Disclaimer: Once upon a time, there was a pony…ponies are awesome. Oh, and nothing you recognize is mine, except for the League of Weirdos.
A Deadly Game of Phone Tag Two
Chapter Four
Hermione?
Harry watched as his snowy white owl, Hedwig flew out the window, black box attached securely. It was to go off and create the havoc that marvelous idea number (what is this now? Like, nine or something?) nine was to create with Kreacher.
Harry jumped as a banging came at his door. Now that the Dursleys were out of the basement, they seemed to bother him nonstop. It was a wonder he hadn't hexed them yet!
"Potter! Get out here and help us get Dudley up the stairs!"
Harry ignored his uncle's cry for help. They would be in the basement again soon enough…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
At Number 12 Grimauld Place, Kreacher slumped in the hallways. "Mistress can't do a freaking thing herself, must kill Mistress's portrait soon, yes!" He looked like Golum (spell check) from Lord of the Rings.
There was a sudden crack as someone apperated to the house; Kreacher looked up quickly. 'Twas the Mudblood girl who Kreacher loathed and loved. She always gave him such nice presents. (a/n: Melissa: I have no specific page to give you to figure this out, so just call me and I'll tell you. That or you could just read the fifth book (BLUE ONE).)
"Hello, Kreacher," she said sweetly, "how are you?"
"Kreacher is just fine, weird girl. Just fine indeed."
At that moment Hedwig crashed through a window, letting Hermione recognize her almost immediately.
"Hedwig? What are you doing here?" she asked. Hedwig didn't even look at her; she just swooped in on the crazy house-elf and dropped a box on his head.
Kreacher looked at it, and then just through it on the ground as Hedwig left. He was too absorbed in finding a way to get rid of his Mistress and the Granger girl. Hermione picked up the box.
"Don't you want this, Kreacher?" she asked.
Kreacher didn't answer, so she guessed that was a no. She peeled the paper off as the box started to emit a ring tone that she recognized what it was.
"SMILE FOR ME BABE. WATCHA LOOKIN AT? LET ME SEE YOUR GRILLZ. LET CHA SEE MY WHAT?"
Well that didn't work out as well as I had hoped. Uh, let's try something else…
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES! EVERYBODY'S NERVES; EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW IT GO—OOOO—OOES!"
"Oh my God!" yelled Hermione, "I hate this song!" She unwrapped the cell phone quickly and hit the GREEN button. "Yes, hello?"
"Hermione?" asked Harry's voice from the other end.
"Harry? What are you doing?"
"Oh no," he muttered. "Uh, it's nothing, Hermione. I was just playing a game and this is part of it!"
"What are you talking about? What game?"
"…phone tag…"
"Phone Tag? And who are you playing this with, may I ask?"
Harry heard that tone in her voice that clearly said that if you lie to her, you're pretty much going to die. He did the only thing he could think of. "PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!"
"Harry? He hung up on me!" Hermione was obviously outraged by this, but decided to be the person she is and get more information. There was nothing on the subject in the Hogwarts library (Hermione would know) so that only left one option. Call the people in the address book.
She accessed it with ease, ignoring Kreacher who had started to pace and mutter. Eventually (in which I mean, like, five seconds) it became rather annoying, so Hermione left to go back to her house.
"Hermione? Is something wrong?" asked her mother when she arrived.
Hermione didn't answer, and Jane Granger saw that her daughter was in research mode. That was not a mode that Hermione was to be messed with in, as I'm sure anyone could see and that little pencil thing at the bottom of the page is awesome and it keeps going and going until I stop typing so now I'm just typing until I get bored of looking at it cause when I stop typing it stops moving and now I'm done, but it was an awesome pencil before I wanted to get back to the story.
She went to her room and as she closed the door behind her, saw that the address book was filled with all sorts of strange names.
Harry Potter was afraid. More afraid than he had ever been in his life, including everything that had happened with Voldemort when Harry still actually called him that and feared him a lot, you know. He had broken out into a sweat that was literally dehydrating him very quickly.
Hermione knew, which meant it was very bad. If she found out how long it had been going on…Harry didn't want to think about it. She would put a stop to it. She would kill him. Or worse…become all…Hermione-ish at him and the world. His very existence was at stake. Dear Merlin…
He knew what he must do.
Harry picked up his cell phone. And dialed…the number of dramatic pause Moldy Shorts.
The phone rang only once before it was answered. "What do you want, Potter?"
"Ah, I see you ran out of Happy Pills, finally," said Harry, trying to make polite conversation.
"...yeah, I did sniff what's it to you?"
"Nothing, but I do have something to tell you."
"If this is another ploy to Tag me, I have more important issues to deal with, Potter!"
"It's not, I swear! We seem to have run into some problems that, um, could result in our…deaths."
"Deaths? What are you talking about?"
"Well, one of the cello-phones had gone to the wrong person."
"And, who is this person?"
There was a shuddering breath. "Hermione Granger."
There was a gasp of horror from the other end. Lightning stuck the ground; wolves howled. "Dear Merlin," whispered Voldie. "This is bad, Potter! She might join forces with Bella!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, not that it's any of your concern, but, uh, she's going to destroy the world to kill Dolores Umbridge."
"Cool, send me a tape of it; we have more important matters to deal with!"
(a/n: Ya know, this is a really weird conversation, devoid of humor, and I'm breaking it off.)
At that moment, something happened that I don't remember what I was going to type, so guess what? BELLA BURST INTO VOLDIE'S LIAR! That might be bad…
The insane witch cackled madly with her wand in hand! "If I can't have you, no one can!" She brought out this really, really big spike ball thing, and I mean this thing is like, massively huge! I'm talking like, bigger than that printer sitting next to me! She tried to bring it swinging down on Voldie's head, but he picked up his cello-phone and held back the blow LotR style.
