Disclaimer - *sigh* I suppose I have to say it again . . . I don't own any of the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh. I can wish all that I want though.
Author's Notes - TADA! Another chapter up for your enjoyment. Once again, because of FF.Net strict censorship on sexual scenes, this chapter has been chopped a bit. So, if you want to read the whole version, go find it on AdultFanFiction.net.
Chapter 9 - Dark Fears
Yami groaned, opening his eyes slowly to stare up at the familiar ceiling of his room. How had he gotten here? From the looks of the sunlight it was late afternoon . . . how long had he been out this time? He slipped out of the bed slowly, wincing at sore muscles he hadn't even known existed, and padded across the floor to his window, peeling back one curtain to look outside. The world looked normal . . . no sign of what had occurred between him and Malik remained.
Sighing, he let the curtain drop back across the window and turned to regard his room. It was the usual disaster area . . . but someone had apparently undressed him and put him to bed. Where were Yugi and Ryou? Were they all right? He growled under his breath . . . what Malik might have done to damage their minds paled with what he could have done to their bodies. The very thing he had sought to protect Yugi from had come to pass anyway . . . and now even Ryou had become involved.
His thoughts turned to Marik and Bakura. They had seen what he was capable of now . . . Marik had been in the room, and while Jou had dragged Bakura out of there, the pale man would have put two and two together when he passed out. He had been helpless to stop his powers . . . as always, with his emotions riding so high, they had become infinitely stronger and less controllable . . . the very thing that he had been afraid of.
Silently, he cursed his parents for what they had done to him. He was a danger to everyone . . . especially those closest to him. He thought of Marik and how wide the young man's eyes had been as he watched Yami in action, and his heart hurt. He was a monster . . . although he was human, he could not control the very part of him that made him different. Even his friends hadn't known everything . . . but they would be pressing him for answers now. Once they had those answers . . . things would never be the same. Marik had barely known him for two weeks . . .
"He'd have to be insane to want to be anywhere near me . . ." Yami murmured, his back to the door as he regarded what little remained of his life.
"Then I guess I'm insane," a familiar voice whispered from behind him. Yami froze and went to turn around, only to be stopped by a hand on his bare hip. Fire flared in his gut as warm lips pressed into the back of his neck and light fingers trailed down his skin as the other hand came to rest on his stomach. He groaned as he felt Marik move up behind him, his clothes rubbing deliciously against Yami's bare skin. "I hadn't dreamed you were this beautiful . . ." the blonde murmured, his warm breath brushing against Yami's ear.
"Marik . . ." Yami groaned as he felt those warm fingers wrap around him. "Please . . . don't do this to me . . . it's too soon . . . I'm not safe . . ." His voice cut off as a moan was torn from his throat by Marik moving on him.
"Who ever said I wanted safe?" Marik murmured, nibbling lightly on one shoulder.
"Don't do this . . . I'm not in control . . ." Yami whispered.
"Yami . . . just looking at you has been torturing me for nearly two weeks now," Marik said softly. His hand stilled from the delicious torture he was inflicting. He let go, using the hand he had resting on Yami's hip to turn him around so he could look into his crimson orbs. "Tell me you don't want this, and I'll leave and never bother you again," he whispered.
"I can't . . ." Yami moaned before taking Marik's mouth in a brutal, hungry kiss. "I want this more than air . . . I need this more than life . . ." Yami whispered, trailing his hands up Marik's back underneath the loose shirt he wore. "I've wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you." He backed Marik up to his bed, giving him a gentle shove as his knees hit the edge so that Marik landed spread eagle on the white silk sheets. He nearly climbed in beside him . . . before he felt his awakening powers shift slightly and backed away. "I'm not safe," he murmured, his crimson eyes glowing as he stared down at the luscious figure spread out before him. "Why aren't you afraid of me? I'm so afraid of myself," he whispered . . . and suddenly, he was gone.
Marik blinked, stunned and confused . . . and then scrambled off the bed in an attempt to follow. He rushed out into the kitchen, and stopped dead as six pairs of eyes landed on him.
