Paaaaart 3! XD I'm still typing these up individually in this way because the faster I get the main ones out of my brain, the faster I can get to putting them all together into one large format. Soooo that basically means this is a place to hold all of them while I organize my thoughts. Hehe :3 I promise, I know now what order they go in. The only one that's OUT of order is the sleepy Bee one, and that one is supposed to come after this one and the last one. Everything else from here on in will be in order.
And yes, I've been told that I have to start writing this officially now instead of in simple teaser format, so I will. I'm hoping that if I type up a chapter or so a day, I should be able to finish by the beginning of school, which will make it virtually impossible to write anymore of it…probably forever? xX heh
And for the record, this was the hardest chapter to focus on yet. Sambee was boiling around in my head all night, and I could hardly think of anything else! . Waugh!!!
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Optimus glanced down at the obviously uncomfortable Bumblebee at his feet, who even now seemed to be in a varying state of distress, still shivering and still holding the same slightly terrified expression. He hadn't said anything to let on that he was feeling so out of sorts, but it didn't take the Autobots' heightened scanning systems to tell that he was in a bad state. Not that Optimus blamed him. He sighed to himself, glancing up at Ratchet and Ironhide as they stood not far away, discussing the best course of events amongst themselves, Ironhide taking the more violent approach while Ratchet studied the bizarre weapon, opting for the more scientific route.
"All I'm sayin' is, I'd feel a whole hellova lot better if we just went out, found Starscream, tore him a new one, and ordered him to undo it! He couldn't have gotten too many buddies since we saw him last, could he???"
"Even if I do share your sentiments towards that poor excuse for a life form, it would be unwise of us to attempt a blind attack at this point. We don't know if they have many more of these weapons, and were we to find ourselves in Bumblebee's situation, it would be no trouble for them to be rid of us for good. Simply give me some time, Ironhide, I'll figure this out…" Ironhide scoffed audibly in response, but when he spoke again, his vocal capacitor had dropped below the human range of hearing, though it was no trouble for the other two Autobots to hear him easily enough.
"I don't know if you'd noticed, Ratchet, but humans don't live that long! It may take years to figure that thing out! It wouldn't have been a problem before, but I don't think Bumblebee will be able to handle you taking too long "figuring it out!" I doubt he'd want to in the first place!"
Optimus sighed to himself, looking away from the arguing Autobots, understanding the elder's reasons for anxiety, but agreeing to himself with Ratchet's ideas against attacking first and asking questions later. Nevertheless, he knew it couldn't possibly be easy for Bumblebee to accept. He looked back down at him, watching the way Sam and Mikaela tried to comfort him, unable to ignore his frightened, unhappy state. Optimus had never seen so much fear and confusion in the little bot, even after he'd come back to consciousness following the battle of Tyger Pax. And yet he wasn't speaking of it, was keeping his thoughts inside his head while trying for the most part to put up a brave front towards the others.
"Bumblebee." The tiny figure looked up at his leader questioningly, looking comical by human standards with the cloth wrapped tightly under his jaw to hold it in place while it healed.
"Yes, Sir?" Optimus knelt down to the ground, holding his hand out low to the blonde not-human, who looked at it for a moment curiously before back up at Prime.
"Let's talk. Sam, Mikaela, if you'll excuse us." He nodded down towards the other two, and Bumblebee glanced back at them to be sure they didn't mind being left by themselves for a while. Sam simply nodded.
"Yeah, sure, no problem. Go on, Bee." The blonde nodded, smiling weakly as he climbed into Optimus' hand, looking a little startled and clinging to his fingers tightly as he was lifted higher, unsure what to think about his first time being conscious while he was being carried by one of the other Autobots.
Optimus walked slowly away from the clearing, allowing Bumblebee a chance to get used to being carried while he took them far enough from the rest of the group, where he felt Bee would feel more comfortable talking. He was distinctly aware of the trembling in the body of his tiny friend, and his concern only grew, his eyes glancing down at him, watching him for a moment as he perched in his palm. He'd noticed that Bumblebee had never settled down to a steady mood since he'd regained consciousness the day before, and he suspected his shaking had something to do with it. Optimus couldn't begin to imagine what was going through his head at that moment, and in a way he felt guilty at realizing he was glad he couldn't.
They finally came to rest a good ways from the clearing and Optimus sat down, putting his back to a rocky outcropping, letting his hands rest in his lap, one cupping the other as Bumblebee settled with the steadiness of not walking. His concerned eyes, though, were staring straight up at his leader's, as if waiting for him to say something, a subtle note of fear in his own electric blue orbs.
"Is…something wrong, Sir?" Optimus hesitated for only a moment, but then he smiled reassuringly, shaking his head down at him in reply.
"How are you feeling today, Bumblebee? Any better then yesterday? You've barely spoken at all today." He reverted to their native language, adjusting the pitch for Bumblebee's human ears accordingly. He'd noticed through the course of the day that there'd been something about communicating with the Autobots in the language he'd known his entire life, even if he could only listen to it and not speak it, had had a way of soothing the tension he'd had if only a little. This was no exception he realized as he saw the tightness in the muscles of his friend's body ease gently, his concerned expression relaxing a fraction, as if being able to speak in that way only helped reaffirm in even his own mind who he really was, despite the unbelievable situation.
