Disclaimers:
See Chapter 1.
Chapter 10: Be Like That (part 3)
Emma was on a roof-top. It was night and she had a bird's eye view of the surrounding area. The stars were just about visible in the orange sky, polluted by the millions of street lamps throughout the city. She scanned the roof, searching for the now-familiar body of Jezebel.
And there she was.
Body stretched languorously out like some resting cat, Jez was lying with her arms crossed under her head, staring straight up at the sky. Her hair was now with its current style and to all intents and purposes she appeared only to be a slightly feminine man. However, the unmistakable signs of neglect and hardship were already showing in the hollowness of her cheeks and the leanness of her limbs.
There was the sound of cursing and scuffling and suddenly Gareth's much older face, now with bright blue hair, popped up over the edge.
"Alright kiddo?"
She sat up excitedly, eyes glinting in eagerness. "Did you get it?" Her voice was throaty and slightly lower than Emma had ever heard before, she really had grown up.
Gareth laughed. " 'Course I did. Wouldn't want to face your wrath now, would I?" He threw a brown paper bag at Jezebel's head, which she caught with ease and cradled carefully to her chest.
"You're the best." She said, grinning like a happy child.
"That's what Darren tells me…" Gareth said nonchalantly, buffing his nails on the outside of his coat and smirking.
"My, and so humble too." She teased, then sobered slightly. "Can't believe it's your fourth anniversary…" Gareth's face took on a dreamy cast.
"Yeah…" He sighed happily. "Best years of my life…" Jez's face remained outwardly happy, but Emma sensed a tinge of sadness behind it.
"You've turned into a big softy." She accused gently. Gareth laughed.
"Does it show that badly?" He paused, then cocked his head at her. "Come with us tonight."
She shook her head. "It's your anniversary Gar. I can't tag along on your coat tails like the other times."
"You're part of the family, as much as Darren is. And you might meet some sexy girl in need of a good shag…"He wiggled his eyebrows lasciviously. Emma went rigid and her eyes flicked quickly to Jez.
"Lovely." Jez looked completely disinterested. "I think I'd rather stay up here and read this, if it's all the same to you." She declared, waving the bag. Emma released the breath she hadn't even been aware of holding.
Gareth's look became knowing and a leer crept across his face. "I see…let me guess…That wouldn't by any chance have Emma Frost in, would it?"
Jez blushed. "Stop talking out your arse, Gar. Why do you keep bringing her up!"
"That's why you sent me down the Sally Army today! You didn't want supplies; you just wanted me to stop in the comic place!"
"Shut up." She growled. Literally. Emma stared in amazement at the purely animal noise that had erupted from Jezebel's throat. Gareth however, seemed unfazed.
"You really pissed off those comic shop workers didn't you? They haven't let you in there for months…You must've missed loads, what's the point in trying to catch up now?"
"Shut. Up."
"I will. When you tell me why you punched the owner."
Jez's pale skin turned pink. "He…mumph…" She muttered. Emma moved closer, the better to hear.
"What's that? I-can't-hear-you…" Asked Gareth in an irritating sing-song voice and cupping a hand around one ear in an exaggerated fashion.
"He was being sexist, disgustingly pervy and a fuckin' twat-faced cock-" Jez exploded, raking fingers through her short hair, motions jerky with anger. She began to pace up and down. Emma noticed that Gareth looked as surprised as she felt at the expletives.
"Whoooa there Nelly…Hold your horses. He figured out you were a girl?"
"No."
"He dissed you."
"No…"
"He grabbed your arse?"
"NO."
"What then?" Gareth sounded truly confused.
Jez deflated, losing her anger and scuffed a worn boot on the rusty corrugated iron of the roof, refusing to meet he gaze. "He was saying things about someone…" She mumbled childishly.
