I smile as I walk back into the loft. Roger, Mimi and Collins are still sitting on the couches, smiling back at me.

"What did you think, guys?" I say with a smile, trying to hide how nervous I am that they'll reject her. Roger and Mimi give me a thumbs up, but Collins puts his thumb down. He sees my face fall, smiles and says, "Just messing with ya, Mark!" and flips his hand over to a thumbs-up.

"Damn anarchist," I mutter at him. Collins chuckles.

"Mark, that girl is perfect for you…" Roger says, "but… something seems to be… off with her. She's as borderline depressed as you are. Does she have some problem?" Collins looks at me, and nods gravely.

"She's got cancer, guys," I confess. They grow more and more silent.

"She would have gotten along great with Angel," Collins says softly, more to the ceiling than to anyone else. Collins does that a lot these days. We all know who he's talking to…

"Yes, she would have," I smile softly. "They're so alike… Maddie's a writer, and a singer… I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who loved music, and life, as much as Angel did… but now, I have Maddie."

"Cohen… you're very obviously crazy about her… But she's sick, buddy…" Roger shakes my shoulders. "You can't pretend she'll be around forever…"

"Neither will the three of you!" I spit at them, surprising everyone, including me. "You three are not the only people suffering in this loft! I've been standing by you, mothering you, putting on a brave face because you needed it! Damn it," I break down into tears, "I want to know for sure I'm alive. Surely you all know what that means!"

"We do, Mark," Mimi says, softly. "Did you ask her about her prognosis?"

"She's in remission," I nod, thinking back to our talk. "She hasn't had a chemo session in over a month, and she says that her hair's going to start to grow back soon. Meems, she showed me a picture of what she looked like before she lost her hair. You would have loved it. It was bright red, thick and wavy, a bit like yours, and she wore it down past her shoulders. She called it her 'crowning glory.'"

"I'm not sure whether or not to boo that pun," says Collins, shaking his head and chuckling. "She's a very smart girl, Mark."

"I know. Just talking with her for a few hours tells me that…"

"She's one of my favorite students, Mark. Don't screw her up, please."

"I'll do my best not to. I really like her, Collins."

"I can tell. You haven't been this excited about a girl since… well, since Maureen. You've always been the loner of our group. If this girl messes you up the way Maureen did…"

"She won't!"

"He's right," Roger sighs. "I don't think she'd sleep with a woman. But she might die, Mark. That's a bit more substantial than cheating on someone. Believe me, Mark, death can really fuck you up."

"God, why is it that none of you seem to think I can handle death?" I cry. I love my friends, but they frustrate me so much. "All of my favorite people in the fucking world have AIDS! Rog, you're the one who always tells me how I don't live enough. Maddie makes me feel alive. And I thought you'd appreciate that."

"Mark…" Roger tries, but I go to my room and slam the door. Roger doesn't give up like he usually does, though.

"Mark, I'm sorry," Roger says through the door. "I know that it was wrong to say that stuff. But you do understand where I'm coming from here… I know how much it hurts when someone you love… goes away."

"He's right, Mark." Collins' voice shakes with sadness; I can't remember seeing Collins cry since last Christmas. "It hurts… dreadfully. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, Mark."

"I know. But death isn't a guarantee for Mads. She's in remission, Collins, with a good prognosis. She's trying to move on."

"I know. And she's a good girl. She wouldn't mean to hurt you, Mark."

"I know. I invited her to the Life Café for Christmas, and she wants me to come home with her to meet her parents."

"Where do they live?" Mimi asked.

"South Jersey," I say. Roger snorts. "She says it's pretty nice, actually."

"Whatever."

"Roger, you know a Jersey girl would probably kick your ass for saying that," Mimi smiles, ruffling his hair affectionately.

"Are you kidding? Have you looked at her? She's thinner than Mark!" Roger laughs, but stops when he sees me flinch. "You're worried about her, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I guess so…" I sigh, taking my glasses off and rubbing my eyes. "I've known her only a few hours, but I'm going to meet her parents in a few days. I don't know if we're going too fast or not. I think Maddie feels that she'll never get this chance again. I'm her first boyfriend ever."

"She was really into the 'No Day But Today' thing when I showed your film to her," Collins tells me. "The rest of her classmates liked it, but Mads was blown away. She was sobbing so hard, Mark. After it was over, she came up to me, gave me a huge hug and started talking about her chemo and how scared she was."

I can't say I'm shocked, because from what I can tell of Maddie, she's very emotional. If anything, I'm surprised she didn't mention this to me in the pizza shop.

"So what did you do, Collins?" I say.

"Well, I told her that you have to learn to let go of that fear, or harness it and put it to use. Life is no good if you're too scared to live it. I told her how scared I was when I found out I had AIDS, but that it kind of made me love life even more. Thorton Wilder wrote that the only people who really realize how precious life is are the saints and the poets. I think Maddie and I must be like the saints, because we live through such grief and can still enjoy life."

It's here that I just start clapping. I can see that Mimi is crying, and Roger has his arm around her, protectively.

"My God, Collins, thank you," I say, patting him on the back. "Thanks for the perspective."

"Hey, man, I'm a professor of philosophy," Collins smiles, lighting a joint. "It's my job to give perspective."

"Thank you very much, then," I smile.