Hello everyone. This is Pineapple-Sister. Yes, I know it is strange for me to writing the author's notes, but did you say lightswitch was unable to keep this story on her computer, due to the fear of her mother searching around and coming across such a wonderful display of profanity and shounen ai. I, on the other hand, am able to type this fic up on my laptop without such a fear. This means I am the beta, at least for this chapter, and also the co-author.
We would also like to apologize for the length of this chapter. Let's just call it a prologue of sorts. Also, keep in mind that anything that -looks like this- is just did you say lighswitch jumping in and saying whatever is going through her mind. I know, scary…What may be even scarier, is that any comments I feel like interjecting will –look like this-
Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto, the Akatsuki, or any of the amazing characters. Shit.
Pineapple-sister: Weren't we working on that?
did you say light switch: Oh right! As soon as we take over the world with our army of pigmy penguins and purple elephants.
Pineapple-Sister: Yes!!! Naruto will be ours in no time. Then we won't need a disclaimer.
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The day is the 22nd of July. Hidan, our lovely hero-ess…-wait, no, Hidan's a boy…damn…that sucks…gosh…well, um…yeah…- -you do realize that it is heroine, right?- -oh, fuck that…who gives a shit?...well, anywho…hero-ess is SUCH a better word…now on with the story…(grabs computer from Pineapple-Sister just as she is about to respond…)- has decided to take a shower.
Why, you may ask? Well, Tobi, yes our legendary "good boy," decided to piss Hidan off, and randomly attacked him with lovely cube-shaped mud balls. –yes…cube-shaped mud BALLS! Gawsh…hasn't anyone heard of balls shaped like cubes?- -heehee, you said balls…Wait! It's not what you're thinking! I am not perverted or anything…- -wow…REAL mature Pineapple-Sister…if that's even your real name…-
So, Hidan decided to take a shower…I mean, who wouldn't? –or maybe he was just jacking off- Anyhow, Hidan decided to take a shower…he is obsessed with cleanliness…or maybe not…ugh…well, he was covered from head to toe with mud, and YES that does mean that he had mud in certain places, that, well, I won't mention at the moment…So now that we have made ourselves clear, I shall be kind enough to start our story…oh, yeah, and by the way, Hidan is in the shower.
"DEIDARA! Where the hell is my rosary?"
Hidan yells through the closed bathroom door as he gropes around for his rosary, and, of course, a towel. –Sorry Pineapple-Sister…even though I'm SURE you'd want him to be naked for longer…Hidan just doesn't strike me as an exhibitionist…-
" I mean seriously, how the fuck can a person take a damn shower in this mother fucking place with little bastards who steal your shit the second you turn you damn back running around?"
Hidan slams the cupboard in the bathroom shut out of pure anger. In doing so, the glass breaks, and little shards of glass come pouring down upon the angry little man below it. –heehee…don't worry, there isn't a midget in the bathroom…and Hidan isn't a midget either…I just HAD to put the word "little" in there somewhere…wait…I said little earlier…whatever…- -you know, you don't have to argue with yourself. I can do it for you. You know I love that sort of thing- Little –yup…the lovely word again…- drops of blood splattered across the floor as the glass cut through Hidan's lovely pale skin. A small hiss escaped his lips as a relatively large piece sliced his cheek.
"Damn it. I'm blaming that fucking jackass for this. If it wasn't for his bitchy way of stealing my shit, I wouldn't be so pissed off in the first place."
Hidan grabs a towel and pulls it around his magnificently exposed, and naked, body as he opens the door to yell at the poor, and very pitiful little Deidara-chan. Of course, he forgets to wipe up the blood that was dripping from his little cuts all over his body. -just for you Pineapple-Sister!- -which part? The chan part or the naked part? Because I sure do like the naked part…- However, much to Hidan's surprise, the large and dungeon-like corridor is empty. Deidara either doesn't hear him, or he is just flat out ignoring him. -probably the second one, since Hidan was yelling so inhumanely loud-
"That bastard. How dare he not get his fucking ass over to this damn bathroom? Seriously."
