Once clear of the door Simon parked the chair and got the crutches and came close to John, who as promised slipped one on to his arm and used it but did not stop using Meg's shoulder as the other one, which was fine by her.

Jackie huffed. "There's no stopping you is there?" there was a gentle reprimand in her voice, but she was smiling realising how important this was for him.

Meg felt John relax as he said. "Burnt pancakes."

"Hey! No talking. If you must walk." Jackie snapped back still smiling then returned to concentrate on the pancakes as she added. "You'll sleep this afternoon though."

Paul gave a gentle laugh and went back to looking after the bacon and eggs; Val smiled and watched for a moment then went back to sorting table and drinks. Meg could feel their pleasure as they kept an eye on their progress towards the table; Simon still shadowed them to their warm corner as they called it.

This was made by the wall of the apartment and the extension as well as the thick evergreen hedge, which ran the length of the garden. It was light as the sun shone through the clear roof, which helped keep the cold out. The stove, which was nearer to the garden area than the table, provided some of the heat … the rest was from the gas barbecue, which John had erected near the table, while she'd been away.

As their progress was slow and steady by the time John made it to his chair, which was now by the table, the food just needed to be brought to the table. Once John sat down they all started chatting, Meg saw he enjoyed the teasing congratulations from Paul and Val, and knew they would go away happy. While this was going on Simon and Jackie brought the food over to the table and everyone started to take what they wanted. Jackie quietly slipped a blanket on John's legs in spite of his quiet protests that he was in the warmest place so it was not needed. Meg gently put a hand on his hand and he accepted defeat, though when she looked into his eyes she could see he was extremely pleased with himself.

She smiled as she tucked into her breakfast, their promised walk in the garden had turned out to be something very special and she knew Jackie would make sure he was very careful how he did things for the rest of the day and the future … yes that looked good.

Over the meal they talked about the changes to fit in with Simon and Stephen's new commitments and Meg gradually realised that John had had to fit in with the others rather than the other way round, as it had often seemed to her. As for her own plans for the day, she knew she would have to say goodbye to Paul and Val fairly soon as she was due back to work by half ten and they would be going back home as soon as the workmen had finished carpeting the stair treads.

oxoxo

Leaving the others to tidy up the breakfast things Val and Meg went with Shep up the stairs to the large room above. As she saw it in the daylight Meg realised she loved this large space and the views, they both laughed as Shep ran between the two of them and then round the room, through her laugh Val commented. "You know John thought of having beds along both sides of the room and a row of trees up the middle. He said it would cater for everything … kids on one side, guests on the other and Shep in the middle." Val shook her head with a smile and added coming over to Meg who was laughing at the thought. "I told him it would not work the trees would grow upwards and downwards." She sighed and finished, "Okay, sensible ideas then."

They leant against the wall for a moment Meg shook her head trying to get John's idea out of it, she looked at Val who smiled and laughed. "I know …batty idea. It's good to have you around Meg."

"Thanks." Meg knew she was talking about their friendship, which had grown up from her visits to Paul's office.

Val carried on tentatively "Paul's going to sort something out so you don't have to travel so much."

Meg smiled and with a sigh exclaimed, "Yeah! … John and Jack have already got me driver. I guess I'll have to get used to it."

Val gave a gentle laugh "Just push occasionally but I would not want anything to happen to you on that journey. It can get pretty hairy up on the main road even with the trucks clearing the road."

"Umm I surprised you're still here."

Val nodded understanding the reference. "Paul put his foot down and sorted out a shadow carer, when they complained he said that at the moment if I dropped down dead they would not have anyone. Which is a horrible thought but true so they've accepted someone in who is there at the moment hence me not having to dig through the snow drift to get to them."

Meg smiled "Good. So Paul has his uses then."

Val chuckled and said softly "Oh yes."

"And the wedding."

"Oh, that will be springtime … hopefully we will manage to get both families together. Trouble with having big rich families they are all over the place and get shirty if they don't get an invite."

"Never mind you'll work it out. You know Sandy and carriage is available for you when ever it is."

"Thank you, I'm only sorry you can't attend … Paul's looking into the idea of having it on the Internet so any relative who can't come can see it and won't get shirty."

"Wow so we can watch ..."

"Oh yes me trip down the aisle." Suddenly horrified Val whispered. "All those people watching."

"You'll be fine, it will be fine." Meg said with a giggle and a smile remembering her own so called wedding.

Val also smiled guessing what she was thinking and said. "Yes, well less said about that the better. … Right if I put the measurements of the whole space in, panels which can go across in either direction with door measurements, as well as things to go in the rooms and types of flooring, then you and John can play with it."

"Thanks I think we'll have fun with that … Oh you' better put the prices in as well." Meg said with a smile and Val nodded. "I guess we should go back to the ordinary life. Your lads have arrived."

Meg took one last look out the window over looking the stables, then walked with Val cross the room to the stairs hearing general chatter from below. Shep had left them earlier, as soon as he sensed or heard the door open downstairs.

oxoxo

Meg sat in front of the computer screen mulling over her day.

