Disclaimer: My jellybeans all morphed into one HUGE jellybean!!! Also, I found an awesome disclaimer; anything you recognize is not really mine except for the League of Weirdos. MINE CRAP YOU!
A Deadly Game of Phone Tag Two
Chapter Three
Scrimgeour
Harry sat giggle at the kitchen table, eating his bagel. And it was an awesome bagel indeed with cream cheese and butter and stuff. Suddenly, there was a thump, causing him to drop his bagel.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he screamed, crying over his lost bagel.
Then the thump came again. Harry looked around; it was coming from the basement door. Unfortunately, I must go onto the cell phone's progress now, so you will have to find out about it later.
Poke holing him! gag (a/n: uh, I wrote this a few days ago, and I don't remember what that is.)
Okay, yeah, Melissa just like screamed "NOOOO!!!" so I'll keep going with the thump.
Harry stood up and cautiously made his way to the door. He picked up a baseball bat that had suddenly appeared on the wall. But before he could open the door, a pudgy head crashed through it.
"What the crap?!" shouted Harry. He swung the bat and hit a glass of water on the counter, sending the liquid flying into the head of Dudley.
It did nothing. "Wow, I thought this would work a lot better. It did in Signs…"
Dudley's head was yanked out of the door, and a boney hand reached through the door and turned the knob on the outside of the door.
"OMG, I know now! Um, oops," said Harry.
The door burst open, revealing the owner of the bony hand: Uncle Vernon. It would've been Aunt Petunia, but, yeah, I just wanted to do that. It appeared that Aunt Petunia and he had used Dudley as a battering ram because he had grown monstrously huge. How this had happened, Harry had no idea. The last time he had seen Dudley, he had been much smaller (but still piggy).
You know, I just realized what JKR said when she said he was "wider than he was tall"…
So, onto the cello-phone!
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Rufus Scrimgeour looked up as a black box dropped out of no where. Hedwig was supposed to be here, but she's delivering a letter for Harry, so the box just popped out of no where.
The corner of the box fell into his eye, but luckily for him, it was a wooden eye, so it just popped out. Ha, I laugh.
Popping his eye back in, Scrimgeour unwrapped the box (which he thought must be some sort of Dark Arts thing or whatever I guess, because he did it really, REALLY carefully) and out fell, a cello-phone! YAY!
He looked at it in interest until it started shrieking a song.
"I'M A BARBIE GIRL! IN A BARBIE WOOOORRRLLLLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC! IT'S FANTANSTIC! YOU CAN BRUSH MY HAIR—"
"What in Merlin's name!?" he yelled. Unfortunately, he had enough sense to hit the GREEN button before the song got too far. Scrimgeour had worked with Muggles before.
(a/n: Wait, does Melissa even know who Scrimgeour is? Uh, get the sixth book (green one, that I think is in your room last I knew) and look a couple pages into the first chapter. He's the dude with the lion hair thing going on and stuff.)
"What is this thing?" he asked Unbridge's imaginary friend, Hobo Jack, who had left Umbridge for the moment.
"Talk intoooooooo ittttttt…" he said in a ghosty movie kinda voice.
"Uh, okay…Hello?"
"You know, I can't remember what I was gonna say," said Harry Potter on the other end. "Just give me a minute."
"Um, sure," said Scrimgeour. "Jack, what do you—Jack? Jack?!" he whimpered. "Where did you go?!" He cried sad, sad tears for Jack,
"Okay, I remember now!" yelled Harry in triumph! "What is a mouseses favorite game?"
"OMG! PARCHEESY!" exclaimed Scrimgeour, feeling smart.
"No, it's Parche—oh crap!" Harry cried. "You know what? BEEP YOU! PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!" click.
"Do I get a prize or something," and holy crap that is an awesome comma! I don't want to change it to a question mark! That is probably the most awesomest comma I have ever writte! Too bad I have to type this thing so it will go to waste. Okay, here's your freakin' question mark!
DANG IT!!! THE QUESTION MARK DIDN'T COME UP! I SPENT A HALF HOUR ON THAT THING!!!
Whoa, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be! Okay, so…
Whoa! It's Eric (not Melissa's brother. It's the dude in my Spanish class)! Okay, now I'm done doing that. Now I must obliterate Eric from my fanfic! OBLITERATING!!!
"But how did you survive?" asked Harry. The Dusleys were—whoa! I forgot! To the dialog!