"Why are you doing this, Bella?!" he exclaimed, throwing off the massive spike ball thing.
"Because you wouldn't love me!" she screamed. "And now I'm going to—"
But she was suddenly cut off by the JP ring tone on her cello-phone which was hanging from her belt. "Oh, uh, excuse me for a moment. Hello?"
"Who is it that I am speaking to?" asked the voice of Hermione Granger on the other end.
"Uh, Bellatrix Lestrange, why?"
"Well, I've come across a cell phone game and I was wondering if you could tell me the origin of it and what everyone had been doing with it."
"I'm sorry but I don't think I will; I have to get back to killing someone now."
"Oh, alright, thanks anyway."
"Good-bye." She hung up the phone. "Now where were we?" Bella looked down and saw that Voldie was gone. "Jurp! Blurberhiedin monkeys of pie tin!" (a/n: don't ask)
She picked up her mace (just figured out what it was called) and stormed out.
"Ah, this will be a good hide out, now that I can never go back to my underground one!" exclaimed Moldy Butt, looking up at the house he has just purchased. It was a nice big one in an exceptional looking neighborhood, with nice boarded up windows just to his liking. It was nicely painted with a white coat, green shutters, and a red door.
Number 1428 Elm Street was just his style. It was pretty cheap too for "apparent haunting", but that was okay with him. There was no ghost he couldn't handle!
He unlocked the door, and went inside not noticing the chill that passed though the air as he did so.
Dolores Umbridge jumped as she saw Bella bursting into her underground window.
"OMG, what are you doing here?!" she squeaked.
"Uh, well this is awkward, err, well, I'm here to kill you!"
"Oh…may I ask why?"
"Well, you've, like, stolen my love from me and I must kill you now. Do you mind?" Bella asked politely.
"Uh, kinda!" Umbridge said.
"Oh…well…I'll just go then and—wait! That's just too bad! I'm going to kill you anyway!"
"I see…well, this is a pickle!"
Dolores Umbridge then died because I'm just tired of writing with her; you go a problem with that, just tell me and MAYBE I'll bring her back to life with some magic cumquat or something. (Heh, heh, not likely!)
Voldie lazy butt had fallen asleep as he made his plans for only JK Rowling knows what. And he was so stupid he didn't even call his Death Eaters yet! Asno mudo… (Oh, uh put that into a Spanish translator if you want to know what it means.)
And in his sleep, he began to dream. (a/n: Okay, we have reached the point at which I must explain what's going on with the house that Voldie bought. Those of you who have seen Nightmare on Elm Street (which doesn't include me, I just know what happened) feel free to skip this portion.
Okay, so I think that this dude was all like killing these kids I guess and he was at home when all the super mad parents burnt his house down and he was inside. The dude's name was Freddy (no, NOT like on Scooby Doo!) and he vowed that he would still get their kids when they couldn't be protected—in their dreams! So then in the movie he started killing these kids and I think there was some blond chick involved somewhere. They all started getting killed in the house that Voldie just bought and I don't know how they stopped him, but he had like, complete control over their dreams or something, and whatever he did to them in their dreams was real. If he cut their arm in the kids sleep, then guess what; that kid needs a Band-Aid! I think that about covers it and Freddy can't die because he's undead—I think…well, Jason can't die, so Freddy can't either!
You! Who has skipped my awesome explanation! READ HERE!!!
Right, back to the dream that Voldemort's going to have…)
He blocked out the blinding light with his arm as he heard the announcers voice call out his name. "And now….We present our next act! Please welcome Lord Moldy Butt! The snake man thingy with NO FEAR!!!"
Suddenly the lights went out—Voldie couldn't see! He was afraid!
"You see! No fear of the dark!" yelled the announcer, though he was visibly shaking.
"Let's see what else he's not afraid of!" And suddenly, there was sudden light that illuminated a face with many burns, wearing a black hat. "Here's Freddy," he said formidably, and he clicked his awesome knife finger things.
There was a huge cello-phone coming at him! It was ringing in his ring tone! "Let's see who it is, shall we?" said Freddy, and he jumped up and hit the GREEN button.
Harry Potter's voice filled the room at an astounding rate. "PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT!" it yelled at a volume unbearably loud.
His eyes snapped open; his ears were still ringing.
Voldie looked around…the lights were all on full blast, though he was still afraid. Perhaps he should leave…no! He would not be scared out by some ghost or whatever!
Harry had now advanced into the stage in which he was in corner in a very tight fetal position. He was going to die…he was going to die…. He didn't want to die yet! He still had to kill Voldemort and stuff! Something had to be done about Hermione.
"Hedwig!" he called, and his owl swooped over to his little corner. "I need you to take this to Ron," he said, pulling the last cell phone out of his pocket. "Make sure he notices it, alright?"
Hedwig hooted. She grabbed the box in her beak, and took off out the window.
Ron Weasley was eating his breakfast—more like shoving it down his throat, but you get the point. He wondered if Hermione would ever get around to talking to him now that they were kind of going out. As he pondered this, the snowy owl burst in through the kitchen window.
Will Harry die of Hermione's wrath?! Will Ron ever finish shoving food down his throat?! And will Freddy kill Voldie?!
I don't know.
THIS WAS THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER IN THE SERIES. AFTER THIS, IT'S OVER. NO SEQUELS OF ANY KIND, AND NO, UH…ANYTHINGS. FRANKLY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE STARTED THIS ONE, BUT I CAN'T CHANGE THAT NOW. THIS SHALL BE POSTED SOON. OR NOW IF YOU LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.
I LIKE TYPING IN BIG FONT.
TwilightsCalling