Looking for questions and answers…
Several hours later as the night drew in and wind got up Buck wondered where his friend had gotten to. It was unlike him not to come back into town. Chris was very particular about patrol and reporting, something he'd learned in the Army. And Chris was only just back on his feet. Vin had been very quiet he remembered. Buck grinned, Vin didn't realise his face was swelling like a chipmunk with his toothache. But he was being a baby about refusing help for it. Sooner or later he was going to have to and as for Peso butting him giving him that busted nose, well…
Vin extra quiet and not looking at him at all this evening and now Chris gone…Buck suddenly got to wondering if they had had a falling out. But over what? Chris, he knew from experience had a quick temper and a vicious fist. Not that Vin was a lily liver he could be mean when prodded once too often.
Sure earlier today there'd been the distraction fight and gunplay in the saloon, but Vin had been outside and had stopped the man from riding off with the money bags. But Chris had been the only one to see Vin. They'd sorted everything out, put the men in jail, and talked about what had happened, seeing that their tactics worked. Chris had seemed a bit off, now he thought about it.
But then he'd been a bit off ever since they'd rescued him from the prison more than a week ago. Nathan was up and about, back to making limited house calls and doctoring.
Buck decided it was time to find that Texan and shake him until the tassels fell off his stupid buckskin coat. He wanted answers and he was damn well going to get them.
Vin needed help but didn't know quite where to go. Buck would be mad, JD was too young, Ezra…would just be Ezra and he wouldn't get two words out of five. Nathan would have been a good bet if he wasn't off doctoring in the next town over. Only one person left who might have a direct line to an answer. He went up the steps of the church, took off his hat and went in.
"Siah, you ever said somethin' in the heat of the moment and wished you'd never said it in the first place?"
"Sure."
Silence
"How do you get them words back?"
"Depends on what they were, brother."
"Wrong words."
"Then you need to say the right ones in their place."
"But he was mad and then I got mad and things kinda got chewed up like a dogs dinner."
"Tell me what you said and maybe I can help."
"No, that's between me an' him if you don't mind, it was personal. Should'na been but it was."
"Then I can only suggest trying to talk to him."
"Huh, not sure he'll listen right now."
"Then give it time."
"Time for what Vin?"
"Buck!"
"What the hell's goin on? Chris ain't back yet off patrol and he should be!"
"Damn the man! It's my fault."
"What did you do? We all know he still needs his rest. Shouldn't be traipsing about all night."
"We had words is all."
"Just words? You get into a fight with him as well Vin?"
"Yeah." Vin admitted reluctantly, not wanting to lie, and him standing in the house of God after all….
"JD said it was Peso that butted him! You lied to us."
"Didn't! JD just thought that. Chris was gone by then."
"Sounds like Vin here sinned by omission."
"What, Josiah?"
"You didn't put JD right."
"I know that."
Buck and Vin left the church and headed down the dark street lit by the flickering night fires.
"What the hell did you say to him so bad that he'd hit you?" Buck insisted, giving Vin an angry shove.
"Personal."
"Aw hell. Why on earth did you do that? You know what he's like…well maybe you don't..."
"Not as well as you, but we got mad and I said some things I shouldn't have …but so did he." Vin said, aware that he sounded like a spoilt child…
"How we goin to fix this, Vin?"
"What's this 'we'? Huh, and you never pissed him off before Buck?"
"Plenty- but I'd never insult his family and live to tell the tale! And this 'we' is you and me, we're Chris's friends last I heard."
"I said I was sorry."
"Not to me- you sorry excuse for a bounty hunter- Chris!"
"I tried but he rode off after smacking me in the face! Don't need more yellin' Buck, it ain't helping." Vin hissed as he pushed through the swing doors of the saloon.
"Could swing by his cabin early tomorrow, tonight's too soon. Can't believe we need to look for Chris again."
"At least we didn't wait weeks this time," said Vin hotly
"Hey, he's a grown man, and I thought he needed to let off steam after Fowler and everything. Cut the guy a little slack."
