PLANS ANNOUNCED FOR MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING "NEWSIES" CAST
By Brian Denton
Staff Writer
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Shortie and Keza, the masterminds behind the NJL, which rose to fandom fame in the early 2000's, are at it again. For weeks, there have been signs of something big to come: a major casting call was released and secret correspondences between the two were leaked to the public, whether this was intentional or not is still unknown. Despite these hints, no one, not even those in the duo's inner circle, appeared to have any idea of what was to come. As of yesterday, the secret is out.
In a massive press conference open to all the major news sources in the area, Keza and Shortie made it known that a major motion picture based on the high school fics that were very popular a few years ago is in the works. "It isn't a movie," Shortie informed the audience, "It's a film."
"We feel very strongly about not compromising the integrity of this work of art," Keza agreed. "We know how important this project is to fans of those involved in the film and those who were in the fandom many years ago. This is not going to be just a stupid comedy of fluff. We're placing great importance on the plot and on making true to life, well rounded recognizable characters."
However, when asked about the plot of the project, both girls were quick to change the subject to the actors they had cast. "We got all of the original boys!" Shortie said, "It helps that we've kept in touch with all of them from the days when we used… er, cast them in our own high school stories. They were more than happy to be involved once again."
The girls, however, weren't so easily swayed. "Of course there were those who hadn't left, but alas they were the minority," Keza told us. "We spent more time trying to track down the girls than the boys and unfortunately, we weren't able to find all of them and several of those we were able to contact didn't seem quite into the project, hence the major casting call.
"We couldn't be more excited about finding a new crew of girls, though!" Shortie continued with a big smile, "Seriously, we want to see as many people as possible!" Auditions will be held on [date in Irving Hall at [address. They are looking for girls who look between the ages of fourteen and eighteen and would like those interested to bring a résumé and headshot.
The project is being financed solely by Joseph Pulitzer IV, the independently wealthy great grandson of the famous newspaper mogul. Pulitzer, the girls say, is supportive of every aspect of the project. "Our budget is nearly unlimited," Keza said, "Joe was a big fan of high school stories and trusts us to turn out the best film possible. He also wants to be involved in any way he can. Look for a cameo from (continued on page 7)
"This is a nightmare."
"Hmm? Oh," Keza looked up from her notepad and brushed a few doodle-filled sheets to the floor surreptitiously.
"What the - were those giraffes? Kez, have you been paying even the LEAST bit of attention for the last two hours?"
"Sorry, is that a trick question?"
"Ahem."
Both girls froze and faced front again. A tall girl with short, messy brown hair was looking at them expectantly, her arms crossed.
"Hello," Shortie said brightly. "Can we help you?"
"Um, yeah, actually, you called me up like five minutes ago. Am I going to audition or what? I have a rehearsal to get to, you know."
"Er, sorry about that," Keza said, retrieving her "notes" in an attempt to look official. "Time flies," she added lamely.
"I bet," the girl muttered, looking none-too-impressed.
"Aha!" Shortie cried, triumphantly tugging something from the bottom of a large stack of paper. "Tara?"
"Call me Spin."
"Right. Says here that you are a thespian... smoker..." she paused and squinted up at the girl. Keza, who had been reading over her shoulder, mimicked the gesture.
"What!" Spin snapped.
"Just checking," Shortie explained. "Says here you have gauged ears."
"Yeah, so what if I do?"
"Oh, no, we just wanted to make sure it was true," said Keza. "We've, ah, had some trouble in the past with false claims and the like. We just want to know that we're hiring exactly who we think we're hiring."
"For example, purple eyes," Shortie continued.
"I think they prefer "violet.""
"It doesn't matter, the point is, the girls don't have 'em, despite whatever this," here she jabbed angrily at Spin's already crumpled resume, "reports."
"Well, my eyes are blue..." Spin began, but Shortie dismissed her with a wave.
"Don't worry about it. Get to rehearsal. NEXT!"
"What? What does that even mean? I didn't even show you anything!"
"You'll do," Keza said with a smile. "Besides, you're an oldie, you know what's what. We've seen some of your stuff. With Stress. I think."
"That's it?"
"That's it. Show up at the set next Tuesday and... you should probably bring your own lunch. We're still working out the catering details."
Spin, still unsure about whether she'd won or lost the battle, finally just rolled her eyes and made for the door, ready to be out in the fresh air and away from the throngs of teenage girls.
"Kez, I - Keza, those don't even look like giraffes, I mean, come on..."
"Oh my god, it's been five hours, and we haven't even put a dent in that line!"
"This is hopeless."
"We really... really... didn't plan well, did we?"
(Silence.)
"I mean, since we're being honest."
"Since we're being honest, no, we did not plan very well."
Keza and Shortie were attempting to enjoy their fifteen minute break, which was a little difficult, considering that said break was taking place in a broom closet, and said girls were ducking beneath the door so that said line of hopefuls would leave them alone.
