Title: Acceptance
Ship: Lee/Kara
Rating: PG – PG-13, Extra Warning: The beginning of this chapter is extremely fluffy!
Disclaimers: It's not mine. Sadly.
Spoilers: Takes place in mid-Season 3 and is AU. In my 'verse Dee and Apollo have been over for a while and Lee and Kara have done more than just make-out in supply closets.
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Acceptance, 3/4
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Lee enters the briefing room and can't help smiling. He spots Kara, injured leg propped up on the desk in the corner as she leafs through some pages in her hand. Her forehead is creased with lines of frustration and he can only guess how unhappy she is that she's still not cleared to fly and instead stuck doing paperwork.
Although, he also guesses that having Kacey for company helps to soften the blow. The girl in question is sitting across the room from Kara in one of the front row seats. She's gripping a large pencil in her hand, sitting up on her knees. Her tongue is stuck out of the side of her mouth in a look Lee has come to associate with extreme concentration.
As she moves the pencil back and forth, Lee moves towards her. "Hey there munchkin."
"Lee!" She squeals, a huge grin lighting her face, as she drops the pencil and immediately holds her arms up.
Recognizing the universal symbol to be picked up, Lee obliges, swinging Kacey out of her seat and through the air as she giggles. Spinning her in the center of the room, he catches Kara's eye for a second and notices a grin similar to Kacey's playing across her face; one she quickly tries to hide, burying her nose back in her paperwork.
Settling Kacey on his hip, Lee grins at her before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Are you having fun with Kara?"
She nods enthusiastically, her hands settling around his dog tags and playing with the small metal hexagons. "Doing work," she informs him, her face a mixture of seriousness and pride.
Cocking an eyebrow, Lee meets Kara's gaze again and notices she can no longer avoid the look of bemusement that has crossed her features. "Work, huh? What kind of work?"
"'Kedools." The word is a bit difficult for a small child, but Kacey makes it discernible enough.
Nodding, Lee humors her. "Oh, schedules. You're helping Kara out, huh?"
Kacey nods again before resting her head to Lee's shoulder. He had known coming off CAP that it was close to Kacey's naptime. He had also known that while Kara might deny it, she can't carry the girl long distances yet, not with her arm and leg still operating at less than full strength.
Rubbing his hand along her back, Lee takes a peek at the papers Kacey was intently scribbling on moments before, curious to see what she might have drawn. Stepping closer, his brows knit together and he turns to Kara who is still watching them while trying to pretend she isn't.
"Kara?"
Intently staring at her own paperwork, Kara manages a noncommittal, "Hmm?"
Gesturing to the papers, he leans over to pick them up, careful not to jostle Kacey who has already started to nod off. "These are actual schedules."
Fixing him with a glare he's come to know intimately throughout their friendship, Kara shrugs. "So?"
If he didn't find Kacey so cute or Kara so damn endearing, Lee's fairly certain he'd be miffed right now. "You let her 'play' with the actual flight schedules."
Rising, Kara hobbles over to him and glances over his shoulder. He doesn't miss the feeling of her breath against his exposed shoulder, but he does fight valiantly not to let her nearness affect him. He's not so sure he's successful.
"She did a damn sight better than I could." Kara's teasing tone makes him laugh while the sight of her smoothing a hand through Kacey's hair makes his heart melt. "I mean, look at that?" She gestures to a row full of the girl's scribble. "I never would have thought to put those two on rotation together."
Lee laughs again, the deep rumble vibrating through Kacey who simply snuggles more securely against his chest. Immediately tamping down the sound, Lee nods in the direction of the door. "Do you have time for a break?"
Nodding, Kara stifles a yawn. Holding out a hand, she steadies herself along the wall. "Yeah, I need to get that little one to bed anyway." Glancing over her shoulder, the smile Kara gives him now is genuine and heart-warming and Lee has to fight the urge to kiss her. "Thanks for helping me with her."
Her gratitude is unnecessary as Lee has told her a dozen times before. In the weeks following the accident and Julia's death, Lee has been spending quite a bit of time with Kacey and Kara. At first, his old friend was ready to dismiss him, certain he was hanging around due to some overblown sense of pride or duty. But that isn't it. Lee enjoys spending time with Kacey. She's a bright little girl with an infectious laugh.
However, his real reasoning has much more to do with Kacey's adoptive mom than the girl herself. The Kara he sees when Kacey's around is carefree and light-hearted. She grins and giggles and plays. She makes silly faces and tells stories. She even comforts the girl when she has a nightmare and manages to convince to eat all her vegetables.