"So it was okay for him to get stuck in that hell hole!"
"Course not Vin. Hell, no wonder he slugged you!"
"What? "said JD, wondering what was going on with Buck and Vin. "You said Peso walloped you!"
"Didn't .JD –you said it, I never did."
"Yeah well this ain't helping any."
"Might I suggest you stop revisiting past transgressions and focus on the task ahead?"
Vin and JD looked at Ezra puzzled.
"Tracking Mr Larabee and sorting out whatever it is that's wrong between you." he said pointedly.
Chris rode away from Vin, full of hurt and anger. He felt some relief as he arrived at his small cabin. He unsaddled and rubbed Pony's heaving flanks down. The tasks automatic and soothing as he went to the water barrel and grain feed. "Sorry boy," he said as he patted the hard muscle beneath his hand. Pony was one of the few remaining links with his former life, and no matter how tired or hurt, the horse always got put away first. Adam had loved working with him as he grew old enough to help. Chris swallowed hard.
How dare Vin say such things to him, he railed as he headed for the cabin with his saddlebags over his shoulder. So he wouldn't have to think about it too much he methodically repaired loose stitches on one saddle bag. Then he checked his gun, cleaning and refilling it. Nothing in mind, just regular chores.
No one came by, but he didn't expect them to. Reckoned Buck would tell Vin to give him time to cool off and then Vin would come in. At present Chris didn't want to listen. As he waited for coffee to heat he wondered how things had gotten so ugly so fast.
He was tired of others changing his life for him. His side ached making him lift his shirt up and feel the red scar, remembering he'd been gut punched in the ruckus in the saloon. He couldn't see anything wrong, Nathan's stitches were out and it seemed healed. But he didn't seem to have much energy and felt tired all the time. Everyone kept nagging at him to eat more, but he just couldn't face eating even more than a week after his rescue.
He'd tried his usual drinking habits but discovered even that had been ruined by his time in Jericho. Seemed the drink got him stinking drunk quicker than before. Made him puke like hell too, which kept Nathan on his back-
"Chris, you're gonna kill yourself. It's too soon. Your body's still crazy from what happened. Why are you doing this?"
"Because I can…" he'd replied.
Buck was confused saying "This ain't like you, stud. You got an iron clad gut…"
No, Chris thought to himself, maybe I'm just a coward.
Even the small cigars he enjoyed burned a hole in his gut too. Simple pleasures starved and beaten away….leached out in the dark nights in the Hole…
Chris got to thinking about how his life had turned out as a man, a father and husband. He tried so hard to hang onto the good memories and times. He wished he had a picture of his sweet wife and child but everything had been destroyed in the fire. How much longer could he summon up the pictures in his memory?
'Miserable son of a bitch' yeah, he could be that and more. Sometimes the only thing he could see and smell was what was left upon his returning from that horse trading trip with Buck. His world shattered. Just when he was beginning to take an interest in things again and life getting good. Blackfoot had led him to Fowler and that bastard had gone back into the flames rather than reveal who had paid him for murdering his family. That was hard to take. Unbearable. The pain of it tore at him anew as Vin's angry words rattled in his head. He tossed and turned on his cot. He hadn't been that bad a father and husband he reckoned. But he could have been home more and he could never forgive himself for not coming home a day earlier to save his family.
He wondered if he should head back to town tomorrow morning, but childishly vetoed that. They'd fret, but let them he thought. Thinking about his family and former life made him edgy. Restless, he got up and went out into the night wrapped in his blanket and wandered over to the corral; Pony came over looking for treats. "Hey boy" he said as he rubbed his nose. "Okay" he said as Pony gently nudged him for an apple." What am I going to do?" Pony snorted as he realised there was no more.
"My feelings exactly," Chris said scratching Pony's neck. Pony stood still as Chris thought, when Pony moved he realised he'd almost dozed off on his feet. 'Must be getting old' he yawned as he returned to the cabin. But he now knew what he was going to do.
Before dawn he got up, made coffee and saddled up Pony and set off. A destination in mind at last.