Chapter 13- The Point of No Return
A/N: Terribly sorry, I've been SO busy and this chapter was really hard to write! So here's an update for everyone!
Disclaimer- Neither Rent nor the Phantom lyrics I borrowed are mine.
Dinner at my parents' house has never been a barrel of laughs, even under the best of circumstances. I've had many uncomfortable dinners with them, but this dinner completely takes the cake. Poor Maddie looks like someone has thrown a brick at her face. There is so much that needs to be said, but no one wants to be first to open their mouth. I clear my throat, breaking the silence.
"So… Maddie," I say, overly heartily. "Why don't you tell my mom and Cindy about school?" Maddie sighs and nods.
"Yeah, I'm a junior at NYU," Maddie says. Cindy pricks up her ears; she's a guidance counselor at some high school and loves college talk. I knew they'd hit it off. My mother listens silently, bemused.
I try to strike up a conversation with my nephews. "So… uh, guys, how's school going? Doing any sports?" They smile and start babbling about soccer, which is practically a foreign language where I'm concerned. But I try to listen anyway, mainly because letting them talk makes me free to think. In a moment or two, the boys run out of things to say, and another awkward silence ensues. I weigh the chances of Maddie and me getting out alive after my father wakes up- which are, at best, slim.
"Ma," I venture, "I don't think Maddie and I should stay here tonight, do you?"
My mother stops and thinks quietly. All eyes are on her as she finally shakes her head "no."
"Mark, to be honest, I don't think there's any room in my place, either. Don's parents are in town, too. You might just want to get a hotel room," Cindy winks at me. I can feel my face getting red, and I can see Maddie shifting in her seat. We've never had much discussion about sex, as neither of us really feel comfortable talking about it yet.
Cindy sees this and laughs, and leans over to me and whispers, "Come on, Marky, you'll have to do it sometime. Don't be such a wuss. Or have you gotten so used to jacking off that you can't imagine doing it with a woman?" I have to smack her now, Maddie tries very, very hard not to laugh, and my mother pretends to ignore us.
Eventually, Maddie and I finally manage to escape into the night, away from my parents' house. My mom actually forces money into my hand so that we can book a room in the nearest Hilton, a ridiculous luxury for the likes of us. Both Maddie and I are totally mortified, like two teenagers playing "Spin the Bottle."
"Well, that wasn't embarrassing at all," Maddie sighs as we get in the car.
"Yeah, I know. I think we're even again."
"God, Mark, I thought MY family was dysfunctional. Can you imagine what it will be like at our wedding?" I don't know if I want to, and then it occurs to me what she just said.
"God, that sounds weird. 'Our wedding.' Surreal, isn't it?"
"I guess it's really happening now, though I still don't believe it," Maddie grins. "I detach from life almost as much as you do, you know. I wish I was good with cameras, though. I never got a lot of experience with them, especially not proper film cameras. Can't remember the last time we made a home movie in my family."
"I know what you mean. No one else in my family took much care in pictures, either. You saw what my mom has on her wall. No one looks good in photos like that."
Before we know it, we're at the Hilton, and I immediately want to pull away and race back to Alphabet City. Maddie's kind of tense, too. It occurs to me that she probably is really going mad right now, thinking about losing her virginity. As I've known her for such a short time, I feel guilty with the idea of taking that moment away from her.
"We don't have to do this, you know," I say. Maddie smiles weakly.
"Mark, first of all, when would we ever get time alone with Roger and Collins in the loft?"
"You have your own apartment, Mads-"
"Plus, your mom is paying for this. She wants to make it up to us. Don't worry about me, Mark," she says, knowing me all too well. "I'm ready for this. I want this moment, Mark, and I want it to be special with you. Stop trying to talk me out of it. no second thoughts, I've decided, decided…"
She kisses me to put her point across, and all my worries fly away. Convinced, I get out the car, hand the valet the keys (I can't believe they have a fucking valet!), and walk into the hotel lobby. Maddie follows, humming something that sounds suspiciously like Phantom of the Opera.
"Yes, sir, madam. Can I help you?" the concierge calls to us from the desk.
"Yeah, I'm here for a room for tonight," I say, trying to sound like I've passed puberty. "It's already reserved under 'Cohen.' C-O-H-E-N."
"Very good, sir. Single bed, I presume?" I immediately start to blush.
"Yes, thank you," Maddie says for me.
"Very good madam." He hands us the keys, whispers, "Good luck!" and sends us on our way.
"How does he know?" Maddie whispers. I think I know.
"I'm going to KILL Ma and Cindy," I mutter.
The room is nicer than anything I've ever seen before. Maddie and I gasp when we walk in. There's a bottle of champagne in the corner. Love songs are sawing away on the radio. I think any item in the room could pay for my friends' AZT for at least a week.
"Wow," Maddie whispers. She's almost crying.
"Are you okay, Mads?" I take her in my arms.
"I'm crying cause I'm happy, Mark. This is beautiful."
"So are you," I say, without skipping a beat. I kiss her before she can disagree.
The John Lennon song "Oh My Love" starts playing on the radio, and Maddie breaks off the kiss to laugh.
"It's my aura. My friends used to say that every time they thought of me, a Beatles song started playing on the radio."
"Well, I'm thinking of you," I say, kissing her again. "I never stop thinking about you."
"And I never stop thinking about you," Maddie says. Amazing how you can say "I love you" without needing to say "I love you."
But I say it anyway, as I help Maddie take off her shirt. I say it again as I kiss her beautiful collarbone. (I've always had a strange fascination with collarbones; they're what make women beautiful for me.)
I take it slow and gentle for Maddie- I haven't forgotten it's her first time. Maddie's kisses reassure me and heighten my pleasure, she decides to count all the freckles and other marks on my body. After what feels at the same time like an eternity and a second, it finally ends. It's been years since I've had sex with a woman, but I haven't forgotten. In fact, it was even better than I remember- sex with Maureen was much more rough and urgent.
I look over at Maddie, whose face is even redder than I've ever seen before. Maddie always says she can't blush, but that is certainly untrue. As I move over and put my arm around her, she visibly winces.
"Are you all right?" I ask, kissing her on the forehead. She nods, though I can see her blinking back tears.
"It does hurt," she admits in hushed tones. "Not awful, but… you know."
"I understand," I say, kissing her softly again. "Was it worth it?"
"Yes, of course," she says, smacking me with a pillow. Then, Maddie starts giggling again.
"What?" I ask. Maddie grins at me.
"I've had this tune stuck in my head all night, and I only just realized what it was. It's "The Point of No Return" from Phantom of the Opera."
"The sex song?" I say, remembering something from a show with Maureen. Maddie giggles.
"I guess you could call it that, yeah. But I love it. The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn…" Maddie sings softly.
I kiss her just as softly. We truly are past the point of no return.