"Yami . . ." he gasped. "Where did he go?" Bakura rose from the seat and came over to him.
"We didn't see him . . . what happened Marik?"
"He fled again . . . he said he wasn't safe and that he was afraid of himself, and then he was gone, just like that," Marik whispered.
"Shit," Duke said, rising swiftly. "I knew he would do this again . . . I told you we should have locked him in his room, Jou."
"What do you mean again?" Bakura snapped.
They all started as the sound of a motorcycle engine roaring to life interrupted them.
"FUCK!" Jou said, and scrambled for the door. He was too late . . . they all watched as Yami's motorcycle took off for the gates, the black figure gunning it for all it was worth as he fled from the darkness he inevitably drew to himself.
"Alright . . . somebody had better tell me what the fuck is going on!" Bakura snarled. Yugi sighed.
"Come inside . . . I'll try to explain," the young man murmured. "It's not a pretty story."
*-------*-------*-------*-------*
Yami stared out at the city from a desolate hill top just outside of the city limits, his face glittering with tears as the cold wind whipped around his slim, leather clad form.
"I can't do this anymore," he whispered, wishing that his words would reach the ears of those he held most dear. "The incident with Malik proves it . . . I couldn't control it. I never can . . . I'm sorry." He sighed, wiping the tears away absently with the back of one gloved hand. "I need to be away from everyone . . . I'm not safe to be around people." He felt his heart breaking as he said this, but he knew it was true. His powers were growing far faster than his control of them could . . . he needed to be somewhere that no one would get hurt if they broke away from him. The lake cabin up north would do . . . it was fully furnished and isolated. He would call his lawyers from there and have everything set up . . . he would turn the house and nearly all the money over to Yugi, and his cousin could live happily there with Ryou and the group if he chose to do so.
He gasped as the tears fell faster as his thoughts turned to Marik and Bakura. He was leaving them behind . . . he would never see them again, never have a chance at the happiness that could have been his if he was someone else. He sobbed, choking it back as it threatened to overwhelm him, and remounted his bike. He nearly laughed hysterically as the song playing over his helmet radio came to him.
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
and I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
and I let it all out to find
that I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(inside of me)
but all the vacancy the words revealed
is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(nothing to lose)
just stuck
hollow and alone
and the fault is my own
and the fault is my own
He gunned the engine, sending a spray of rocks over the cliff face as he rocketed out onto the highway and out of everyone's life. His eyes blinded by tears, he was only dimly aware of his surroundings as he felt his heart breaking with every mile he put between himself and those he'd come to love.
I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long.
(erase all the pain till it's gone)
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm close to something real.
I want to find something I've wanted all along
somewhere I belong
'I was stupid to think that I could put it all behind me and live a normal life,' he thought angrily to himself. 'There is nowhere for me to belong. My parents saw to that when they put me through those tests . . .'
And I've got nothing to say
I cant believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
looking everywhere
only to find
that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind.
(so what am I)
what do I have but negativity
cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me
(nothing to lose)
nothing to gain
hollow and alone
and the fault is my own
and the fault is my own
He still couldn't believe how strongly his powers had manifested in the face of danger to Marik and his cousin. They had reacted more strongly than ever before. It proved that strong emotion was his problem . . . they only surged when he was angry or afraid . . . and his anger had been based on his love for his cousin and the growing love he had for Marik and Bakura. How would they look at him now? Did they fear him, as he feared himself? Did they understand what he could do to them if they happened to be near him when he exploded?
I will never know
myself until I do this on my own
and I will never feel
anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything
'til I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today.
This was for the best . . . if he was on his own, there would be no one near to get hurt . . . and no one to care about too much. He needed time . . . time to get himself back under control, time to learn about his new abilities . . . time to think and become aware of himself once again. Too much had happened in the last couple of weeks . . . he'd lost touch with who and what he was, and now it had cost him everything.
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've felt so long.
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong.
