AN/ Hey! Thank you all that reviewed, you really make me happy. Thank you soooo much. Well any ways, I'm not sure how many of you are going to like this chapter. I don't know why I'm being so mean! But yah, it was reviewed as being very… intense. So please. Read at your own cost. And please review? Pretty please with a cut little Sammy on top:)

Chapter 4

It wouldn't stop. Dean would be fine during the day and was overall caring for his brother. Making sure he was comfortable and making sure he had enough medicine in him to keep the pain from being too much. After a long drive to god knows where they were at another roadside motel getting ready to turn in for the night when dean got up.

"Sam are you going to be okay if I go to the local bar to hustle some people?" Dean asked his brother who was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, he nodded. "All right, I should be back in a few hours." Dean left the motel room.

Sam Winchester stayed in his bed for the next two hors. His mind drifting to the night before. Tears coming to his eyes. He had tried to kill his brother. He deserved this. He slowly pulled up his sleeve and un bound his arm to stare at the own pain he had caused himself. Sam thought for moment, this was wrong; he shouldn't be hurting himself like this... But he ignored that thought and pulled out his pocket knife. And slowly drew a cut next o the existing one. Only one cut he swore. Something came over him though and 1 became 4 and 4 became 10 and 10 became 15 and 15 ended at 20 when Sam finally got control of himself and put the knife back in his pocket and retreated to the bathroom to clean himself up. He was a little scared, he didn't think he would loose it like that and just keep cutting. Just once. He didn't want this to become a regular thing, yet when he started, it was like something came over him and he just had to cut.

Sam washed his left arm up and stared again at the crisscrossing lines on his pale forearm. He didn't bandage it up just left it open, let them breathe. He would have to take it off and waist a bandage. While he was in the bathroom he heard the room of the hotel room bang open. Sam didn't think much of it. Dean wasn't yelling he was probably asleep already.

The youngest Winchester left he bathroom to go to bed. He didn't get the chance as he was grabbed around the next and was thrashed around. "Dean!" Sam tried to choke out. His brother was cutting off his air supply. In response Dean held stronger, feeling his brothers fighting slacked. Before Sam could succumb to the darkness Dean let go, causing Sammy to drop to the floor air rushing back into his lungs. Sam laid on the floor sucking in as much air as he could before his brothers next strike. Dean grabbed his brothers hair, making him look up at him.

"This is all for your own good Sammy!" Dean watched as pain flitted across the younger mans face. "That's right Sam. You killed them. Mom and Jess, they were your fault. You killed them." Sam nodded his head, there was no good denying it. He drew pain and trouble to those he loved. "What do you think Sammy? Do you deserve this pain for killing them? And trying to kill me?" Dean asked as he shoved Sam's head to the floor with a satisfying thump. "Answer me Sammy! That's an order!" Dean yelled striking fear in the younger man.

John Winchester was never a violent man but when he said something was an order you better do what ever it was, or you would regret it. This is what made Sam's sprit start to fall… start to break.

"Yes." Sam whispered his heart breaking tears starting to fall once again from his eyes. Dean smirked and leaned down to watch the light dim in his brothers' eyes.

"What was that Sammy?" D you deserve this?" Dean asked kicking Sam in the side.

Sam closed his eyes and said the one word that seemed to hurt him the most. "Yes!" He said a little louder.

Dean laughed harshly at this, "What?" He asked kicking his brother again. Sam rolled himself into a ball trying to protect himself against his brother.

"Yes!" He yelled.

"What?"

"Yes!"

"What was that one more time?" Dean whispered as Sam cracked and yelled 'Yes!' loudly. "Good boy Sammy." Dean pulled his younger brother to his feet and to the bathroom. "Say that you deserve this pain." Dean took hold of Sam's face and squeezed making him looking the mirror. Sam tried to look away but Dean's hold was too strong. "Say it Sammy!" Sam stared at his reflection and did what he was told

"I deserve this-"

"I killed them." Dean went on for Sam to say.

"I killed them." Sam repeated.

"I wanted to kill you too." Dean said glaring at Sam through the mirror.

Sam mimicked him. "I... no… please Dead. I didn't want to!" He tried to fight out of his brothers grasp but stopped when Dean started smacking and punching him. Sam collapsed to the floor huddled trying to keep from crying out at his brothers fists.

Dean growled angrily and yanked his brother to his feet, and pushed his face up against the mirror roughly. "Say you wanted me to die Sammy. Say you wanted to put a bullet in my fucking head!" He shoved harder against Sam's body, into the ledge of the sink. "Say it you freak. You wanted your only brother DEAD!" Sam's body jerked in pain, he didn't want to say it. It wasn't true. "Say it!" Dean yelled grinding his knee into the small of Sammy's back.

"I… I wanted to… I wanted to kill you Dean." Sammy said pitifully his body shaking as tears rushed from his eyes.

"I'm bad." Dean led pulling Sam away from the mirror but still forced him to look at his reflection. "Say it Sammy."

"I am bad." Sam agreed.

Dean nodded his head. "I am bad, I deserved to be hurt, I deserve this pain."

"I am bad, I deserve to be hurt, I deserve this pain." Sam said. "I am bad. I am bad. I am bad." Sammy repeated. "I deserve this pain. I am bad." He cried saying it over and over again.

Dean nodded. "Good boy Sammy." He let his brother go and Sammy staid where he was. Repeating that he was bad and that he deserved this as Dean left the bathroom tiered from beating on his little brother. Once Dean left the room Sammy stopped repeating the words. Causing dean to come back in and slam his head against the wall. "Keep saying it Sammy. Feel it. It's all true. Its all you ever were, you are bad, and you deserve this pain." Dean left the bathroom again falling asleep listening to his little brother repeat again and again how bad he was and that he deserved this pain.

Sam kept repeating this until he heard Deans snores over his own mantra then pushing the bathroom door closed he sunk to the floor. Shaking in pain, he was bad. He believed it. Dean wouldn't lie to him. He was bad. And he deserved this. Sam pulled off his pants and took his blade out of his pocked. He stared at his thighs. They were porcelain clear. Pale and untouched. That changed as he lowered the knife to his leg and began to cut the words that where him. He cut 'I am bad' In his left thigh. It bled merrily. Spotting to the floor. Sam didn't care if things got dirty in the bathroom. He underlined the words in red. Watching the blood hit the floor.

This was all he was good for. He was bad. He deserved this pain. He didn't deserve to be loved. Sam was starting to add things to his mantra. He was bad… Dean wouldn't lie to him about that. He was bad. And he had to believe it. I deserve this. Sam thought to himself as he fell into unconsciousness with blood still seeping from his leg onto the yellow tiled floor.