Déjà vu
Voices in the dark. Taunting. Yelling -hitting him. He rolled from the punches, the batons. Breathing heavily he suddenly came to for a second. Eyes open, head jerked up off the pillow. Unfocused, the room spun, agony in his belly. Hands reached for him. He ignored them rolled to the edge of the bed and was sick.
Briefly. Noisily. Painfully. Groaned. Spat.
Lay there gathering pieces of himself together.
What. The. Hell?
Failed.
Slid back into the dark.
Fever burned through him baking him dry. What had happened? Couldn't remember. Was he back in the Hole?
"Not going back! Can't make me you bastards."
"It's okay."
"Watch out! Rattler"
"Ain't no rattler, boss, just us. Take it easy."
"Look out!"
"Stop that- you'll ruin everything."
"No, gotta get it…"
Buck and Vin wrestled, trying to keep Chris in bed as he tried to look for a non existent snake.
"What in tarnation is that all about?" Buck cursed as Nathan checked Chris out.
Vin thought about what he'd seen the first time he caught up with Chris in the prison by the hole on the ground.
"We know he killed the Warden and Sheriff, cause he told us."
"So?"
"Snake bite make a mans face go all puffy and all? A rattler bite?"
"Could be"
"A rattler got the warden not Chris." Vin confirmed.
"That was lucky"
"Odd though."
Chris struggled upwards, straining to hear the voices. He had to hear what they were saying. He'd been here before in the Hole- voices yelling and taunting him. "Not going back, you can't make me!" he yelled.
Torment. Death and destruction. Fire and bodies. Pain. He moved and agony dragged him under, smothering him again. The voices remained distant but insistent.
He was burning. So hot. He was in the fire that killed his family. He looked for them, pushing away hands that grabbed him, crying out for his wife and son.
Vin leant over Chris trying to still the writhing body while Nathan wiped the sweat off.
"It's alright Chris. They're safe now. Rest up now" Vin soothed as Nathan changed the dressing again. The infection was much less now he was glad to see.
Chris fought against Vin as he yelled "Fowler!" and collapsed back on to the bed, lying deathly still. Nathan hurried to check the sweat soaked body of their leader.
"He's still with us Vin. Think that's the fever burning out of him. Best get to washing 'im and changing into dry stuff. Keep him warm."
"Sure? I mean I thought he was .."
"I know it look scary but once he gets some rest and food under his belt he'll be okay."
"Lord knows he's a mite scrawny right now Nathan. This rate he'll need another notch on his gun belt to hold his pants up!"
When Buck came by at lunchtime he found Vin asleep by Chris's bed. He looked at his oldest friend; the feverish colour had gone at last. It was strange to see him so still, so quiet hardly breathing. Chris seemed such a strong forceful man that to see him pale and so thin like this was hard. To reassure himself he gently touched Chris's cheek with the back of his hand- felt normal. Chris didn't wake up, and Buck saw that Vin was quietly watching him from under his hat.
Buck was glad Chris had taken to the quiet scruffy tracker, that dusty day they'd saved Nathan. Chris was still grim and moody a lot of the time, but now and then smiles and genuine warmth leaked out, making him almost like the old Chris Larabee he remembered.
Now Chris was settled and out for the count Buck had one question to ask Vin, one he'd wanted to ask for days.
"How'd you know it wasn't Chris under all that black and Pony and all?"
"'Cause when I rode up a while back, it was a bit darker."
"And that helped how?" Buck asked with a frown- and he'd thought Ezra was confusing….
"He called out to me…"
"And you knew it wasn't him?"
"No, it was Chris alright."
"Then..?" Buck was confused….it was and it wasn't Chris?
"It was what Chris said; he was trying to warn me. It worked, put me on ma guard and I just looked for more clues. All the while it got lighter and then I knew fer sure."
"But he had all of Chris' things, even Pony."
"Yeah, but Pony was fussing and I knew what that meant. Now I know he was after the reward, I figure he wanted Larabee alive to see and hear him shoot me, make him feel bad. But when he raised his gun up, as you came into view, I saw his white shirt. Our Chris ain't worn white in a long time and especially not since Jericho. Hell, that shirt was one he must've got on his travels that time."
"But he still put his gun up Vin."
"Yeah but I had him pegged by then anyway and when he said goodbye, that was just extra 'cause I knew it weren't Chris then and he knew it. Then you showed up just at the right moment. 'Sides, he wore the coat wrong and held the Colt different. Like I said, just needed to see what was really there."
Buck couldn't help but agree. Vin always saw what was there even when there were invisible signs…and maybe it was part of that connection the two men seemed to have. He was glad it wasn't Chris's time to die yet, they had more adventures to look forward to, he was sure of that.
Chris slept the day out- any time he woke they fed and watered him. Dimly he thought he should complain a bit louder but he did not have the energy to stop them from doing the most intimate of tasks.
Chris woke one time to find the doctor sitting patiently in the room. He lay gathering the scraps of information he'd been told…
"Just who the hell are you?" Chris squinted at him.