"Right. And was this person by any chance, a comic character?" He asked, shaking his head in disbelief. Emma was in a similar state. She couldn't believe Jez had punched someone over, what was to her, a fictional comic character. Emma couldn't help but feel jealous at whoever it was for having Jez so willing to defend them.
"…Yes."
"For Christ'ssake, Jezebel!" Jez flinched. "Was it Emma bloody Frost?" He snapped accusingly. Emma's eyes went wide in shock.
Jez refused to meet his gaze.
"Was it!"
"…Yes..." Emma let out a sharp exhalation and blinked slowly. Her heart seemed to be beating unsteadily in her chest.
'Why me?'
"I'm not going to even ask what he said. And then you got caught, didn't you? That was stupid. They could've called the police…You're lucky they were embarrassed being beaten by a 'girly man'…I hope it was fuckin' worth it! You could've drawn exactly the wrong sort of attention to us Jez! What if the police had been brought in and had recognised you! Your 'beloved' uncle would be on us like dogs on a bitch in heat…" He sighed and wearily scrubbed a hand over his face. "Jezebel, love, she's not real. She will never be real. Even if she was, what do you think the chances would be of her even looking at you twice? Let it go. You're obsessed and not in a good way. No matter how much you may want it…Some things can never be." Jez flinched at each word as if they were slicing into deeply her heart.
"I'm going back inside. If you change your mind, I'm not going to pick Darren up for another hour or so." He started to slide back in the warehouse then stopped. "Find someone else kiddo. Someone who can actually hold you back. This pining away for a fantasy does no one any good." He shook his head again and then disappeared.
"…I'm NOT obsessed." Jez whispered to empty air and sighed deeply. She crumpled to her knees and pinched the bridge of her nose. She pulled the paper bag to her and withdrew the comic book, staring at it morosely. "What's wrong with me?" She asked wearily to no one. Emma moved closer, feeling her stomach clench in sympathy for the confused looking girl-woman and sat down close to her. She couldn't do anything but offer her silent support.
"I am not normal…But then, I already knew that…" She snorted, apparently disgusted with herself and resignedly opened the comic, diligently poring over every page, while her face gradually relaxed.
Emma became fascinated by the minute changes and nuances of expression that crossed her face as she read. Jez smirked and snorted quietly in amusement at some antic and winced at the fast and furious fight scenes.
Emma's world shrunk.
All she could see, all she was aware of, were the facial features before her eyes.
When those red lips curved upwards in a delighted smile, Emma felt an answering one rise on her own.
When they pursed in disapproval, Emma felt her stomach lurch in concern.
Minutes became meaningless and she lost all sense of time.
She was harshly awakened from her haze by Jezebel hissing in dismay.
"No." Her tone was one of utter shock and denial. Emma blinked, Jez's face had morphed into a mask of horror. "No." The book dropped from her nerveless fingers falling open at the page she'd been looking at. Emma ignored it and focused instead on the woman before her that was crumbling before her very eyes. "No."
What had happened?
Jez was sitting, staring steadfastly at her hands, dry-eyed.
She seemed to be in shock
Emma craned her head under to try and meet her gaze, but Jezebel's eyes were horribly blank, no life flickered at all in their amber depths. Suddenly she drew a shuddering breath.
"Why?" It was barely more than a pain filled whisper. "The fucking bastard!" She suddenly shouted, standing in one swift motion and passing through Emma as she did so. A shiver passed through Emma's body. "The rat-arsed, mother-fucking bastard-son-of-a-whore!" The distress, pain and rage in her voice, hurt Emma deeply. Whipping around Jez ran for the side of the roof and leapt, while Emma watched in horror, until she heard the unmistakable 'clang' of metal and rushed to the edge.
Jezebel disappeared down the wrought iron fire-escape and into the warehouse through an open window. Instead of following straight away, Emma quickly went back to the comic and scanned the page briefly to see what had upset Jezebel so much.
What she saw made her blood run cold.
It was her and Scott. And Jean.
It was when Emma had been trying to help Scott come to terms with his possession by Apocalypse.
