Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, nor shall he ever be mine. cowers at evil layers standing over shoulder, forcing her to put this
Then I willingly type, "I do not own Barney the Purple Dinosaur!" I shall DESTROY Barney!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I mean, uh…SOAP o0
A Deadly Game of Phone Tag Two
Chapter 2
Umbridge
Harry stared at the little phone in his hand, wondering who it should go to. There was always the possibility of Crabbe or Goyle, but both of them were probably too stupid to figure they even had mail. Perhaps someone from the Daily Profit or maybe…wait! The Ministry! They had made his life even more miserable, and now was the perfect chance for revenge!
But who to get? Who had hurt him the most out of all the Ministry cronies? Suddenly, had marvelous idea number seven…
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She stacked the papers neatly into the folder, only to have them ripped out seconds later by the poltergeist that had taken to following her around after she left her position at Hogwarts.
"Peeves!" Umbridge screeched. "Why don't you just go back to the castle and leave me alone?!"
"But it's boring there! All the 'ickle kiddies are all gone for the summer!" Peeves whined at her. He cackled a moment later.
She was about to go to the minister to do something about this annoyance, but seconds later, a large snowy white owl swooped in and dropped a black box onto her foot.
"Ow!" she shouted, rubbing her foot. "What is this thing?" she asked her imaginary friend, Hobo Jack.
"I don't know!" said Jack. "Open it!"
"I don't know, crazy toad, so open it!" said Peeves, cackling.
"Hey! The name is Crazy Frog and—hey! Oh, whatever…maybe it's chocolate…"
Umbridge ripped the box open and out fell…a brick.
"What the crap monkies!?!? BRICK?!"
Just then, another owl crashed through the wall (a/n: What the crap monkies? Who the crap put that in my head?!) and dropped another box on her foot again. The owl then crashed out of another wall and flew away. (a/n: Just thought of this now…how are the owls crashing through walls if the ministry is underground? Oh well…)
Umbridge ripped open this box as well and as she was about to examine her prize…and immediately dropped it as it emitted: I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME! WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY! WITH A GREAT BIG HUG, AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU!!!! WONT YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOOOOOO!!!???
"AHHHHH!!!" Umbridge obviously screamed.
About three seconds later, Mad-Eye Moody burst in unexpectedly. "Holy crap, this is my jam!" he yelled, and he broke out in some weird hip-hop thing out of the office.
This stopped Umbridge screaming long enough to actually look at the thing on the floor; a note had appeared on it.
Push the GREEN button, Toad Lady.
Well, Umbridge was never one to disobey notes from strange people, so she did it.
"Hello, Toad Lady! I bring you greetings from Apple World!" shouted a voice she knew all too well.
"Potter? Are you telling lies again? I thought I had established that you would not tell lies!" (a/n: Melissa, this is the point at which you go to the fifth book (blue one) and see chapter 13, Detention With Delores)
"Not lying, my dear Toad Lady! I only wish to send my greetings from Apple World and inform you that there is a sale on Twinkies going on! Five Twinkies for a pound!"
"And what, may I ask is a 'pound'?"
"It matters not, my young Padawan. What is important is that we stop the Empire."
"What are you—"
"PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!"
"Uh, what was that, Potter? Potter? Potter?!" There was no answer. "Holy crap! Potter evaporated off the face of the Earth!" Umbridge began this little dance of joy that she quickly stopped when Mad-Eye came back looking for his "jam".
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Bella punched at her cello-phone, wondering where her prize was. She had tried to call this "Station 102.7" but, apparently, no such thing existed. Then she remembered she had been trying to get Potter, so she tried calling him again. You can imagine…
But doing this is funner! Wait, why is the computer saying that I spelled "funner" wrong? Dude! This is wayyyy uncool!
FUNNER
Whoa, it says that one's right…weird. Okay, sooo…
"Potter! Where is my prize for being the 10,800,093 caller?!" she demanded.
"What?" came Potter's voice out of the thing.
"I was promised a prize!"
"It is three o'clock in the freakin' morning! I'm not giving you a prize for not getting a stupid joke!" yelled Harry.
"Yeah well—"
Hold on people, just give me a moment to say this: BUNGALOW
Okay, I'm done.
"PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!" Harry hung up the phone angrily. How dare she wake him up? That was his job!
He shook it off, then suddenly wondered why the Dursley's weren't bursting into his room to see about all the noise. Now that he thought about it, Harry hadn't seen any of the three since he had arrived here; Hermione had given him a ride back after they got off the train.
He wondered where they were, but was soon asleep again, seeing as he really didn't care.
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"Come, Sevy! The merry-go-round awaits us!" said Moldy Shorts, pulling on Snape's arm.
"Master, ha—"
"No more of this 'Master' business, Sevy, I told you to call me Voldie! All my friends whom I forced to be my friends do!"
"Alright then, Voldie," Snape said, literally gasping and struggling to say the name, "Have you been taking those little white pills again? You know the ones that take away your bad mood?"
"Yes I have, Sevy, and I have never felt better in my whole life!" He giggled—no actually giggled madly.
Oh dear God, he's insane with happy drugs. I must stop him so that we can complete the mission!
(a/n: Foreshadowing? I think so!)
"I want to ride the pony!" yelled Voldie.
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"Okay, Minister, what do you think I should do about the problem?" inquired (a/n: haha, that's a funny word!) Umbridge to insert name of minister here, I really don't care if it's…wait a second; I had a plan for this didn't I? yeah, I did, okay it's going to be Fudge Fudge.
"I don't know, Dolores; did you ever consider fighting back?" asked Fudge looking at her in concern.
"Oh, no, of course not; that would be impolite of me and—"
"Drop the act, my darling; (a/n: yeah, you read it right; darling, HE SAID DARLING) we are not being watched." Fudge said to her.
"Oh, alright then, yes. Yes I have thought about it and I believe I can learn to work this thing," she said, waving the cell phone in the air.
"Right then," he said to her.
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Harry woke up to his cell phone ringing about an hour after it had the first time. What the crap?
"Huh?" he asked into the phone.
"Hello, Potter. You have been called in for a hearing about—"
"Toad Lady?"
"Hey! No interrupting!" As I was saying—"
"Are you going to explain to me why you called at FOUR IN THE MORNING?!"
"Why, Potter, I'm calling you to just tell you that you are required at a hearing for the Ministry of Magic! And also, I would just like to say—PHONE TAG—"
"YOU'RE IT!" yelled Harry before she could finish. That lady definitely had some problems…
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"Oh, crap, he hung up!" The Toad Lady started crying into Fudge's arms—wait a second, this is after the sixth book…crap! Okay, Fudge is not the minister; he's some kind of assistant, okay?
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That morning—when it can actually count as morning, I mean—Harry made himself breakfast in the empty house, wondering where the Dursleys were. He had not seen them since he had arrived and was beginning to worry that perhaps Moldy Shorts had got them somehow. But then he was distracted by his phone ringing, so he stopped caring.
"Diga me," he said.
"Huh, sorry, Potter, I don't speak whosamawhatsit. Uh, Aunt Bella seems to think that you owe her money and—"
"I'm Chucky; wanna play?"
"What, did I not just call Potter?"
"OMG! DRACO! LOOK OUT FOR THE EVIL PUPPET!!!" yelled Harry.
"What?! Holy crap!!! It's gonna eat me and—"
"PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!"
Harry hung up the phone and continued eating his bagel.
Will Snape ever escape Voldy? I really don't know, but I will soon!
Authors Notes: Okay thanks to me typing this I'm gonna be late for orchestra, so I hope you're happy! I'll post when I get home or later or something, bies!
TwilightsCalling