"Someone trying to help you," came the calm reply. Chris had to agree to that as Nathan and the others seemed fine with him.
"Tastes nasty," he groused as he sipped yet more tea.
"Drink, it's good for you." Lucius had a basin in hand as he watched Chris's face turn greenish once more. It was a delicate balancing act, saving a life but the reaction was playing havoc with Larabee's stomach. He needed food to recover. This was not going to be easy.
The others had a sense of what Ezra called déjà vu- once again they were caring for a sick Chris. Lucius and Nathan impressed upon them all that Chris' body was exhausted and would take him a while to get fit again. They could all see how thin he was. Now that the sickness from the ether and fever from the operation had finally passed, he still wasn't eating properly. That too would take time. Chris had always been lean but had a good appetite when he put his mind to it.
Chris slowly recovered and sometimes he even fell asleep in mid sentence, which annoyed him and amused the hell out of everybody else. Seemed like every time he woke up someone different in was in the room.
"What's wrong with me? I can't get up. Lying here like some useless…" Chris groused to anyone who'd listen….
"You've been very ill. It'll take time to get your energy back. And you need to eat!" Buck urged….
"Huh."
"You want to get well?" Nathan asked…
"Yeah.." Chris dragged out like a sulky child…
"Well, then…"
Reluctantly Chris did what he was told…didn't stop him from still falling asleep every five minutes but he didn't mind. Vin had brought him a book to read, since he often sat with one. And although he couldn't summon the energy to lose himself in it yet, he liked the feel of it in his hands all the same. Chris smiled as he realised Vin knew that. Gradually he stayed awake and moved around more, until he was almost his old self, just slower.
It was impressed upon him that it would take time for him to regain his full strength and appetite. Chris just nodded. At first they were relieved and then they started to worry. They expected some cursing and fighting and muttering, but he just rested and slowly ate small portions of food when he could.
They all visited- dispensing varying degrees of information, card games and illicit booze. Chris even appreciated JD's enthusiastic details about the man Mrs Quince had hired. When JD had told him his famous joke, he didn't let on that he knew it. He just did what the others did and didn't laugh. But he did surprise JD by offering him a joke in return.
"Where do you find a dog with no legs...right where you left him!"
Vin was glad he was on the mend at last. He had asked Nathan and the doctor over and over if it was his fault that Chris had gotten ill- if he hadn't cleaned the wound properly the first time back after Jericho?
Nathan had told him not to worry, he'd done fine. Nathan admitted he'd felt guilty too, he was the healer in town and he hadn't seen to Chris. Lucius had said it was just one of those things. The doctor had stayed to check that Chris was out of danger and because he still wanted to talk to him about Jericho.
"I know what you went through in that prison." he suddenly said to Chris one afternoon knowing by now that it was best to be direct with the gunslinger.
Chris shut his book with a soft thud. "Do you?" he said curtly.
"I do."
"How do you know and why would you want to?"
"You remember who I am?"
"Doctor, passing through. Your brother was in Jericho. Sorry I don't know if I know him..." Chris replied.
"Not exactly passing through. I came to see you specifically…" Lucius could see he had Chris's full attention.
"Explain."
Lucius recognised it as less of a request and more of an order.
"The others know what you're about to say? " Chris asked.
"No. Generalities only- not the specifics. And I am a real doctor, don't worry about that."
"My brother Ambrose was much older than me. Hard headed, but he made his way in the world. He got caught in Jericho, actually, he let himself be caught. He was trying to gather evidence. He expected to be able to get out somehow. But he was stubborn, proud and hard headed…" he glanced at Chris.
"Sounds familiar. " admitted Chris ruefully.
"Well, Ambrose was more than they bargained for. They found out who he was and things got bad for him. You see he was a US Marshall. They killed the guard who didn't like what was going on and had promised to get him out to tell the story. They nearly killed him when he tried to get into the office for the ledger book of names…The Hole wore him down. He got sick. He got beaten up and in the end he died."
"I'm sorry to hear that…"
"You don't understand, his number was Inmate 46."
"My God! He was alive when we left I swear it! I tried to help him…"
"I know you did and I know what happened to you because of that. Simmons told me. Many of the other prisoners told me. I wanted to thank you for having the conviction to try in such appalling conditions!"
Chris flinched as he remembered the Warden beating him for his efforts. "I would have done it for anybody…"
"He was a stranger to you. And it wasn't in vain. He died knowing he was free I'm grateful for that. Sadly he was too ill and he died before I could get there. I'm still trying to come to terms with that. One more day and maybe…I could have done something…."
"I know how that feels." Chris said.
"Don't be too hard on yourself. You and your men shut down a corrupt and parasitical operation at the prison and in the town. Hopefully things will change under the new regime. Time will tell. And you, Mr Larabee are alive and kicking and from what I hear and see that's a good thing!"
"Hmmm, reckon a few might dispute that opinion." Chris yawned. "Sorry not your company 'm just tired."
"That's alright. I've given you a lot to think about. I've done what I set out to do and must be on my way."