This new Kara is one Lee has never seen before and he's enjoying getting to know her. It amazes him that after over three years of friendship there are still things about Kara which can surprise him. Still things about her that make him love her more.
"It's my pleasure," Lee responds easily. As they reach the bulkhead, he readjusts his hold on Kacey and offers Kara his free arm. She glances at it quickly, a small tint of pink coloring her cheeks, before she wraps her arm through it, allowing him to serve as her support through Galactica's winding halls.
Walking with the two prettiest girls in the fleet on his arm, Lee can't help but smile.
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Kara places Kacey in bed, smiling even as the girl fights sleep, her eyelids drooping. "I'm not tired," she whines, unable to stifle the yawn that comes.
Kissing her forehead, Kara sits beside her, rubbing her back as the girl gets comfortable, bunching her fists under her chin and lying on her side towards Kara. "Yes, you are. Now sleep, little one."
Kacey yawns again. "Tell me a story."
Flexing her still injured leg, Kara tries to conjure up a good tale. Continuing to rub soothing circles on Kacey's back, she speaks in a low tone, staring at the side of the little girl's face, her eyes finally closing as her breathing evens out.
Kara finds herself unable to move from Kacey's side even after she knows she's asleep. Most nights it's all Kara can do to head to her own bunk and rest. She knows that Kacey is fine, safe, protected, sleeping only a few feet away, but every time she closes her eyes, nightmare images confront Kara.
If it isn't Leoben and his sick, twisted grin, it's the explosion, fire and smoke swirling around Kacey and her injured form. So many things have been taken from Kara, so many people. Frak, she's already lost Kacey once. But now, in the wake of Julia's death, it seems she might be getting a second chance. The guilt she feels knowing that Kacey's biological mother's passing brought her back into Kara's life for good almost chokes her. Kara tries not to focus on it. Tries to dwell on the fact that the most important thing is Kacey and her happiness. And she does seem happy with Kara.
And Kara knows she is more than happy with her. The past three weeks have been almost surreal. Kara has become a parent almost overnight. She fixes lunches and washes tiny clothes and plays with dolls. She tells bedtime stories and fixes warm milk substitute when Kacey can't sleep. She's started to worry about school and if Kacey has enough friends her age. She finds her mind drifting during CAP, thinking of Kacey and if she's happy, if she misses Kara half as much as Kara misses her.
The separation is the hardest part. Kara finds herself actually dreading getting into a cockpit and the realization is unsettling for a variety of reasons. Flying was always her one true constant. When nothing else in her life was going right, flying had never let her down. Her Viper's cockpit is almost more familiar than any bunk. But now Kara finds her time away from Kacey, whether in a cockpit or out of it, almost unbearable.
It probably would be if she wasn't able to leave the little girl with Lee. How exactly he keeps finding the time to spend with both Kara and Kacey is a bit of a mystery to her, but he does. Since the accident, they've only spent one night apart and it was only because Lee had to work. They haven't argued once and Kara marvels at that change in their relationship more than any other.
Lee and Kara not fighting is a bit like Starbuck and Apollo not flying. It just doesn't happen. But there's a change in Lee and, if Kara's honest, a change in herself as well. Lee has become Kacey's surrogate father. Something shifted the day of the accident, the day he finally met Kacey and Kara has never seen him so committed.
Of course, if she thought he only wanted a relationship with Kacey, Kara knows she'd be devastated. She doesn't think that's the case. Most of the time they spend together is when Kacey's asleep. Staying up until all hours talking about everything and nothing, Kara knows Lee isn't there out of boredom or duty or any other motivation. She wants to believe he's with her out of love, but she's been unable to actually ask and he hasn't volunteered.
Some things would just have to wait.
Rising finally, Kara places another kiss to Kacey's forehead and quietly heads across the bunk to her bed. As she hits the light beside her rack, she hears the strangest whisper, and her body tenses. She knows it's nothing, more than likely one of Galactica's many cycles, but this knowledge doesn't keep her from curling her blankets tight around her or falling asleep with her eyes focused on the shut hatch.
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Lee only remembers feeling this worn out a few years ago, when the Cylons attacked very thirty-three minutes and no one got any sleep. Rolling his neck from side to side, he gets a satisfying if painful crack from the motion and releases a sigh, jogging down the closest flight of stairs.
He needs sleep. He knows he's been pushing himself, but he can't help it. Regardless of how little rest he's actually getting, the nights he's had with Kara, talking and laughing and being mean more to him than shuteye. And he'll keep denying his body a chance to recharge if it means he gets to keep this new easy-going nature of their relationship.