'They could have healed me . . ." he whispered. Only the lonely wind heard his words.
*-------*-------*-------*-------*
Bakura swore, a long string of oaths that would have sounded more appropriate coming from a sailor as he gunned the engine of the Viper. He was hot on Yami's trail, using his empathic senses to track down the desolation that had swamped the younger man. But now he'd lost the trail . . . something that did not make him happy.
He'd left the house not long after Yami had, promising the gathered friends that he would bring Yami back. He could still hear Yugi's voice in his head as the teenager had told them why Yami was running.
"He's afraid," Yugi had murmured, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.
"Of what?" Bakura had growled, ready to put a fist through the nearby wall in frustration.
"Of how much he cares about you and Marik," Yugi had said. "He's afraid of what he might do . . . the things that might happen . . . if he let's himself be with the two of you." He'd looked around at the entire group of friends then, his voice solemn. "Yami's powers have been growing lately," he'd said finally. "He's been having more and more difficulty controlling them, and he's scared. This business with the two of you has thrown him for a loop . . . he's fallen in love with you, and that's made it even more difficult for him to keep his barrier in place whenever he's near either of you. That's why he reacted so strongly last night . . . not because Ryou and I were in danger, although that fed into . . . but because Marik was in danger." Yugi had looked straight at Marik. "That's why he said he isn't safe and that he wasn't in control. He's not sure how much control he can maintain with the two of you near anymore. He's scared . . . of what he might do to you."
Bakura slammed his fist into the dashboard, using the pain to focus him. Yami loved them . . . loved them both, and Bakura was going to be damned if he was going to let Yami withdraw from the world after that discovery. He'd been looking for someone like Yami his whole life . . . someone who was his equal in everything, someone who wasn't afraid of his temper or his passion. There was no way in hell Bakura was going to let that slip through his fingers. Out of control abilities or not, Bakura wasn't going to let him go.
He wished he could get a hold of Yami's parents . . . they had caused all this, in a way. Yugi had told them how Yami's parents had subjected him to tests and psychological studies once his power's had become known . . . they had been hoping to make the young Yami into a weapon they could use against their business associates. Bakura couldn't understand how they could have done such a thing to their own child. Even though he was no longer on speaking terms with his family, his parents had at least tried to give him a loving home. How Yami could have grown up in a house with so much money to spend and no love to give was disgusting. After hearing that, he was more determined than ever to bring Yami back to the only real family he'd ever had.
His foot suddenly hit the brakes as his eyes drifted over a black Harley parked in front of a small road-side hotel. It looked like Yami's . . . and it was late, so it was very well possible that Yami had been forced to stop for the night, especially since he'd only woken up from the deep sleep the fight with Malik had put him in earlier that afternoon. He shifted into reverse, pulling the Viper into the parking space next to it slowly, eyeing the bike. It certainly appeared to be Yami's bike, right down to the small upside down pyramid on the gas tank. He sat in the car, debating his next move . . . and then ducked as he spied a tri-colored head of hair coming out of the diner across the parking lot. Bakura was suddenly very grateful that Yami had never seen his car. He watched carefully, his eyes peeking over the dashboard as Yami strode up to the door the bike was parked in front of, and took a key out of his pocket.
Bakura slid out of the car and approached him on silent feet, stopping just behind him and grabbing him as the door opened.
"Inside," he hissed in Yami's ear, making a split-second decision. He shoved Yami through the door, and quickly turned and locked it before turning back to face the young bartender.
"Bakura . . ." Yami whispered, his voice hoarse as the white haired man turned on the lights in the room, illuminating the dark circles underneath Yami's crimson eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to bring you home," he growled, taking a step towards the leather clad man. Yami stepped backwards in response.
"No . .. I can't go back . . . it's . . ."
"Too dangerous?" Bakura said, smiling evilly. "What's dangerous is me finding out that you've fallen in love with Marik and I just after you run out the door. What's dangerous is you leaving all of us behind when we can help you!" He advanced, forcing Yami to continue backing across the room until his back hit a wall. "What's dangerous," Bakura whispered, his face inches from Yami's own, "is how much Marik and I love you in return and want to help you through this, if you will only let us." He leaned in and claimed Yami's lips with his own, tangling one hand in the tri-colored locks as he tasted him gently.
