What's up. It's Pineapple-Sister again, because I feel like it DAMMIT! Sorry about that. It won't happen again…maybe…
One again, thank you to all the lovely reviewers. And thanks for that match, but it really is easier to make those shmores with actual flames. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.
Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto, and we don't want to anymore. Hmph. Wait, what was that you say? Kishimoto gets paid? Never mind, we will continue our quest to own it. Now where did I put that mace…
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Fuck this. I can't believe that bastard. With his retarded way of stealing my shit, and making those damn figurines. And the way he stares at my fucking ass…like he even has the RIGHT to see it. Damn towel. Fucking fruity fairy. Damn. He has NO right to look at my damn sexy body. I mean, I guess he can look if he wants to, but he better not stare like I'm a fucking piece of shit for him to toy around with. Or a fucking piece of clay. Ugh. Whatever. He stares at me cuz he's jealous of my damn hot good looks. And since HE doesn't have much ass to go around, of course he's jealous. I mean I'D be jealous. Hell, I AM jealous. Of myself, of course. Yeah, Deidara doesn't have too much of a damn sexy body. Well, I suppose he's decent…better than that Chiharu chick I fucked a few weeks back. Wait…did I just compare that fairy to a GIRL? Hell, something is fucked up in my head. Damn, I need some sleep. Gotta get these fucked up images out of my head. Shit, I did see Deidara naked once. Ugh. And Kisame. Gag.
Flashback…yup, you know the drill. Stop, drop, and roll.Before you cross the street, of course.
So Hidan is strolling through the magnificent gardens of the Akatsuki mansion, enjoying the beautiful day, and listening to a quiet droning of classical music floating through the air.
"Shut the fuck up you dumbass narrator. This is MY story, and I'm going to tell it, dammit."
So I'm walking through the dungeons of the Akatsuki headquarters, torturing the prisoners, and killing a few unsuspecting victims. Zetsu needed to eat, and I, sure as hell, was NOT going to put up with a hungry Zetsu. I would like to keep my damn arms, thank you very much. So, I took on the responsibility of capturing and killing some fucking innocent villagers.
-Not just innocent villagers. Fucking innocent villagers. You've gotta be uber specific…--what have I told you about using the word uber?- -NO!!! Let me keep my fingers PLEASE! I need them to finish the story…unless you want toHA! What a joke! You typing is about as likely as Haku being a boy, or Deidara being straight…-
So, anyways, I've just finished killing a particularly annoying asshole, when I decide to play a little prank on an unsuspecting Deidara. Playing pranks on the dumbass fruit had become a favorite past time of mine by this point. So I cut off the head of one of my victims, and place it in a plastic bag to take up to Deidara's room. I mean, seriously, I don't want to get any of the fucking blood on me. I might get AIDs or something.
Seriously, though, I'm on my way up the thousands of fucking stairs in our damn building, when I come across an article of clothing. A hot pink tube top. I knew who the owner was instantly. No, it wasn't some bitch who one of my so called friends was fucking. No, this tube top belonged to Deidara. How did I know this, you may ask? I had been dragged out of the house the day before to go to the mall. Ick I HATE shopping. I mean, seriously, the only good things about the mall is that there are about a million crazy chicks there, most being sluts and/or prostitutes, Hot Topic, and Victoria's Secret. Why, you may ask, do I enjoy a lingerie store? I'll tell you. Hundreds of hot girls trying on bras and underwear three sizes too small, and then strutting out into the store half naked to show them off to their dumbass boyfriends.
Anyhow, I continued walking down the hall when I came across a pair of purple shoes. Deidara's again. Seriously, can that bastard not pick up after himself? So I continued following the path of clothes towards a room, so that I could yell at Deidara to pick up the hallway. Seriously though, he's such a messy dumbass. Well, I get to a room, and hear a slight moan come from within. Clearly Deidara is in there with one of his stupid little boyfriends. So, I decide to scare the fucking shit out of the pair of them. I open the door and practically die there on the spot. Seriously. I found out, in about two seconds time, that #1:this isn't Deidara's room, and #2: Deidara likes to loan out his clothes. No one wants to see a naked ItachiBut worse yet. No one would be ABLE to see a naked Orochimaru and survive. Damn. He looked like a cross between a snake and a giraffe. No lies. It was GROSS!