They haven't talked about "them" since his confession in Life Station. Lee isn't sure how he feels about Kara's avoidance; or his own for that matter. It would seem that sharing quarters and parenting a small child would force a few of these issues to the surface. There's no reason for him to share quarters with Kara, he's got a perfectly good rack a few decks below. But Kacey had been agitated the first few nights out of the hospital and Kara, still not up to full strength had quite honestly needed his help. That isn't really the case any more and yet, he's still bunking on her couch. He assumed the situation would make them both anxious to talk about what was happening between them and where it's going. But as the weeks stretch by with no mention and no further physical developments than a few heady kisses, Lee isn't so sure he can keep waiting.
Reaching the hatch to Kara's and Kacey's quarters, small, private ones the Old Man had managed to wrangle once it became obvious Kara and Kacey were not to be separated, Lee tries to push his doubts from his mind. It's late and Kara is probably asleep, as he should be. There would always be time for hard conversations in the morning.
Keying in the code, he swings open the door, doing his best to minimize the amount of light that spills in from the corridor. Shutting it with the softest click he can manage, he stands by the hatch for a second letting his eyes adjust to the dark. As the room comes into focus, he makes out Kara's huddled form on the mattress across the way. He studies her for a moment, noting the way her body is curled into the tiniest ball he's ever seen.
His chance to further examine why the sight bothers him so much is taken away as a small whimper startles him. Glancing in the direction of Kacey's bed, he hears the painful cry again and moves quickly. To her side in almost a second, Lee drops to his knees, noting that she's thrown off her covers and her sweaty pajamas are clinging to her thrashing body. "No. Mommy." She's moaning quietly and Lee tries to soothe her.
"It's okay, little one," he whispers, stroking a hand through her damp hair. As she continues to dream, he scoops her easily into his arms, pulling her into his chest and settling himself on the bed with her. "You're okay, Kacey. It's just a dream."
Lee holds her tight as she cries out for her mother again and then wakes with a start. She's shaking and Lee can't believe how tiny she is. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he whispers, "Its okay, Kacey. It was just a bad dream."
"Lee?" Her voice is hoarse and as she turns to meet his gaze, his heart catches in his throat at the pure sadness radiating from those huge eyes. "Where's mommy?"
Swallowing hard, Lee wishes Kacey could understand. He and Kara both have spent the weeks since the accident trying to explain that Kacey's mother is not coming back. It seems every few days they have to field the question and while Lee can handle it, he knows that each time Kacey asks it pulls at Kara's heart. "She's not coming back, munchkin, remember? You're with Kara now. She's going to take care of you."
Her lower lip trembles and Lee braces himself for a torrent of tears. But to his surprise, Kacey turns in his arm, snuggling tightly against him. "Kara and Lee love Kacey?" she asks, her voice small and shaky.
Releasing a sigh and blinking back the sudden tightness behind his eyes, Lee kisses her forehead once more. "Yes, Kacey, Kara and Lee love you."
"Love you," Kacey murmurs and he feels her begin to drift off, her breath puffing out in an even pattern against his forearm.
Lee watches her sleep in amazement. He'd never had any idea he could feel this content.
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"She's yours, Kara. Yours and mine. Our flesh and blood."
"You bastard."
Kara has grown to hate this apartment, this idyllic setting that Leoben and his sick toaster playmates think will put her at ease. She circles the coffee table now, watching her captor warily as he hugs the small child in his arms. If Kara didn't know better she'd think maybe the golden-haired girl really was hers.
But she isn't, she's just a Cylon experiment.
"Get that thing out of here." The anger she feels welling in her chest is directed at Leoben and the child both. Kara tries to ignore the feeling of shame at yelling at the innocent girl. She knows it isn't her fault; she's a pawn in this damn war, this damn fight for Kara's sanity. She has to stifle a harsh laugh at the thought. Didn't these frakkers know she'd lost the battle for her sanity a long time ago?
In Kara's dreamscape, the scene shifts and she's sitting at Kacey's bedside. The girl's forehead is wrapped in a thick white bandage and Kara feels the wetness on her cheeks that speak of tears. "Gods, please don't take her. It was my mistake," she whispers before kissing Kacey's small hand and squeezing it gently in her own.