Hidan storms angrily down the corridor towards Deidara's very pink, and super girly, flower covered room. However, very pink, super girly, and flowery can't even begin to describe the room. I'll just leave it to imagination. Let's just say, if Hidan has to see one more giant stuffed unicorn, he will probably ban them from the face of the earth. –with my help, of course…I hate those fucking unicorns…with a passion…- -UNICORNS!!!Where!?Let me at 'em. Just let me get my machete first.- -Deidara jumps in front of his unicorns protectively… "don't worry FooFoo…I will protect you!"…ok, well maybe not…whatever…(laughs manically…)-
BAM
The door flies open and reveals and interesting scene. -well, for us at least. For Hidan it's just super creepy.- Deidara is sitting on the floor of his room on a fluffy purple shag carpet. He is making little clay figurines, the mouths on his hands gently caressing the clay. What made this even worse: the figurines were of Hidan. Obviously, Deidara had stolen Hidan's rosary in order to make the design absolutely perfect. Hidan stands in the doorway completely silent, well, for a moment. –of course, Hidan can't be quiet for long. He is always bitching, complaining, or whining. Just like did you say lightswitch.- -yeah…wait…NO! Not like me! Take that back...shit…I seriously just dissed myself…-
"What the fuck is this supposed to be?! Oh dear Jashin-sama! Are you fucking stalking me? Damn it, you asshole! You ARE stalking me! You douche bag! You fucking gay ass, queer stalker! Get away from me you damn fagg!"
–for those of you who are too stupid to understand what is going on cough Pineapple-Sister cough…Hidan's well, um…very mad…no, not like mad cow disease mad…like purely pissed off and angry mad…ok…just wanted to clear that up…- -oh yes, of course. The CO-AUTHOR would have no idea what is going on in the story. Real smart, you dumb shit. You gotta love those oxymorons.-
As Hidan is saying, well actually screaming, all of this at the semi-startled Deidara, he begins waving his arms animatedly at poor little Deidara. In a short span of about 15 seconds, the entire scene changes. Deidara turns from being a semi-startle Deidara to an extremely interested, staring Deidara. Hidan, however, turns and interesting shade of red, and starts yelling even more than he previously was. -the words he is yelling are so foul and painful to hear that I didn't have the heart to write them down…and seeing as most of them weren't even in English, or any language for that matter, I couldn't decode them to write them down…- The reason for all of this drama?: Hidan lost his towel. Before he had been holding it up with his hands, but then, well, you can guess what happened.
"You…um…yeah."
Deidara is too intrigued to form a complete sentence. Hidan angrily snatches his rosary and towel, and stomps out of the room leaving Deidara to puzzle over yet another stream of extremely foul and colorful words.
"Wow. That was…interesting, yeah."
Deidara is sitting on the floor of his room staring at the small clay figures in front of him, picturing the naked, and very real, Hidan that had just been standing before him.
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And now, we have a little treat for you. While planning this story, we came up with a list of conflicts. So now, we would like to present you with the first from this list.
#1: Hidan is not a fucking homo…as he of course would put it…hey, don't think we have a problem with gay people…I mean, take a look at the story!
Warning: Story may cause towel-phobia, illegal drug usage –for our lovely monkey out there!-, random outbursts of "Tobi is a good boy," OMG! I LOST MY SHOE!, the need for irregular and excessive consumption of bologna, sugar rushes…., epilepsy, obsessive use of the "back" button, the need to review this story…, death lasting for more than five minutes, flashbacks, and last, but not least…wait, where am I?...
Pineapple-Sister: Shouldn't the warning be at the top of the chapter?
did you say lightswitch: But that would defeat the purpose…it would just scare away the readers…then they wouldn't get to enjoy the lovely after-effects of our story…especially the "death lasting for more than five minutes…"
REVIEW! Pretty, pretty please! We don't care if it's just to tell us that we are completely insane and are over-due to take our medicine…
FLAMES PLEASE! We need them to make our lovely little shmores…yes, we said shmores.
Beware the cha-cha-cha!