It was when she had slowly begun to fall in love with him, his almost-naïve black and white view of the world, his caring side and quite frankly, his amazing physique.
It was when she had seduced him into a psychic affair.
Had she been so blind even then? He wouldn't let her touch him physically and when they were intimate in her mind, he clothed her in his wife's old uniform and added a tint of red to her hair. Even her eyes had turned green, for God's sake!
Jean had been told by one of the Stepford Cuckoo's who was secretly working for Magneto, working to divide the X-men. Esme had taken great delight in revealing to Jean what was occurring in Emma's 'counselling sessions' with Scott. She had barged in and put a stop to it. Emma had then endured the most painful thing she'd ever experienced. Jean had torn through her mind with the finesse of a rampaging bull in a china tea shop with the Phoenix's power. Scott had done nothing. In some ways, that hurt more than what had happened next.
Jean had tormented her with vision of her Hellions death over and over until she brokenly agreed to a mental compunction to tell Jean the truth. She had managed to expose every foible and flaw Emma possessed and refused to listen to her heartfelt pleas (pleas damnit!) to stop. Every detail of her hard past had been laid bare and because of the compulsion she had to answer truthfully Jean's queries about intimate details she'd never planned on revealing to anyone.
The experience had left her feeling raw and violated. Essentially, it had been a mental rape. Emma had never felt so exposed, vulnerable and judged as she had before the Phoenix's fiery gaze.
She had honestly believed she loved Scott. Having Jean doubt that had stung on top of everything else.
Now she felt nothing but a rising panic for Jezebel.
Concentrating on the roof beneath her feet, she felt her astral self slip through. Next thing she knew, she was on the floor of the warehouse. Disorientated, she glanced around. Her eyes fell on a heartbreaking sight.
Jezebel, who had always remained strong and largely unbowed by events Emma had seen happen to her, was brokenly sobbing into Gareth's arms.
Tears were streaming down her face as her shoulders shook uncontrollably from the force of her sobs. He was hushing her gently, rocking her to-and-fro as a mother would and stroking her hair.
"It's alright love, please, it'll be alright." He murmured into Jez's ear. Emma stood paralysed by guilt and a choking shame for being the cause of this turmoil. Intellectually she knew she shouldn't be feeling this way, but, damnit…"She's not even a real person…it could've never been anything…you knew that, right? You're from two different worlds, in more ways than one…And there are plenty of really nice birds out there who would kill to be with you…Aw, please don't cry kiddo…"
"Wh-what…t-the…h-hell's wrong with me, Gar? Why does it hurt so much?" Jezebel sobbed; her whole bearing and voice clearly showing her pain.
"Nothing, it's normal…you're perfectly normal…You just have a little crush, that's all…It's nobody's fault…"
"…I knew it was stupid…I knew that nothing could ever…That I could never…"Jez paused and sucked in a shuddering breath. "I just couldn't help it…She was flawed…but so perfect…" Emma felt her throat constrict and undeniable moisture built up in her eyes. "I mean, I watched her for years Gareth. Everything that's ever happened to her; her dysfunctional family, her brother committing suicide, being held hostage by a crazed gang, her boy-friend being murdered by them, her best friend betraying her, her first love abandoning her just 'cause she was different, her pupils being slaughtered, surviving Genosha…I saw it all. She hasn't become some abnormally self-righteous preacher, she's managed to look at the darkest side of human nature and not be destroyed. She's made adjustments to her views where they needed it, but hasn't tried to force everything into strictly black and white, right or wrong boxes. She's remained strong. She puts on an ice-queen act like she doesn't give a flying fuck what happens to anyone but herself…but deep down, I know if anything did happen, she would be the first one to protect and fight…" Emma bit her lip as tears began to course down her pale cheeks.
'She…sees… me…?' she thought wonderingly.