He gave his own hesitation as he thought of a response, finally feigning a soft smile, a shrug of his shoulders, though the expression didn't reach his eyes.
"I'm feeling a little better. I'm still sore, everything hurts, of course. But I…am not quite as startled by it all as I was yesterday. It's just…quite an adjustment, that is all." His voice was weak as he spoke, his eyes turning down as he said it, as if he were unable to meet Optimus' gaze, and it was obvious to the older Autobot that he had been lying. He sighed, a soft hissing sound, like the sound of air being released from hydraulics.
"Are you certain, Bumblebee? You have seemed to be distressed throughout the day." Bee's expression tensed once more, a soft frown crossing his features from above the cloth sling holding his jaw firmly clenched in place, forcing him to continue to speak through his teeth to avoid dislocating it once more.
"I am fine, I swear. I simply…need more time to adjust, as I said…It's…hard…and…confusing…" The soothing tone Optimus spoke with was carefully modulated to sooth his nerves and coax him into speaking, letting him know that he didn't have to hide what was bothering him from his leader. Optimus listened politely, and it wasn't hard for him to detect the subtle break in Bee's voice as he spoke, a gentle hitch of his breath.
"I do not doubt it is hard, Bumblebee. I am simply worried with your silence. Even when you no longer had the ability to speak, you were always finding ways of making yourself heard. Now you are quieter then if your voice had been lost to you again. You are usually more vocal then you have been." Bee glanced up at him almost nervously, shaking his head and shrugging once more.
"I am sorry if I…have worried you, Optimus. It hurts to speak too much, and this…"sling" is uncomfortable. I want to move my jaw, but find it frustrating with it restraining me."
"Hopefully you will not need it for very long. It is simply to keep you from dislocating your jaw once more. With luck, Ratchet will have figured out the Decepticon weapon and found a way to return you to your proper form within a short amount of time." He offered helpfully, and Bumblebee sighed through his nose, nodding softly.
"Yes, Sir, I know. I feel foolish for even letting it bother me in the first place. In my real body, I do not have a "jaw" in the human sense of the word, I should not be so frustrated with being unable to move in a way that I wasn't used to in the first place…" Even as he said it, he rubbed and tugged gently at the strap, fidgeting silently as he berated himself for things beyond his control.
"I would assume it is instinctual. When you speak, your human form knows it is supposed to do so in a certain way, and to restrain it from doing so would be understandably frustrating, I am sure." Bumblebee seemed to become more and more agitated as they spoke, his guard letting down enough that he wasn't thinking of holding back what he was thinking as firmly as he had been moments before. He furrowed his brow at what Optimus said, drawing in a shaking breath.
"It is very frustrating…As are a great many things about this body…" He clenched and unclenched a fist as he spoke before moving the other hand from the strap to rub at his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache, or were trying to cover his eyes, his breaths drawing in and releasing deeply with increasing frequency, as if every one came out a strained sigh.
"You are alright, aren't you? Are you having complications with anything?" Commander or not, Optimus couldn't keep the concern from his voice, his head tilting gently to the side as he watched Bumblebee's behavior, cataloguing everything internally, trying to reference it to the parameters of normal human behavior. Bee hissed from between his teeth frustratedly, and for a long moment he was silent, pinching more firmly against the bridge of his nose.
"I -…By the Allspark, I just -…Everything is so…different! It all hurts, my entire body…My head feels like there is a power surge inside…I can't even keep a handle on my own emotions! One moment I'm furious, the next moment my eyes are leaking – I'm sorry, Mikaela called it "crying," – and I want to scream…! I'm…Primus! I'm…frightened and confused and angry all at the same time! Everything is a gigantic mess inside my head and I can't keep it clear!" His voice rose steadily, his hand clenching firmly in a fist that he held in front of him as if he wanted to strike something, trembling with the tension of straining muscles. He gave a distinct sniffling sound as he wiped at his eyes firmly, almost angrily, before he growled roughly, tearing the strap away from his face, clutching it tightly in his hand as he flexed his jaw gently, rubbing at it to relieve some of the discomfort caused by doing so. He visibly relaxed, though, once the restraint was removed, sighing and shaking his head, much of the irritation he felt melting away to simply leave a wilted form in Optimus' hand.
"I just…everything…it's so…quiet…! I can't interface with anything, I can't hear properly, I can't see properly, and every nerve in this body is on fire, I can't turn them off, it's just a constant barrage of synapses firing at the slightest breeze! It's like being blind and deaf and under a constant attack at the same time! And I won't even begin to discuss the more…disgusting aspects of all of this!" He finally looked back up at Optimus, who listened supportively, his eyes filled with as much pain as he'd ever seen in Bumblebee's optics, Robotic or Human alike.