Someone tapped sharply on the window, causing Keza and Shortie to start and knock heads. A shock of red hair greeted them as they looked up.
"Whew," said Shortie. "It's just Ali."
Ali cracked open the door, trying (and failing) to hide a grin. "That was great, guys," she said dryly. "The slapstick, perfect timing. Are you putting that in your movie?"
"Maybe," Keza said sorely.
"Well, anyway, just here to remind you that you really need to get back on track, I know it's only day one, but we're trying to be efficient here. And since you wouldn't let anyone else audition the prospects..." she trailed off and gave the pair a pointed glare, reminding them exactly what she thought of that decision.
"Bully," grumbled Keza. "Righto. Up and attem! Here we come! Day's only just begun!" she jumped to her feet and slid past Ali and out the door, then marched to the judge's table and sat, back straight, and took a freshly sharpened pencil from behind her ear. "Next!" she chirped.
Shortie and Ali stared in disbelief.
"Sorry," Ali said after a moment, "I know this doesn't really have anything to do with the issue at hand, but... where on earth did that pencil come from?"
"Malone," the petite girl said with a nervous smile. "Belle. Backstage M-"
"Stage?" Keza asked, looked up from the desk with a frown. "You don't look like-"
"Backstage, dumbass," Shortie said. "Stagey, right?"
"With a 'y'," Stagey said helpfully.
"Right, sorry," Keza said. "Are you another one of those thespians?"
"Um, not really, I mean, I do set design, and costumes, sometimes, but-"
"Keza," Shortie said, with a hint of exasperation creeping into her voice. "We're auditioning for a movie, which, believe it or not, involves acting. Of course she's a thespian, just like all of the girls have been thespians, or else why would they be auditioning for a movie ?"
There was an uncomfortable pause.
"Well, I meant, was her character a thespian, or-"
"-really, I'm not much of a thespian, I've never even-"
"Irrelevant. Irrelevant! Your profile says that you were in "Fast Times at Duane Street High." Sounds like an oldschool high school fic to me."
"It is. Was."
"Was?"
"Well, I mean, it was never finished... hasn't been updated in over two years." Stagey looked slightly guilty at this admission, but the two girls behind the desk were unperturbed.
"We would expect nothing less," Shortie said with a smile. "Listen, you're just what this story needs."
"Movie," Keza corrected.
"Movie. Swing by the set next Tuesday morning, don't be late."
"Great! Thanks!" Stagey grinned, and ran off with a wave.
"Such nice girls," Keza mused, making an exaggerated checkmark on her notes. "NEXT!"
"Shortie, I cannot tell a lie, if I have to hear about one more tough girl with a heart of fluff-"
"Kez..."
"-who is prickly on the outside, but deathly loyal to her friends-"
"Keza..."
"-and hides behind a brick wall of an exterior because of her troubled past-"
"Keza, really -"
"-which will soon come back to haunt her-"
"Are you done?"
"Maybe, yeah."
"Good, because this is our last one for the day. And then drinks are on me."
"Hooray," Keza said listlessly. "You say that as if you expect me to survive one more of these dumb auditions."
"Excuse me, Miss, but I do recall the open casting call business to be your idea."
"That is false, and you know it!"
Shortie ignored the other girl. "Ellie Summers? Pegasus?"
"Thaaat's me." An athletic looking girl with long black hair stepped forward to the desk. "Um, sorry, I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, but did I hear you guys say that I was the last one?"
"Yeah, for today."
"Right... well, I was just thinking that maybe you'd want to tell them-" she jerked her head back in the direction of the long line of girls and boys that wound around the gymnasium.
Keza and Shortie let out identical sighs.
"ALI!" Shortie yelled, and the petite redhead appeared.
"Jesus, I was like five feet behind you, no need to scream," she grumbled.
"Sorry. Listen, we're stopping for the day after Peg here, so can you be a doll and tell all those kids that they have to go home?"
Ali's eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry, I seem to have missed the part where I become your personal assistant."
"Ali," Keza said sweetly. "Please, please, pretty please, would you do this for us, and keep in mind that Shortie is buying everyone drinks after we close down?"
Ali hesitated, wavered, and broke. "Fine. But just this once. If you want a personal assistant, then hire one. I'm here to produce this shitshow, not to get you coffee!" She stalked off and Keza and Shortie returned their attention to the task at hand.
"Sorry 'bout that," said Keza. "Alright." She paused, scanning over a sheet on her clipboard. To her right, Shortie was frozen with a look that was something between confusion, shame, and irritation balanced on her face. Needless to say, it was not very attractive.
"You run track," Keza continued, "you're interested in Skittery, and you're polite. I like you. Shortie? What d'ya say? She was in "These Brutal Streets," did you ever read that? It was funny. Shortie? Hellooo?"
"Hmm? What? Yes, polite, Skittery, um, Tuesday, 8am, sharp!" Shortie stood and smiled brightly. "Thanks for coming!"