She watches Kacey's eyes flutter open. She cannot believe the relief she feels and as she squeezes Leoben's hand she knows he feels it too. Somewhere in her brain, Kara realizes they've crossed a line, she has crossed a line, but at this moment, she can't care about that. All she knows is that the Gods have finally answered her prayer; they have brought her daughter back to her.
"Let me take her." Kara isn't messing around and she knows Leoben can see it. But he's still smiling, that little grin that always said he had the upper hand.
He never really did before. But he does now; this time is different because he's holding Kacey. "Say the words."
Kara can't believe it's come to this: after nights of killing the bastard, after months of captivity, the only way she can protect her daughter is to finally give in.
She can't believe it, but she'll do it.
Lee wakes, stretching his sore muscles. Kacey is still curled into his arms and he smiles down at her. He had never thought he could love a child this way. It's all-consuming, this love he feels for Kacey. Almost as overwhelming as what he feels for Kara, but at the same time completely different. He wants similar things for them both: to protect them, to love them, to provide for them. He knows that where Kacey's concerned these feelings are acceptable, even expected – of course, he would want those things for a child he considers his daughter.
But it won't be so easy convincing her adoptive mother to let him do the same for her. Kara's pride has always been his undoing and their greatest obstacle. Lee has never been able to convince her that relying on someone else doesn't mean she's weak. Gods, the last word he'd ever use to describe Kara is weak, but he's watched her, watched her open up and pull away within the breadth of a second and he doesn't know how to make it all right for her. He doesn't know how to reassure her that regardless of what she does or what she feels he won't run. He's done running.
He's tired.
"Let me take her."
Shocked by the sudden intrusion on his quiet moment, Lee glances up to make out Kara's form in the dim light of the bunk. Glancing to Kacey and then back to Kara, he tries to explain. "It's all right, Kara, she just had a nightmare."
Whether she doesn't hear him or chooses to ignore him Lee is uncertain. He watches as Kara lurches towards him and he realizes her stance is about more than her leg. She's off balance and he begins to wonder if she might be sleepwalking.
Rising, Kacey securely in his arms, Lee takes a cautious step towards her. "Kara, are you all right?"
"Give me Kacey." She takes another hesitant step forward almost sinking down onto the deck and Lee does his best to steady her. Shifting Kacey gently, he tells her, "Let me put her down and then we'll get you back to bed."
"Let me take her!"
She's shouting now and Lee just has time to place Kacey in bed before he feels the sharp stab of a weapon in his shoulder. Turning, he meets Kara's feral gaze, her fisted hand holding a butter knife at the ready. A few drops of Lee's blood are discernible in the light. Grabbing for her wrists, he tries to reason with her, bodily moving her out of Kacey's line of sight and back towards her bunk.
"Kara, wake up." He knows this is a nightmare now. "Kara, it's me, it's Lee. You're all right."
"Kacey!"
Her cry is loud and echoes around the small chamber. Not eager to have Kacey witness this side of Kara, Lee frees one of his hands and places it over her mouth. "Kara, please, wake up. You're all right."
His hold on her only seems to agitate her more and Kara swipes the knife at him, managing to graze his cheek. Finally making it to the bunk, the backs of her knees hit the edge, forcing her to fall and Lee loses his balance, falling on top of her.
"Get off of me, you motherfrakker!" Kara is struggling with a ferocity Lee has never seen in her before. He's sparred with her, flown with her, fought with her, but he can't ever remember her acting like this. "I don't love you! I won't love you, not ever!"
The knowledge that Kara is sleeping keeps Lee from despairing. Guessing that her reaction is another aspect of her nightmare, he eases off of her as quickly as he can, still holding her wrists. As she gets the knife to fall from her fist, he pulls her into his side and holds tight as she continues to flail about, moaning under her breath.
"Kara?"
Lee looks up, feeling more exhausted then ever and meets Kacey's wide-eyed gaze. "She's okay, sweetie. She's just having a nightmare."
Kacey seems to understand this and Lee is paralyzed for a moment as he watches the girl pad towards the bunk. He wants to tell her not to climb up, worried for her safety, but with a few more steps she's settled herself beside Kara's trembling form.
"It's okay, Kara," she whispers softly, a small hand brushing against Kara's forearm. "S'okay."
The scene breaks Lee's heart with both its simplicity and effectiveness. In moments Kara stops shaking, her breath evening out as Kacey's light touch brings about a level of peace Lee could never hope to replicate. Sighing tiredly, Kacey stays where she is for a few more moments and then, seemingly satisfied, curls herself into a ball between Kara and Lee and falls back to sleep.
Lee, still dumbfounded, can only watch them both through the night.
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