Yami moaned, sagging against the wall until only Bakura was keeping him on his feet. Bakura tasted salt, and opened his eyes to find that Yami's were closed tightly, tears leaking from them slowly. He pulled back, running a thumb gently through the wetness, feeling the softness of Yami's skin underneath.
"Bakura . . . please, just let me go . . ." Yami whispered, his voice choked. "I can't . . . I don't want to hurt anyone . . ."
"Then don't go," the white haired man whispered back. "Let us help you." He tilted Yami's head up, lapping up the tears with gentle swipes of his tongue. "We want you to stay . . . we need you to stay . . ." he murmured, wrapping the shivering form in his arms. He sighed as he felt Yami's arms wrap around his waist, burying his face in the smaller man's hair, holding him close. "Yami," he said quietly, "give us the chance to help you find out what's going on with those abilities of yours." He stepped back, slowly removing Yami's leather jacket to reveal the tantalizing skin underneath. "Marik was right . . . you are beautiful . . ." he whispered. Yami sighed as the leather slid down his arms to lay forgotten on the floor.
"Bakura . . . I can't stay . . . it's too dangerous to be around anyone right now, my abilities are growing out of control . . ." Yami said, his eyes still closed. Bakura growled, suddenly angry.
"No," he snarled. "I'm not letting you go . . . and neither is Marik, nor any of your friends." He pressed Yami into the wall, his breath ragged against Yami's neck as he bent to lick at the pulse beating wildly there. "I can't let you go . . ." he murmured. "I need you . . . and I don't care how dangerous you think it is. I can handle it." He reached between them, cupping Yami in his hand through the leather pants. "You want me . . ." he breathed.
"Gods help me, I do . . ." Yami whimpered, his crimson eyes opening to stare up at the ceiling in desolation as his body turned traitor on him. "But I don't know what will happen . . . why couldn't you just stay away?" he whispered in despair. The need to flee was slowly being buried underneath the feelings Bakura was creating in him. Yami's hand's rose of their own accord to remove Bakura's jacket and shirt, his body needing to feel that pale flesh against his own. "Why aren't you afraid of me?" he asked, not meaning to be heard.
"Because I love you . . ." Bakura murmured. "And I need you . . . I need this, so badly that I don't care what happens." Bakura hissed in pleasure as Yami ran light fingers across his chest, teasing him with the lightest of touches before dipping below his waistband. He moaned as Yami touched him. He maneuvered them slowly to the bed, laying Yami down on it gently.
Yami gasped, feeling his abilities feeding off what Bakura was doing to him, and knew that if Bakura looked into his eyes right now, they would be glowing. He didn't know what to do . . . his powers had always lain dormant during sex before this, but now he was with someone he felt strongly about. This was what he'd been afraid of and had desperately tried to stop from happening. They were getting close to his boundaries of control . . . and when Bakura hit an oversensitive area, his powers broke loose completely.
Bakura was glad he'd gotten rid of his shoes on the way to the bed suddenly as things began to move quickly. He thought he knew what Yami was doing . . . he could sense the swelling power that was gathering around the lithe body writhing beneath him, but he trusted Yami to control it. Unlike Yami, Bakura did not fear his abilities . . . he trusted in Yami to be able to control them if he really needed to. He was, however, startled when Yami suddenly sat up and pulled him up onto the bed, drawing him into an aggressive kiss that completely turned his world upside down.