"Well…"
FLASHBA—you know what? I'm going to stop this Flashback and take this time for the LoW and Harry to beat up this kid talking to me who hates Harry Potter. He is Eric from a couple paragraphs up.
Suddenly, Eric is in a dark room. A light comes on in a corner. There is a crazy person standing in the light. It is LoW 3. She glares at him evily, stroking an orange kitty. Another comes on and it is LoW 2. She is held back by a wall that will probably collapse. A light goes on again and it is the Master, who is also LoW 1. She is standing there calmly, waiting. And now—Mike is in the room with Eric for he has joined in on the hate of Harry Potter train—and the last light comes on, revealing…dadada!!! LoW 4!!! LITTLE MIDGET OF FURY!!!
The Master/LoW 1 makes the clucking noise and Harry now appears next to an army of rabid squirrels. The squirrels and the League of Weirdos attack and soon, there is no more Eric and Mike. Harry laughs at their remains and omg, Simpsons are on! Awesome!
Okay, to the Flashback!
FLASHBACK
A small boy dropped in though the basement window. "How did I get down here?!" he cried out, frightened.
"OMG! FOOOOOOO—a werewolf in a pink tutu (not Lupin) bursts in. "Would you like some coffie?" Me: "Uh, no, try the former Master's house." The werewolf tap dances.—OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" yelled Dudley. And with that, Dudley devourer ed Mark Evans.
END FLASHBACK
"Then how did you survive with out water?" asked Harry.
"There was a leak in the window," said Vernon casually, as if being stuck in a basement for a year and then using your son's head as a battering ram is nothing.
"Uh, okay…oh, hold on," said Harry as he heard his ring tone.
It was Moldy Butt.
"Wake up, Neo."
"What? Who is Neo?" asked Moldy.
"Follow the white rabbit."
"Do you mean Mr. Fluffy Tail?"
"No, I mean the other one."
"What other one?"
"The name starts with a 'P'."
"…Philip?"
"No, PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!"
He hung up.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
In Voldie's secret underground lair, he yelled in fury.
This was not a very good day for him. Sevy had escaped; his happy pills had worn off (Sevy took the remainder of them with him); Potter had hung up on him; and his rabbits Mr. Fluffy Tail and Philip ran away!
FLASHBACK
"No, My Lord, we need you sober for our plan to be accomplished," said Sevy, wand raised, holding Voldie's happy pills.
"But Seeeeeeevvvvvvyyyyy; I need them!" And with that, he dove at Severus.
Severus slow-motion-dove out of the way and guess what? He dove out of the window of an 80 story building!
I mean…uh, landed safely on the ground—unscratched. mutters about stupid "no killing characters in between books" rule
END FLASHBACK
Whoa! This window smells really weird! Okay, moving on.
Before he went into one of his sad moods, his cello-phone started ringing.
"BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY, ROCKIN EVERYWHERE!"
'Twas Malfoy. "Hello?" asked Moldy Shorts, being the polite person he was. coughnotcough
"Master! Thank Merlin you're there! My Aunt Bella; she's going to—"
"Draco? Is that Master on the cello-phone?!" yelled a crazed voice from the background. There was a crash on the other end, And Moldy could only imagine what his insane Death Eater had done to the boy.
"Master; my love!" she screamed. "I shall kill my idiot husband for you and we shall be together forever!!!!"
"Um, Bella, what did you do to Draco?" he asked tentatively, holding the cello-phone away from his ear. He could hear her perfectly and the sound still hurt his head at an arms length.
"It does not matter, my love!! Soon, we shall be together FOREVER!!!!!!!" She cackled madly with glee.
"B-Bella? I'm sorry, but, I don't love you."
"What, Master? Who is making you say this?!"
"It's not you, Bella, it's me. It's just that…I love Dolores Umbridge."
"But, why, my love?!"
"She has scared Harry Potter's hand, just as I scared his head! We were meant to be together!"
"Then…that date we had last summer? It meant nothing to you?!"
"No, no, no, Bella, of course it did!"
"Then why do you love her and not me?!"
"Uh…oh, look, I have another call! Gotta go!"
He hung up, sweating. Merlin, what had he done?
Kaitlyn says that Harry Potter is cool.
OMG, a love triangle! Okay, violence is to be expected, I'm sure…
Authors Notes: Okay, another chapter up! YAY! REVIEW OR FACE THE WRATH OF A CRAZY BELLATRIX.
TwilightsCalling
Horseheads HP Club Member