It was incredible to her that somebody, who'd never met her, had undoubtedly seen her in all her worst moments of her life, still found something worthy in her to admire, to shed tears for, to care for…
"She could have had anyone, Gareth." Emma blinked. Did Jezebel really believe that?
"I know. I know." He spoke soothingly, running his hand down through her short auburn hair.
For one of the few times in her life, Emma felt ashamed.
"But him? That pathetic, weak and spineless emotionally stunted piece of-"
"Shhh…" Jez quieted slightly from her outburst, but groaned and grabbed her forehead.
"…Hurts…" She muttered thickly, shivering.
"You'd best take y'medicine." Gareth said calmly and reached into her brown leather duffel bag, bringing out an orange plastic capsule and twisting the lid off. He passed her two oblong brownish pills and she took them gingerly, tipping her head back and dry swallowing them. "Better?" he asked after a minute.
Her expression relaxed slightly. "Yeah."
"Try not to get so worked up." He said, mildly reproving.
Jez was breathing heavily, in an obvious effort to try and breathe through her pain. "I just- Anyone but him. If I thought she was going to be happy with him, it would cane like a bitch…but at least I would know it's for the best. I could accept it…" Emma could see through Gareth's well-hidden expression of helplessness clearly. He obviously felt out of his depth to comfort his friend for something as bizarre as this.
"Jez, love, you don't know they won't be happy…" Jez looked up and shot him an openly disbelieving look. "Alright, I admit it doesn't look good, his track record is terrible…but stranger things have happened…"
"This is Cy-cock we're talking about. He's so emotionally 'complicated' (nice euphemism for 'fucked-up') he should have his own classification in a bloody psychology text book. 'Emo-fuckwiticus' a new breed of emo…" Gareth snorted. After a moment, Jez also let out a weak chuckle.
"That was pretty weak."
She let out a half-sob, half chuckle. "Yeah…"
"Some of my best friends are emo, y'know. Don't take the piss."
"Liar."
"They are!"
Suddenly, the brief, warm, bantering edge of their talk evaporated, as Jez's face grew hopeless once again.
"But you told me Emma loves him…?" Gareth asked uncertainly. Clearly trying to prod Jez into speaking.
Jez's face became melancholy and she moved closer into his embrace, seeking comfort. "Yes. That's what makes it so much worse. He's going to hurt her so much. She needs someone to compliment her, Scott is too different in every possible way, they don't mesh at all…He won't support her, won't care for her…And if that wasn't bad enough, he's still married! He's with Jean! He's a self-centred, self-pitying, pathetic little boy who doesn't even begin to comprehend just how great a gift he's being given…They were caught by Jean y'know. But when she went all apocalyptic on Emma (not even Scott!) he stood by and did nothing. He let Jean rip through her mind…" She drew in a shuddering breath. "I want to come out with you tonight." Gareth's eyebrows rose and Emma looked up, startled.
"Are you sure?" He asked cautiously.
"I need to get away from this. I need to get away from h…" Her voice began to crack and he instantly soothed her.
"Hey, c'mon now... Alright, if you think you're up to it, you're on." She relaxed against his chest.
Emma watched the pain creasing her face and regretted that she'd managed to cause, even mistakenly, this hurt for Jezebel.
'She's been through so much already…And I somehow just made things worse…If I'd known…Would I have done things differently…? '
There was a moment of silence, then Gareth spoke. "Jez?"
"Yeah…"
"Told you you'd understand the necessity of swearing one day…"
Jez's mouth turned upwards wanly as she attempted to grin. She barked out a short laugh and then groaned, clutching her ribs.
"Have you been getting enough food?" His voice was concerned.
"Yea-No." She sounded guilty.
"You got to eat more, kiddo. There's only so much I can 'liberate' or get donated by the SA…and it's usually only just about enough for me. Darren and Master Lee don't make enough to support us, we're on our own. And the stupid shops seem t'get more wary every day…"
"It's what we get for living in Central London isn't it? I have been trying. Sometimes begging works…It's harder 'round here, everyone's got eyes like a hawk…And other dossers get really territorial about me encroaching on their turf…I've been run off so many times it's not funny."
