AN/ I'm appalled with myself. I'm so so so so so so so sorry I rushed this. I'm so sorry I can't even describe how horrible I feel. I'm just... shocked... and disgusted that I did that. I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again. I promise. I revised it and lengthened the chapter! I'm so sorry. I'm just speechless that I was that careless. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. And to those of you who have already read it, please try and re read it again? Please? I made it better. And could you pm me with what you think of the corrections please? gets down on hands and knees and grovels for forgiveness I'm just so sorry about how awful the first draft of this chapter was. Please don't hate me!
The next week held the same fate for Sam and Dean. During the day Dean would worry about his little brother, wondering what was wrong with him, and why he was getting in so many fights. The thought that he was the cause of his brother's pain never once entered his mind. He just drove from town to town went out to get money, Sam would 'come' later to get him and get beat up some how. Sam never knew what his attacker really looked like, so when he tried to track the men down, there was no trace of them. Sam would stay silent he would not risk hurting his brother in the way he knew would happen if he told him what was going on, and there was no reason to. He deserved this.
Sam's cuts were also getting bigger and deeper with every night. Everything was spinning out of control for him. Dean was getting meaner and meaner at night and he could do nothing to stop it. During the day he couldn't look at his brother with out flinching. Everything was mashing together. Day and night, night and day, Sam was always in pain mentally and physically from the beatings. It was getting that not just at night would he tell himself the things that Dean said were true but now he was repeating them to himself during the day. First with the words during the day let Sam to more cutting, he would do it when he felt panicked when he was scared or nervous, or any emotion that he felt didn't belong in him. Cutting was there for everything. He didn't mind the pain he inflicted on himself it just felt right. Sam also started to apologize also for everything even for breathing too loud at times, for anything that went wrong was his fault. Just as long as Dean was happy he wouldn't hurt him he hoped. During the long car rides, he wouldn't dare touch the music like he had done so usually fighting with his brother to change the music from the ever insistent rock music. It wasn't his place to tell Dean to do anything. He wasn't supposed to be comfortable or happy. This was part of his punishment.
"Sammy." Dean called out being jerked awake at the sound of his brothers crying. He usually didn't wake after a night of drinking and for another little side note to himself Dean smirked at the fact that he himself did not feel the pain for a hang over. Dean Winchester did not get hang overs. So waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of his brothers crying was a bit alarming to Dean. Getting up in clad in just his boxers Dean looked at his brother's bed, it was untouched. Glaring at the clock that read an ugly 3 O'clock in the morning he tried to remember when he had gotten home, or when he had gotten dressed. He couldn't recall anything just that he left to go to the bar and that was all. That wasn't too odd though it had been happened for the past couple of weeks. All it was was that he just tended to get a bit drunker then he thought he would. There was nothing out of the normal with that. Dean reasoned rubbing sleep out of his eyes Dean looked around the room Sam was no where in sight. Getting up tiredly Dean made his way over to the bathroom but stopped to listen to what Sam was crying on the other side of the closed door. What he heard made his heart stop… skip a beat… stop again, and then start pounding like mad.
On the other side of the door Sam was unaware of his brother standing on the other side listening to him. Sam had his eyes fixated at the knife he had in his hands, that he had put in the bathroom that morning for this particular use he knew what Dean was going to do when he got home from the bar. He might as well have been ready for the aftermath. Dean had gone to sleep 4 hours before. He had been kicked out of the bar because he was being too rowdy at the bar and was first cut off from the alcohol supply and then was escorted back to the motel room to prevent any more damage from being done. Dean then proceeded with the beating of his little brother like any other night. He beat Sam and yelled at him. This night though was far worst physically than mentally on Sam. Dean had broken his left arm Sam couldn't tell yet if it had been intentional or not, he was leaning toward the not because something had snapped through Dean's eyes when he saw and heard his little brothers scream of pain when the bone snapped beneath his weight from being propelled into a wall, harder then Dean had ever thrown him before. Dean had even looked over it a moment before he twisted it painfully his face void of any emotion that was there moments before.
Sam had then been left in the bathroom after what seemed like hours of pure verbal attacks. His body was still on fire but the thoughts that Dean was giving him, was making his head spin. He didn't know what his own thoughts were and what was being forced into his mind. So after his mantra of saying how bad he was he had to do something to get some of the things in his head. Sam didn't really care where he cut, so long as it bled the pain out of him so he cut his swollen arm blood spilled harder then ever before due to the bruising that it had sustained. The pain blossomed forth harder then it had ever done before also making Sam gasp in pain as it shot from his arm. This cut made the first cut he had ever done look like a paper cut… this cut was deep enough to cause some damage. It reached from his wrist to half way up his lower arm. Sam could almost see the words that Dean had said to him come out spelling the blood that flowed over his arm and onto the floor. He just stared and then laughed at the pain it was causing before he became quiet.