He gasped when he suddenly felt his back hit the bed, opening his eyes to stare up at Yami in surprise, his eyes widening as he saw the dancing flames behind crimson orbs. Those chocolate eyes quickly closed when Yami attacked his chest. He felt Yami lick a wet trail up to his shoulder . . . and then yelped in pained pleasure as the crimson eyed demon he suddenly found himself with bit down, marking him. He'd never been marked before . . . he'd always been the one doing the marking, his former lovers too timid to do something like that to him. He turned his head, giving Yami better access . . . and nearly shouted out when he saw they were no longer on the bed . . . but rather above it. He turned back to ask Yami what was going on . . . and then suddenly, he knew. Yami had feared this would happen and that he wouldn't be able to control it . . . his abilities were reacting to the strong emotions he was feeling, both feeding into them and off of them.
"Yami . . ." he growled as he felt the man sucking at the bite as if trying to draw blood from it. "Gods . . ." he moaned. "Don't stop."
"I don't intend to," Yami murmured huskily before licking his ear teasingly. "You started this . . . remember that, Bakura." The pale body beneath him bucked in surprise as he reached down to prepare it.
"Shit . . ." Bakura gasped as he felt Yami probing him gently. He'd never actually been taken . . . technically, he was a virgin still in that area. He knew instinctively that he was going to lose that virginity tonight . . . and surprisingly, he found that he didn't care. He needed this . . . after this, there was no way in hell he was ever going to let Yami go. He saw stars suddenly, and knew that Yami had found that one bundle of nerves. 'This is new . . .' he thought hazily . . . and jumped when he felt Yami answer him in his head.
*You have a whole new experience ahead of you, love,* Yami's voice murmured in the back of his mind. *And I swear it will be like nothing you've ever felt before. Swear to me . . . swear to me you'll stop me if I loose the tenuous control I have right now. I don't want you to be afraid of me.*
'I swear it . . . I'm never letting you go, Yami. I'm not afraid . . . not of you, or your abilities,' he thought back . . . and arched as he felt Yami slide into him. It hurt . . . but gods, the pleasure of it was so much better.
"Yami . . ." he moaned, his eyes opening to stare up into teary, flaming crimson.
"I never want to hurt you, Bakura . . ." Yami whispered, his voice hoarse. Bakura reached up, gently wiping away the few tears that fell like crystalline ice down the lightly tanned cheek.
"I know that you never will," he murmured and pushed against Yami. "I trust you."
"Bakura . . ." Yami growled. "I've wanted to do this for too long . . . don't let this be a dream." Somehow, the feelings he had for this man were keeping the power inside him in check . . . it was there, tangible and stronger than ever, but he was still in control of it.
Bakura barely heard him. He was afloat in feelings he had never felt before, sensations firing up and down his nerve endings like so much crackling fire as Yami brought him higher than he had ever gone.
"I'm not ever letting you go," Bakura whispered. "I'm not afraid of this." He screamed as he came. Yami's voice joined him as Bakura's body spasmed around the lithe young man, bringing Yami to his own release. Bakura barely felt his back hit the bed once again as Yami's telekinesis retreated with the release. Yami withdrew slowly, rising on unsteady feet to retrieve a towel. He gently cleaned himself and Bakura up before lying down next to his white-haired lover. He was startled when he found himself pulled into Bakura's arms.
"Bakura . . ." he murmured. "Why?"
"Yami . . . trust us. Don't run from us . . . let us help," Bakura said quietly. "I'm not afraid of this . . . you shouldn't be either." Yami sighed, relaxing against the lithe form beside him.
"I'm still afraid," he whispered. Together, they fell asleep, Yami wrapped firmly in Bakura's arms.
Author's Note - Awww . . . now where's that gonna lead, I wonder? *grins* You'll just have to wait and find out . . . I already know ^.^ The lyrics, in case you didn't recognize them, are from Linkin Park's Meteora 'Somewhere I Belong'. One of the few groups who's songs I love desperately and unequivocally. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you do . . . it's a great song. I thought it was rather appropriate. So . . .how'd you like it? Review and tell me : ) Changing all of the lemon around really sucked though . . . the aff.net version is much better, I think. But then again, I started writing all of this specifically FOR the lemons, so having to maul them the way I am to post this story here hurts. Ah, well . . . review and let me know that my hard work is worth the effort.