He laughed dryly. "Kiddo, it's survival of the fittest out here and you are the best an' the worst I've ever seen…Y'know…I've met addicts who take better care of themselves than you… But I've never met anyone with a stronger will to live either… Ever since I picked you up, you've been skin and bone, nothing I do seems to make a difference. It's a miracle you haven't collapsed from exhaustion yet." He paused for breath in his nagging and cocked his to one side. "Bet you I could play 'God Save the Queen' on these fuckin' xylophone ribs o' yours."
"I'm sorry." She said meekly. There was another silence. Then Jezebel spoke again, sounding slightly stronger. "Gareth?"
"Yeah kiddo?"
"I think…it might be best…if we don't borrow anymore comics for awhile…"
Emma felt as though she'd been punched in the gut, all her air was driven out of her lungs.
He nodded and smiled comfortingly. "O'course kiddo, whatever you want. Try not to think about it too much, it'll pass, I promise."
Emma stepped forward and without considering her actions, put her arms around the curled up figure. For a split second she hoped that this time she'd be able to touch, then it was dashed as her body was just passed through. It hurt not to be able to offer comfort. Pulling back slightly, she found that if she maintained a certain distance between their bodies, she could create the illusion of holding Jez and so she did, trying to ignore the feelings of frustration her tangibility elicited.
'I'm sorry' She thought, helplessly, 'I'm so sorry…'
Her eyes slid shut. "I hope so, Gar…" She breathed. "I truly do…"
The scene began to fade, but this time Emma stubbornly tried to resist the pull.
"Jezebel, it's time to wake up now. You've slept long enough." She spoke aloud, to try and imbue her powers with power and command where mental skills failed her.
Although Emma wasn't certain exactly what she'd been expecting, the response she received startled her.
'Tired…Hurt…Safe here…Don't want…' Jezebel's voice came from everywhere and nowhere, reverberating through her head and shaking Emma to the core with the intensity of weariness and hopelessness emanating from it.
"Please darling," Emma felt a fission shock course through her at the endearment, as well as the fact she was actually begging, but didn't -couldn't- stop. "You need to wake up now, please come with me…I'll keep you safe…"
There was a pause. Then like wind rustling through the autumn trees, Jezebel replied. Emma felt the weary resignation and something else, fleeting and gone, pass from her.
'For you…'
She spends her nights in Central London,
Watching the stars on the comic scene
Then she lies awake and she wonders,
"Why can't that be me?"
'Cause in her life she is filled
With all these good intentions
She's left a lot of things
She'd rather not mention right now
But just before she says goodnight,
She looks up with a little smile at me,
And she says,
"If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do,
What would I do?"
Yeah
Now in dreams we run...
She spends her days up in Hyde park,
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just
A little piece of this dream,
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe home and a warm bed,
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just that something to
Hold onto, that's all she needs
Yeah
If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do,
What would I do
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm falling into this,
In dreams, we run away
If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do,
What would I do
If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do,
What would I do
If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do,
Lord, What would I do
Yeah, yeah
Falling in
I feel I'm falling in,
To this again.
Three Doors Down, Be Like That (Alphawolf remix)
Author's Notes:
(cough) I'm glad that's over…
If you want to see the page of the comic that distressed Jezebel (hell, I had to scrub my retina clean afterwards) so much, here's the link:
http/ upload dot wikimedia dot org/wikipedia/en/8/8e/Jeanscottemma dot png - I can take no responsibility for those of you who suffer mental damage from viewing this image, so no lawsuits alright? (if the link doesn't work go to wikipedia and search for Scott Summers, the picture should be somewhere on the page)
BTW – Yeah I did change some parts of the song. I think it's better this way ;D (still don't own it though)
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