Nothing lasts forever though.
Tears started to poor as Sam began to feel light headed, scared that the bleeding wasn't stopping. That the pain wasn't going away. He made another cut wanting to stop the pain. Another followed words poured from his mouth when he heard Dean call his name in the back of his mind. "I'm bad, I killed my mother. I was the cause of her Death. Jess cried my name as she died because it was my fault. It's my fault that Dean hates me I tried to kill my brother. I deserve this as my punishment. I'm bad I'm bad I'm bad." Sam cried harder the tears pouring out of his eyes when suddenly a hand shot out and pulled the knife he was holding out of his hands.
Sam tried to scoot back hide into a corner away from his brother, as his mind reeled in shock. It was too soon, he was still intoxicated. This wasn't the end of the beating. He had been tricked. It was going to continue. What about his arm? What was going to happen when his brother saw it, would he care or put salt in it to hear the sounds that Sam would make. "I'm sorry I'm bad I'm bad I'm bad." Sam cried again as he forced his eyes shut. His body was shaking; he would rather not see Dean attack. The blank look in his brother's eyes was almost too much. Jerking violently Sam tried to pull his hand away from the soft touch that he felt he cried out in pain as something was pressed against his fresh cuts. He tried to pull away from fright that his brother would do but the hold wouldn't be released it was steady and some what... soothing.
"Sammy…" Dean whispered holding the towel to his brother's wrist. His heart and his head were in so much pain that he couldn't even begin to fathom what he had just heard and witnessed. Dean could deal with any demon, but this, this was new for him, and he didn't like new so much. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. Sam's words echoed in his head in shocking reality. He tried to piece together weather a demon had done this or someone at another bar. His unchecked anger spilled from his mouth as he growled. Sam reacted violently
"No... No more please Dean. Please no more not tonight." Sam begged trying harder to pull away to get away from his brother. He needed to get away he couldn't take any more pain tonight his head was on over load. Then loosing the energy that he had left from trying to get away from Dean and the blood loss from his arm Sam collapsed on to his side. His eyes rolling back into his head as he drifted off into the welcomed darkness.
Dean's eyes widened as his brother collapsed onto the floor next to him he quickly checked for a pulse; thankfully it was there and was surprisingly strong. His brother was a fighter and was going to be okay. He just needed to stop the bleeding that was all and bandage and clean his wounds. Carefully Dean laid his brother out onto the bathroom floor and let his arm go before he ran out of the room and retrieved the more heavy duty bag that was sealed tightly, with the powerful medicine in it not just band aids. This one had needles and purified thread for stitching, a vile of pain reliever, and a board for splinting broken limbs and a number of other things that had been stocked up from rather nasty hunts.
Carefully Dean set to work first injecting Sam with the pain reliever and then letting it course through his body before he set to work first on stitching the gash on his arm. Dean took great care that it was as clean as it could be, he would not be at fault if Sam got infected for messy work. Then for the time being at least he wrapped Sam's arm to the board holding it straight they would go the next morning to the hospital to get it professionally checked out. They would deal with what ever happened when they got there.
Dean carefully picked his unconscious brother and transported him to his own bed laying him down carefully as he could so just in case Sam did move in his sleep his arm wouldn't be caught and he wouldn't be in any more pain than he already was. As Dean set his brother up the bottom of Sam's shirt got tugged up exposing the marred flesh beneath. Words were cut into his stomach; 'mistake' was clearly written and scabbed over, which was accented by the unmistakable coloring of bruising. Dean's heart clenched as he pulled the shirt farther up. The bruising was every where; scratches and marks were littered across his brother's chest. Dean let the shirt fall back into placed as Dean backed away from his brother. Dean's eyes went wide never leaving his brothers face as ideas of what could have happened to his brother flowing through his head all of them getting worse and more horrendous as every minute passed. Sickeningly though his mind went a little farther in what could have happened. The worse one being that maybe he in some way had caused this. That he had hurt his brother… but that couldn't be real could it? He would never do this to Sammy… he loved Sammy with all his heart. He wouldn't just hurt his brother like this. He couldn't/wouldn't ever do that. Could he?