After the excitement of the morning she found it fairly easy getting back into routine. That was after everyone had greeted her like a long lost friend, got out their horror stories of the snow and listened to her sketchy tale of her trip home. Eventually though she got buried with work much to Tony's amusement and gentle reassurance that there was no rush, and if she needed time off she was to take it. Finishing time she'd left the office with promises to arrange a girl's night out before Christmas, thinking it again she realised it was going to creep up on them very quickly, and she still had presents to get John's included. Since this morning she had an idea about that one, but needed to know if it would be all right to do it.

She smiled as she thought about John and their early evening together perhaps that was where she would start. She could leave Sara's mail for another day as she'd sent a one liner, yes she would just do Robert's and slipped the disc in and started.

Hi Robert

Thought I'd let you know that you can be an early Father Christmas if you wish. If not then the first date after the New Year is fine by us. Bring Susan if you wish and John will leave it up to you how much you tell her. He needs to discuss a plan of action with you so I guess Jack will be around as well. We will arrange to have a ride down to the waterfall by carriage if it's not too cold.

Yes it was like coming home 'big time' and today has been a fantastic day more of that later. (I like teasing you.)

Mandy showed John the tape of the 'family', what is being done to the homeless shelter and other things he had an interest in, as well as a general talk about life - all this was in private during the afternoon. Needless to say he had my version of the holiday the night before but hearing it from Mandy I think confirmed things. (We by the way had a reasonably good night as well.)

I came home from a lovely day at work (lots of work and chatter) and found him very quiet because of the above, but happier in his mind that he is doing the right thing. As you know I also agree, in spite of the fact justice is not going to be done regarding the loss of our friend and the others. I know John will not fully ever get over that, but I think our friend would enjoy the fact that good is being done, and the children are loved and will not suffer because of the past.

It was nice to see John smile as he talked about the kite flying on the beach. I would have loved to have been beside him when he first watched it, but perhaps it might have been too much for him. He is still a very private person in spite of everyone around and sometimes I forget that.

Now he wants to sort things out as to how to make the reunion possible. I have told him that time does not matter but I believe he has seven to eight months as a goal, and it must be their free choice even if they do not know the reason behind it. Confusing I know, but I also know you understand.

He coped well while I was away, but no doubt you will chat with the others about that … our friends gave us a staircase as well as the door into the garden.

We saw them this morning and had a bubbly meeting and breakfast in the garden (the covered garden, with heat so we were fairly warm).

Yes we had our walk in the covered garden and I mean walk and it was wonderful. I would have loved to have watched him, but I was part of his support, instead I saw the wonder on our friends' faces, and that was good enough. He even remembered to pick his feet up and not shuffle … granted he needs help but he managed without zoning out, which pleased us all. As for the rest he will be restricted to the apartment till he can walk properly, and it will be regulated. He has ridden but that is only walking and once round the barn not outside, but it is a beginning and I know you will be pleased.

I do not think I can ever thank you enough for what you have done or what you will be doing in the future, those two words do not seem big enough, but again thank you from both of us

With a smile on my face I ask another favour … the matter of his Christmas present … I know so unfair … but I need your advice.

Let me explain … I gave him something near the beginning of our relationship he loved and cherished it but it was taken away from him … his brother still has it and wears it. Sort of trophy I suppose. John has never spoken to me about it or had it replaced, at the moment he does not need one … his carers are his time keepers and to be honest I am a bit scared to ask him because it would bring back bad memories of how it was taken away from him and he has enough of those at the moment. Even me thinking about it at the moment gives me goose bumps that is why I will not mention its name, only it was old and engraved … I think I loved it as much as he did.

Should I give him a replacement or I find something completely different and wait till he really needs one.

I hope my idea about the girls Christmas 'do' was a good one, if not I guess it will be a disco in the garage and the adults out back by the pool. Remember to invite the neighbours then there will be no complaints.

I must go and will see you soon. Don't push yourself about FC we can come to other arrangements if need be.

Thank you.

Meg.

After watching it code and go Meg started to close down the other files leaving the mail one till last, only to have it beep just as she was going to close it. She smiled as she saw the mail was from Robert and looked at the time and realised he must have sent it earlier so it would not be an answer to hers. She opened it and read.

Hi Meg

Hope you are settling back into a routine and John has been all right … thought you might like to know what went on at the beach today. Sara might not have the full story and the papers if they print it will blow it up into one of 'those stories'.

I was there for part of the time as I happened to be chatting to AJ and Bette when Ben came along and asked for our help. Nothing bad I promise.

As you know Annie was found out and Jude threw her out and she disappeared till today. I know you and Annie had words about the photos, don't beat yourself up about the out come. Just remember in some cases you have to reach rock bottom to start coming up.

Annie was in quite a state (I don't mean through drink either) and ended on the wrong side of the railings at the end of the pier.

I think Jude thought she was bluffing; only Ben saw past her façade and stayed the full 2 hours in pouring rain. Having said that, Jude was the one who raised the alarm by contacting Ben on his phone and stayed with Annie for about a quarter of an hour before Ben turned up.