So, I take off down the hall as fast as my legs can carry me, trying to escape the wrath of the naked couple chasing me down the fucking hallway. I ran and I ran as fast as I could, but they couldn't catch me cuz I'm made of wood!
–what? Hidan's one of Sasori's puppetsuh oh…no just kidding…that wasn't said…heehee…just ignore that…XD- -you just had to try and rhyme didn't you? Now what have I told you about rhyming?- -no! not my left toe!...gawsh…you're just jealous cuz I had the gingerbread man story/song/poem-thing stuck in my head.-
Seriously though, don't listen to that dumbass narrator…she's on crack…or pot…or just insulin…
So, I was nearing Deidara's room, yet still trying to run away from the naked lunatics. More moans reached my ears, and I vomited all over the floor. Ew…that could only mean one thing. Whoever was in Deidara's room was being fucked at the moment. Seriously, I did NOT need to see more naked people. Especially naked people in the process of screwing each other up and down. Still, I decided that now would be as good a time as ever to play my little prank on Deidara
I open the door to Deidara's fucking fruity room, and stat to talk instantly.
"Hey, Deidara, I brought you a present…"
I trailed off as I realized who Deidara was with. My suspicions were all proven true. Deidara was a damn fucking fairy! And, seriously now, Kisame was as well. The two of them were locked in a very compromising position completely butt-naked. I stood there with my jaw hanging open, looking like a jackass, the head in my left hand completely forgotten. Kisame and DeidaraBoyfriends?Lovers?Gay asses?WoahSeriously, woah
"Um, Hidan, yeah. We, um…I…um…Kisame…um…Kisame had an itch…so, I um…had to help him itch it?"
The words instantly started flowing back to my mouth.
"Holy fuck! Shit! What the hell? An itch!?! That you had to scratch with your tongue?!?...so the next time MY genitals itch, I guess I'll just have to come to you!?!"
"Um. No. Not like that. Well, yeah, um."
"Ugh. You two are both fairies! Faggots! Gay lovers!"
"Well, actually, Deidara is gay. I am bisexual."
Kisame HAD to say something retarded like that. Dumbass. I couldn't find anything else to say so I fled the terrifying scene that had built up before my eyes, leaving a lovely stream of curses for them to puzzle over after I left. However, I still had the head in my hand, and I didn't realize this until I was at dinner, and Tobi just about fainted at the sight of a bloody head at the dinner table. Hell, it was just some dead bitch that Zetsu ate. Damn, if he had seen what I had to see today, HE would have been in a coma for a week, or two, depending on how much of Orochimaru he was able to see.
End Flashback…and Hidan is asleep –lazy ass…-, so, um, end of the POV…
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Warning: Story may cause the common disorder of seeing everyone in their underwear, blindness, mutilation of bananas, random outbursts in song, rhyming disorders, loofa attacks, hypnotic attacks from red ants upon your brain, the inability to process words –cough- Pineapple-Sister –cough-, the unnecessary professions of love for Bleach -take that back bitch! Bleach kicks ass. And I can process words just fine- -what are you talking about? The anime Bleach? I was talking about Clorox! Dumbass…and no, you process no words…-splelling errors, loss of blood, numbness/tingling in the arms and legs, fear of lampshades, obsession with light bulbs, and loss of the ability to read, write, speak, hear, move, breath, think, eat, blink, and drink. Yes, what I like to call, death. If any of these side effects last for more than 304 years, well, you'll be dead, so who cares.
Pineapple-Sister: Stop trying to play footsies with me! I thought I told you I didn't have a sexual orientation!
did you say lightswitch: So I accidently hit your foot ONE TIME, and now every time I move my damn foot you think I'm playing footsies with you! Dammit girl! I told you I'm not a lesbian, I'm a METHODIST!
Pineapple-Sister: Do you mean Lutheran?
did you say lightswitch: No I'm not Lutheran, we've already been through this…I'm METHODIST!!!
Reviews: Please? More? Really? Yes? Do so?...come on…give in to the peer pressure…push the button…
Flames: Please give me one so that I can play with fire…XD…mwahahaha…
Next Time:What we like to call "the kitchen scene…" dunhDunh DUNH!