---Cherry Red---Chapter Thirteen---

Jude walked into the apartment and threw her stuff down on the floor; she didn't really care about it at this point. She looked around for Tommy; the building manager had let her into his apartment. "Tommy?" She called through out place. She heard her voice echo but no one responded. She walked further into the apartment but still didn't see Tommy. She heard shuffling upstairs and then she saw Tommy coming down the stairs. He was in blue paid pajama pants and no shirt. He was holding a cup of coffee and when he saw her he rolled his eyes. "How'd you get in? Your boyfriend pick the lock for you?"

Jude sighed, "Look, I told you something happened between us right before that day at the studio we were together; I just never thought that he thought we were actually together. And when he said it I couldn't just turn to him and say 'no, it was just sex' in front of everyone, my fans, his fans, the press, Darius, my older sister…" Tommy rolled his eyes, "Yeah but then you didn't exactly say anything in the studio either."

Jude shrugged sadly, "I didn't know what to say. Everything was just happening so fast."

Tommy sighed and took his coffee mug into the kitchen. He dumped the remainder of his cold coffee into the sink and tossed to mug in it. He turned around angrily, "Jude, why are you here? You don't owe me and explanation."

Jude sighed and started to scuff the tip of her boot into the floor, "I know…" Tommy sighed and walked past her, stopping briefly in the doorway where she was standing. They were facing each other in the tight confines of the kitchen doorway. Jude looked up at him awkwardly but he just sighed and continued on his way. Jude took a deep breath and followed him. He was halfway up the stairs when Jude grabbed onto his arm and spun him around. "What Jude? What else could you possibly want?!"

Jude looked on the verge of tears, "I want you! Why is this so hard!?!" Tommy sighed and rotated his neck, trying to figure this all out. "You think I know why this is so hard, huh Jude?! Well I don't!"

Jude looked away and rubbed her eyes with her hand, "I don't want to hurt anyone, but I want us to be together. I mean really be together. But you're afraid, Sadie will her mad, John will be hurt, God only knows what Darius will think…"

Tommy sighed, "I know Jude. I know this is hard but I don't have the answers. I'm sorry." He slowly and gently kissed her forehead, then her cheek, her other cheek, and then his lips hovered over hers. He dropped his head down, deciding against the kiss, and turned around to head up the stairs. Jude whimpered, letting a tear fall from her eye, knowing that that was his way of saying goodbye.

A Few Days Later…

Jude was on her way to the rehearsal space when she saw a familiar car pull up next to her; Brooke rolled down the window and motioned for Jude to get in the car. Once Jude was seated in the passenger side Brooke threw something in her lap. Jude looked down at the cover and saw a picture of her and Tommy standing in the alleyway talking about a song, but in reality is was just an awkward silence; like everything else between them since that day at his place. Jude sighed, "There's nothing going on there Brooke."

Brooke sighed and pulled away from the curb, "Yeah, I know. But John doesn't. He says your being distant. Look Jude, I know you really love him and I know he loves you. But is there any chance that you are only with him because you are looking for something familiar? I know you've been through a lot lately and then suddenly John is back and he's really sweet and he really loves you, but nothing will be forever unless you love him too. If you really do love him like he loves you then just ignore me and do what you gotta do but I just wanted to make sure." Jude nodded and looked down at the picture in her lap again; forcing herself to look away she shook her head and turned back to Brooke who was concentrating on the road. "Was that all you picked me up for?"

Brooke sighed and looked at Jude briefly before pulling next to another curb; she looked out the window and pointed. Jude looked past Brooke and out the window and saw yellow police tape wrapped around a small section of the sidewalk. Jude's eyes widened and then she noticed a little further down there were a few police cars and she noticed them putting John in the car. There were other people in there too. Jude sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "John went after the Front guys didn't he?" Brooke turned to Jude and gave her a sad smile, "Not just John, Matt, Nathan, and Caleb went too. I managed to catch the other guys before they got arrested too and apparently Reid went but he ran away before the cops could get him."

Jude slumped back in her seat, "Can we follow them? Make sure they don't go to jail." Brooke nodded and followed the squad car. Jude pulled out her phone and called Sadie, saying she was going to be late.

Later…

Jude wiped her tears and pressed a few buttons on the Apple lap top that was hooked up to the soundboard. It was about one in the morning and Jude had gotten to the studio just a little while ago. She furiously wrote down the music and lyrics to the song bouncing around her head. She figured she was alone so she walked into Studio B, pressed record, and walked into the sound booth with her guitar. The thoughts of what happened that night flowed through her head.

((When it All Falls Apart by the Veronicas))

I'm having a day from hell,
It wasn't all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)

Jude stormed into the rehearsal space with John hot on her heel. "Why would you go beat them up? Huh? You know you're on parole! You are so lucky that they didn't press charges…" John groaned angrily, "Oh my god, Jude! I went there for you!! That kid is fucking obsessed with you and unless we went over there he would continually attack you!"

Jude sighed and turned to him, "They never bothered me until the other day…" John sighed and collapsed on the couch. "Maybe it's my fault then." Jude shook her head and sat next to him, she took his hand, "No, don't think that. Alright? I am so happy to have you back in my life…" John pulled away and stood up, pacing. "Maybe I should go." Jude stood and walked in front of him. "No, John, please. Don't leave…"

John took Jude's hands in his and gave her a sad smile, "Jude, you know I love you but this life…it isn't good for you. This life with the gang, you said it yourself those bastards never came at you before." John leaned down to kiss her cheek and wiped away one of Jude's fallen tears before walking out the door.

And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Tommy walked into the studio to get his cell phone which he had left in the lobby. He saw one of the lights on down the hallway so he walked over. He looked in and saw Jude strumming her guitar and signing. The sounds were muted because the door was closed so he quietly opened it just a crack, only enough to hear.

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

After John left the space Jude cried and cried, and the more she cried the madder she got. She ended up calling Brooke and Patsy over and they all drank until Jude was slurring her sobs. Suddenly Matt burst through the doors and Jude glared at Brooke, knowing she had called him. Matt held her until she fell asleep. Once they were sure she was out cold they all left, leaving Jude to wake a few minutes later and sneak out to the studio.

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad every time
Will I be mending?
Another one ending once again

She lost Tommy because of John, now she lost John too. Who was she supposed to turn to now? On the way to the studio Jude pulled the car over and leaned over to the glove compartment. She opened it up and pulled out a black case. She quickly opened it up and pulled out the razor and cloth. She made a few small cuts on her wrist and then held the cloth to it, sighing as she finally gained a sense of control over something.

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Jude knew that millions of other people lead more difficult lives then she did, but she just wasn't as strong as them. She had only cut a few times when things got really crazy, like when she found out Tommy wasn't coming back (or so Darius told her) and when she found out that on her mother's plane to Europe there were some turbulence problems and how it crashed. That was it, until now. Jude felt like she was losing everything.

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart (falls apart)

Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart…

Jude sighed, the tears pouring from her eyes. She stood and set the guitar down softly. She opened the door to the control booth to clean up the track a little when she felt someone looking at her. Getting afraid Jude looked up, and met the cool blue eyes of Tom Quincy.

"Tommy…" Jude breathed.

"Jude, I think we should talk." Tommy said stepping into the booth and closing the door behind him.