"Sam and Mikaela try to be supportive, I know they mean best, but they have no frame of reference to what it's like, this is all they've ever known! Not even you, the wisest Autobot I've ever known, can have any idea what this is like! Two days ago, all I had to do was to scan, to feel for you, or Ratchet, or Ironhide, and you were there! Now, everything is silent, I can't connect with the World Wide Web, I can't intercept radio transmissions, nothing! I feel like I'm lost and alone in this entire Universe and there's no guarantee I'll ever be found again!" Optimus could sense his friend's mood shifting drastically, his breathing becoming rough, panted gasps as the pain and fear on his face increased with each word he spoke, until he burst into tears, burying his face in his hand, curling in an almost fetal position in Optimus' hands as the emotions he was feeling got the best of him, his entire body trembling uncontrollably. For a long while, his voice cried out in agonized sobs that matched the shaking of his body, and for a moment Optimus suspected the others would hear, if they hadn't already, and come running to his aid.
His half-screams were cut off short with a startled gasp, though, as the strain he put on his delicate jaw muscles caused the bone to dislocate once more, the very reason he'd been ordered to wear the strap in the first place, and he moaned, panting as he pressed against it in pain. He obviously realized there was nothing to be done about it, save for setting it back in place, and he screwed his eyes shut as he put his hands on either side of his jaw, pushing it back sharply until it popped back into place, the sharp pain he felt from it ending just as sharply as it had begun after only a bright flash of even sharper pain. He scrambled to put the restraint back under his jaw, tying it at the back of his head once more, realizing perhaps Ratchet's reasons for making him wear it hadn't been so half-cocked after all, whether it was a great source of irritation for Bumblebee or not.
Optimus took everything in, processing it as he contemplated how to respond, and when he finally did, he spoke slowly, soothingly.
"Bumblebee, I cannot claim to know what you are experiencing at this moment. Wisdom does not mean knowing everything. I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed in this, even I would be. But remember, Bumblebee, you are not alone. No matter what, you are amongst friends, and we are here for you. We want to help you, first and foremost, we are all worried for you, Sam and Mikaela, and Ratchet, Ironhide, and I. I have been watching you, and I can see that you are struggling with yourself. Do not close yourself off from the rest of us because you do not wish to show us how badly it is troubling you, you will only hurt yourself in doing so. And I do not think even Ironhide could find fault in you if you let your emotions get the better of you in a situation like this. Just remember, we are here to help you, you are never alone."
His off-hand, subtle humor about Ironhide's prickly personality drew a soft, unintentional laugh from the crying man and Bumblebee nodded at everything he said, understanding and ultimately believing it even if his confused emotions tried to tell him otherwise. He wiped his face on the sleeve of Sam's jacket, turning to look back up at Optimus for a moment, a thankful smile breaking the tension on his features, this time reflecting out even from his tear-reddened eyes before he glanced back down thoughtfully, a long silence lingering between them thoughtfully before Bumblebee's soft, feeble voice fluttered up towards his leader, a sad, resigned tone in his voice.
"I miss Jazz. And…home…Cybertron. I miss the way it was before the war started. Everything was so peaceful…We…our people are dying out…we don't even have the Allspark to look to any longer…and we only have ourselves to blame…" There were times when Optimus felt that Bumblebee, ever-optimistic and energetic as he usually was, didn't let the weight of their situation bother him, as if it were simply water off a turtle's back. At the same time, he knew there were times when, as young as he was, it bothered Bumblebee perhaps more then any of the others. The same youth that allowed him to spring back from things and maintain his encouraging, uplifting attitude was also at times the same thing that made it that much harder for him to deal with them. Optimus sighed softly.
"We all miss our home, and the friend's who've left us behind, Bumblebee. It saddens us all. But…Earth is a fine planet, it is beautiful, quiet: it makes a wonderful new home, and we have already made new friends here. And there are others of us out there. It is only a matter of time before they find their way here. Yes, without the Allspark, we cannot return to Cybertron, and eventually our Sparks will fade without it's power supporting us, but that doesn't mean we should regret what we've lost. Especially not one as young as you are, Bumblebee. I like to think even without the Allspark, we all have much, much longer to go before we join our lost friends in the Matrix." He soothed gently, though his words drew a soft, hiccupping sob from Bumblebee's lips when he mentioned the eventual death that, for all Cybertronians, had once been inconceivable but had after the start of the war become something they had faced every day. Even autonomous robotic organisms felt the fear of dying.
"This war will never end, though…I'm so tired of fighting, I miss the peace and quiet we once had. I never wanted to fight, I simply do because I know it's what I have to do…" His voice was barely a whisper, as if his feelings towards the war were something to be ashamed of. As if Optimus himself didn't feel them himself every waking moment.
"That, my friend, is what makes your actions throughout the past all the more heroic. Anyone can do something they enjoy. It takes a lot of courage and honor to do what you know is right even though you are afraid.You have nothing to be ashamed of, Bumblebee." He stood slowly, drawing a soft gasp from Bumblebee as he reached up to grasp one of his fingers tightly to avoid falling, his eyes blinking up at Optimus in a subtle mixture of shock and pride at his leader's words of praise. "Come on. It's time we got back. They will be wondering where we have gone, and you could use some rest." Slowly, he made his way back to the camp, aware of Bumblebee's eyes on his face as he did so, filled with that amazed expression as he registered all he'd said.