During that quarter of an hour Ben arranged for a lifeguard to be in or on the water in case the worse happened, as I said I was chatting so Bette, AJ and myself were put on guard duty half way down the pier to keep on lookers off. Maria was also around but she had the children to look after so stayed out the way.Ben made sure the other services were further away and out of sight. You know what SB is like when things like this goes down.

He also realised that Jude would not win whatever he said, and talked to him before he talked to Annie, whatever he said Jude stayed with us and talked … and accepted Bette and AJ's advice. (As you can imagine we were all pretty wet by the time it finished.)

I don't know what was said between Ben and Annie, but I do know she now has a ring of carers to help her, and she is willing to accept that help. (Not her usual show of acceptance ... this was real.)

She has accepted that she needs to speak to a doctor and one of Ben's choice. (actually I had given him the name of a very good doctor from out of town who will be willing to come and see her not matter what time of day, and he has never let a patient down yet. He is old enough to be her uncle so perhaps will be the father figure she needs.) Ben is to be her mentor, best of all she is back with Jude … I think they do both love each, they thrive off the challenge they present each other and hopefully that in turn will bring some stability rather than put downs she has had in the past.

Once she is over this soaking she will be working back at the Gallery, (she will have part of it to run rather than taking orders from Maria and Tess) and she knows she's got Bette's love as well. I think the fact that we all waited for her, and no one laughed at her when it was over, finally made her realise they are her friends and will not dump her as she has been in the past. And it is time to stop kicking against the love and friendship they provide.

I know it will be a long haul but perhaps there is hope she will steady down and find happiness. I will watch from the sidelines and help if need be.

I have this strange thought about Ben though … whose memories and experiences did he draw on to help her. Whose ever they were I believe he will be there for her in the future as the other Ben was there for her in the past.

On that thought I will leave you and I hope to hear from you soon.

Robert.

Meg printed it off deep in thought, she knew John needed to know about Annie, for all the pain she was they were friends, and found the fact his brother was willing to help her out very creepy. She sent a quick acknowledgement off not really knowing what to say as she was in two minds about Annie, after all the woman had hurt her and yet she wanted her to find some kind of happiness, perhaps so everyone could relax and get on with their lives.

She packed the computer up for the night and went back into their apartment meeting Jackie on the way.

"Meg, John's resting, he's finished with the inhaler, hopefully he'll not need one in the morning."

Meg smiled "He only coughed once."

Jackie laughed "Yes, but he did yesterday as well so I thought we might help his immune system out, after all he's managed to keep it at bay and go out."

"So he should be all right to go out in the morning."

"Yes, if it's not too cold. Night Meg."

"Night Jackie and thanks."

oxoxo

She went over to John who patted her side of the bed, his voice was a bit husky but his eyes were bright along with his smile. "Anyone would think coughing was against the law. … How are things you were up there a while."

Meg smiled and handed the print out watching him carefully as he read it. He was quiet for a moment then looked at her and said thoughtfully. "I suppose he's the right one to do it really."

"John" she said slowly, not quite understanding him.

He gave a slow smile, put a hand out to her and she snuggled next to him as he started to explain. "He knows how I feel about her through my memories … when he decided to take my place he took on my responsibilities … she was one ... and a bit like him … lost … only he twisted the wrong way. He knows how she feels … can give her that extra special advice that I could not. … Perhaps she just had not reached that rock bottom before."

His dark eyes met hers as he carried on gently. "He's lost his obsession so can help her that way as well … but hopefully not as drastically as he did with me. … Annie's been looking for that special love … need … cosy blanket to be wrapped up in. She feels her parents failed her, especially her father and there's the fact they never got to fight it out properly."

"Because of his murder?"

"Yes, before his murder she had an idea which could have worked with his co-operation and some of my money but he turned it down. Then he was murdered thereby robbing her of the chance to finally prove who she was to him. But even before that she was kicking against both her parents … I'm sure if she was a man she would have been with anything in a skirt and got one pregnant, and then stood by the child to prove it would not be deserted or treated as she was. … But as she is a woman so could not do it without taking that big step of getting pregnant herself, and she could not risk that commitment or being let down again.

She chose policemen in uniform because they were meant to protect society and people in distress, but no one protected her so she was kicking against them as well. Though she loves Bette, she was her father's sister and just as flighty in love as her mother and herself … perhaps now Bette has AJ and settled down she will help Annie settle down … the proof it can happen to someone in her family. Jude seems to have the character to keep her attention and hopefully their love will strengthen."

He paused for a moment then carried on with a gentle sigh. "I'm glad Maria is standing by her as friend and workmate. I don't suppose it helped things when I chose Maria over Annie, not that I ever thought about Annie in that way, she was always a friend. … I could see what type she was and knew to keep clear." Then he added with a smile. "You never know it might just work."

Meg said quietly "You like her."

John laughed gently with memories "You must admit she has guts and life was never dull when she was around."

Meg laughed "But some of her schemes."

"I know." He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head; she shifted round and smiled at him then snuggled up for a proper kiss.