Pegasus looked to Keza, who just shrugged. "You're in," she said. "Um, sorry, it's been a long day. We look forward to seeing you next week, though." She stood, too, and offered a smile of her own. "Don't forget to pack a lunch. We'll provide the snacks."
"Okaay," Pegasus said, backing slowly toward the door. The line was beginning to filter out that way, some looking none too pleased about it.
"I'm exhausted," Keza said to Shortie, turning, "but you're absolutely loony."
Shortie stared blankly at the mess of papers on the table, then shoved the lot into a surprisingly professional-looking briefcase and made for the door. "Drinks!" she cried, and Keza hurried to catch up.
CELEB! Special Feature!!!
How I Got My Big Break!!! One Girl's Story
By Jessa Rhian
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It was 4:30 in the morning when I arrived at Irving Hall only to find that I was not, as I had expected to be, one of the first there. Even though it was bitter cold out and it hadn't even begun to get warm out, there was already a large crowd waiting behind the flimsy looking fence that had been put there to temporarily keep us away from the doors.
I quickly secured a place in line—a smart choice, since the crowd behind me was growing larger by the second—and began studying the people around me. Even though it was absurdly early, everyone seemed to be just as awake and alert as I was. Some were involved in deep conversations about what parts they wanted to play and who their ideal love interests were, while others were loudly rehearsing or braggingly wondering which of their stunningly unique features would most impress the directors. The girl directly in front of me, however, was sobbing hysterically and crawling on the ground, apparently looking for something, while her friend awkwardly tried to comfort her.
"Lost contact," the friend shrugged when I asked what had happened.
"You haven't seen it, have you?" the girl asked, turning to me. She had one brown eye and one ridiculous looking purple one. I had to bit my tongue to keep from laughing.
"Annie…" the friend said.
"I told you not to call me that, Tinker!" Contact-girl shrieked, "Call me by my newsie name!"
Tinker sighed, "Fine, Amethyst."
Annie, or Amethyst, burst into a fresh batch of tears. "I'm called Amethyst because of my purple eyes! My résumé says I have purple eyes! I can't go in there! They'll never cast me!" she sobbed, and sprinted away from the line before her friend could say anything.
"Aren't you going to go after her?" I asked, since Tinker didn't seem to be moving.
She shrugged, "Just met her twenty minutes ago. Less competition for us at least. And if they're serious about taking everyone, I'd rather not have that crazy in the movie with me."
I couldn't help but wonder if they were serious about taking everyone. It wasn't even 6:00AM yet and already there were more girls than I'd ever seen in one place at the same time.
Eventually, after a really long wait, the front doors of the theater opened and all hell broke loose. Everyone was screaming, pushing and shoving, trying to get a glimpse of the directors or whichever boy (since a couple major ones were rumored to have been inside) was coming outside.
Instead, it turned out to be a frazzled looking redhead holding a clipboard. Her eyes widened at the size of the crowd and she muttered something under her breath.
"Excuse me!" she called out, but since nobody recognized her, she'd lost the attention of the crowd. Still muttering, she pulled a megaphone out from behind the theater doors.
As soon as she had everyone's attention, she told us that they were going to let the first hundred or so inside. The line cut off literally right behind me! We were led into the green room, which was barely big enough to fit all of us. One by one, the girls went in for their auditions. There didn't seem to be any sort a time limit when it came to the auditions. Some girls were in the theater for a while, while others returned after mere seconds.
"That wasn't an audition!" one raged, "I was in there for like, one minute! They didn't ask me any questions, they didn't want to see me do anything, they just told me to come back next Tuesday. What bullshit!"
However, for some of the girls, the length of the audition was the least of their worries. "They didn't seem impressed at all about how I led Queens in a victory over Brooklyn in the last borough war," one girl told us dejectedly. "Maybe I should have mentioned that I'm Spot's sister?"
Finally, after another absurdly long wait, it was my turn.
"Watch out," the redhead told me before I went in. "Shortie's not a morning person and Keza's already had far too much tea. It's a bad combination."
"Ali!" an irritable voice called from inside the theater, "are you sending the next one or not!"
Ali rolled her eyes, "they don't pay me nearly enough for this," she muttered, pushing me into the room, where the two directors sat, bickering, at a folding table covered in pads, pens, and steaming cups.
"Hi," I said awkwardly, as I climbed up to the stage, "I'm—"
"Stress!" Shortie cried, putting down her cup. "Look Kez, it's Stress!"
"I see that, Shortie," she snapped, waving a (cont. on page 107)
Note from the Authors: Wow, we are so wicked sorry for the delay in updating. I'm not going to name names, but one of us had her part of the chapter done a week and a half ago, and the other is lame. And had internet troubles. Blah blah blah. Anyway, stick with us! We've decided to attempt to set deadlines for ourselves and update once a week. We just have to decide on the day, and, um, when to implement it. In the meantime, keep an eye out, or check our profile for updates. Thanks for reading, and please review!
-Keza and Shortie